An Angelus Ploro - 1/3
Title: An Angelus Ploro - 1/3
Author:
Fetish
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen, Misha (Missabu) & Castiel.
Round: 6 Prompt: #20. J2 - Bittersweet (but mostly sweet) reunion. @ wordsmeetwings
Rating: NC 17
Spoilers: None.
Word Count: 10220
Disclaimer: HA! If I owned them would be too busy to write fanfic… but I would have a great Ebay site with J2 sex tapes for sale. *giggles*
Summary: ‘There's no time for us, there's no place for us…What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us? Who wants to live forever, who wants to live forever? There's no chance for us, it's all decided for us; this world has only one sweet moment set aside for us…
So touch my tears with your lips, touch my world with your fingertips, and we can have forever, and we can have forever; forever is our today. Who wants to live forever, who wants to live forever? Forever is our today; who waits forever anyway?’
A/N: This summary is lyrics from the ‘Queen ’ song, ‘Who Wants To Live Forever?’ from which this final ficlet was inspired.
Warning: This is an AU and otherworldly finale to the series of Angel/Human/J2 ficlets including, ‘Mors Mortis Hymn’ & ‘Ploratio of an angelus’. * Angst, Schmoop, Swearing, Possible Blasphemy and Slash contained within.
___________________________________________________
In Hell four months is forty years. In Heaven an hour is ten years, a fact that Jensen didn’t take into consideration until his feet hit earthen soil and everything around him seemed different.
Jensen’s brow furrowed in confusion as small discrepancies to what he knew caught his eye. Walking down the center of the street, as the sun began to rise over the tree tops, in the small town just outside of Vancouver where he and Jared use to come to often, small nuances that something was amiss continued to bombard Jensen.
His wings furled into his back, hiding away from sight as he continued to walk, jaw clenched, muscle twitching.
The quant little store on the corner that the little old couple, Mr. & Mrs. Spiegel owned was no longer there, instead there was some high tech travel agency in residence. Jensen remembered when he and Jared had met the kind elderly couple one Saturday afternoon as they had been out, simply enjoying one another’s company, away from beard wives and the hustle and bustle of city life where people knew them; in a place where they’d been free to walk together, holding hands, laughing, talking and shopping.
Jensen’s lips twitched upward slightly. It had been a good day.
Stepping behind a street lamp, in such a Castiel - or at least Supernatural’s Castiel - fashion, that Jensen had to smirk as he disappeared in the flutter of angel wings
* * * * * * *
A sense of panic hit Jensen as soon as his feet touched the ground outside the house that he once called home. Jared’s truck wasn’t in the driveway, neither were Genevieve’s little car or Danneel’s for that matter, where the hell was everyone?
The great thing about being an angel, it only took a thought before he was inside the house, the house that was now totally empty, the furniture gone, no dishes cluttered the counter tops from Jared eating and not washing his dishes.
No sounds of canine nails clipping hurriedly across the hardwood floors to jump on him and practically knock him to the floor in their frenzied welcome. There was nothing. The place was entirely gutted of objects, pets and people.
“Hello?” He called out, already knowing he would get no answer, but some almost hysterical part of his brain that was unwilling to accept what he was seeing had him doing it anyway.
Striding purposefully back toward the front door, the sound of angel wings echoed off the walls of the abandoned home long before Jensen’s hand ever touched the knob.
* * * * * * *
He was back in the center of the same town that he had started out in, having reappeared there behind the buildings next to a dumpster and was now making his way down the sidewalk, his steps rushed though he really had no idea where he was going, one hand raised to his furrowed brow as he searched for some clue as to what the hell was going on.
Jensen’s eyes happened to fall to the newspaper machine as he passed it, only to pause in his steps as he thought about a scene from Supernatural where Dean had something akin to this happen when he went into the past.
“Aw, hell,” he muttered under his breath before doubling back and heading for the waist height machine with a sigh.
Digging one hand into the front pocket of his jeans, Jensen pulled out fifty cents and inserted the coins into the appropriate slot before pulling open the small door on the front of the stand, bending at the waist to reach in and grab a paper and pulling it out.
Letting the door to the machine slam closed as he released it, Jensen tossed the paper up into the top of the machine, scanning the front page for the date.
December 28th, 2020.
Eyes widening, a soft gasp tumbling from his lips, Jensen re-read the date three more times before the knowledge that Castiel had given him before he had left Heaven hit him like a punch to the stomach.
Ten years… Ten long years…
His body instinctively doubled slightly over, gulping in breaths, one hand braced against the newspaper covered metal machine as he lifted his head, forehead creased in disbelief, his eyes scanning the area around him as though he were searching for the past.
* * * * * * *
It had been ten years since the accident that had nearly cost him his life, ten years since he had awoken to find Jensen standing at the door to his hospital room… and then him watching as he kissed Misha, a moment before they both disappeared in the flutter of wings.
Jared sighed softly and threw the stick he held in his hand, watched as his new dog Austin ran after it. Both Sadie and Harley had left his life a year ago; it seemed to be a running theme with him these days.
First Jensen, then after another year and a half what with Supernatural being over and the new of his having to go to psychiatric therapy due to delusions that his ex-co-stars had disappeared from right outside his hospital room in the flutter of wings, Genevieve had left him. She said that she just couldn’t take it anymore and had packed her bags one day while he had been out running the dogs. And then, a year ago, his babies had died and left him completely and utter alone.
