stuck in a rut

[worthlessregret]

im stuck in a rut and
everythings falling apart.
no money
no life
no support.
plans.
when will i ever learn not to make them?
because all it does is screw me in the end.
ever miss someone or something so terribly much you felt like you could rip your heart out.
ever feel like youre the only one who feels insecure
i am losing my mind
its another sleepless night
theres nothing i can do about it anymore
the worries keep me up
night
after
night
after
night.
while he sleeps soundly tucked in bed.
seemingly worried of nothing.
no cares.
no fear.
no pain.
i tell him i cant sleep.
"seriously?"
yes.
no response
climb out of bed.
nothing on tv.
so im here.
not that anyone at all cares.
he cant even roll over and put his arms around me
tell me it will be alright.
i think he knows
its not going to.
nothing will ever be the same again.
the memories pound at my aching heart.
memories of when everything was going well.
going AS PLANNED.
then shit.
now i am falling into this hole of darkness and depression.
there arent even dreams anymore
dreams of better times
only nightmares
they rage inside my head at night.
i know shut the fuck up.
so i am
i leave you with this.

"thought you should know- how i feel inside... everytime i look in your eyes"

fuck*
who gives a shit right?!
sam