(no subject)
hm yea no one reads my journal. its kinda pointless writing in it. it just makes me feel like no one really cares about me..which i know they dont...
everyday i sit at the computer talkin to people tryin to hang out with them or i call people but...no one ever calls me. im the one that always gets in touch with people to see what they're doin and see if i can join and it just makes me feel like no one wants me around. even when i do go out with them to the mall or something i feel like im there by myself. no one ever really talks to me. i just end up feeling like i dont belong. which i guess i dont
i miss my NDP friends...as much as i want to go to catonsville i dont think i would enjoy it like i think i would. no one would really talk to me...i'd kinda just be...there. at ndp at least they talk to me and recognize the fact that im there.
god im lonely. not in just the friendship aspect...i guess i want to have a boyfriend or something...but it never seems like anyone likes me and when i go out places with people its like, almost everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend so im like sitting there by myself...more. and it just sucks.
my parents are getting divorced. dunno when but soon. my mom's starting to pack because she's moving out in a week or so. she's either moving into her parents house or someone else...i hope she doesnt move in with the guy she's been talking to. that would piss me off since she and my dad are still together. my mom says im regressing in my matuirty...she says that she has done nothing except love me, take care of me, and give me guidance my whole life and that i treat her like shit. yea..i treat her like shit. because she doesnt do anything for me. the guidance she has given me is "date another guy while you're still married"..good job mom. she calls me self centered...bitch please. when was the last time i asked her for anything. when was the last time she bought me something. when was the last time she drove me somewhere. when was the last time she gave me money so i could buy food while i was out. its been a hell of a long time. everytime i see her, however, she has a new outift, a new purse, new shoes, new this and that. she buys so much shit for herself. yet she still feels the need to wear my fucking clothes. it makes me mad because i dont have that much to begin with but then when i go to find something...its not there. i really feel like i hate her...i know i shouldnt but i do. she has hurt my dad so much and she's been cheating on him. if she didnt want to be with my dad they should have gotten divorced.
i have so many books to read for school...jane eyre, the jungle, all quiet on the western front, rumor of war, the jungle, rebecca, and year of wonder. dont want to read any of em. i have a little more than a month to read six fucking books. im never gonna finish. great start to junior year.
i hate how i feel useless and, as dann has said, so replacable.
ugh no one reads this...ever. i dont know why im writing anything. i should just sit in my room all day, everyday and be emo. cuz thats how im feeling right now =/ heh
whats the point in even trying.