He’d sold the house in Vancouver and moved out here, near the ocean, out of the city and away from the crowds. No one seemed to want to hire a nut job actor, which is what everyone thought he was. ‘People don’t disappear in like that’, they told him; it had been the pain meds that made him believe what he swore he had seen. But, it didn’t explain what happened to Jensen, why he had seemingly vanished off the face of the earth… Misha too for that matter.
He’d went to the funeral that Jensen’s parents had for him back home in Texas. Danneel had been there, crying the expected amount of tears and taking everyone’s condolences, though he had been the one that had needed to leave the room to cry alone in the back of the funeral home.
He had placed flowers upon an empty grave and said his goodbyes, though some part of himself had continued to cry out at the lie that it all was. He knew what he had seen and it hadn’t been the drugs.
* * * * * * *
Boot clad feet touched down just outside the sound stages where Supernatural was once filmed, the area now cleared out of all items that once had belonged to the hit cult television show, replaced instead with what appeared to be props for some teen Marvel superhero and vampire show. Jensen huffed softly and shook his head as he walked toward the back of the lot.
Smallville was still airing new episodes and yet Supernatural had gone under? What were they doing, Superman’s Nursing home years? What the hell season was that damn show on now anyway? 50?
Running a hand over his face, Jensen sighed heavily, turning to scan the area around him, spotting the Impala sitting alone and abandoned at the back gates, he jogged over to the side of the car. Reaching for the driver side handle, Jensen pulled open the door, a grin tugging at his lips at the familiar creak and groan of the hinges.
Leaning into the car, Jensen’s chest tightened as the familiar scents of leather, sweat, the lingering fragrance of his and Jared’s mingled colognes, and the underlying body musk that were theirs alone filled his nostrils.
“Guess it’s been a while, huh, baby girl?” He muttered to the car, turning to slid behind the wheel, simply sitting there, hands lifted to the steering wheel, a grin splitting his face as he sighed with satisfaction, the only things missing were Jared sitting next to him and the bright camera lights in their faces.
* * * * * * *
Jared walked into the two story home he now owned, Austin following after him, tail wagging excitedly.
“Come on boy, ya hungry?” Jared asked the Pit-bull/Dalmatian mix as he held the door open, watching as the snowy white and grey spotted canine walked into the house.
Closing and locking the door after the dog, Jared turned to walk into the kitchen, jutting his chin toward it, “Let’s get something to eat,” he suggested, glancing over as the mix breed trotted after him.
* * * * * * *
Pulling up from the couch with a sigh, Jared stood to his feet, empty pizza box and beer bottle in his hands, Austin laying curled contently in a ball at the end of the sofa, sound asleep after having wolfed down his bowl of food as well as a few scraps of pizza crust.
Making his way into the kitchen, he threw away the box and empty bottle then turned, opening the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water before closing the door and moving back toward the living room, plopping down on the couch, slouching down as he grabbed the remote control, channel surfing until he found a movie he could stand watching. Sure it was Titanic and it was old now, but it was still decent, as long as he ignored the love scene with the hand print in the window of the car, otherwise his mind would wonder to another love scene and another car window…
* * * * * * *
Jared mumbled in his sleep, rolling onto his side on the wide couch, the credits scrolling across the television screen as Titanic ended. After having laid down on the couch, careful not to kick Austin, Jared had fallen asleep within the first few minutes of the movie, the dogs soft snores mingling with the sounds of Jared’s even breathing and the low drone of the television.
Austin nudged at Jared’s hand that had fallen off the side of the couch once more, a whine breaking from the animals throat as he tried to wake his master.
Long dark lashes fluttered before his eyes opened to narrow slits of hazel, “Hmm? Whassa matter, Aussie?” Jared croaked, voice sleep rough and low, “Ya gotta go out?”
The large beefy canine stood wagging his tail, looking expectantly into Jared’s face before stepping forward to lick a strip across one cheek to his eye, which Jared quickly squeezed closed, face squinting up before he rose to a seated position, swinging his legs off the side of the couch. “Okay, okay, I get it,” Jared mumbled, lifting a hand to wipe at the dog spit tracked across his face before standing to his feet.
Austin backed up, tail wagging so fast the dogs entire back end shook as he looked up at Jared excitedly.
Bending at the waist, Jared pushed the button on the remote to turn off the television and straightened, sleepily staggering to the back sliding glass doors leading out into the large back yard, “Come on,” he mumbled with a sigh.
Reaching the doors, he leaned heavily against the wall and reached for the latch, unlocking it, then slid the door open for an overly anxious Austin to dart past him and run outside, “Mm, yeah, you’re welcome,” Jared muttered, sliding the door closed, eyes open to mere sleepy slits.
Pulling away from the wall, he shuffled back toward the hallway and up the stairs to his bedroom, the large master suite with the adjoining master bath.
He never saw the silhouette of someone just outside the glass double doors, to the left. Never noticed how they watched him with a mixture of love and adoration. Completely unaware of the handprint that marred the glass door, but would soon vanish without a trace, as they stepped closer to watch him walk down the hall and up the stairwell. Or heard the person speak his name softly, their glittering emerald eyes filled with longing.
* * * * * * *
Jensen watched until Jared disappeared from sight up the stairwell, a soft anguished sigh escaping as he tore his gaze from inside the house, brow furrowed in confusion and despair.
