[EXO] [Fanfiction] 我的
Title: 我的 ([You’re] Mine)
Pairing: Kris-centric, Kris/Chen, OT12
Rating: G
Length: 7,474 words
Summary: Wu Yifan has seen a lot of trainees come and go in his time, but he could never have imagined that he would be so star-struck by Kim Jongdae’s voice (and then slowly, gradually fall for the younger boy in little moments over time). Yifan doesn’t know much about love, so he’ll take what he can get.
Yifan is amused when Jongdae starts rolling his towel expertly, twisting the fabric to form little lamb horns on the side, making sure the ends fit snugly and don’t fall out before pulling it onto his head. This playful, younger side of Jongdae is something that he hasn’t seen in a while since just before their debut; it is nice to see that he hasn’t forgotten how to have fun even during their busy schedules. Luhan and Zitao coo over how cute it is, hands patting the younger boy’s head and the lamb ‘horns’; Jongdae turns around irately to stop them from touching it, then pats his head again to make sure that it’s still in place.
He likes it even better when Jongdae just frowns, but lets Yifan manhandle the lamb ‘horns’ in a teasing manner, making the younger boy’s head shake in place, and he doesn’t even ask Yifan to stop. The way that Jongdae reacts a bit differently around him lets him have the hope that there might be something more within his reach.
When there’s a break in shooting just before the section where they need to run along a soft bamboo mat in the swimming pool and get to the other side without falling off, the EXO-M members mill around, stepping onto the soft cushioning at the edge of the pool to poke and prod at the bamboo mat to see how much weight it can take, or to have a look from that vantage point themselves. Yixing jokes about how nice it would be to gain several inches in height and see the world from Yifan’s point of view, and he carefully lifts Yixing before the other boy demands laughingly to be put down and “I’d rather not see it while I’m hanging over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes”.
Minseok and Jongdae are arguing about who should go first on the cushioning, when Minseok jerks his chin at Yifan with a devious twinkle in his eye, telling him that he should lift the younger boy onto the mat because Jongdae wants to try it. Yifan retorts lightly that Minseok should be the one doing it, but the older boy says that Jongdae is taller than him and he’d probably end up flipping him onto his face. Yifan shrugs, hands the bottle of water to Minseok, eyebrows raised at Jongdae - are you ready? - and then bends down to lock his arms at the back of Jongdae’s knees and onto the mat.
(Minseok knows how much this means to the taller boy and smiles slightly as Yifan mouths a ‘thank you’ to him, while Jongdae is in his arms.)
Jongdae holds himself relaxed, but body straight as his hands drape over Yifan’s back lightly and Yifan relishes the way Jongdae feels in his arms, but the seconds pass and then he is helping the younger boy stand steady on the mat, hand around his back, making sure that he doesn’t end up falling backwards in the water. Just as he lets go of Jongdae’s back, the younger boy flails about slightly, and Yifan laughs, grabbing onto the vocalist’s wrists to steady him.
我的, he thinks to Jongdae in those fleeting moments, and the slight smile in Jongdae’s eyes as they meet Yifan’s tells him that he knows exactly what he’s thinking.
***
When Yifan first sees Kim Jongdae, his impression of the younger boy doesn’t extend far beyond that of noticing his physical features - a gangly, lean youth, with a delicate, even bird-like bone structure, and long eyelashes that girls would envy. Jongdae is all eyes uncertain and teeth that sometimes chew on his lips when he is nervous. The first few times when he dances during practice, Jongdae is all jerky movements and uncoordinated limbs, and it reminds Yifan of himself when he first joined the agency. Jongdae bows his head at the choreographer’s harsh pointers, then nods and nods again when he is told that he is to stay back after the classes are done in order to practice some more because his movements just doesn’t cut it. The younger boy gives nothing away, and Yifan leaves the room without a word when Zitao calls out to him.
The next day, Yifan doesn’t see Jongdae in dance class. Yifan thinks nothing of it; trainees are a dime a dozen in S.M. Entertainment, and when one drops out, another will take their place. It’s a dog-eat-dog world and Yifan has been around the agency long enough to know. He is glad that he has found friends in the form of Yixing, Luhan, Zitao, Jongin and Junmyeon. By extension, his circle has increased to include Chanyeol, Sehun, Kyungsoo and Minseok.
(He is closer to some than the others but it doesn’t stop him from taking the time to properly catch up with them even though they are all so busy. The other boys do the same for him, coming by late after practice and when the streets are quiet at 2am, they go out for supper.)
Jongdae doesn’t cross his mind again until Yifan sees him once again during the monthly aptitude tests that are held for all the trainees to showcase their talents. Yifan finds that he is vaguely surprised to see him there and is a tad curious about him now.
The moment of reckoning comes when Jongdae shuffles to the raised podium at the front, holding the mike in his hand as he bows towards their trainers who are seated at the front of the room, pens poised to scrawl down their remarks for his performance on crisp papers clipped to their boards, and bows once again to the room of trainees who are all sitting on the floor. Yifan straightens up from his customary slouch as Luhan elbows him and mouths ‘pay attention!’ to him in Mandarin.
The moment Jongdae opens his mouth to sing, the whole room straightens in rapt attention. The bored expressions are replaced with incredulous looks and round eyes, the inattentive trainees whom have already had their turn and are just waiting to leave the room narrow their eyes at this new boy and nobody, nobody can tear their eyes away from Jongdae’s performance. The ballad that he belts out is pure, raw emotion that supersedes the original song, and Yifan is captivated by the way Jongdae pulls the notes from thin air so rapidly, so effortlessly. There is a certain savage beauty to the way Jongdae sings, a beauty to the way his eyes glitter as if he is pouring out his whole soul to the world, and Yifan finds that for a moment, he can totally see Jongdae up on the stage, mesmerizing the audience of tens of thousands with the power of his voice alone.
When Yifan blinks again, it is to the last note of Jongdae’s song, and there is a quiet hush before the whole room bursts into uproarious applause and catcalls. The spell is broken and Yifan finds himself clapping along with the rest of the room as Jongdae smiles shyly, still on the podium, just a small quirk of his lips as he bows to the judges and the rest of the trainees once again. He leaves the podium and protests at the group hug that he is ambushed with in the form of Junmyeon, Jongin, Sehun and Chanyeol, while Minseok and Kyungsoo greet him in a more subdued manner that has Jongdae grinning back unabashedly.
Yifan finds that he would kind of like to see Jongdae smile at him like that as Luhan and Yixing nudge each other at his reaction as they, too wave to Jongdae from their seats in the audience. It is an utter treat for them to see Yifan this way. Not surprisingly enough, Yifan doesn’t notice because he is too busy watching Jongdae smile.
Zitao watches his ge’s expression and grins inwardly as he adds to the whistling and catcalls that are the chaos of applause and cheers for Jongdae because he doesn’t think he has ever seen Yifan look this star-struck before.
***
The following week, Jongdae reappears in his dance class again, and Yifan finds out that there had been a family emergency back home that Jongdae had to take care of. This surprises Yifan because he doesn’t even remember Jongin getting this type of privilege, and Jongin was practically the agency’s golden child.
He asks Luhan about this, and the older boy gets a knowing look in his eyes, followed by a devilish smirk that makes Yifan really wary.
“Why do you want to know?” Luhan demands, eyes curving in mischief.
“If you’re going to be such a pest then I’ll find someone else who’ll answer my question.” Yifan huffs in annoyance and turns to leave. He could always ask Minseok hyung or Junmyeon instead, who shares a singing class with the other two. (Besides, it isn’t as if he is that curious anyway. Yifan knows the burden of secrets more than anyone does.)
“Oh alright, I’ll tell you, you miserable oaf.” It is the shorter boy’s turn to huff instead. “I’ve heard what you’ve heard and I didn’t ask him personally, but the word is that his father was quite ill and recuperating, so his mother needed him to go back for a while to help out with the shop and everything. Don’t go asking him yourself! He’s pretty secretive and this is rather private so I’d much rather you not ask him about it.”
“I’m more surprised that the management actually allowed him to go back home for that period of time. He’s only been here for like, what, a total of 2 months?” Yifan murmurs.
“Why, are you jealous?” Luhan teases good-naturedly. “I think they want to make sure that they keep him. With that kind of voice, he’ll be sure to debut soon and they’d be crazy if they refused to let him go home and then lost such a talent like that.”
Luhan says this in a very matter-of-fact tone, and Yifan doesn’t detect even the slightest hint of jealousy in it. He had oft wondered if Luhan had ever been jealous of Jongdae’s voice, especially since Luhan is a perfectionist when it comes to nailing the perfect notes when he sings. “If I were the one making the decisions, I’d allow him to go back home too.”
“The problem is that a lot of the other trainees might give him a hard time for it.” Yifan points out. The taller boy is no stranger to bullying and even in the agency itself, bullying runs rampant. It is practically ingrained into their culture, though none of the trainees talk openly about it. Their teachers watch, but do little to stop unless it looks like it will really get out of hand.
