052 ][ VIDEO

[worksmart]

[These videos play on a loop from 10am until 5:23pm, at which point they shut off abruptly. No replies come before the shut off.]

Memory OneThe room is golden with hazy afternoon light as it filters through half closed blinds and across to the couch where the woman is laying. Head tipped back, her fair hair spreads along silk cushions, and she

Comments

around noon ][ 1/2

[adamantined]

You're recording.

audio ][ after 5:30

[adamantined]

[Hesitation and a slowly indrawn breath on the line, then -]

Did you... ever make it to the retreat?

audio ][ around 7pm

[worksmart]

Is that important?

audio ][

[adamantined]

All of it's important.

[Pause.]

It's not like anyone really likes talking about things like this, but once they're out there it's hard to get them to go away.

audio ][

[worksmart]

No it isn't. It doesn't matter whether I went to some prayer camp when I was sixteen. I don't even remember if I went.

Is it still playing for you?

audio ][

[adamantined]

No, it got turned off a little bit ago. It's not running anymore. That's one of the few times I've ever seen someone work that one out.

[Not that she had it running on a repeat, but checking the network easily said as much.]

And I wasn't trying to say the prayer camp was the important part. The circumstances around going or not going are what matter. Asking was just a roundabout way of getting to the point.

audio ][

[worksmart]

If it's stopped running, then I guess I got it to go away.

[There's a tone both bitter and sharply self-satisfied.]

There's no point.

audio ][

[adamantined]

How long did it take you to shut it down?

[She's not unfamiliar with this approach. Claire starts to say something, stops, goes on.]

There's a point, Chase. It's just easier to act like there isn't.

audio ][

[worksmart]

Maybe twenty minutes.

[A quiet but harsh exhale of breath.]

I know it's going to be difficult for you to understand, but sixteen isn't exactly fresh in my memory anymore. You want me to cry on you about it, you're going to be out of luck.

audio ][

[adamantined]

Maybe it might be difficult for you to understand, but people who actually care about you care about... [What was it?] your compartments, too. One of them just opened on its own, as much as that sucks.

[Exhale.]

If it didn't matter so much, then you wouldn't be all defensive about it.

audio ][

[worksmart]

Maybe I'm defensive because i don't like people demanding I talk about it. There are sob stories worse than mine posted up on the network every day if you're that desperate for someone to mother--

[He does catch his working, and there's just a second where he trips over it.]

Find someone who needs it.

audio ][

[adamantined]

[The temptation to rise to the occasion is there, but she's gotten good at stepping on it, even if it takes a moment.]

Look, I'm not here looking for a sob story, and I wasn't demanding that you talk about it either. I'm sorry it got posted, and if you don't want to talk about it, then fine. No one's going to twist your arm and make you. But I'm not just going to go away.

audio ][

[worksmart]

Where are you right now?

audio ][

[adamantined]

Home. In my apartment.

[The 'why' doesn't need a voice to be implied.]

audio ][

[worksmart]

Fine. Then I'm not asking you to go anywhere.

audio ][

[adamantined]

That's not what I was saying, and you know it.