He couldn’t believe the Jared he had just seen, where there was once a spring to his step, even tired, it was now as though Jared were merely dragging himself from room to room, the spark and life in those cat-like hazel eyes was gone, now flat and lifeless. There were deep lines etched in his face, at his brow and around his eyes, frown lines evident near his mouth, naturally age had put those there, but also something more. Was it stress, perhaps grief?
It was also obvious that Jared had let himself go, his hair disheveled, his once hard muscled body seemed smaller somehow and again, the change could be seen in his thickly whiskered face, once chiseled, now seemed only drawn and tired.
Guilt and concern for Jared’s wellbeing welled up inside Jensen as he stood pondering it all. He had planned to go inside, to make his presence known to Jared and try to explain what had happened, where he had been, but now, he was afraid to, afraid to disrupt Jared’s life, whatever life it was that he now had, with his presence.
His head turned to look over his shoulder at the dog that walked about the yard, sniffing the night air. What had happened to Jared’s babies? Oh… ten years… Sadie and Harley had been about three or four years old before he had been taken to Heaven. Jensen returned his attention to the man inside the house he could no longer see as he looked back in side. Jared had lost his babies and Jensen hadn’t been here to see him through it, he had forsaken him.
The angel, once a man, hung his head, a deep weary sigh tumbling past his lips before he stepped back into the shadows along side the house once more.
* * * * * * *
Having changed out of his clothes, clad in boxers and a tee, Jared padded down the stairs and opened the sliding glass door, allowing Austin back into the house. Sliding the door closed once more, he locked the door and turned back, heading up the stairs. “G’night, Aussie,” Jared called over his shoulder as he slowly ascended the stairs, making his way back into his bedroom.
Pulling back the blankets and sheet, Jared slipped into the large bed, a bed that he hated to get into. Being long enough for his tall frame also meant it was wide which in the past was never a problem and in fact a good thing. Jensen was a bed hog. Not that Jared would have ever said so, but truth was truth and Jensen could sprawl like no bodies business. Half the time Jared had been thankful for being as big and strong as he was, it had kept him from being shoved right out of the bed and onto the floor more times than he could count, now however, the large bed simply served to remind Jared that Jensen was gone.
Reaching over to the bedside lamp, Jared clicked off the light and lid back, staring up at the ceiling, “G’night, Jensen,” Jared mumbled into the darkness of his bedroom. He huffed softly, “I know you’re out there somewhere, I know what I saw,” he told the darkness. Reaching out, Jared grabbed the king sized pillow beside him and rolled over onto his side, smashing the pillow up against the length of his back before closing his eyes with a soft sigh.
* * * * * * *
Standing in the semi-darkness, the room softly illuminated by the light of the moon outside, Jensen gazed down at Jared’s sleeping form, listening to his distraught mumblings.
“No… Jensen… Misha?… Where… Why… Jen!” Jared’s head thrashed, “Gone… they’re gone… wings… no medicine…” his brow creased in dismay, “Nooo,” he whined, thrashing, “M’not imagining… saw it… stop… stop… no… I don’t wanna talk to… no… m’fine… jus ’want Jensen… Jen…”
Stepping up to the side of the bed, Jensen reached a hand out to smooth back Jared’s now very long bangs from his nearly pale face, wiping away the sweat that dotted his brow, causing Jensen’s lips to quirk in an almost sad wistful smile, “Still sweaty all the time, huh, baby?” Jensen asked so softly Jared would never have heard.
“Jen… come back… not dead… can’t be… I saw… no, Jen…” Jared mumbled before his bottom lip trembled as he frowned, head thrashing, lashes wet with tears.
“Shhhh, s’okay, baby, I’m here, s’okay,” Jensen whispered softly, soothingly, this time allowing Jared to hear, allowing his voice to pierce the veil of sleep in an attempt to calm him.
Taking a deep breath, Jensen’s brow furrowed into a frown, he couldn’t believe he was actually going to do this; it was so Supernatural-Castiel of him that he nearly rolled his eyes at himself, but according to the information that the real Castiel had hit him with before he’d left Heaven, it was possible to do. Not that he should have been too surprised by that notion; after all, it was how angels had appeared to Joseph and Mary, in dreams. Why shouldn’t he be able to slip into Jared’s dream?
Closing his eyes, Jensen let himself merge into Jared’s dream, his eyes blinking open as he appeared in the center of Jared’s hospital room, watching as Jared struggled seemingly to get up out of the bed, his attention fixed on the door to his room.
“Jensen! Jen!” Jared shouted, causing Jensen to look from his lover to the door just in time to catch sight of angel wings in mid flutter just before he and Misha disappeared.
“Oh God…” Jensen whispered under his breath, his wide eyes snapping back to Jared, just as three nurses and an orderly rushed into the room, pushing Jared back into the bed.
“Wait! You gotta get them! Jensen! Misha! They disappeared!” Jared shouted, only to have one of the nurses shush him, telling him that he was in the hospital and that he had a severe skull fracture, that he was imagining it, that his friends were fine and had probably stepped out for coffee, speaking to him like he was a blithering idiot, which only caused Jensen to grit his teeth and want to suddenly make the bitch take a nasty spill onto her ass. But he wasn’t Missabu and he wouldn’t do that to someone, no matter what his wants were.
Medication was injected into Jared’s IV and soon his eyelids were drooping, his shouts becoming slurred and less vocal, instead whimpers and murmurings fell from his slack lips as he lay hovering between consciousness and drug induced oblivion.
