(no subject)
So, I've decided to return to Xanga. I'm going to keep my LJ, though, and basically just copy and paste my Xanga entries here for those who care to read and who don't have a Xanga account (I've put Xanga-lock up so people without accounts can't go read it.) There's just something about Xanga that makes my words flow better. Honestly, I think it's the cute little font in their entry box thingie.
So, if you're on both my Xanga subs and my LJ friends, sorry if you read these twice. They'll be put behind a cut here anyway.
Everything worked out just fine. It's all back to normal. My friend starts back at her job on Monday and I go back to being the full-time summer floater (meaning that I'm covering people's vacations and, therefore, will have full-time hours all summer). It's perfect because I can start school at the end of August and keep going with my original plan.
Maybe this whole thing has taught me something. Maybe I need to stop being so nice and accommodating to everyone all the time. Maybe I need to learn how to say "no, thanks". Maybe if I don't want to do something, I should just say so instead of worrying about how I might be letting someone else down. Maybe I need to assert myself more. Maybe I need to start looking out for myself a bit more and other people a bit less.
Not to say that I'm going to become horribly selfish and not think of others at all, but I think I really do need to start looking out for number one because I just don't do that. I mean, really. Look at the situation I had put myself in: I accepted a job that I didn't really like simply because I didn't want to let the centre down. I said yes to working a shift that I hated and that would alter my school (and thus, life) plans. I agreed to work at a job that would keep me out of school for another year and a half and that would, in turn, keep me in Winnipeg for an extra three and a half years. I said yes to a job that was high-stress and under-appreciated. Nothing about it made me happy except the fact that I'd have guaranteed full-time work (which I get this summer anyway). Why did I say yes? Simply because I didn't have the heart (or courage) to say "no, thanks, I'd rather not take the position because it interferes with the plan I've set out." I didn't want to let the centre down. I felt that I was obligated to say yes.
I need to stop feeling obligated to say yes.
But, thankfully, it all worked out. My friend and I talked with our director together and everything's a-okay. I really don't know what I would have done if she hadn't agreed to give my friend her job back. I guess I would've been miserable for the next three and a half years because of my inability to say no.
Whatever, though. It all worked out. Everything's okay. And, hey, I got an extra week of full-time work in there.
And, you know, I had a great week. I think it was really a combination of things, but mostly it was because, despite all my stresses and whatnot, I really do love my job. There's nothing more fulfilling than having a two and a half year old boy come running from one end of the room to the other only to ram himself into your legs in a full-on bear hug. There's nothing that can make you feel better about yourself and your abilities than having a coworker hand you a crying two year old and have her calm down immediately once she's in your lap. Nothing makes you feel more wanted than having a group of preschoolers patting your chair and chanting "Lisa's spot! Lisa's spot!" while you're getting snack ready. There's nothing that makes you swell with pride when the "problem child" is completely happy, smiling, and compliant simply because he's in your presence all week. There's nothing like hearing that child's mother tell you "You know, he really likes you. He talks about you all the time, always saying 'Lisa! Lisa!'"
You know, there are days when the stress is almost unbearable and times when I think "what the hell am I doing here?" But all it takes is a smile and a hug and I'm right back on track. I really do love my kids and I think I'm going to have a really hard time leaving them come college time.
So, if you're on both my Xanga subs and my LJ friends, sorry if you read these twice. They'll be put behind a cut here anyway.
Everything worked out just fine. It's all back to normal. My friend starts back at her job on Monday and I go back to being the full-time summer floater (meaning that I'm covering people's vacations and, therefore, will have full-time hours all summer). It's perfect because I can start school at the end of August and keep going with my original plan.
Maybe this whole thing has taught me something. Maybe I need to stop being so nice and accommodating to everyone all the time. Maybe I need to learn how to say "no, thanks". Maybe if I don't want to do something, I should just say so instead of worrying about how I might be letting someone else down. Maybe I need to assert myself more. Maybe I need to start looking out for myself a bit more and other people a bit less.
Not to say that I'm going to become horribly selfish and not think of others at all, but I think I really do need to start looking out for number one because I just don't do that. I mean, really. Look at the situation I had put myself in: I accepted a job that I didn't really like simply because I didn't want to let the centre down. I said yes to working a shift that I hated and that would alter my school (and thus, life) plans. I agreed to work at a job that would keep me out of school for another year and a half and that would, in turn, keep me in Winnipeg for an extra three and a half years. I said yes to a job that was high-stress and under-appreciated. Nothing about it made me happy except the fact that I'd have guaranteed full-time work (which I get this summer anyway). Why did I say yes? Simply because I didn't have the heart (or courage) to say "no, thanks, I'd rather not take the position because it interferes with the plan I've set out." I didn't want to let the centre down. I felt that I was obligated to say yes.
I need to stop feeling obligated to say yes.
But, thankfully, it all worked out. My friend and I talked with our director together and everything's a-okay. I really don't know what I would have done if she hadn't agreed to give my friend her job back. I guess I would've been miserable for the next three and a half years because of my inability to say no.
Whatever, though. It all worked out. Everything's okay. And, hey, I got an extra week of full-time work in there.
And, you know, I had a great week. I think it was really a combination of things, but mostly it was because, despite all my stresses and whatnot, I really do love my job. There's nothing more fulfilling than having a two and a half year old boy come running from one end of the room to the other only to ram himself into your legs in a full-on bear hug. There's nothing that can make you feel better about yourself and your abilities than having a coworker hand you a crying two year old and have her calm down immediately once she's in your lap. Nothing makes you feel more wanted than having a group of preschoolers patting your chair and chanting "Lisa's spot! Lisa's spot!" while you're getting snack ready. There's nothing that makes you swell with pride when the "problem child" is completely happy, smiling, and compliant simply because he's in your presence all week. There's nothing like hearing that child's mother tell you "You know, he really likes you. He talks about you all the time, always saying 'Lisa! Lisa!'"
You know, there are days when the stress is almost unbearable and times when I think "what the hell am I doing here?" But all it takes is a smile and a hug and I'm right back on track. I really do love my kids and I think I'm going to have a really hard time leaving them come college time.