Yifan himself has never been bullied within the agency (but that might be more to do with his freakish height and perpetual poker face - Luhan calls it his bitch face which makes the boy trainees wary and the girls swoon; when Yifan protests, Luhan just nods to the girls that trail behind him and the not-so-quiet whispers that follow him when they go out).
By contrast, Yixing has received a few sneers from some of the other Chinese trainees after it gets out that he used to be a child star. Luhan has been mocked for his doll face, but his sharp tongue soon had them shutting up, and when both of them become fast friends with Yifan, the bullying stops.
Zitao on the other hand, looks menacing enough in his own right, and the bullies leave him alone. There had been a few almost-altercations that Zitao let roll off his back like water, but when they brought his family into the story, his reaction was instantaneous, eyes sharp like daggers that everyone just backed off after that. It’s a good thing that they don’t know how sweet the younger boy actually is behind the stony face and sharp eyes, otherwise he would probably be bullied right along with the other two. (Zitao is also incredibly lucky that the other trainees never saw some of the pictures that their circle of friends is privy to, otherwise Yifan thinks that those alone would have been more than enough ammunition for the bullies.)
The tales of his skills as a martial artist versed in wushu amongst the trainees probably adds to the impression of him being a badass. (What they don’t know is that Zitao is far from one of those people who would be involved in a brawl with others - in fact, Zitao might even be the first person to apologise even if it wasn’t his fault. Yifan feels the need to look after the younger boy especially for this reason - the puppy dog eyes that Zitao gives him have got nothing to do with it. This is made easier because Zitao tends to stick to Yifan like a burr on clothing and Yifan kind of enjoys having this younger brother of sorts to look after. Zitao reminds him of his younger sister back in Canada.)
“Well, perhaps you should step in to take care of it then.” Yixing says with a grin. Yifan rolls his eyes at the younger boy.
“I’ll do no such thing.” The taller boy grumbles. Luhan and Yixing say not a word, but exchange a knowing grin. Zitao keeps silent but smiles to himself.
The next day when Yifan sees Jongdae being picked on by some of the older trainees, he nonchalantly walks past and tows the younger boy away, but not without giving the other boys a hard glare. Jongdae docilely lets himself be pulled down the hallway and around the corner with Yifan’s long fingers encircling his wrist, which looks more delicate than it really is.
(Zitao stares at the group of boys for minutes long after Yifan has left with Jongdae. He stares at them until the group of boys mutter lowly under their breaths before they not-so-nicely shove past Zitao, telling him to stay out of their way or else. Zitao doesn’t react to the threat at all.)
They learned to stay out of Jongdae’s way after that.
***
It turns out that Jongdae is a lot less quiet than he looks. Underneath the bookish looks and quaint smiles is a boy that is almost as hyperactive as Chanyeol and who has a tongue as sharp as Sehun’s. Yifan finds himself entirely too amused at Jongdae’s antics as he flails about while dancing to NORAZO’s Curry Song, coordinated dance moves long forgotten in the chaos that is a group of boys going crazy at the noraebang. It is almost surreal to Yifan to see Jongdae transform into this personality that seems so different from the quiet boy that he portrays during classes in the agency, and Yifan finds himself strangely grateful that he is allowed to see this other side of Jongdae.
(Sometimes he fleetingly thinks that he might want to kidnap the younger boy just so nobody else can watch him go crazy and spazz like this, but Yifan dismisses the idea quickly. Luhan and Yixing are way too nosy for their own good and they would never let him live it down. Besides, Yifan has an image to hold up.)
“Hyung! Yifan hyung!” Yifan blinks out of his reverie as the boy in his thoughts tugs at his hand and gets him to stand up and join the rest of them in their madness. “Don’t just sit there, hyung! You’re supposed to have fun and sing with the rest of us!”
Yifan is silently thinking at Jongdae but of course his words go unheard. Watching you enjoy yourself is more than enough. Instead, he allows himself to be tugged out of his seat by both Jongdae and Zitao, and drapes his arms over both their shoulders as Jongdae passes the mike to him with a grin.
There is a sense of belonging here that warms Yifan’s heart and he can forget that he feels homesick at times, with these boys who are close enough to be his brothers, his family, and Yifan likes it a lot.
(He likes it more when Jongdae innocently threads his fingers in between Yifan’s much larger hands and swings their hands together lightly as he sings.)
***
The rumours of the groups labeled as M1 and M2 debuting soon become more and more prominent once Byun Baekhyun joins the agency. Everyone had been talking about it since Lee Sooman briefly mentioned it during an interview, but this time it just seems more imminent. The rumours buzz around the training rooms like the sound of bees in a hive, incessant and low key, but everyone knows anyway.
Yifan gets pulled aside by an excited Luhan and Zitao who claim that they’ve seen snooped around their names on a list that was being carried by one of the staff in the trainee department. Yifan feels exhilarated at the possibility of debuting. Recently, their dance choreographers had been pushing and pushing them for more hours, more practice, and he remembers seeing the pile of music books that had started to resemble a small mountain next to Yixing’s bed.
He hopes, prays hard that this will be their big break.
(More than anything, he hopes that Junmyeon and Jongin, at the very least will be part of the group - Junmyeon because he has seen one too many times his juniors debuting and has been pushing himself so hard year after year, only to have to smile and congratulate the younger trainees for making it (and not him), not to mention his parents have been pushing for him to ‘drop this nonsense’ and to pursue something more substantial. Yifan wants to see Jongin mesmerize the world with his the way he moves; the way that he dances inevitably makes you want to stop and stare - Yifan himself has been guilty of this several times but he has learned, they all have learned to keep in motion, to not stare at the way Jongin crafts perfection with every single move he makes - and the training rooms are much too small a place to confine Jongin to.
Yifan digresses for one, selfish moment that he will never, ever put into words, and even as he thinks it, he hopes, knows, believes that it will never come true and discards the thought as soon as it’s fully formed. He hopes that he and Jongdae will be put in the same group, but how can that be when there is such disparity in their singing abilities? It is not that Yifan cannot sing, but to compare their voices would be like comparing a warthog and a songbird.
He doesn’t know whether to be elated or if the heavens are laughing at him when it gets announced two weeks later that Jongdae will be one of the two Korean members of EXO-M, which Yifan is supposed to be the leader of.
Luhan cackles and calls it divine intervention.)
***
All twelve of them move from their current dorms into two apartment units; one housing the members of EXO-M, while the other one is inhabited by EXO-K. The units are just opposite each other, on the fourth floor of an apartment block where the security is a lot better (it is only a matter of time before they garner more fans than some of the girls that have already been more-or-less tracking their movements and it is sure to become more chaotic from then on) and it is much easier for the managers assigned to them to coordinate their activities. They move through the corridors, chattering excitedly about the choreography and songs that are going to be recorded and the various schedules that have already been laid out by the company that stretch as far out as one and a half years down the road.
It is also easier for them to get used to the room arrangements, since it is pretty much what they’ll be doing when they go to China and other parts of the world for promotions.
The layouts of both apartments are similar in that there are a total of four bedrooms (three rooms where there will be two boys each and another one for whichever manager hyungs are assigned at that time), a living room, a kitchen and one measly toilet.
Yifan isn’t quite sure what to feel when Jongdae latches onto Yixing and tells him that he wants to room together, but the pit of disappointment in his stomach says otherwise. When the other boy meets his eyes over Jongdae’s chatter in a silent question of whether Yifan wants to switch rooms, the taller boy shakes his head no, causing Yixing to shrug. It doesn’t really matter, Yifan tells himself.
(He wonders if this would be considered as deceiving himself.)
Luhan rooms with Minseok, and they balance each other out like yin and yang. Luhan, for all that he looks impeccable and unhurried when he walks out the front door, is actually a bit of a giant slob just as much as any other average boy. Minseok, on the other hand, for all that he dresses in a laidback, casual style is more put-together than anyone Yifan has ever met (except for maybe Kyungsoo, but the wide-eyed boy is still learning confidence and battles with nerves, while Minseok sails through it all as if he has the world in the palm of his hands and knows exactly what it is that he’s doing).
Minseok is the one that keeps their room in good order, only pulling the card of being the eldest when Sehun and Jongin (and god forbid, with Baekhyun and Chanyeol in tow) breeze into the room and proceed to make a great ruckus before Junmyeon and Kyungsoo come over and end up shepherding them back over the their actual apartment.
This leaves Yifan to room with Zitao, and it is a more than welcome arrangement for the older boy because at least he doesn’t need to deal with Yixing’s knowing glances and Luhan’s persistent teasing. Zitao likes to observe and most of the time lets things take their own course; he also knows Yifan well enough not to push the issue. In return, Yifan lets Zitao pull him out of the house to go shopping and to ogle all the luxury brands that he likes to his heart’s content.