Jensen waited until the room was empty save for the medicated occupant in the bed before he stepped closer, reaching a hand out to grip Jared’s hand within his own. “It’s alright, baby, I’m here, I’d never leave you… not really, not forever.” Jensen murmured, as he lifted his opposite hand, brushing the hair back from Jared’s face.
“Mm, saw you… kissing Misha…” Jared mumbled groggily.
Jensen’s heart seemed to skip a beat, his hand clasping Jared’s tightening a fraction before he remembered to not crush the fragile bones, though it was a dream.
“It’s not what it looked like, he forced me, I didn’t want it Jay, you know I love you.”
“Left me… flew away…”
Jensen sighed, “Jared, I would never have left if it was within my power to stop, you know that.”
“Gen left me… was tired of being married to the psycho who said you flew away,” Jared mumbled, eyes remaining closed, head tilted slightly toward the sound of Jensen’s voice.
“Doesn’t surprise me,” Jensen muttered under his breath, only to answer louder where Jared could hear, “I’m sorry, baby.”
Jared shook his head, “S’okay… I missed you so much…”
“I’ve missed you too, baby.”
“Sadie and Harley…”
“I know, baby,” Jensen quickly interrupted, knowing how much talking about them would hurt Jared, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
Jared nodded his head just slightly, “Mmmm,” Jared hummed softly, “stay with me, till I wake up?”
“Of course I will,” Jensen answered, bending at the waist to press his lips to Jared’s sleep slack lips, “Sleep now,” he whispered slowly pulling back and blinking in the darkness of Jared’s room.
Jared’s eyes darted behind closed lids as Jensen drew back, before his long dark lashes fluttered, eyes slowly opening blinking up into glittering emerald.
His lips slowly curved into a smile as he gazed up at Jensen, tongue darting out to lick across his lips, eyes still working to blink away sleep, struggling to focus on the image he knew wasn’t really there and would disappear once he was fully awake, but unable to help himself, to hope.
“Jen,” Jared breathed, voice deep and rough from sleep, one hand lifting from the bed, to rub at his eyes, one at a time, afraid to close them both at once for fear that he would miss seeing Jensen’s image fade and disappear.
Jensen’s lips curved upward into a soft smile as he slowly pulled back, “Hi, baby,” he whispered softly.
“Can still taste you,” Jared murmured softly.
Jensen’s smile turned sad, “I never stopped thinking about you, was always with you.”
As Jared’s eyes drew completely open, all traces of sleep gone, his brow furrowed in confusion. Why wasn’t the image starting to fade? Why was he still standing there, carrying on a coherent conversation with him? What was happening? “Jen, you’re here?” Jared muttered to what he knew, despite his adamant claims, despite the hope that he had never allowed to die within him, he knew this couldn’t be real.
Jensen nodded, “Yeah, Jay, I’m back,” he shook his head, “and I’m never leaving you again.”
Jared’s eyes widened just before he bolted upright in bed, scurrying back away from whatever the hell it was that was standing in the darkness of his bedroom carrying on a conversation with him.
He really was losing his mind; he was fucking insane, just like the tabloids said. He was lying in bed talking to his dead lover’s ghost. They were going to toss him into the nearest nut house and throw away the key. It would be just like ‘Sam Interrupted’, only he wouldn’t be there to fight ghosts or ghouls; he would be lying in bed talking to one like some deranged psycho.
Jensen watched Jared scurry back away from him, his slightly slanted hazel eyes as wide as he had ever seen them, breaths panting out in obvious fear. He started to step forward, afraid Jared was going to topple right off the edge of the bed, only to pause when it was obvious that his drawing nearer was only making matters worse.
“Jared, don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you,” Jensen said almost automatically, frowning at the far too biblical sound to those words. After all, it wasn’t as though he were a real angel and Jared were the Virgin Mary for crying out loud. He raised a hand, running it over his face and sighed heavily unsure of what to do.
“You - you’re real,” Jared stammered as his eyes ran over Jensen’s form, lit by the moonlight shining through his bedroom windows, before rising once more to gaze into glittering green.
Jensen nodded, “Yes, Jay, I’m real, baby.”
Jared’s breaths seemed to come even faster as though he were hyperventilating, teeth clenching together before he jerked his gaze away, turning his head to stare off toward the wall of his bedroom, heartbreak at having believed he would never see Jensen again slamming back into him anew, mingled with anger at what his life had become these past ten years, the things he had lost and the pain he had suffered having watched as Jensen kissed another man and then disappear with him, leaving Jared utterly broken and alone.
Jensen watched the emotions play out across Jared’s expressive face, nearly able to pick each one out, even in the semi-darkness of the bedroom.
“I never meant to hurt you,” Jensen whispered as he stepped forward, causing Jared’s attention to snap back to him before trying to move further away, only to tumble off the side of the bed, crashing to the floor with a hard thud.
Jensen was around the side of the bed faster than human legs could have carried him, crouching next to Jared, helping him sit back against the wall, glittering emerald eyes, that now saw too much, searching Jared’s face, checking him over, love and apology shining within their depths.
Jared’s eyes met Jensen’s a moment before his hazel-green eyes filled with contempt, “You son of a bitch!” Jared growled out, drawing back a fist and punching Jensen in the face. His fist catching Jensen’s jaw hard enough to cause his head to snap to the side, though otherwise, Jensen was unaffected, slowly turning his head to look back at Jared in time to see him cradling his abused hand as he rocked, face contorted in pain.
