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Firstly, I get a limited time with you. If you want to know why there’s blood in your stool, don’t bore me with seven minutes on the finger you caught in the door first. Likewise, waiting until you’ve got five issues needing looking at before turning up makes it hard for me to prioritise which really needs the attention.
If you’re coming in with an intimate problem, don’t be shocked if I ask you to take your clothes off. Even if you’re not, try and show up prepared for a physical. It might not be the first rule of general medicine, but ‘Put your finger in it or you’ll put your foot in it’ is up there in the top ten. That means if you’re a woman and you come in with, for example, abdominal pain, it’s possible I’ll need to give a pelvic exam. If you’re a man and you’re having problems with your equipment, I’m going to need to look at that too. Don’t tell me you can’t because you haven’t showered that morning, or you’re wearing old underwear. Personal hygiene is always a bonus, but I’m not going to complain about treating you. If you come in to see me in your valentines lingerie, or no lingerie, I might wonder about you but I’m not likely to complain about that, either.
If you think I’m going to need to swab or test for something, try to see me early in the week. Labs don’t process non-emergencies over the weekend, and some samples won’t keep that long. For a blood test, wear a short sleeved shirt with a coat over the top. Your veins are easier to find when you’re warm. If you usually have a tough time hitting one, try taking a hot bath before you come, but any good doctor should be able to feel something out given the time.
Don’t drink caffeine for two hours before an appointment. It affects your blood pressure. Diet coke counts. Cigarettes have the same effect.
Don’t see me for toothache. Really don’t see me for cavities.
All that said? Clinic’s open.
If you’re coming in with an intimate problem, don’t be shocked if I ask you to take your clothes off. Even if you’re not, try and show up prepared for a physical. It might not be the first rule of general medicine, but ‘Put your finger in it or you’ll put your foot in it’ is up there in the top ten. That means if you’re a woman and you come in with, for example, abdominal pain, it’s possible I’ll need to give a pelvic exam. If you’re a man and you’re having problems with your equipment, I’m going to need to look at that too. Don’t tell me you can’t because you haven’t showered that morning, or you’re wearing old underwear. Personal hygiene is always a bonus, but I’m not going to complain about treating you. If you come in to see me in your valentines lingerie, or no lingerie, I might wonder about you but I’m not likely to complain about that, either.
If you think I’m going to need to swab or test for something, try to see me early in the week. Labs don’t process non-emergencies over the weekend, and some samples won’t keep that long. For a blood test, wear a short sleeved shirt with a coat over the top. Your veins are easier to find when you’re warm. If you usually have a tough time hitting one, try taking a hot bath before you come, but any good doctor should be able to feel something out given the time.
Don’t drink caffeine for two hours before an appointment. It affects your blood pressure. Diet coke counts. Cigarettes have the same effect.
Don’t see me for toothache. Really don’t see me for cavities.
All that said? Clinic’s open.