Fearless Friday - You Are Not Alone
This time, it's not about gender or sexuality alone. It's about those things, as well as being gifted or talented, or anything else that gets you labeled as different in school. You see, as well as following discussions about gender and sexuality on the interwebz, I keep an eye on things in the gifted-and-talented world, because I'm the parent of a gifted child, and I'm here to tell you that from what I keep hearing, teens who are gifted and talented are also at high risk for suicide due to bullying, and at higher risk for depression. (If the social and emotional needs of the gifted is a new concept to you, SENG, which stands for Social and Emotional Needs of the Gifted.) This is nothing new--I was one of those gifted teens who came close to suicide. And yes, I was bullied, and shunned. And my one good friend in high school turned out to be lesbian--I say "turned out to be" because she wasn't out in high school, wasn't out until she was almost through college, in fact.
All of this is why I get particularly fierce about sexuality and gender and bullying.
So when Rick Mercer, host of the CBC's Mercer Report, made the bullying-induced suicide of gay teens the subject of his weekly rant, I practically stood up and cheered. The only reason I didn't was the laptop on my, well, lap. A few things in particular stood out for me:
Yesterday, following up on this story, I listened to the interview Rick Mercer did with CBC Radio's The Current (click on the audio link on this page)and I wanted to cry, because of what he said about Gay-Straight Alliances as places where kids can feel like they've found their own kind. In case you don't want to listen to the whole 20 minutes, here's what he says: "I've spoken at Gay-Straight Alliances and these kids, there's no doubt about it, a lot of them are at risk. And they're not necessarily gay, lesbian, transgendered, whatever. I think a lot of them gravitate to these organizations because they feel they're alone and then they're no longer alone. [...] Certainly there's nothing worse than being alone; people don't like being alone. The idea that someone is bullied in high school and then has no one to turn to is a pretty devastating thought." (6:20 - 7:00)
He's right on the money--when BD was in middle school, her friends weren't people she necessarily had a lot in common with except for one thing: they were all outsiders. Although only one relationship turned into a deep friendship, they helped each other survive the hell that is those two years for kids who are different. As for me, I found the theater and chorus and feminism and I hung out with adults who didn't think I was as weird as my peers did. And I did my share of pre-emptive rejecting, which is something I lived to regret, but it helped me survive. (More on that another day.)
I don't have teen readers, not yet, but if I did, I'd leave them today with this: Not only does it get better, but right now, you are not alone. Others are with you, others who love you, who know what the pain is like--seriously, we have been there. But now we are here, and if you reach out, we will reach back. Together we can be strong.
(photo: braveheartwomen.com)
All of this is why I get particularly fierce about sexuality and gender and bullying.
So when Rick Mercer, host of the CBC's Mercer Report, made the bullying-induced suicide of gay teens the subject of his weekly rant, I practically stood up and cheered. The only reason I didn't was the laptop on my, well, lap. A few things in particular stood out for me:
- His call for "an old-fashioned assembly" to identify the bullies. For all that anti-bullying education has stepped up in the schools, I can't say I'm noticing a decrease in it. It's goes underground. Because you know what--there are no real consequences for bullies. Not even the ones who hound someone to suicide. They aren't going to get kicked out of school the way vandals might, it's not going to go on their permanent record. It still mostly gets shrugged off because "kids will be kids" or "peer pressure is normal at this age, when everyone is trying to fit in." (Heard that one when my daughter was in middle school.) That's crap.
- His demand that more adults be open about who they are--in this case he was focused on the gay community, but it really needs to be said for all of us--gay, gifted, geeky, generally weird. Because here's the thing: kids look at us and they see we're successful adults. They don't know by looking us that we've gone through the same hellacious struggles they're going through. They don't know that because of the unending teasing we endured, it took us decades to feel comfortable speaking up, because they see us speak up every day.
Yesterday, following up on this story, I listened to the interview Rick Mercer did with CBC Radio's The Current (click on the audio link on this page)and I wanted to cry, because of what he said about Gay-Straight Alliances as places where kids can feel like they've found their own kind. In case you don't want to listen to the whole 20 minutes, here's what he says: "I've spoken at Gay-Straight Alliances and these kids, there's no doubt about it, a lot of them are at risk. And they're not necessarily gay, lesbian, transgendered, whatever. I think a lot of them gravitate to these organizations because they feel they're alone and then they're no longer alone. [...] Certainly there's nothing worse than being alone; people don't like being alone. The idea that someone is bullied in high school and then has no one to turn to is a pretty devastating thought." (6:20 - 7:00)
He's right on the money--when BD was in middle school, her friends weren't people she necessarily had a lot in common with except for one thing: they were all outsiders. Although only one relationship turned into a deep friendship, they helped each other survive the hell that is those two years for kids who are different. As for me, I found the theater and chorus and feminism and I hung out with adults who didn't think I was as weird as my peers did. And I did my share of pre-emptive rejecting, which is something I lived to regret, but it helped me survive. (More on that another day.)
I don't have teen readers, not yet, but if I did, I'd leave them today with this: Not only does it get better, but right now, you are not alone. Others are with you, others who love you, who know what the pain is like--seriously, we have been there. But now we are here, and if you reach out, we will reach back. Together we can be strong.
(photo: braveheartwomen.com)