A small snickered chuckle escaped Jensen though he tried to choke it back, fought not to laugh.
So this was how Missabu felt when he had accidentally really punched him as Dean and he had adlibbed the very real fist pain into that scene.
Jared’s jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing into dangerous angry slits, “Funny? You think this is funny!?”
Jensen cleared his throat and shook his head, “No, of course not… but… well, I never told you about how I nearly broke my own hand making the same punch with Misha, did I?” Jensen asked, reaching a hand out to smooth back a lock of Jared’s long bangs from his face and cradle his whiskered cheek in his hand.
Jared flinched, pressing himself back against the wall and jerking his head away, turning it to the side, “Don’t touch me!” He barked angrily.
Jensen let his hand fall away with a sigh, “Please, Jared, let me explain… it’s not what you think.”
“Oh great, now you’re going to tell me that I was seeing things too?” Jared snipped coldly.
Jensen shook his head, “No, Jared… you weren’t seeing things,” he tilted his head to the side as he gazed deeply into Jared’s eyes, pity for what Jared had suffered, had endured due to his being forced to leave with Missabu as well as sympathy, understanding Jared’s anger and confusion at the entire situation, shining in the depths of his glittering green eyes.
Jared shook his head, teeth clenched tightly together, nostrils flaring, tears shining in the depths of the kaleidoscope colors of his eyes, “Don’t,” he bit out, “don’t you look at me like that, you bastard,” Jared spat before choking back at sob, tears making slow tracks down his cheeks.
Jensen reached out, wrapping his arms around Jared despite his struggling protests, holding him in his arms even as Jared began to flail, fisted hands beating against Jensen’s chest and shoulders until he wore himself out and collapsed against Jensen’s frame, sobs shaking his shoulders as he wept.
“Shhh, s’okay, s’okay, baby… I know, I know…” Jensen tired to sooth, one hand rising to smooth over the back of Jared’s disheveled and tangled too long hair.
“I hate you… hate you… hate you…” Jared mumbled through his tears, shaking his head where it leaned against Jensen’s shoulder, eyes squeezed tightly closed as he continued to cry, overwhelmed by the fact that Jensen was suddenly back, that he wasn’t dead and gone, that he wasn’t lost forever, he was back and he had come to see him, sought him out above anyone else mingling with anger that just wouldn’t seem to go away.
He had lost everything after Jensen had disappeared; his lover was suddenly ripped from him, the show subsequently died and the fans drifted away. Work was gone, no one wanted to hire him, his dogs had died and no one had been there as he had once again wept the passing of someone, something he loved, alone.
Each ‘I hate you’ cut into Jensen like the blade of a knife, tearing and ripping his heart to shreds, though he took each one, knowing that he had earned them, having seen it all in Jared’s lifeless eyes, each day and each loss, each moment that had broken Jared a little more changing him into the shell of a man that simply moved on auto-pilot and now sat weeping in his arms.
“S’not fair, you’re supposed to be dead, we buried you,” Jared mumbled softly, causing Jensen to quirk a brow.
“You buried me?”
Jared nodded, “Back home… Texas… your mom and dad had a funeral,” Jared drew in a shuddering breath, “Danneel was there… your family, our friends… I said goodbye to you.”
Jensen squeezed his eyes closed; imagining Jared standing over an empty grave paying his last respects to a lover he had to hide from the world. Some irrational anger rose up in Jensen imagining Danneel taking the condolences that were rightfully Jared’s to take, even though it had been their idea to marry women to hide their affair from the world.
“I’m so sorry, Jay,” Jensen murmured softly, “so very sorry,” he shook his head, “I don’t know how to make this better for you, how to make you happy again, I -”
Jared pulled his head up, lackluster hazel eyes staring into glittering green, “Give me my life back.”
Jensen’s heart twisted in his chest, his own eyes stinging with unshed tears, the brief curiosity as to whether an angel could cry or not flittering through his mind before he released Jared and stood to his feet, stepping away from him to walk over to one of the bedroom windows gazing out at the land and sea off to the right, seeing neither one. He sighed heavily as he stood pondering what he should do, if he should erase Jared’s memory of this encounter and simply slip away unnoticed and unremembered, allowing Jared to continue with his life as it was, such as it was, with the belief that he was indeed dead, - the thought, even as it took form in his mind, hurt more than the ‘I hate you’s had that fallen from Jared’s lips, those he had earned, this was… it was something he would have to somehow find the strength to do, a strength he didn’t know if he possessed - or if he should remain and fight to make Jared understand to see things through his eyes, see that he’s had no choice in the matter, that he had been trapped with no way out.
A muscle twitched in his jaw as he clenched it, eyes narrowing in thought as he continued to stare out the window, posture stiff. “I never meant to hurt you, Jay… I was… trying to save your life.”
Jared snorted, shaking his head, having been silently observing Jensen at the window until with Jensen’s softly spoken words; he could no longer remain silent. “Did Misha teach you that?” Jared asked disgustedly, “That whole Castiel thing you’ve got going there?” he huffed, head falling back against the wall; face tilted upward as he slowly shook it.
