(no subject)
So, there was this moment today I was getting ready to tell you something. A moment I felt like crying. Not the one you're thinking of. Rather the moment by the drink station when you told me to be quiet so you could remember what you were about to say. You couldn't remember.
I wanted to tell you that I felt very depressed with myself. You were so happy I didn't want to burden you...I hoped that to be my reason instead of my usual distance. I have a tendency to retreat within myself with the feeling of loneness and that the world wouldn't be prepared or have any understanding to anything I would have to say...and you are in fact part of that world. Forgetting that you are also part of my world.
I finished my day in the usual way (you know closing and saving the world). Had a beer with Yorn to which I posed a question. He was telling me that not one person is made for one person..and that fate was bullshit in a sense it was the same as God which, he ended up catching himself, stopping that rant saying that would be a different story someday.
I could only think of us and what I thought. My near age turnover approaching. I asked him if he thought that people changed because change made it so and it was a part of growing up, or does someone want to make you improve, better yourself. He thought it might be both. All are lessons. Exes all teach us something...So, is love part of learning, or existence. It seems like...when some of us have learned enough is when we appreciate what's before us.
On my drive home I thought about us. I thought about what makes you make me be the best that I am. I thought that it was your hope and your belief in me that makes me right. I thought about how much I love you and how you tried all night to make my day better. I thought of all the times I didn't try hard enough to make your day better...and that I should try harder next time.
Knowing you would be asleep by the time I got home you had flowers and a card ready for me. I smiled. Peed. I went back to the shelf to read your card. You said you believed in me. You believed in me. I love you for that...that is what makes you so amazing to me. Exactly what you wrote tonight is exactly why I love you the way I do.
I wanted to tell you that I felt very depressed with myself. You were so happy I didn't want to burden you...I hoped that to be my reason instead of my usual distance. I have a tendency to retreat within myself with the feeling of loneness and that the world wouldn't be prepared or have any understanding to anything I would have to say...and you are in fact part of that world. Forgetting that you are also part of my world.
I finished my day in the usual way (you know closing and saving the world). Had a beer with Yorn to which I posed a question. He was telling me that not one person is made for one person..and that fate was bullshit in a sense it was the same as God which, he ended up catching himself, stopping that rant saying that would be a different story someday.
I could only think of us and what I thought. My near age turnover approaching. I asked him if he thought that people changed because change made it so and it was a part of growing up, or does someone want to make you improve, better yourself. He thought it might be both. All are lessons. Exes all teach us something...So, is love part of learning, or existence. It seems like...when some of us have learned enough is when we appreciate what's before us.
On my drive home I thought about us. I thought about what makes you make me be the best that I am. I thought that it was your hope and your belief in me that makes me right. I thought about how much I love you and how you tried all night to make my day better. I thought of all the times I didn't try hard enough to make your day better...and that I should try harder next time.
Knowing you would be asleep by the time I got home you had flowers and a card ready for me. I smiled. Peed. I went back to the shelf to read your card. You said you believed in me. You believed in me. I love you for that...that is what makes you so amazing to me. Exactly what you wrote tonight is exactly why I love you the way I do.