(It has nothing to do with the bbuing bbuing the other boy likes to pull on him. Absolutely nothing.)
***
The countdown to their debut begins slowly, long before the concept for their teasers are announced, and their training is stepped up to polish them from just good to better, best, and then out of this world, their choreographers and vocal trainers joke, considering what their concept as EXO is. (Yifan secretly wonders what kind of crack the planning committee was on to come up with this. The powers that they are supposed to have are wicked cool; the concept of being aliens from another planet and the Tree of Life not so hot.)
Yixing is whisked away for the period that SHINee has their concert tour in Japan that makes Jongin and Sehun and Luhan envious because he gets to dance properly on stage, and Jongdae ends up spending more time alternating between his and Zitao’s room and Minseok and Luhan’s room, dragging the mattress in to sleep on the floor at times because it’s a bit too lonely in the room without Yixing around.
Jongdae, Yifan has found out, is actually a very touchy-feely person once he gets to know you and when you’re in his tight circle of friends. He hangs off of Minseok’s shoulders and tugs at Zitao’s wrist, has feet fights with Luhan over soccer matches and which team is better and practically sprawls all over Yixing when he’s going through his Mandarin workbooks. He loops an arm around Yifan’s waist sometimes and rests his head against the older boy’s arm, and Yifan fights his body’s reaction to stiffen at the contact. (With any other person, Yifan would be fine, but it’s Jongdae and that is in and of itself another story altogether.
Jongdae is absolutely oblivious to this and it makes Luhan snigger while Junmyeon gives him a sympathetic look.)
***
Everything becomes more urgent once the story plans for the teasers to be released are finalized, and all twelve boys find themselves being pushed beyond their limits. The pressure is on now, what with all the hype that seems to keep increasing every single day as it leads up to their debut. Jongdae ends up with a particularly bad flu and a fever after a vigorous bout of recording and dance practice and gets told off with strict orders to stay in bed for the next few days by their manager. Yifan is given the bag with Jongdae’s medication, and is told to accompany him for the day; his parts for the teaser have already been done the previous week (jumping off a building numerous times was no mean feat, what with all the harness wiring pulling under his clothes; he really hopes the teaser videos look good and he doesn’t end up looking like a fool instead), and he’s recording together with Chanyeol the day after next.
The younger boy apologizes profusely and looks so miserable that it makes Yifan want to hug him. Zitao leaves him with one of his panda plushies and tells him he hopes he feels better soon. Minseok mentions that he’s left some isotonic drinks on the kitchen counter in case Jongdae needs some. Yixing pats the younger boy on the leg telling him to rest well - and gets told off in return by Luhan that Jongdae’s not the only one who should be looking after his health too, considering the way he works himself to the bone.
Jongdae is fast asleep, Yifan at his bedside and changing a wet towel on his forehead when Kyungsoo pokes his head through the main door before leaving with the others, telling Yifan that he’s whipped up a pot of congee for Jongdae in the slow cooker, and the older boy gives him a grateful smile and nods in thanks. Junmyeon peeks his head in and leaves a box of those menthol fever cooling packs that will help bring the temperature down just in case he needs those, and tells Yifan they’ll be back hopefully before dinner, and to just text him if there’s anything important. Baekhyun and Chanyeol pass a ‘GET WELL SOON!!!!!!’ handmade card - with entirely too much glitter and colours that looked like as if a rainbow had spat on it and lots of doodles - to Jongdae when he wakes up (Yifan eyes it as though it might attack him at any given time, but makes sure to put it on the bedside table next to Jongdae’s bed so that he can see it later).
Yifan goes through the lyrics and manuscripts that they’ve all been given, mouthing the parts he’s been tasked with silently, tapping his fingers on his knee to mark out the rhythm as he sits at Jongdae’s desk.
A small groan from the direction of Jongdae’s bed has him looking over instantly. The younger boy looks at him sleepily, cheeks flushed from the heat of the fever and Yifan suppresses the urge to pry him out from his bed covers and into his lap because he looks so preciously adorable.
“Yifan ge,” he greets, and struggles slightly with his bedclothes in an attempt to sit up. Yifan is there, hand in the small of his back as he helps Jongdae untangle his limbs from the blankets, quirking up the corner of his lips. Jongdae blinks as the towel on his head unsticks itself from his skin and plops into his lap, making Yifan laugh slightly as he removes it and puts it into the bowl of water on the table.
“How are you feeling?” He presses his wrist against the skin of Jongdae’s forehead, and the younger boy’s eyes flutter close in reflex, long lashes dark against the paleness of his skin. Yifan is glad to find that his temperature has gone down and that it no longer feels as though there is a fire burning just under Jongdae’s skin.
“Better,” Jongdae answers, eyes still closed and Yifan thinks in this state, with the younger boy’s porcelain skin and delicate bones, he could rival Luhan’s title for ‘dollface’, “but still a little bit tired I guess.” He peers up at Yifan from sooty eyelashes. “Sorry, ge, did you have to reschedule your recording time because of me?” The older boy ruffles his hair fondly.
“No I didn’t. I didn’t have anything on for the rest of the day and I can always head over for practice a little bit later when the rest of the guys come back. Right now, my priority is to make sure you get well. Are you hungry? Do you want any water or anything else to drink? Except for, you know, something cold because manager hyung specifically mentioned that you’re not allowed to drink cold stuff and you know…” Yifan trails off when he realizes he’s rambling and the crinkle around Jongdae’s eyes tells him that the vocalist is amused.
“Ge, you’re so cute when you ramble.” Yifan is scandalized; nobody has called him cute since he was ten, before his growth spurt took over. He mock-scowls at Jongdae, making him laugh.
“Stuff it, you. I’m going to get you some porridge, so just stay put.” He rises from the bed to head to the kitchen but is stopped by the curl of Jongdae’s fingers around his wrist, and Yifan turns to look at him, eyebrow raised. Jongdae’s fingers are warm against his skin.
“Thanks ge, really.” The genuine smile on Jongdae’s face makes him smile back in reply, heart warm and he ruffles the younger boy’s hair again, getting a small sound of protest.
Yifan may not want to put a name to what he is feeling for Jongdae, but he will take all the little moments, all the little interactions that they have.
(It is more than enough.)
***
Time passes by like the passage of water, and before they know it, it is December, and there are only two more days left to the end of the year. The members who will be involved for the Gayo Daejun are nervously shuffling around in EXO-K’s dorms on the morning of the performance.
Being on the same stage as their seniors and standing up there in front of thousands of people without the entirety of their whole group is a bit off-putting. Still, they are excited and Junmyeon (Suho) and Yifan (Kris) gather all twelve members in a little pow-wow before they leave the house. These few months, Junmyeon and Yifan have been involved in numerous meetings with management, firmly getting drilled in how they should appear at all times, how to answer interviews and to always, always be professional and polite.
These are things that Yunho hyung and Leeteuk hyung have mentioned to them, and as leaders of their respective groups, they will be held responsible for the behavior and activities of the other members. Every single move they make will be monitored closely, by the media, by the management, by the fans, and it is important not to get overwhelmed by it all. Leeteuk reminds them that most importantly though, no matter what anyone else may say, they have to learn to work and stick together as a team, because that is what will make or break them in the years to come. Both Junmyeon and Yifan vow that they will do so, silently in their hearts.
“You guys are going to be just fine,” Junmyeon smiles, and Yifan nods in agreement.
“You’ve all worked so hard to come to this point and you’ll be the first ones to shine on stage as part of EXO, so just go out there and show them what you’ve got. Forget about being nervous and just bask in the attention of the audience.” Yifan elaborates, looking at each of the four boys in turn. They are fairly vibrating with energy and it seems totally right that they should be the ones who are showcased first, the ones that will make the most impact.
“Since we won’t see you guys until later tonight, let’s do our group cheer.” Junmyeon concludes, and they huddle closer together, hands stacking atop of one another. The heat is a bit suffocating, especially with their indoor heating and Yifan can see Jongin sweating under the extra layers of clothes and the coat on his back, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. Being close together like this gave them a sense of comfort, a sense of assurance that they will do well.
“EXO, Sarang haja!” All of them yell in chorus, bringing their hands up, hugging each other while their managers watch on proudly. Zitao, Jongin and Luhan are already jostling to get to the door, but Jongdae hangs back slightly. The slight furrow in his brows tells Yifan that he’s still a bit worried about this whole thing.
“Hey.” He looks up at the sound of Yifan’s voice. The taller boy hugs him briefly. “You’ll sweep them away with your voice, you know?” Jongdae - Chen - grips at Yifan’s sweater, nodding into his shoulder.
“It’s just one note, ge.” The younger boy laughs. Yifan raises his eyebrows at him.
“That may be so, but just that one note is enough to blow them away, Chenchen.” Jongdae wrinkles his nose at the nickname, but doesn’t dispute that, while he jams his feet into his boots.
