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Name: Skwisgaar Skwigelf
Series: Metalocalypse
Taken From: Directly after the season two finale episode 'Black Fire Upon Us', before Mordhaus renovations.
Special Abilities: In canon, Skwisgaar is the fastest guitarist in the world. He's able to compose incredibly complex guitar pieces, and also loves to perform for an audience. He can wield his Gibson Explorer as a weapon, and hits enemies with it as a club. He also has extremely high endurance; the natural elements seem to have very little effect on him.
Possessions: Skwisgaar will bring his trusted black and white Gibson Explorer, and a five-dollar gift card to Hot Topic. He wears a black tank-top, gray jeans, black boots, and a studded belt with a skull-shaped buckle. (Skwisgaar is almost always seen with his guitar in the show, but I'm willing to drop it if it's too much.)
History
Skwisgaar was born and raised in a logging town somewhere in Sweden. He was raised by his single mom, and grew up never knowing his father. His mom was very promiscuous, causing Skwisgaar to be traumatized at as an adolescent when he accidentally walked in on her having a threesome. After seeing this, he fled the house and ran off into the nearby forest. There, he accidentally fell into an underground cave after being chased by wolves. Young Skwisgaar found his guitar, a Gibson Explorer, in the cave; this proved to be a huge source of comfort and a great escape all throughout his life. He grew up playing music as a way to express his hatred for his mother, and quickly became very talented. This is the last we really know about his childhood and life until Dethklok
After many brief stints in many bands, Skwisgaar finally ended up in death metal band Dethklok as one of the original five members. He soon became their lead guitarist, and was given the title 'fastest guitarist alive' by a Harvard think-tank. As time went by, Dethklok grew in popularity until it became the greatest cultural force in the world. Canon states that it has amassed an army of millions of fans willing to die for the band, thus making Dethklok even stronger. Because of his role as lead guitarist, Skwisgaar is one of the most powerful men in his world, even if he doesn't seem to realize it.
Along with tremendous success, Dethklok has also made terrible enemies. Throughout series two, an anti-Dethklok terrorist organization simply known as the 'Revengencers' conspire and plan the band's downfall. The group is shown planting bombs in Dethklok-promoted places (mainly a chain of coffee shops), killing and injuring hundreds. The group grows to form an army, and they launch a full-scale attack on the band's CD release party in the season two finale. Skwisgaar and the rest of Dethklok make it out alive, but their mansion/fortress Mordhaus lies in ruins and the fate of the band is unknown.
Dethklok causes chaos and destruction everywhere they go, and accidentally leave hundreds dead in their wake. Despite the constant life-threatening danger he is in, Skwisgaar makes it out of every scrape unharmed and still (relatively) mentally stable. The only reason he has not died in canon seems to be because of the Dethklok Prophesy. The band is destined to bring about the end of the world in an 'apocalypse of metal' (a 'metalocalypse'), and apparently cannot die until they have fulfilled this. Skwisgaar and his band-mates have no idea of the prophesy. The show itself has revealed little else about the prophecy, rendering it a mystery to the viewers, as well.
Personality:
Simply put, Skwisgaar is a conceited idiot with more issues than a comic book store. He is proud to a fault, and this pride manifests itself in almost everything he does. He is fully aware that he is the best guitarist alive, and considers all other guitarists as 'sloppy'. Skwisgaar abuses rhythm guitarist Toki over his playing, and becomes visibly disgusted when he has to listen to Toki play. He even re-records the bass and rhythm guitar parts for Dethklok albums, just because he feels his music is so superior. Skwisgaar also shows off by playing his Explorer acoustically around the clock, and claims that it is physically impossible for him to play slowly. His pride ride also comes from the fact that he can have his choice of any woman (or maybe even man) he wants to sleep with. He occasionally brags about his sexual conquests, saying things like he once slept with five hundred women the last time he played a show in Finland. His enormous sexual appetite has given him a promiscuous reputation, but he doesn't seem to mind. He still goes about acting like the cock of the walk and hitting on everyone of age.
For all his talent, though, he's not that bright. He's been sheltered and pampered for a large chunk of his adult life, with servants catering to his every whim. He seems to have no idea how to do anything that isn't guitar-related. In the first episode of Metalocalypse, he is seen shoving coffee grinds into a toaster and becoming frustrated at the lack of results. In the same episode, he calls grocery stores 'food libraries'. In later episodes, Skwisgaar is shown listing paper towels as a carbohydrate, as well as demanding a sign that religion exists. (When he finds out that religion does exist, he thinks to maybe reevaluate his life.)
