hi depresso
crying and feeling like a fool is the Worst_ever.
also martje leaving will probly be sadder than i think it is now.. hope she comes back.
and i dont think anyone could possibly understand how exhausted i am from the human race and getting dissapointed by its occupants. so thats why ive been hiding away so much, to avoid dissapointing conversations, to aviod talking to people i have known for years but who never seem to show any depth, to avoid boy escapades where people unintentionaly fuck with your mind then act like they had no idea you liked them and want to be friends with you when you realise they only talk about materilastic crap aswell. but if you stop taking chances on people you wont make any real genuine friends.. and thats bad. im just so tired of it all sometimes. i wish i could either sleep for ten years or find the perfect aqaintance/man and not have to worry about boys ever ever ever EVER again. its all to much. ive been though too much in the past 17 years to deal with anymore. or i will have a nervous breakdown by the time im twenty!.
arg i jsut hate it! if i had of spent the last 17 years growing up in the same house with parents still together and gone to one school my whole life would i be normal then? would i be worthy to be liked in return for liking a boy. or would i be like a selfish asshole? it seems my fucked up emotions that i never did anything about are coming to slap me in the face. i need to vent cause im angry at the way ive been brought up and im angry about the way i think. and i hate being put in the corner and feeling like a fool
also martje leaving will probly be sadder than i think it is now.. hope she comes back.
and i dont think anyone could possibly understand how exhausted i am from the human race and getting dissapointed by its occupants. so thats why ive been hiding away so much, to avoid dissapointing conversations, to aviod talking to people i have known for years but who never seem to show any depth, to avoid boy escapades where people unintentionaly fuck with your mind then act like they had no idea you liked them and want to be friends with you when you realise they only talk about materilastic crap aswell. but if you stop taking chances on people you wont make any real genuine friends.. and thats bad. im just so tired of it all sometimes. i wish i could either sleep for ten years or find the perfect aqaintance/man and not have to worry about boys ever ever ever EVER again. its all to much. ive been though too much in the past 17 years to deal with anymore. or i will have a nervous breakdown by the time im twenty!.
arg i jsut hate it! if i had of spent the last 17 years growing up in the same house with parents still together and gone to one school my whole life would i be normal then? would i be worthy to be liked in return for liking a boy. or would i be like a selfish asshole? it seems my fucked up emotions that i never did anything about are coming to slap me in the face. i need to vent cause im angry at the way ive been brought up and im angry about the way i think. and i hate being put in the corner and feeling like a fool