Jensen hung his head as he shook it, eyes sliding closed though he still faced the window, “No,” he answered softly, “Missa - um, Misha didn’t teach me anything,” he answered before opening his eyes and lifting his head. He watched the waves crash against the surf for a moment, clearing his throat before speaking, “Misha came to the hospital when you were unconscious, sat with me,” he shook his head, “Gen and Dani they took off… went shopping or some damn thing, so I was thankful for the company,” he gave a small shrug of one shoulder, “I was so worried about you, Jay,”
Jared scoffed interrupting him though otherwise he remained silent.
Jensen sighed heavily before continuing, “It was after everyone was gone and it was just he and I that he started talking about the show and about angels, about how he wasn’t who or what I thought he was…” he licked his lips, brow furrowing as he thought back to the conversation, “He said he was an angel. I thought at first that he was there to save you, to heal you and make you better for me,” Jensen shook his head with a huff, “he wasn’t.” he finished with finality, taking a deep breath.
“He said that he had caused your accident, that you were expendable. Apparently the angels got wind of Eric’s Apocalypse ideas and sent him down to investigate and in so doing he said he became enamored with me,” he shook his head, “or some damn thing,” he muttered, “so he caused your accident to get my attention. He told me that I had to come back to Heaven with him or he would let you die,” he hung his head again, “I had no choice.” he finished softly.
Jared listened to Jensen and had the most surreal feeling that he was back on the set of Supernatural, expecting to hear someone yell ‘cut’ at any moment and come touch up their make-up, mop the sweat from their brows and get them each a bottle of water before finishing the scene.
“You ignorant son of a bitch!” Jared yelled, sliding up the wall to his feet, “What the hell is wrong with you? You’re not Dean Winchester, Jensen! This is - it’s something stupid that Dean and Sam would do out of some psychotic irrational co-dependant bullshit!” He yelled, raising his hands to clutch fistfuls of his messy hair, lips parted in shock, his eyes lowering to the shag carpet a moment before lifting back to stare angrily at Jensen’s back, his hands releasing his hair and falling to his sides, “How fucking dare you ruin my life because you let Dean Winchester bleed through like that!”
Jensen sighed softly and slowly turned around to face Jared, a sad wry smile on his face, “Maybe I played Dean wrong all those years, maybe instead of playing him as a man who was tough as nails, who hid his emotions, stuffing them away, with family being first, I should have played him as a man who was madly and passionately in love with his brother,” he suggested softly, head tilting to the side, his glittering green gaze boring into Jared’s broken hazel.
Jared stared in transfixed shock at Jensen for a long moment before tearing his gaze away, head turning; jaw clenched stubbornly, so much like Sam’s that the ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of Jensen’s lips as he watched him.
Tears stung Jared’s eyes as he thought over what Jensen had said, thought about if the roles had been reversed what he would have done, and he couldn’t help but come back to the same conclusion as hard as he tried to tell himself no, that he would find a better solution, he knew that just as Sam had jumped into the pit, not just to save the world but to save the world for his brother, he would have done whatever it took to save Jensen from whatever was threatening his life, no matter what the cost.
Jensen stood watching the emotions once again play over Jared’s face, forcing himself not to go to him, but to stand where he was. He would wait for Jared as long as it took. Suddenly in that moment, Jensen understood how Castile’s ‘I’ll wait right here,’ was really not a burden to the angel, no matter how long he had to wait there in that one place, not moving. It was but the blink of an eye to a being that went on forever.
Jared’s lips curved downward as his face started to crumble and he hung his head, lip and chin quivering, his anger seeping away from him, leaving only heartache and longing.
Jensen was across the room in the blink of an eye, standing before Jared, wanting to hold him to draw him into his arms, though hesitant to do anything, “Jared,” Jensen murmured, “I love you,”
Jared lifted his tear stained face, lips parting on an anguished wail before throwing his arms around Jensen, pulling him in and holding him close, his long legs suddenly seeming to give out, knees buckling. Only the strength of the angel who held him back keeping the man from falling to the floor.
Easing Jared’s down, Jensen sat on the plush shag carpet of Jared’s bedroom with him cradled in his arms and rocked his ex-co-star lover, all the while speaking soft words of comfort and love to him as he alternately rubbed his too thin back and combed his fingers through his straggly unkempt albeit soft hair.
The angel, once a man, didn’t even realize that his own tears were slipping down his cheeks, until one fell onto Jared’s shoulder, the teardrop wetting his tee and spreading out as it seeped into the material.
They remained like that for an immeasurable amount of time, minutes or perhaps hours ticked by as they simply clung to one another, hands fisting in the material of shirts, in too long hair, gripping arms as they tugged one another closer, each seemingly afraid to release the other. Their tears continuing to fall, mixing and mingling together where they dripped off cheeks and noses seeping onto the carpet or the soft cotton of shirts.
Jared slowly lifted red rimmed eyes to gaze into Jensen’s face, searching it, his brow furrowing after a moment in confusion seeing none of the ravages of time, his ex-co-star and lover looking exactly the way he had the last time he had seen him that horrible day at the hospital when his world had come crashing down around him.
He shook his head, “You look… the same.”
Jensen’s lips quirked slightly as he gazed back at Jared, glittering green eyes taking in the beauty that he had always seen in Jared, “Is that a good thing or bad?”
Jared shook his head, pulling back more so he could better see Jensen’s face, “No, I mean, you don’t look any different, not a day older, nothing,” his eyes searched Jensen’s, “except your eyes, they’re… I dunno, different somehow, but not like they should be.”