Skwisgaar is also incredibly insecure. He seems to constantly worry about his position as fastest guitarist alive. He has told various reporters that he gives prep talks to his hands every night; he tells them (and himself) that he needs to stay at the top of his game due to enormous competition. The episode 'Skwisklok' reveals that his fingers are insured for $10 billion- one billion for each finger. The amount of pressure he deals with causes him to do exceedingly dangerous things, like jump out an airplane in order to play the perfect guitar solo. (His guitar faintly buzzed every time he held it on the ground, and the state of imperfection threw him off-balance.) Skwisgaar's other personal demon is his own father. When Toki's dad is dying of cancer during the episode 'Dethdad' (causing Toki to become catatonic), Skwisgaar attempts to cheer him up by holding a one-sided conversation. Skwisgaar soon realizes that '[he] never reallies knew his father.', and storms out of Toki's room screaming that he wants to be alone. The third season dedicated a whole episode to Skwisgaar's search for a father-figure, and it was revealed just how deeply Skwisgaar was affected by his dad's absence.
Third-Person Sample: Canon-Set
Skwisgaar can't sleep. There's no way he can. Each muscle in his body is sore from fighting and he feels like he's going to die from exhaustion, but he still can't sleep. Every time he closes his eyes he sees Mordhaus burning to the ground. Every time his heart stops pounding so loud he can hear it, he hears the screams of people burning and writhing and dying. Every time he tries to relax and fall asleep in the shivering huddle he's formed with his band mates, he feels crippling fear and nausea hit him like a ton of bricks. He clutches the neck of his Explorer (gripping it so hard his knuckles are going white) and tries to figure out exactly where things went wrong.
Time to review tonight's game plan. One: play a concert on top of a strange but brutal rocket-ship/floating stage contraption. Check. That one went rather well. He would have altered the lighting some, but he's not in the mood to nit-pick. Two: Go to the CD release party with the others, and make fun of their fans with them. Check. There was a lot of good mocking-stock tonight, and he managed to get good and bitchy about some idiot's douchebag son. Three: Get a little boozed up and sleep with some important guy's wife. No. Toki hogged the liquor table all night, and all the women were hideous. Things seemed to have gone well on paper, but nowhere on the agenda was 'destruction of way of life because of terrorist douchebags'. The agenda also did not have 'watch manager, the only man you truly repsect, die'. Skwisgaar shivers at the thought of Charles' lifeless body on the ground, mangled and bloody. That mental image truly is the worst of them all. He's supposed to be used to death, damn it; he plays death metal for Odin's sake. It's safe to say the evening did not go as planned.
It's grown late, and Skwisgaar decides that he's going to sleep no matter what. Let the events of tonight come and haunt him in his dreams; at least he'll get some rest.
First-Person Sample: Discedo-Set
A special note about Skwisgaar's grasp on the English language: Skwisgaar frequently pluralizes words (specifically verbs and pronouns), and tends to mispronounce words longer than two syllables. Skwisgaar also cannot conjugate verbs properly to save his life. His Swedish accent occasionally becomes prominent when pronouncing certain words, such as the word 'the' sometimes becoming 'de'.
Example:
Skwisgaar-English sentence: 'If I coulds does that, why woulds I's be ins a [blank]ings band?'Plain English sentence: 'If I could do that, why would I be in a [blank]ing band?'.
[ooc: Text in parentheses is Swedish, everything else is spoken in English.]
Skwisgaar English version: I has awoken many times befores not knowing wheres I was being. All de times, I am awaking up next to the randoms beautiful ladies in random places after I plays a concert. It am only naturals that de ladies woulds want me, I am onlies the most best guitarist and attractives man alive. But back to the's chase. When I cames to, mine firstest thought was thats I had banged a few groupies the nights before, and the girls had decideds to be leavings early, for somes reason. I didn't evens wonder as to why my clothes were still on my bodies, or even why I was in some totallies lames old hallway that had zeroes lights. I was just thinkings 'Heys, maybes I am just in an old, unused wing of Mordhaus that am too lames for me to use on a rekulars basis'.
But thens, I remembered! I couldn't does not be in Morhaus. I was watched it burnings to de grounds the nights before, standinks next to mine bands mates. My clothes even still stank of de smoke and de fear and maybes some booze. Wherevers I was in, I wasn'ts being at home. I founds mine Explorer and began to play it, but I was feelings absolutely no comforts at alls. It was looking like things could only go downs the hill from heres.
Plain English version: (This is not the first time I've woken up with no clue where I am. I wake up with random beautiful women in random places the morning after concerts all the time. It's only natural that the ladies would want me, I'm only the best guitarist and most attractive man alive. But back on to my story. When I came to, my first thought was that I had banged a few groupies the night before, and the girls decided to leave early, for some reason. I didn't even wonder why my clothes were still on, or even why I was in some stupid old hallway that seemed to have no light. I just thought 'Hey, maybe I'm just in an old, unused wing of Mordhaus that's too lame for me to use on a regular basis'.)
(That's when I remembered. I couldn't be in Morhaus. I had watched it burn to the ground the night before; I was standing alongside my band-mates. My clothes still smelled smoke, fear, and maybe booze. Wherever I was, I wasn't at home. I found my Explorer and began to play it nervously, feeling absolutely no comfort at all. It looked like things could only go downhill from here.)