“I’ll do my best ge. You’ll be watching me right?” Yifan ruffles his hair in reply.
“Of course.”
(One note may be all that Jongdae has to showcase for the night, but Yifan knows completely that just one sound from Jongdae’s voice would be enough to blow everyone away.
Yifan should know; he was blown away just by that one note long ago and he’s so far gone that there is no turning back.)
***
The following months are a dizzying whir of nailing the dance choreography, vocal practice and choosing their tagline for introducing themselves as they prepare for their showcase stages in Korea, and then for Beijing. The release of both their prologue singles piques the public’s interest more and more each day, and they sit in front of their computers, scrolling through all the comments received on the Weibo, Facebook and YouTube accounts, laughing at the more ridiculous ones, while trying not to take the hurtful ones to heart.
Filming for their title song, MAMA is an experience in and of itself, especially when they have to act as if they are using their powers upon a green backdrop only. It is difficult, but a lot of fun and Yifan gets teased for his over-expressions and non-expressions - just by his eyebrows, of all things - by Sehun and Jongin. The face paint makes Yifan laugh harder, especially when Jongin could be mistaken for a crazy terrorist. There isn’t as much filming required as Yifan had thought, because a lot of the footage would be used from when they had filmed the teasers.
The nerves and the excitement build as the dates draw closer and closer, but also sadness because they will be starting promotions in different countries, no longer staying in the same dorms for a certain period of time. They promise each other to stay in touch regularly and to watch each other’s programs, and a week before their showcase stage, their managers bring back a bottle of soju and lets them drink together in moderation, letting the boys go wild in the dorms just for one night before they have to face the reality that looms before them the next day.
Yifan finds himself in complete awe at the number of people who turn up, who cheer for them and it is deafening. It is amazing and indescribable the way he feels standing with eleven other boys on stage who are essentially his family. That sense of elation, of knowing all the years of tears and sweat and sleepless nights and aching bodies that they’ve put in have finally come to fruition right here in the roar of the audience under the bright lights.
It is even better when their hands are linked together, and they shout out “We are One!”, their voices synchronized.
***
“I think he knows, you know?” Yixing says abruptly later that night when both of them are standing out on the balcony in the crispness of the spring night, the others having retired to bed, especially Jongin and Zitao who were dosed with painkillers for their back muscles because of their overzealous practice. Yifan looks at Yixing, knows that he has slapped those medicated patches onto his back too, even though he hasn’t said a word about it. Yifan won’t call him out on it - for now.
“Who knows what?” Yifan pretends, although there is practically only one he that Yixing would be bringing up in this context. Yixing gives him a piercing look to know that he’s onto him.
“Jongdae of course. I’ve seen him watching you with that look in his eyes whenever you’re not looking. And some of the questions he’s asked me also seem to point to that conclusion.”
Yifan figures that it’d be sooner rather than later, even though he thinks he’s not really that obvious. Then again, Jongdae is very, very good at picking up on the little things, and Yifan has been doing a lot of little things lately when he thinks the vocalist isn’t noticing. But it’s not like he’s going to say anything about it, and Yixing, if he knows what’s best for him, had better keep his mouth shut.
(Or he’d leak out all those horrendous pre-debut pictures and videos of Yixing. Or something.)
He raises an eyebrow at Yixing. “What is your point, exactly? What else did he say about it?” He’s not fishing for answers. Really, he’s not.
Yixing shrugs, raising his drink to his lips before heading back inside their apartment. “I just thought you might want to know.”
If Yifan was a lesser person, he would have flung Yixing off the balcony railing. As it is, now he just wants to bang his head against the wall, really hard.
***
Yifan gets the surprise of his life when the managers tell them they want to switch up their rooming arrangements a little when the boys are in China. Jongdae is going to be rooming with him, Zitao with Minseok, and then Yixing with Luhan. Apparently they are to speak Mandarin all the time, in order to for Jongdae and Minseok to acclimate themselves more quickly to the language.
(Yifan thinks that putting Luhan and Yixing in one room would be a recipe for disaster - especially for him - but he doesn’t protest. The knowing smiles they give him are enough to give him a headache and he is quite sure that there will be more to follow.)
Neither Jongdae nor Zitao seem quite phased about the room change; after all, they will still be in the same apartment and it is not as if they’ll be miles away from each other - just one room down.
Jongdae sweeps into the room breezily, Yifan following after him. He’s not sure whether this is more divine intervention as Luhan put it or if it’s the universe playing a cruel trick on him. Yifan stands in the door of their shared room a bit awkwardly, hand still on the handle of his luggage. Jongdae turns to him, all bright eyes and enthusiasm. The room is a bit smaller than the ones they have back in Korea, but it is sufficient enough for two people to share.
“Yifan ge, which bed will you going to call dibs on, the one next to the window or the one closer to the door?” The taller boy gulps, not quite sure how he is going to deal with staying in the same room with Jongdae. Before, at least there was Zitao around, but now it will be him and Jongdae alone.
In the same room.
He realizes that he’s been silent for a long time when Jongdae has an arm on his elbow, suddenly in front of his face and calling out to him. “Ge? Did you hear me? Are you not feeling well?” Jongdae puts a hand to Yifan’s forehead while the taller boy stares blankly at him, perturbed by the vocalist’s close proximity to him.
“I’m fine,” He manages to croak out, pulling Jongdae’s fingers away from his face. Yifan thinks his face is a lot warmer now than before Jongdae put his hands on him. “I’ll grab the bed by the door. You can have the one by the window. I know how much you like looking outside after all.”
He is unprepared for the arms around his waist as Jongdae hugs his back, chin hanging over his shoulder. Yifan is frozen for those short seconds as the shorter boy brushes his lips lightly over the older boy’s cheek affectionately before going to his side of the room to unpack. “You’re the best, ge!”
“You’re welcome.” He manages to mumble, limbs moving on autopilot as his mind dwells on the feel of soft lips against his cheek again and again and again.
(Yifan is so preoccupied that he doesn’t see Jongdae smiling slyly to himself.)
***
Yifan knows he no longer has to keep guessing when they film Happy Camp for the first time.
“What if both Kris and Chen fall in love with the same girl?” The host He Jiong asks, looking between the both of them for their answers.
Jongdae wastes no time in answering in Mandarin. “我的!” He crows triumphantly, eyes meeting the older boy’s.
There are a million meanings in that one look, and Yifan knows that he’s not referring to the girl, but he can’t forget how to breathe here on a famous variety program, in front of so many fans so he pulls on his mask, he pulls on Kris who isn’t unsure, who is always confident and who has swag and is the one who won’t back down from a challenge.
“I can’t let that happen.” Comes his generic answer, along with the cocky grin. Safe.
Everyone doesn’t think about the short eye contact they shared; everyone is more focused on when he says that Zitao will be rewarded that night. When they are faced away from the screens and cameras, Zitao raises an eyebrow at him, as if to say Are you for real? and Yifan waves a hand in dismissal at him.
***
It is only later that night after everyone has returned to their rooms, and just after Yifan has turned off the lights that Jongdae calls out to him in the darkness of their room.
“Duizhang,” the younger boy states quietly, and Yifan can hear the sound of his feet on the wooden floorboards, making his way across the room to his bed. It’s different because Jongdae isn’t calling him “ge” this time.
“What is it, Jongdae?” He turns in his bed to flick on the nightlight on the bedside table. Jongdae is there, kneeling by the side of the bed, blinking at him owlishly, pupils dilated like a cat’s to absorb the light. Yifan thinks he looks particularly vulnerable like this.
Then Jongdae smiles, not so innocently, tongue sticking between his teeth slightly, and he reaches out to encircle Yifan’s wrist with long fingers, and he looks a bit like a fox, what with his eyes practically disappearing into small crescents.
“Duizhang,” Jongdae repeats again, then lifts Yifan’s wrist to his mouth slowly as the older boy watches him, frozen as he watches Jongdae’s lips press against his skin.
“我的.” He mouths over the skin of Yifan’s wrist, and then shuffles back across the room and back into his own bed. “Good night!” Jongdae calls out from his bed, and Yifan can hear the rustling of blankets before the sound of even breathing reaches his ears and he knows Jongdae has fallen asleep. He’s not quite sure what to make of it, but that Jongdae has actually seemingly claimed him seems to speak volumes.
Yifan may not want to put a name to what he is feeling for Jongdae, but he will take all the little moments, all the little interactions, all of Jongdae’s glances and smiles that he gives Yifan.
(It is more than enough.)
A/N: I really enjoyed writing this pairing because they are so adorable and awkwardturtle!Kris is always fun to write. I tried to keep this as canon as possible with all the dorm arrangements and Chen’s famous “我的” line from Happy Camp in it.
