11th Explosion // Mello // [Accidental Video/Audio]

[worldsrunnerup]

[Mello is kneeling on the floor, his eyes are closed, his rosary is wrapped around his hands. It's Good Friday and Mello is praying. There is something very sad in his face, lit by the moon coming in through the window. He hasn't been to church in too long and that's hurting him, spiritually, emotionally, it almost looks like it does physically

Comments

[gamer_anon]

[Matt stands with the attacker, perhaps hoping to take advantage of his secondhand smoke. But it's more likely that he can't take the sad expression on Mello's face. And not being one of faith himself, he doesn't know what to say or do to help.]

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

[Quietly]

Amen.

[He crosses himself but remains on his knees for a little while longer, hands at his sides staring straight ahead of him]

It's like Hell.

[He says this to Matt without looking at him]

[In Person]

[gamer_anon]

[Matt makes his way back inside, sitting on the floor close to Mello.]

Doubt you'd see me there.

[His lips twitch, wanting to form a smirk at the wordplay. But they don't quite make it.]

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

[He looks over at Matt grimly. But he does manage a small smile]

That's the only way I know it's not.

[He still hasn't moved, he hasn't even put his rosary back on.]

I hate being powerless.

[In Person]

[gamer_anon]

[Matt lays back and stares up at the ceiling.]

I know.

[He murmurs the words, feeling pretty powerless himself. It's only his focus that differs.]

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

[He stands up and turns to look at Ai]

She should run. She should call the cops. They can protect her. This asshole should go to prison, it's assault and battery, it's domestic violence, it's disgusting.

[His voice has been rising as it does when he gets upset.]

And the worst part is I know she won't. She's going to stick with him until the day she dies. That fucker just...he's just going to....

[Mello tries to compose himself]

Theologically, I'm supposed to accept that in the end he will be punished in the next life. But that's not good enough. That's not justice.

[It's not working]

[In Person]

[gamer_anon]

There comes a point, you know...

[Matt trails off, wishing for the millionth time that he had a cigarette.]

Even if she could see us and hear us, it wouldn't make any difference. It's fucked up, and I don't get it.

[He closes his eyes.]

Didn't when it happened to mine either.

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

[Mello stops and stares at Matt. He's never heard that before. True when they were kids neither of them were eager to talk about their lives before Wammy's but.... Mello knew Matt had actually had one at some point but Matt had never seemed particularly.... For a few seconds he just stares at Matt with his eyes wide.]

[In Person]

[gamer_anon]

[Matt can feel the weight of Mello's eyes on him. After a few seconds he opens his again and turns them towards the blond.]

I wanted to forget about it. Guess I did a pretty good job.

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

[Mello's next to him, and without saying anything he wraps his arms around Matt. He's forgotten everything else just now.]

I didn't...I didn't know....

I'm sorry.

[In Person]

[gamer_anon]

[Matt blinks when Mello slips his arms around him. It doesn't take him long to put his around Mello in return.]

Learned to block it out.

[Which might explain why he's the way that he is...how he can focus to the point of becoming oblivious to the world around him.]

You're the first person...only person who ever gave a fuck about me.

[And that in turn explains his absolute loyalty to the blond.]

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

[Mello's not letting him go, not any time soon. He kisses Matt and holds him close, protectively. He wishes he could have changed that. That somehow he could have saved Matt from it then and now. He kisses Matt again before whispering]

I wish I could undo this, I wish I could make it good, make it stop, I wish I could change the past. But...just...just remember...you mean everything to me.

[In Person]

[gamer_anon]

I know.

[He murmurs the words, knowing that Mello wishes he could've done something then, could do something now. And he knows that last part is true too. He sighs and decides that it's nice to be in his arms. But Matt doesn't need bad memories for that.]

But she had to make the decision for herself, you know? She had to decide when she'd had enough, when it was time to leave.

[He pauses and snorts.]

Just didn't decide to take me with her.

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

She just left you behind? With him? Christ....

[So much for maternal instinct. He hugs Matt a little closer, but Matt can probably sense the anger building. One is always powerless against the past and that infuriates Mello.]

[In Person]

[gamer_anon]

[He can feel it, in the way that Mello hugs him closer, in the way that his body tenses. Matt slides a hand down his back, though knowing that he won't be able to coax him into relaxing. That's gonna take awhile.]

Doesn't matter. Got a better family now.

[In Person]

[worldsrunnerup]

That's one of the cheesiest lines you've ever fed me.

[Mello smirks, trying to sound calmer than he is. He wants to set off a bomb in the room, just torch the whole scene. No, what he really wants is his gun, handcuffs, and a badge. He wants to make it right. He wants to fix this the way he couldn't fix Matt's family. He's afraid to ask more about Matt's past. Afraid to ask what happened when his mother left but his father remained. Afraid of what happened to him during that time. Because there was nothing he could do. And those were the worst four words in the English language; nothing he could do.]