Jensen lowered slowly lowered his eyes sighing softly.
“What are you?” Jared asked softly as he continued to search Jensen’s face.
Glittering green eyes rose to meet slightly slanted hazel, his shoulders squaring as if on their own accord, without his permission, his head tilting upward slightly in a proud look before Jensen answered, his voice deeper with authority, “I am an angel…”
Jared frowned, “Of the Lord,” he supplied for Jensen with dry sarcasm, noting the very Castiel-like posture and tone of Jensen’s voice.
Jensen seemed to deflate in an instant, his head bowing as he shook it, “Sadly, no, ‘against my will’ would be a more accurate addition to my introduction.” Jensen answered sadly.
Jared stared at Jensen in wide eyed befuddlement as to what it was that had happened to him, that was done that had changed him into an angel that was against his will. Images and memories of Dean’s stint in Hell flashed through Jared’s mind and he had to calm himself with the reminder that this had supposedly been Heaven and not Hell, bad things didn’t happen to people in Heaven.
Taking a deep breath, Jensen raised his head to look into Jared’s face and continued on, “I probably don’t look any different because…” he licked his lips, “remember how for Dean four months was forty years?”
Jared gave a small nod, throat convulsing as he swallowed.
“Well, in Heaven I was gone only an hour,” he gave a small one shouldered shrug and shook his head, “I had no idea how much time had passed here until I arrived, I came back as soon as I was able to, Jay.”
Jared’s eyes widened once more, “An hour? What happened to you that you became an angel in an hour?“ He shook his head, “I didn’t even think that humans could become angels.”
“I guess they aren’t suppose to, but then Missabu, that’s Misha’s angelic name, so he told me; he wasn’t playing by all the rules,” his jaw clenched as he tore his gaze from Jared’s, “Apparently after you’ve been molested by an angel, you can get your wings rather quickly… or something like that,” Jensen explained bitterly, hurt and anger rising up inside him at what Missabu had done to him, forced upon him in order to keep Jared safe.
Jared stared at Jensen, appalled that an angel of God would do something like that to someone. Angels were suppose to be God’s warriors, or so he’d been taught in church, they had foretold of Jesus’ birth, had spoken to Joseph, destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah all in the name of God, there was no way that something like this had been made acceptable by God, not if the God he had been taught about in Sunday School as a little boy was real.
The next emotion to hit Jared seemed to hit him even harder than his rejection of the idea that an angel was capable of such behavior; the jealous possessiveness that twisted in his gut and burned in his chest had his hands clenching into fists, his jaw clenching and eyes narrowing.
My Jensen! Kill Missabu angel! Mine! Mine! Mine!
“Where’s one of those silver angel sword thingies like we had on the show when I need one?” He just managed to joke tightly, though the words were clipped and the smile that barely curved his lips was forced and didn’t meet his eyes in the least.
Jensen looked down at himself, an eyebrow quirking slightly at that question; hell maybe he had one on him somewhere and like his wings he just hadn’t figured out how to pull it out yet. Maybe he was like Robocop and the sword would just sort of slide into his hand when he needed it out of some slit in his arm now or something.
Actually, that would be kinda cool.
He shook his head as he looked back up at Jared, a small smirk tugging at one corner of his lips, “I dunno, I guess I should have asked Castiel before I high tailed it outta there to come here and find you.”
Jared’s mouth fell open as he stared at Jensen, “You met the real Castiel?”
Jensen nodded, “Yeah, he was… cool… kinda like our Castiel from the show… minus the major dick playing him.”
“Too bad he couldn’t have come down here to portray himself instead of that bastard angel who kidnapped you.”
Jensen’s lips curved into a soft bittersweet smile, “Yeah,” he agreed softly, “that would have been nice,” he murmured, eyes searching Jared’s face as he lifted a hand carding his fingers through Jared’s hair, cupping the nape of his neck and pulling him in closer. Their lips brushing hesitantly at first before Jared’s lips parted offering Jensen access, a choked whimper escaping Jared as Jensen’s tongue swept into his mouth, sliding along side Jared’s own.
Jared’s arm around Jensen tightened, hand splayed against the center of his back, fingertips digging into his flesh through his tee, his opposite arm moving, hand rising to cup the side of Jensen’s face, thumb running over the smooth flesh of Jensen’s cheek bone before his hand slid back, digits threading through the short softly gelled strands of his hair as their tongues twisted and danced together, each mapping out the others mouth urgently, low moans and soft groans sounding deep in their throats.
His lips still pressed to Jared’s, continuing to kiss him; the tip of his tongue stroking across the roof of his mouth, running along the backs of his teeth and along every groove, Jensen moved his hand not cupping Jared’s neck, reaching for the corner of the thick comforter and tugging it down, pulling the blanket down onto the floor with them before starting to ease Jared back.
Jared’s hand quickly pulled from Jensen’s hair, reaching back behind him, hand bracing palm flat against the floor to catch himself.
Jensen’s lips pulled marginally from Jared’s, his lips quirking just slightly, breaths panting into Jared’s mouth through parted lips, “S’okay, baby, I gotcha,”
Jared’s lips quirked in response, a ‘heh’-ed soft chuckle working out of him, “You got me?”
Jensen shrugged a shoulder, lips quirking further upward, “Seemed to fit,” Jensen mumbled, leaning back in to drop open mouthed kisses against Jared’s lips as he continued to lower him down.
