Application Draft
Genjyo Sanzo (Saiyuki)
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Favorite cheese? What does that have to do with applying for a school? I don't know. Whatever's left after the stupid monkey finishes eating.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Tough call. Probably Carrottop. Barney doesn't look like he could move very fast, so I could probably take out Carrottop and still have plenty of time to take a shot at Barney.
3. What time is it where you are?
Too early in the morning. Damn chanting monks.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Returned from the dead"? Whatever. I've never heard of this "Order" and I have no idea who the members are. Besides, I wouldn't waste my time harassing someone. I get enough of that from the kappa.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
Are these are the "Houses" that I was told about? I don't know what difference it makes, but I'll answer the questions.
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Probably "One Hand Clapping", because you don't need to be drunk to get that one, but it helps.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
I've never met Harry, why would he care what I think? He should do whatever he wants. I'm not here to decide people's lives for them.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
Paperwork should be completed carefully, and you should take pride in doing your job.
What the hell? I have no idea why I wrote that.
I don't bother with paperwork. That's what underlings are for. If they give you any grief, point a gun at them. I've found that works in most situations.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I don't think I need to prove my worth to anyone. But if you really need an answer to the question: I'm a Buddhist monk and the Head Priest of Keiunin Temple in Chang-An. I'm the guardian of the Maten Sutra, one of the five Founding Scriptures of Heaven and Earth. It has the power to "break the darkness" (cancel enchantments, subdue demons, etc.). I'm also a good shot with a Smith & Wesson .38 special.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I don't suppose anyone would be interested in a 500 15 year old boy who eats everything in sight and is more trouble than a pack of monkeys? Didn't think so.
I don't have many material possessions, but there's plenty of old scriptures, dusty relics, and useless gold statuary around the temple, if you like that sort of thing. I have a direct line to the Celestial Heavens, but I can't guarantee they'll answer any questions, or that the answer would even make sense if they did. (For example: "To find what was lost, you must open your mind to new schools of thought." Took me a while to figure that one out. They couldn't just say "If you go to this 'Wizard Academy', you might find a way to locate the Sutra that was stolen from your late Master." Cryptic bastards.)
And if none of that works for you, there's a storage room full of sake. The idiots other monks probably won't even notice it's gone.
((OOC: Canon note - this is 2 or 3 years pre-Journey for Sanzo))
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Favorite cheese? What does that have to do with applying for a school? I don't know. Whatever's left after the stupid monkey finishes eating.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Tough call. Probably Carrottop. Barney doesn't look like he could move very fast, so I could probably take out Carrottop and still have plenty of time to take a shot at Barney.
3. What time is it where you are?
Too early in the morning. Damn chanting monks.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Returned from the dead"? Whatever. I've never heard of this "Order" and I have no idea who the members are. Besides, I wouldn't waste my time harassing someone. I get enough of that from the kappa.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
Are these are the "Houses" that I was told about? I don't know what difference it makes, but I'll answer the questions.
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Probably "One Hand Clapping", because you don't need to be drunk to get that one, but it helps.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
I've never met Harry, why would he care what I think? He should do whatever he wants. I'm not here to decide people's lives for them.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
Paperwork should be completed carefully, and you should take pride in doing your job.
What the hell? I have no idea why I wrote that.
I don't bother with paperwork. That's what underlings are for. If they give you any grief, point a gun at them. I've found that works in most situations.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I don't think I need to prove my worth to anyone. But if you really need an answer to the question: I'm a Buddhist monk and the Head Priest of Keiunin Temple in Chang-An. I'm the guardian of the Maten Sutra, one of the five Founding Scriptures of Heaven and Earth. It has the power to "break the darkness" (cancel enchantments, subdue demons, etc.). I'm also a good shot with a Smith & Wesson .38 special.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I don't suppose anyone would be interested in a 500 15 year old boy who eats everything in sight and is more trouble than a pack of monkeys? Didn't think so.
I don't have many material possessions, but there's plenty of old scriptures, dusty relics, and useless gold statuary around the temple, if you like that sort of thing. I have a direct line to the Celestial Heavens, but I can't guarantee they'll answer any questions, or that the answer would even make sense if they did. (For example: "To find what was lost, you must open your mind to new schools of thought." Took me a while to figure that one out. They couldn't just say "If you go to this 'Wizard Academy', you might find a way to locate the Sutra that was stolen from your late Master." Cryptic bastards.)
And if none of that works for you, there's a storage room full of sake. The idiots other monks probably won't even notice it's gone.
((OOC: Canon note - this is 2 or 3 years pre-Journey for Sanzo))