(no subject)
I am thinking.
I am thinking about Ryan. A conversation we had over lunch. While cleaning I had found a letter from Bec, post-break up. Still sealed. Enclosed was a letter, all the things she likes about me, what she'd wished she'd done differently. I'm glad I waited to read it. Would've hurt. Still made me catch my breath (the feeling y'know).
Two pages were ripped from her school planner. My name in hearts. 'I worship her'.
That just made me uncomfortable.
I told Ryan, because I tell him everything that matters. He had the same sorta thing with Lucy.
I don't worship him.
He doesn't worship me.
I am thinking about Noel. The way he kissed both my hands goodbye.
Little known fact, he's 26. He told me the first day we met, and we have since then been pretending neither of us heard. Doesn't look or act that old, but then, guys like him never do. I guess I don't look or act my age either.
I don't feel uncomfortable with the difference. It would matter if we were goin' steady. We're not. Or if I felt pressured into anything. I didn't.
The casual tone and open smile. All the countries he'd seen. What he could tell by the slight squeeze of the hand. His photography. The way he called me girrl. Refinements in how he kissed and what his hands did.
He leaves Saturday or Sunday. And that's fine.
Dunno if I'll see him again. Want to. Who wouldn't?
But he gave me a glimpse into what I hope is to come. Not 'throw away' relationships, don't misunderstand. But a calmness of the heart about these things.
At least some of the time.
I am thinking about Ryan. A conversation we had over lunch. While cleaning I had found a letter from Bec, post-break up. Still sealed. Enclosed was a letter, all the things she likes about me, what she'd wished she'd done differently. I'm glad I waited to read it. Would've hurt. Still made me catch my breath (the feeling y'know).
Two pages were ripped from her school planner. My name in hearts. 'I worship her'.
That just made me uncomfortable.
I told Ryan, because I tell him everything that matters. He had the same sorta thing with Lucy.
I don't worship him.
He doesn't worship me.
I am thinking about Noel. The way he kissed both my hands goodbye.
Little known fact, he's 26. He told me the first day we met, and we have since then been pretending neither of us heard. Doesn't look or act that old, but then, guys like him never do. I guess I don't look or act my age either.
I don't feel uncomfortable with the difference. It would matter if we were goin' steady. We're not. Or if I felt pressured into anything. I didn't.
The casual tone and open smile. All the countries he'd seen. What he could tell by the slight squeeze of the hand. His photography. The way he called me girrl. Refinements in how he kissed and what his hands did.
He leaves Saturday or Sunday. And that's fine.
Dunno if I'll see him again. Want to. Who wouldn't?
But he gave me a glimpse into what I hope is to come. Not 'throw away' relationships, don't misunderstand. But a calmness of the heart about these things.
At least some of the time.