Some thoughts

[worldchanger]

Sometimes I feel like a hack.

Sometimes I feel like everything I do is just barely squeaking by "acceptable."

This whole working for myself, raising a baby full time yet still making full time income is pretty surreal.

Part of me wonders how long I can sustain it, and another part of me wonders when I'll fail.

But then another part of me realizes that I'm basically living the dream.

I love where my life has led me, even though parts of it have sucked.

And I love how even though I fail constantly, God still hasn't given up on me.

I don't deserve it.

I'm a pretty vile, disgusting creature sometimes.

I wish my spiritual life was a little more solid.

Instead, I feel like I've been in free fall for years.

I have plenty of doubts, and much to learn.

Strangely enough, the more I learn, the less I know.

I think I've realized over the past decade that I'll never know everything, and that's okay.

I'd rather not know everything and be humble enough to admit it, than to be so arrogant as to assume that I know it all.

I feel like that much is going for me, at least.

But meanwhile, I feel like my faith has taken enormous steps backwards... maybe in sync with these doubts, or maybe causing them.

Whatever the case, I want things to move back toward where they used to be, when the world was simpler, and less black and white.