current reflections on polyamory

[wordygirl]

I've been thinking lately about what it is that drives me to polyamory, given that the impulse seems so bizarre to so many people. I am falling more deeply in love with the man in my life every day, and yet instead of that making me feel like I want to shut others out of my heart and focus only on him, I feel the opposite: as though I want to

Comments

[gossamerwindweb]

good luck figuring it out. I know it is something I still havent' figured out and probably nevr will.

[brianr1026]

I completely understand how all these non-conventional relationship dynamics just seem "normal" to you, since I basically feel the same way. So it's very interesting that I also feel very comfortable being in a monogamous relationship right now, and don't mind the distinct possibility of remaining monogamous in the future

[brianr1026]

Re: hey, Brian

[brianr1026]

Yes, after all the years I have spent with Diane feeling that I was trusted much of the time, but at random moment and in unpredictable circumstance not trusted, this has become a high priority for me. She generally trusted me to be honest, but definitely didn't trust my judgment, which really hurt. When Daydee disagrees with my judgment or dislikes my actions she comes right out and says so, and we can focus on understanding the difference in our viewpoints. Rather than eroding a sense of trust, the honest exchange of feelings serves to strengthen trust. We could end up having irreconcilable differences of opinion, but still trusting each other.

Actually, I think that many (or most) people have a skewed understanding of what trust means. Trust is often defined by the statement "If you do what I think you should do, then I will trust you"; whereas (in my opinion) the defining statement should be "If you do what you say you will do, then I will trust you".

Re: hey, Brian

[unicorn1571]

"If you do what you say you will do, then I will trust you."

Yes!
Wonderful way of putting it.

Lalie

[sol_rei]

You had some wonderful statements in there. I agree completely that commitment and monogamy are two different things. A lot of your feelings seem similar to mine.

Regardless of societal expectations, I wish you the very best in your current relationship and with staying true to your feelings.

[agwdevil]

As we've discussed, marrying or otherwise committing to one person does not shut down your heart. It is impossible to go through your entire life without that desire to share one's self, to learn from others by joining with them in some way, to experience intimacy with another energy.

This requires navigation, communication and negotiation skills, and an ability to deal honestly and clearly. And it requires a society based on intelligence rather than strength. Cavemen simply bopped women on the head, or killed a man who "had" a woman they wanted.

It's hard for people to accept the confusion that being open requires -- many people prefer rules so they don't have to deal with uncertainty and surprise.

Not to mention that one's hormones can make one awful stupid in the short run.......

[unicorn1571]

I'm finding myself open once again to forming another connection and some form of committment outside of my husband and other significant other. I find I'm unable to do anything less than full intimacy and committment.
Each of these men offers me a different way of seeing life and a different way of loving.
It's an interesting development and one I'm really excited to watch unfold.

Lalie

[wordygirl]

Hi Lalie. I must've missed your post when you first made it. Congratulations on your new relationship! It's amazing what there is to learn with each new connection we make. I hope all is going well with the new love in your life.