and i suck again
i'm feeling a little better, but today definately started out on a bad note. i didn't even get in to youth theatre. helene got the lead, and i didn't even get in. i know she's amazing and was gonna get the lead, but i thought that i was alright and could at least get in. i was just really disappointed, cause i tried my best and you know i just haven't ever found anything that i'm amazing at. i'm okay at quite a few things, but i haven't ever been "amazing". i want that. plus the interview with carnegie mellon that i have tomorrow is making me stressed. i can't believe i didn't get in, i'm on the waiting list. then i'm sucking at calc right now. it's just really hard. and dad called and wants to get together. whenever he calls he says "i miss you" and to be polite i say "miss you too" but i don't want to get his hopes up, cause i'm not coming back. and now i have to write a letter to the principals saying how i'm not in the district but am gonna stay in seneca, cause i can do that since i'm a second-semester senior. gram was going over the letter i wrote to carnegie THIS MORNING at 6 am. no good. and i have an econ test today that i'm gonna do bad on. and i feel bad cause i'm not doing lots of french, and weaver's getting sad i think. french actually makes me ill now. i start looking at french and i get a headache and nauseous. it's sad.
chess is supposed to drop some bomb on mom today. hope it's not real bad, but with my family you never know. it might be that she's moving in with friends of dad to clean their house for money or something. mom said that if that's it she's just gonna tell chess that she's ruining her life, which she is. she needs to go to college. maybe it'll be that she's pregnant. that would be funny. ha. chessie having sex.
so yeah, too much stress and i suck at life. well, i don't suck, i'm just average. that just annoys me you know? rob's amazing at music, which is something i love. helene's amazing at singing, something i love. both will probably be on broadway or something. i would love to do that, but i know that's a dumb dream cause i don't have the talent. i don't have a talent in anything really. i just want to be amazing in something or do something big or important. gram keeps saying that God must have some incredible plan for me because of all the pain and stuff that i've had to go to with the family, but i don't know. i don't think i'm good enough at anything to do anything important. if He has a plan for me, i would just love a little hint. yeah, that's all. and maybe some talent.
chess is supposed to drop some bomb on mom today. hope it's not real bad, but with my family you never know. it might be that she's moving in with friends of dad to clean their house for money or something. mom said that if that's it she's just gonna tell chess that she's ruining her life, which she is. she needs to go to college. maybe it'll be that she's pregnant. that would be funny. ha. chessie having sex.
so yeah, too much stress and i suck at life. well, i don't suck, i'm just average. that just annoys me you know? rob's amazing at music, which is something i love. helene's amazing at singing, something i love. both will probably be on broadway or something. i would love to do that, but i know that's a dumb dream cause i don't have the talent. i don't have a talent in anything really. i just want to be amazing in something or do something big or important. gram keeps saying that God must have some incredible plan for me because of all the pain and stuff that i've had to go to with the family, but i don't know. i don't think i'm good enough at anything to do anything important. if He has a plan for me, i would just love a little hint. yeah, that's all. and maybe some talent.