Translation Notes
“我的” - (You’re) mine
ge - older brother; equivalent to the Korean ‘hyung’
Duizhang - Leader
EXO, sarang haja! - EXO, let’s love! (Basically their tagline that they use to rev themselves up before shows and all)
Pairing: Kris-centric, Kris/Chen, OT12
Rating: G
Length: 7,474 words
Summary: Wu Yifan has seen a lot of trainees come and go in his time, but he could never have imagined that he would be so star-struck by Kim Jongdae’s voice (and then slowly, gradually fall for the younger boy in little moments over time). Yifan doesn’t know much about love, so he’ll take what he can get.
Yifan is amused when Jongdae starts rolling his towel expertly, twisting the fabric to form little lamb horns on the side, making sure the ends fit snugly and don’t fall out before pulling it onto his head. This playful, younger side of Jongdae is something that he hasn’t seen in a while since just before their debut; it is nice to see that he hasn’t forgotten how to have fun even during their busy schedules. Luhan and Zitao coo over how cute it is, hands patting the younger boy’s head and the lamb ‘horns’; Jongdae turns around irately to stop them from touching it, then pats his head again to make sure that it’s still in place.
He likes it even better when Jongdae just frowns, but lets Yifan manhandle the lamb ‘horns’ in a teasing manner, making the younger boy’s head shake in place, and he doesn’t even ask Yifan to stop. The way that Jongdae reacts a bit differently around him lets him have the hope that there might be something more within his reach.
When there’s a break in shooting just before the section where they need to run along a soft bamboo mat in the swimming pool and get to the other side without falling off, the EXO-M members mill around, stepping onto the soft cushioning at the edge of the pool to poke and prod at the bamboo mat to see how much weight it can take, or to have a look from that vantage point themselves. Yixing jokes about how nice it would be to gain several inches in height and see the world from Yifan’s point of view, and he carefully lifts Yixing before the other boy demands laughingly to be put down and “I’d rather not see it while I’m hanging over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes”.
Minseok and Jongdae are arguing about who should go first on the cushioning, when Minseok jerks his chin at Yifan with a devious twinkle in his eye, telling him that he should lift the younger boy onto the mat because Jongdae wants to try it. Yifan retorts lightly that Minseok should be the one doing it, but the older boy says that Jongdae is taller than him and he’d probably end up flipping him onto his face. Yifan shrugs, hands the bottle of water to Minseok, eyebrows raised at Jongdae - are you ready? - and then bends down to lock his arms at the back of Jongdae’s knees and onto the mat.
(Minseok knows how much this means to the taller boy and smiles slightly as Yifan mouths a ‘thank you’ to him, while Jongdae is in his arms.)
Jongdae holds himself relaxed, but body straight as his hands drape over Yifan’s back lightly and Yifan relishes the way Jongdae feels in his arms, but the seconds pass and then he is helping the younger boy stand steady on the mat, hand around his back, making sure that he doesn’t end up falling backwards in the water. Just as he lets go of Jongdae’s back, the younger boy flails about slightly, and Yifan laughs, grabbing onto the vocalist’s wrists to steady him.
我的, he thinks to Jongdae in those fleeting moments, and the slight smile in Jongdae’s eyes as they meet Yifan’s tells him that he knows exactly what he’s thinking.
***
When Yifan first sees Kim Jongdae, his impression of the younger boy doesn’t extend far beyond that of noticing his physical features - a gangly, lean youth, with a delicate, even bird-like bone structure, and long eyelashes that girls would envy. Jongdae is all eyes uncertain and teeth that sometimes chew on his lips when he is nervous. The first few times when he dances during practice, Jongdae is all jerky movements and uncoordinated limbs, and it reminds Yifan of himself when he first joined the agency. Jongdae bows his head at the choreographer’s harsh pointers, then nods and nods again when he is told that he is to stay back after the classes are done in order to practice some more because his movements just doesn’t cut it. The younger boy gives nothing away, and Yifan leaves the room without a word when Zitao calls out to him.
The next day, Yifan doesn’t see Jongdae in dance class. Yifan thinks nothing of it; trainees are a dime a dozen in S.M. Entertainment, and when one drops out, another will take their place. It’s a dog-eat-dog world and Yifan has been around the agency long enough to know. He is glad that he has found friends in the form of Yixing, Luhan, Zitao, Jongin and Junmyeon. By extension, his circle has increased to include Chanyeol, Sehun, Kyungsoo and Minseok.
(He is closer to some than the others but it doesn’t stop him from taking the time to properly catch up with them even though they are all so busy. The other boys do the same for him, coming by late after practice and when the streets are quiet at 2am, they go out for supper.)
Jongdae doesn’t cross his mind again until Yifan sees him once again during the monthly aptitude tests that are held for all the trainees to showcase their talents. Yifan finds that he is vaguely surprised to see him there and is a tad curious about him now.
The moment of reckoning comes when Jongdae shuffles to the raised podium at the front, holding the mike in his hand as he bows towards their trainers who are seated at the front of the room, pens poised to scrawl down their remarks for his performance on crisp papers clipped to their boards, and bows once again to the room of trainees who are all sitting on the floor. Yifan straightens up from his customary slouch as Luhan elbows him and mouths ‘pay attention!’ to him in Mandarin.
The moment Jongdae opens his mouth to sing, the whole room straightens in rapt attention. The bored expressions are replaced with incredulous looks and round eyes, the inattentive trainees whom have already had their turn and are just waiting to leave the room narrow their eyes at this new boy and nobody, nobody can tear their eyes away from Jongdae’s performance. The ballad that he belts out is pure, raw emotion that supersedes the original song, and Yifan is captivated by the way Jongdae pulls the notes from thin air so rapidly, so effortlessly. There is a certain savage beauty to the way Jongdae sings, a beauty to the way his eyes glitter as if he is pouring out his whole soul to the world, and Yifan finds that for a moment, he can totally see Jongdae up on the stage, mesmerizing the audience of tens of thousands with the power of his voice alone.
When Yifan blinks again, it is to the last note of Jongdae’s song, and there is a quiet hush before the whole room bursts into uproarious applause and catcalls. The spell is broken and Yifan finds himself clapping along with the rest of the room as Jongdae smiles shyly, still on the podium, just a small quirk of his lips as he bows to the judges and the rest of the trainees once again. He leaves the podium and protests at the group hug that he is ambushed with in the form of Junmyeon, Jongin, Sehun and Chanyeol, while Minseok and Kyungsoo greet him in a more subdued manner that has Jongdae grinning back unabashedly.
Yifan finds that he would kind of like to see Jongdae smile at him like that as Luhan and Yixing nudge each other at his reaction as they, too wave to Jongdae from their seats in the audience. It is an utter treat for them to see Yifan this way. Not surprisingly enough, Yifan doesn’t notice because he is too busy watching Jongdae smile.
Zitao watches his ge’s expression and grins inwardly as he adds to the whistling and catcalls that are the chaos of applause and cheers for Jongdae because he doesn’t think he has ever seen Yifan look this star-struck before.
***
The following week, Jongdae reappears in his dance class again, and Yifan finds out that there had been a family emergency back home that Jongdae had to take care of. This surprises Yifan because he doesn’t even remember Jongin getting this type of privilege, and Jongin was practically the agency’s golden child.
He asks Luhan about this, and the older boy gets a knowing look in his eyes, followed by a devilish smirk that makes Yifan really wary.
“Why do you want to know?” Luhan demands, eyes curving in mischief.
“If you’re going to be such a pest then I’ll find someone else who’ll answer my question.” Yifan huffs in annoyance and turns to leave. He could always ask Minseok hyung or Junmyeon instead, who shares a singing class with the other two. (Besides, it isn’t as if he is that curious anyway. Yifan knows the burden of secrets more than anyone does.)
“Oh alright, I’ll tell you, you miserable oaf.” It is the shorter boy’s turn to huff instead. “I’ve heard what you’ve heard and I didn’t ask him personally, but the word is that his father was quite ill and recuperating, so his mother needed him to go back for a while to help out with the shop and everything. Don’t go asking him yourself! He’s pretty secretive and this is rather private so I’d much rather you not ask him about it.”
“I’m more surprised that the management actually allowed him to go back home for that period of time. He’s only been here for like, what, a total of 2 months?” Yifan murmurs.
“Why, are you jealous?” Luhan teases good-naturedly. “I think they want to make sure that they keep him. With that kind of voice, he’ll be sure to debut soon and they’d be crazy if they refused to let him go home and then lost such a talent like that.”
Luhan says this in a very matter-of-fact tone, and Yifan doesn’t detect even the slightest hint of jealousy in it. He had oft wondered if Luhan had ever been jealous of Jongdae’s voice, especially since Luhan is a perfectionist when it comes to nailing the perfect notes when he sings. “If I were the one making the decisions, I’d allow him to go back home too.”
“The problem is that a lot of the other trainees might give him a hard time for it.” Yifan points out. The taller boy is no stranger to bullying and even in the agency itself, bullying runs rampant. It is practically ingrained into their culture, though none of the trainees talk openly about it. Their teachers watch, but do little to stop unless it looks like it will really get out of hand.
