Soul Of A Black Folk at 6AM.
I am weary and tired. Not physically, but emotionally. I am craving for affection. I am craving for discussion. I am craving for clarity.
As much as I hate my family sometimes, I love them for this: I can talk to them about a lot of things. It is just I can't talk to them about everything. And as much as love talking to them, it is that one thing that is gonna fuck it up forever. It is a sad thing, but it is the truth. But I am emotionally ready to finally tell them. I am just not financially ready yet. But I have a plan in works as I type.
I crave discussion. Not frivilous sex talk, but actual debate and discussion. Saturday, I feelt like starting up a discussion about race, politics, and society in general. As much wit and laughter I supposedly bring...I am actually a very deep and philosophical person. And I know a pool party is not the right avenue for volatile, controversial subject matter but there never is an uncomfortable time to discuss race, politics, and society. Well correction, most black people are very comfortable talking about race, politics and society, mainly since we deal with something racial everyday. Most other people just dismiss that as "those angry black people always talking about race.". People don't understand, we can't escape it. To deny or bury it is to deny and bury who we are. So if I am known as the black, ghetto guy, then so be it. I am the black, "ghetto" guy.
I am getting jealous as hell, too. Everyone has a boyfriend. I mean EVERYONE! And don't give me that "well it is your situation" and "you never go out" bullshit, cuz even all the closeted, married-with-kids, discreet, scary men I know who never go out anywhere have boyfriends. I am handsome. No. I am HOT. What the fuck is wrong with Dallas-Fort Worth. Fort Worth has 670,000 people now. About half are male.(335,000) About 10% of dick lovers.(33,500) About 2/5 are in my age bracket for dating. (13,400). About 10% of them like chubby men (1,340) About 5% of them like chubby black men. (67)...So where the fuck y'all act?? Seriously?