Need An Outlet
My mood keeps going from postive to negative and back again. It is very frustrating.
I realized I have lost so much of the drive I once had. I am starting to not really give a shit right now. I mean I AM mad, but at the same time, I am just in "whatever" mood. I feel like I am not really here.
I got to see one of my friends today though...and I haven't seen her in about two years....
Whatever, I just really want to do well and I feel like I am barely hanging on...barely alive mentally..barely making it...not really doing anything...My entire being is pointless. I am nothing. I am just HERE. I am not doing anything wonderful. I am not some "important person"...I am not gunna ever be someone that does anything simply amazing. I am not going to be able to change the world...leave my mark...I am not going to be able to change people's viewpoints. I am not going to be able to stop racism or make it where people accept bisexuality. I am not going to be able to make people understand bisxuality. I mean why do I have to be born? Why couldn't I have been just another miscarriage? It isn't like I am some ewonderful, magical person that is going to fix everything. I can't even get myself together completely...why then am I supposed to change the world? How do I make every country free? How do I end oppression and abuse? And people fighting dogs and roosters? How am I supposed to reduce pollution and save the environment and all the trees and the animals that depend on the environment for survival? HOW! How can I fix everything? Why is it in me to fix things when I just screw everything up anyway?
Why can't I fix my friend's life...he says I only bring weirdness into his life and that I don't make anything better. How can I help any of my friends? How can I help my family? How can I do anything meaningful when I am set up to fail so much? Why couldn't I have been perfect or at least just died by now so I wouldn't have to screw everything up for everyone else?
Freak I hate myself so much right now.
I will not be good enough, ever! So why am I still here?!!!
I realized I have lost so much of the drive I once had. I am starting to not really give a shit right now. I mean I AM mad, but at the same time, I am just in "whatever" mood. I feel like I am not really here.
I got to see one of my friends today though...and I haven't seen her in about two years....
Whatever, I just really want to do well and I feel like I am barely hanging on...barely alive mentally..barely making it...not really doing anything...My entire being is pointless. I am nothing. I am just HERE. I am not doing anything wonderful. I am not some "important person"...I am not gunna ever be someone that does anything simply amazing. I am not going to be able to change the world...leave my mark...I am not going to be able to change people's viewpoints. I am not going to be able to stop racism or make it where people accept bisexuality. I am not going to be able to make people understand bisxuality. I mean why do I have to be born? Why couldn't I have been just another miscarriage? It isn't like I am some ewonderful, magical person that is going to fix everything. I can't even get myself together completely...why then am I supposed to change the world? How do I make every country free? How do I end oppression and abuse? And people fighting dogs and roosters? How am I supposed to reduce pollution and save the environment and all the trees and the animals that depend on the environment for survival? HOW! How can I fix everything? Why is it in me to fix things when I just screw everything up anyway?
Why can't I fix my friend's life...he says I only bring weirdness into his life and that I don't make anything better. How can I help any of my friends? How can I help my family? How can I do anything meaningful when I am set up to fail so much? Why couldn't I have been perfect or at least just died by now so I wouldn't have to screw everything up for everyone else?
Freak I hate myself so much right now.
I will not be good enough, ever! So why am I still here?!!!