Yifan himself has never been bullied within the agency (but that might be more to do with his freakish height and perpetual poker face - Luhan calls it his bitch face which makes the boy trainees wary and the girls swoon; when Yifan protests, Luhan just nods to the girls that trail behind him and the not-so-quiet whispers that follow him when they go out).
By contrast, Yixing has received a few sneers from some of the other Chinese trainees after it gets out that he used to be a child star. Luhan has been mocked for his doll face, but his sharp tongue soon had them shutting up, and when both of them become fast friends with Yifan, the bullying stops.
Zitao on the other hand, looks menacing enough in his own right, and the bullies leave him alone. There had been a few almost-altercations that Zitao let roll off his back like water, but when they brought his family into the story, his reaction was instantaneous, eyes sharp like daggers that everyone just backed off after that. It’s a good thing that they don’t know how sweet the younger boy actually is behind the stony face and sharp eyes, otherwise he would probably be bullied right along with the other two. (Zitao is also incredibly lucky that the other trainees never saw some of the pictures that their circle of friends is privy to, otherwise Yifan thinks that those alone would have been more than enough ammunition for the bullies.)
The tales of his skills as a martial artist versed in wushu amongst the trainees probably adds to the impression of him being a badass. (What they don’t know is that Zitao is far from one of those people who would be involved in a brawl with others - in fact, Zitao might even be the first person to apologise even if it wasn’t his fault. Yifan feels the need to look after the younger boy especially for this reason - the puppy dog eyes that Zitao gives him have got nothing to do with it. This is made easier because Zitao tends to stick to Yifan like a burr on clothing and Yifan kind of enjoys having this younger brother of sorts to look after. Zitao reminds him of his younger sister back in Canada.)
“Well, perhaps you should step in to take care of it then.” Yixing says with a grin. Yifan rolls his eyes at the younger boy.
“I’ll do no such thing.” The taller boy grumbles. Luhan and Yixing say not a word, but exchange a knowing grin. Zitao keeps silent but smiles to himself.
The next day when Yifan sees Jongdae being picked on by some of the older trainees, he nonchalantly walks past and tows the younger boy away, but not without giving the other boys a hard glare. Jongdae docilely lets himself be pulled down the hallway and around the corner with Yifan’s long fingers encircling his wrist, which looks more delicate than it really is.
(Zitao stares at the group of boys for minutes long after Yifan has left with Jongdae. He stares at them until the group of boys mutter lowly under their breaths before they not-so-nicely shove past Zitao, telling him to stay out of their way or else. Zitao doesn’t react to the threat at all.)
They learned to stay out of Jongdae’s way after that.
***
It turns out that Jongdae is a lot less quiet than he looks. Underneath the bookish looks and quaint smiles is a boy that is almost as hyperactive as Chanyeol and who has a tongue as sharp as Sehun’s. Yifan finds himself entirely too amused at Jongdae’s antics as he flails about while dancing to NORAZO’s Curry Song, coordinated dance moves long forgotten in the chaos that is a group of boys going crazy at the noraebang. It is almost surreal to Yifan to see Jongdae transform into this personality that seems so different from the quiet boy that he portrays during classes in the agency, and Yifan finds himself strangely grateful that he is allowed to see this other side of Jongdae.
(Sometimes he fleetingly thinks that he might want to kidnap the younger boy just so nobody else can watch him go crazy and spazz like this, but Yifan dismisses the idea quickly. Luhan and Yixing are way too nosy for their own good and they would never let him live it down. Besides, Yifan has an image to hold up.)
“Hyung! Yifan hyung!” Yifan blinks out of his reverie as the boy in his thoughts tugs at his hand and gets him to stand up and join the rest of them in their madness. “Don’t just sit there, hyung! You’re supposed to have fun and sing with the rest of us!”
Yifan is silently thinking at Jongdae but of course his words go unheard. Watching you enjoy yourself is more than enough. Instead, he allows himself to be tugged out of his seat by both Jongdae and Zitao, and drapes his arms over both their shoulders as Jongdae passes the mike to him with a grin.
There is a sense of belonging here that warms Yifan’s heart and he can forget that he feels homesick at times, with these boys who are close enough to be his brothers, his family, and Yifan likes it a lot.
(He likes it more when Jongdae innocently threads his fingers in between Yifan’s much larger hands and swings their hands together lightly as he sings.)
***
The rumours of the groups labeled as M1 and M2 debuting soon become more and more prominent once Byun Baekhyun joins the agency. Everyone had been talking about it since Lee Sooman briefly mentioned it during an interview, but this time it just seems more imminent. The rumours buzz around the training rooms like the sound of bees in a hive, incessant and low key, but everyone knows anyway.
Yifan gets pulled aside by an excited Luhan and Zitao who claim that they’ve seen snooped around their names on a list that was being carried by one of the staff in the trainee department. Yifan feels exhilarated at the possibility of debuting. Recently, their dance choreographers had been pushing and pushing them for more hours, more practice, and he remembers seeing the pile of music books that had started to resemble a small mountain next to Yixing’s bed.
He hopes, prays hard that this will be their big break.
(More than anything, he hopes that Junmyeon and Jongin, at the very least will be part of the group - Junmyeon because he has seen one too many times his juniors debuting and has been pushing himself so hard year after year, only to have to smile and congratulate the younger trainees for making it (and not him), not to mention his parents have been pushing for him to ‘drop this nonsense’ and to pursue something more substantial. Yifan wants to see Jongin mesmerize the world with his the way he moves; the way that he dances inevitably makes you want to stop and stare - Yifan himself has been guilty of this several times but he has learned, they all have learned to keep in motion, to not stare at the way Jongin crafts perfection with every single move he makes - and the training rooms are much too small a place to confine Jongin to.
Yifan digresses for one, selfish moment that he will never, ever put into words, and even as he thinks it, he hopes, knows, believes that it will never come true and discards the thought as soon as it’s fully formed. He hopes that he and Jongdae will be put in the same group, but how can that be when there is such disparity in their singing abilities? It is not that Yifan cannot sing, but to compare their voices would be like comparing a warthog and a songbird.
He doesn’t know whether to be elated or if the heavens are laughing at him when it gets announced two weeks later that Jongdae will be one of the two Korean members of EXO-M, which Yifan is supposed to be the leader of.
Luhan cackles and calls it divine intervention.)
***
All twelve of them move from their current dorms into two apartment units; one housing the members of EXO-M, while the other one is inhabited by EXO-K. The units are just opposite each other, on the fourth floor of an apartment block where the security is a lot better (it is only a matter of time before they garner more fans than some of the girls that have already been more-or-less tracking their movements and it is sure to become more chaotic from then on) and it is much easier for the managers assigned to them to coordinate their activities. They move through the corridors, chattering excitedly about the choreography and songs that are going to be recorded and the various schedules that have already been laid out by the company that stretch as far out as one and a half years down the road.
It is also easier for them to get used to the room arrangements, since it is pretty much what they’ll be doing when they go to China and other parts of the world for promotions.
The layouts of both apartments are similar in that there are a total of four bedrooms (three rooms where there will be two boys each and another one for whichever manager hyungs are assigned at that time), a living room, a kitchen and one measly toilet.
Yifan isn’t quite sure what to feel when Jongdae latches onto Yixing and tells him that he wants to room together, but the pit of disappointment in his stomach says otherwise. When the other boy meets his eyes over Jongdae’s chatter in a silent question of whether Yifan wants to switch rooms, the taller boy shakes his head no, causing Yixing to shrug. It doesn’t really matter, Yifan tells himself.
(He wonders if this would be considered as deceiving himself.)
Luhan rooms with Minseok, and they balance each other out like yin and yang. Luhan, for all that he looks impeccable and unhurried when he walks out the front door, is actually a bit of a giant slob just as much as any other average boy. Minseok, on the other hand, for all that he dresses in a laidback, casual style is more put-together than anyone Yifan has ever met (except for maybe Kyungsoo, but the wide-eyed boy is still learning confidence and battles with nerves, while Minseok sails through it all as if he has the world in the palm of his hands and knows exactly what it is that he’s doing).
Minseok is the one that keeps their room in good order, only pulling the card of being the eldest when Sehun and Jongin (and god forbid, with Baekhyun and Chanyeol in tow) breeze into the room and proceed to make a great ruckus before Junmyeon and Kyungsoo come over and end up shepherding them back over the their actual apartment.
This leaves Yifan to room with Zitao, and it is a more than welcome arrangement for the older boy because at least he doesn’t need to deal with Yixing’s knowing glances and Luhan’s persistent teasing. Zitao likes to observe and most of the time lets things take their own course; he also knows Yifan well enough not to push the issue. In return, Yifan lets Zitao pull him out of the house to go shopping and to ogle all the luxury brands that he likes to his heart’s content.
(It has nothing to do with the bbuing bbuing the other boy likes to pull on him. Absolutely nothing.)
***
The countdown to their debut begins slowly, long before the concept for their teasers are announced, and their training is stepped up to polish them from just good to better, best, and then out of this world, their choreographers and vocal trainers joke, considering what their concept as EXO is. (Yifan secretly wonders what kind of crack the planning committee was on to come up with this. The powers that they are supposed to have are wicked cool; the concept of being aliens from another planet and the Tree of Life not so hot.)
Yixing is whisked away for the period that SHINee has their concert tour in Japan that makes Jongin and Sehun and Luhan envious because he gets to dance properly on stage, and Jongdae ends up spending more time alternating between his and Zitao’s room and Minseok and Luhan’s room, dragging the mattress in to sleep on the floor at times because it’s a bit too lonely in the room without Yixing around.
Jongdae, Yifan has found out, is actually a very touchy-feely person once he gets to know you and when you’re in his tight circle of friends. He hangs off of Minseok’s shoulders and tugs at Zitao’s wrist, has feet fights with Luhan over soccer matches and which team is better and practically sprawls all over Yixing when he’s going through his Mandarin workbooks. He loops an arm around Yifan’s waist sometimes and rests his head against the older boy’s arm, and Yifan fights his body’s reaction to stiffen at the contact. (With any other person, Yifan would be fine, but it’s Jongdae and that is in and of itself another story altogether.
Jongdae is absolutely oblivious to this and it makes Luhan snigger while Junmyeon gives him a sympathetic look.)
***
Everything becomes more urgent once the story plans for the teasers to be released are finalized, and all twelve boys find themselves being pushed beyond their limits. The pressure is on now, what with all the hype that seems to keep increasing every single day as it leads up to their debut. Jongdae ends up with a particularly bad flu and a fever after a vigorous bout of recording and dance practice and gets told off with strict orders to stay in bed for the next few days by their manager. Yifan is given the bag with Jongdae’s medication, and is told to accompany him for the day; his parts for the teaser have already been done the previous week (jumping off a building numerous times was no mean feat, what with all the harness wiring pulling under his clothes; he really hopes the teaser videos look good and he doesn’t end up looking like a fool instead), and he’s recording together with Chanyeol the day after next.
The younger boy apologizes profusely and looks so miserable that it makes Yifan want to hug him. Zitao leaves him with one of his panda plushies and tells him he hopes he feels better soon. Minseok mentions that he’s left some isotonic drinks on the kitchen counter in case Jongdae needs some. Yixing pats the younger boy on the leg telling him to rest well - and gets told off in return by Luhan that Jongdae’s not the only one who should be looking after his health too, considering the way he works himself to the bone.
Jongdae is fast asleep, Yifan at his bedside and changing a wet towel on his forehead when Kyungsoo pokes his head through the main door before leaving with the others, telling Yifan that he’s whipped up a pot of congee for Jongdae in the slow cooker, and the older boy gives him a grateful smile and nods in thanks. Junmyeon peeks his head in and leaves a box of those menthol fever cooling packs that will help bring the temperature down just in case he needs those, and tells Yifan they’ll be back hopefully before dinner, and to just text him if there’s anything important. Baekhyun and Chanyeol pass a ‘GET WELL SOON!!!!!!’ handmade card - with entirely too much glitter and colours that looked like as if a rainbow had spat on it and lots of doodles - to Jongdae when he wakes up (Yifan eyes it as though it might attack him at any given time, but makes sure to put it on the bedside table next to Jongdae’s bed so that he can see it later).
Yifan goes through the lyrics and manuscripts that they’ve all been given, mouthing the parts he’s been tasked with silently, tapping his fingers on his knee to mark out the rhythm as he sits at Jongdae’s desk.
A small groan from the direction of Jongdae’s bed has him looking over instantly. The younger boy looks at him sleepily, cheeks flushed from the heat of the fever and Yifan suppresses the urge to pry him out from his bed covers and into his lap because he looks so preciously adorable.
“Yifan ge,” he greets, and struggles slightly with his bedclothes in an attempt to sit up. Yifan is there, hand in the small of his back as he helps Jongdae untangle his limbs from the blankets, quirking up the corner of his lips. Jongdae blinks as the towel on his head unsticks itself from his skin and plops into his lap, making Yifan laugh slightly as he removes it and puts it into the bowl of water on the table.
“How are you feeling?” He presses his wrist against the skin of Jongdae’s forehead, and the younger boy’s eyes flutter close in reflex, long lashes dark against the paleness of his skin. Yifan is glad to find that his temperature has gone down and that it no longer feels as though there is a fire burning just under Jongdae’s skin.
“Better,” Jongdae answers, eyes still closed and Yifan thinks in this state, with the younger boy’s porcelain skin and delicate bones, he could rival Luhan’s title for ‘dollface’, “but still a little bit tired I guess.” He peers up at Yifan from sooty eyelashes. “Sorry, ge, did you have to reschedule your recording time because of me?” The older boy ruffles his hair fondly.
“No I didn’t. I didn’t have anything on for the rest of the day and I can always head over for practice a little bit later when the rest of the guys come back. Right now, my priority is to make sure you get well. Are you hungry? Do you want any water or anything else to drink? Except for, you know, something cold because manager hyung specifically mentioned that you’re not allowed to drink cold stuff and you know…” Yifan trails off when he realizes he’s rambling and the crinkle around Jongdae’s eyes tells him that the vocalist is amused.
“Ge, you’re so cute when you ramble.” Yifan is scandalized; nobody has called him cute since he was ten, before his growth spurt took over. He mock-scowls at Jongdae, making him laugh.
“Stuff it, you. I’m going to get you some porridge, so just stay put.” He rises from the bed to head to the kitchen but is stopped by the curl of Jongdae’s fingers around his wrist, and Yifan turns to look at him, eyebrow raised. Jongdae’s fingers are warm against his skin.
“Thanks ge, really.” The genuine smile on Jongdae’s face makes him smile back in reply, heart warm and he ruffles the younger boy’s hair again, getting a small sound of protest.
Yifan may not want to put a name to what he is feeling for Jongdae, but he will take all the little moments, all the little interactions that they have.
(It is more than enough.)
***
Time passes by like the passage of water, and before they know it, it is December, and there are only two more days left to the end of the year. The members who will be involved for the Gayo Daejun are nervously shuffling around in EXO-K’s dorms on the morning of the performance.
Being on the same stage as their seniors and standing up there in front of thousands of people without the entirety of their whole group is a bit off-putting. Still, they are excited and Junmyeon (Suho) and Yifan (Kris) gather all twelve members in a little pow-wow before they leave the house. These few months, Junmyeon and Yifan have been involved in numerous meetings with management, firmly getting drilled in how they should appear at all times, how to answer interviews and to always, always be professional and polite.
These are things that Yunho hyung and Leeteuk hyung have mentioned to them, and as leaders of their respective groups, they will be held responsible for the behavior and activities of the other members. Every single move they make will be monitored closely, by the media, by the management, by the fans, and it is important not to get overwhelmed by it all. Leeteuk reminds them that most importantly though, no matter what anyone else may say, they have to learn to work and stick together as a team, because that is what will make or break them in the years to come. Both Junmyeon and Yifan vow that they will do so, silently in their hearts.
“You guys are going to be just fine,” Junmyeon smiles, and Yifan nods in agreement.
“You’ve all worked so hard to come to this point and you’ll be the first ones to shine on stage as part of EXO, so just go out there and show them what you’ve got. Forget about being nervous and just bask in the attention of the audience.” Yifan elaborates, looking at each of the four boys in turn. They are fairly vibrating with energy and it seems totally right that they should be the ones who are showcased first, the ones that will make the most impact.
“Since we won’t see you guys until later tonight, let’s do our group cheer.” Junmyeon concludes, and they huddle closer together, hands stacking atop of one another. The heat is a bit suffocating, especially with their indoor heating and Yifan can see Jongin sweating under the extra layers of clothes and the coat on his back, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. Being close together like this gave them a sense of comfort, a sense of assurance that they will do well.
“EXO, Sarang haja!” All of them yell in chorus, bringing their hands up, hugging each other while their managers watch on proudly. Zitao, Jongin and Luhan are already jostling to get to the door, but Jongdae hangs back slightly. The slight furrow in his brows tells Yifan that he’s still a bit worried about this whole thing.
“Hey.” He looks up at the sound of Yifan’s voice. The taller boy hugs him briefly. “You’ll sweep them away with your voice, you know?” Jongdae - Chen - grips at Yifan’s sweater, nodding into his shoulder.
“It’s just one note, ge.” The younger boy laughs. Yifan raises his eyebrows at him.
“That may be so, but just that one note is enough to blow them away, Chenchen.” Jongdae wrinkles his nose at the nickname, but doesn’t dispute that, while he jams his feet into his boots.
“I’ll do my best ge. You’ll be watching me right?” Yifan ruffles his hair in reply.
“Of course.”
(One note may be all that Jongdae has to showcase for the night, but Yifan knows completely that just one sound from Jongdae’s voice would be enough to blow everyone away.
Yifan should know; he was blown away just by that one note long ago and he’s so far gone that there is no turning back.)
***
The following months are a dizzying whir of nailing the dance choreography, vocal practice and choosing their tagline for introducing themselves as they prepare for their showcase stages in Korea, and then for Beijing. The release of both their prologue singles piques the public’s interest more and more each day, and they sit in front of their computers, scrolling through all the comments received on the Weibo, Facebook and YouTube accounts, laughing at the more ridiculous ones, while trying not to take the hurtful ones to heart.
Filming for their title song, MAMA is an experience in and of itself, especially when they have to act as if they are using their powers upon a green backdrop only. It is difficult, but a lot of fun and Yifan gets teased for his over-expressions and non-expressions - just by his eyebrows, of all things - by Sehun and Jongin. The face paint makes Yifan laugh harder, especially when Jongin could be mistaken for a crazy terrorist. There isn’t as much filming required as Yifan had thought, because a lot of the footage would be used from when they had filmed the teasers.
The nerves and the excitement build as the dates draw closer and closer, but also sadness because they will be starting promotions in different countries, no longer staying in the same dorms for a certain period of time. They promise each other to stay in touch regularly and to watch each other’s programs, and a week before their showcase stage, their managers bring back a bottle of soju and lets them drink together in moderation, letting the boys go wild in the dorms just for one night before they have to face the reality that looms before them the next day.
Yifan finds himself in complete awe at the number of people who turn up, who cheer for them and it is deafening. It is amazing and indescribable the way he feels standing with eleven other boys on stage who are essentially his family. That sense of elation, of knowing all the years of tears and sweat and sleepless nights and aching bodies that they’ve put in have finally come to fruition right here in the roar of the audience under the bright lights.
It is even better when their hands are linked together, and they shout out “We are One!”, their voices synchronized.
***
“I think he knows, you know?” Yixing says abruptly later that night when both of them are standing out on the balcony in the crispness of the spring night, the others having retired to bed, especially Jongin and Zitao who were dosed with painkillers for their back muscles because of their overzealous practice. Yifan looks at Yixing, knows that he has slapped those medicated patches onto his back too, even though he hasn’t said a word about it. Yifan won’t call him out on it - for now.
“Who knows what?” Yifan pretends, although there is practically only one he that Yixing would be bringing up in this context. Yixing gives him a piercing look to know that he’s onto him.
“Jongdae of course. I’ve seen him watching you with that look in his eyes whenever you’re not looking. And some of the questions he’s asked me also seem to point to that conclusion.”
Yifan figures that it’d be sooner rather than later, even though he thinks he’s not really that obvious. Then again, Jongdae is very, very good at picking up on the little things, and Yifan has been doing a lot of little things lately when he thinks the vocalist isn’t noticing. But it’s not like he’s going to say anything about it, and Yixing, if he knows what’s best for him, had better keep his mouth shut.
(Or he’d leak out all those horrendous pre-debut pictures and videos of Yixing. Or something.)
He raises an eyebrow at Yixing. “What is your point, exactly? What else did he say about it?” He’s not fishing for answers. Really, he’s not.
Yixing shrugs, raising his drink to his lips before heading back inside their apartment. “I just thought you might want to know.”
If Yifan was a lesser person, he would have flung Yixing off the balcony railing. As it is, now he just wants to bang his head against the wall, really hard.
***
Yifan gets the surprise of his life when the managers tell them they want to switch up their rooming arrangements a little when the boys are in China. Jongdae is going to be rooming with him, Zitao with Minseok, and then Yixing with Luhan. Apparently they are to speak Mandarin all the time, in order to for Jongdae and Minseok to acclimate themselves more quickly to the language.
(Yifan thinks that putting Luhan and Yixing in one room would be a recipe for disaster - especially for him - but he doesn’t protest. The knowing smiles they give him are enough to give him a headache and he is quite sure that there will be more to follow.)
Neither Jongdae nor Zitao seem quite phased about the room change; after all, they will still be in the same apartment and it is not as if they’ll be miles away from each other - just one room down.
Jongdae sweeps into the room breezily, Yifan following after him. He’s not sure whether this is more divine intervention as Luhan put it or if it’s the universe playing a cruel trick on him. Yifan stands in the door of their shared room a bit awkwardly, hand still on the handle of his luggage. Jongdae turns to him, all bright eyes and enthusiasm. The room is a bit smaller than the ones they have back in Korea, but it is sufficient enough for two people to share.
“Yifan ge, which bed will you going to call dibs on, the one next to the window or the one closer to the door?” The taller boy gulps, not quite sure how he is going to deal with staying in the same room with Jongdae. Before, at least there was Zitao around, but now it will be him and Jongdae alone.
In the same room.
He realizes that he’s been silent for a long time when Jongdae has an arm on his elbow, suddenly in front of his face and calling out to him. “Ge? Did you hear me? Are you not feeling well?” Jongdae puts a hand to Yifan’s forehead while the taller boy stares blankly at him, perturbed by the vocalist’s close proximity to him.
“I’m fine,” He manages to croak out, pulling Jongdae’s fingers away from his face. Yifan thinks his face is a lot warmer now than before Jongdae put his hands on him. “I’ll grab the bed by the door. You can have the one by the window. I know how much you like looking outside after all.”
He is unprepared for the arms around his waist as Jongdae hugs his back, chin hanging over his shoulder. Yifan is frozen for those short seconds as the shorter boy brushes his lips lightly over the older boy’s cheek affectionately before going to his side of the room to unpack. “You’re the best, ge!”
“You’re welcome.” He manages to mumble, limbs moving on autopilot as his mind dwells on the feel of soft lips against his cheek again and again and again.
(Yifan is so preoccupied that he doesn’t see Jongdae smiling slyly to himself.)
***
Yifan knows he no longer has to keep guessing when they film Happy Camp for the first time.
“What if both Kris and Chen fall in love with the same girl?” The host He Jiong asks, looking between the both of them for their answers.
Jongdae wastes no time in answering in Mandarin. “我的!” He crows triumphantly, eyes meeting the older boy’s.
There are a million meanings in that one look, and Yifan knows that he’s not referring to the girl, but he can’t forget how to breathe here on a famous variety program, in front of so many fans so he pulls on his mask, he pulls on Kris who isn’t unsure, who is always confident and who has swag and is the one who won’t back down from a challenge.
“I can’t let that happen.” Comes his generic answer, along with the cocky grin. Safe.
Everyone doesn’t think about the short eye contact they shared; everyone is more focused on when he says that Zitao will be rewarded that night. When they are faced away from the screens and cameras, Zitao raises an eyebrow at him, as if to say Are you for real? and Yifan waves a hand in dismissal at him.
***
It is only later that night after everyone has returned to their rooms, and just after Yifan has turned off the lights that Jongdae calls out to him in the darkness of their room.
“Duizhang,” the younger boy states quietly, and Yifan can hear the sound of his feet on the wooden floorboards, making his way across the room to his bed. It’s different because Jongdae isn’t calling him “ge” this time.
“What is it, Jongdae?” He turns in his bed to flick on the nightlight on the bedside table. Jongdae is there, kneeling by the side of the bed, blinking at him owlishly, pupils dilated like a cat’s to absorb the light. Yifan thinks he looks particularly vulnerable like this.
Then Jongdae smiles, not so innocently, tongue sticking between his teeth slightly, and he reaches out to encircle Yifan’s wrist with long fingers, and he looks a bit like a fox, what with his eyes practically disappearing into small crescents.
“Duizhang,” Jongdae repeats again, then lifts Yifan’s wrist to his mouth slowly as the older boy watches him, frozen as he watches Jongdae’s lips press against his skin.
“我的.” He mouths over the skin of Yifan’s wrist, and then shuffles back across the room and back into his own bed. “Good night!” Jongdae calls out from his bed, and Yifan can hear the rustling of blankets before the sound of even breathing reaches his ears and he knows Jongdae has fallen asleep. He’s not quite sure what to make of it, but that Jongdae has actually seemingly claimed him seems to speak volumes.
Yifan may not want to put a name to what he is feeling for Jongdae, but he will take all the little moments, all the little interactions, all of Jongdae’s glances and smiles that he gives Yifan.
(It is more than enough.)
A/N: I really enjoyed writing this pairing because they are so adorable and awkwardturtle!Kris is always fun to write. I tried to keep this as canon as possible with all the dorm arrangements and Chen’s famous “我的” line from Happy Camp in it.
Translation Notes
“我的” - (You’re) mine
ge - older brother; equivalent to the Korean ‘hyung’
Duizhang - Leader
EXO, sarang haja! - EXO, let’s love! (Basically their tagline that they use to rev themselves up before shows and all)