Releasing the blanket after half covering them and half bunching it under Jared in an attempt to form a makeshift bed, Jensen reached upward, hand pressing palm flat against the wall to aid in scooting them back slightly on the carpet so Jared‘s head wouldn‘t knock against it, only to feel the wall give slightly, drawing Jensen’s attention, eyes opening, his lips still pressed to Jared’s as he looked up over his brows at the drywall that was now cracked, the broken line nearly tracing his hand.
As Jensen quickly jerked his hand away from the wall, Jared’s eyes fluttered open, brow furrowing in question before he tore his lips from Jensen’s, breaths panting out hard, drawing Jensen’s attention back to his face.
“What’s wrong?” Jared asked breathlessly.
Jensen glanced toward the wall before looking back at Jared and shaking his head, “Nothing, s’fine,” he lied, not wanting to break the mood with the fact that he had accidentally busted the wall, still not use to his angelic strength. “scoot down for me,” Jensen whispered softly, his glittering eyes searching Jared’s face, “I don’t want you to hit your head,” he explained with a soft smile.
Jared’s lips quirked, returning his smile as he wiggled downward on the floor, lying back against the soft blanket, “M’okay,” Jared murmured with a nod.
Jensen gave a nod back in reply as he lowered himself down on his side next to Jared, his upper body propped up on an elbow, gazing down at Jared, his opposite arm wrapped around Jared’s body bracing against the floor between his arm and chest.
“I was so worried about you,” Jensen murmured, swallowing hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, remembering the code blue alarm sounding in Jared’s hospital room when Missabu had taken Jared’s life in order to force his hand.
Jared pressed his lips in a thin line as he gazed up at Jensen, saw the tears glistening in his eyes and nodded, reaching a hand up to cup Jensen’s cheek, “I know,” he whispered, “m’okay, I healed, m’okay.”
Jensen turned his face toward Jared’s large paw, lips pressed against his palm, eyes slipping closed as he paused there a long moment before soundly kissing Jared’s hand and turning his head to look down at him, “I know, baby, I know,” he shook his head, “it’s all I wanted, it’s why did what I did,” he licked his lips and frowned darkly, “that rat bastard took your life once… scared the hell outta me, Jay.”
Jared nodded, “I know, I know, babe, s’ over now,” he swallowed, brow creasing with anxiety, “right?”
Jensen sighed a soft breath as he nodded, leaning in, dipping his head, “Yeah, baby, s’over,” he shook his head, “I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he whispered softly before slanting his mouth back over Jared’s. Jared’s whiskered face scratching against Jensen’s skin as their heads slid from side to side, devouring one another’s mouths.
Jared lifted his free arm, the one that wasn’t already still wrapped around Jensen, clinging to him and wrapped around from the opposite side, holding him within his embrace, one hand sliding up and down his back as they kissed, the other remaining clutched to Jensen tightly as though afraid to let go.
Jensen’s hand pulled away from the floor, reaching down for the hem of Jared’s tee, slowly pulling it upward, the backs of his knuckles grazing against a stomach that had once been ripped with hard packed muscles, only to now seem concave and soft. Jensen’s brow furrowed in confusion at the feel of it, causing him to tear his lips from Jared’s, eyes opening, head bowing as he looked down before pulling back for a better look as he continued to inch Jared’s shirt upward, revealing skin that had once been sun-kissed and tan that was now pale, the faint outline of Jared’s ribs stood out at his chest, the center of which though once had been kept waxed smooth was now covered with a light dusting of dark hair.
Gone were the muscles that Jensen was use to seeing on Jared these last three and a half years, back was the man-child boy that Jared had sported during New York Minute and the first few episodes of Supernatural.
Wide glittering green eyes darted over Jared’s torso, a soft gasp escaping at what he was seeing before he could stop himself, his head snapping quickly up to look toward Jared’s face at the same moment that Jared pulled one hand from around Jensen to grab his tee, quickly tugging it back down, brows furrowed in misery.
“Jay?”
Jared’s tormented gaze met Jensen’s concerned one and he shook his head, tears glistening in the depths of his cat-like eyes.
“What hap -” Jensen stared only to pause in his words, suddenly knowing in it had to do with his disappearance, remorse filling his green eyes instantly, his head bowing.
Tears silently spilled over Jared’s eyes, his teeth clenching together as he turned his head to the side, huffing out a breath, tongue darting out to lick his lips, “What happened to me?” he finished for Jensen before shrugging a shoulder, “There was no one left to impress,” he answered simply, his tone bitter. “You were gone, the show was gone, the fans were gone, work,” he shook his head, “Gen,” he shrugged a shoulder, no one and nothing left to try for,” he turned his head looking back at Jensen, into those compassion filled green eyes and couldn’t help the resentment that filled his tone, “I became a virtual recluse, everyone thought I was crazy, my life was ruined… but at least I was alive, right?” he huffed, tearing his gaze away.
Jensen swallowed back the lump in his throat, having never thought about or expected such a fallout from his disappearance. He nodded with a soft sigh and started to pull away from Jared, only to have him tighten his grip as he looked back at Jensen and shook his head, “No,” he said softly, “please don’t go,” he shook his head, a tear making it’s way down his cheek, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”
Jensen sighed, brows rising in anguish, “You have nothing to apologize for, baby,” Jensen told him softly, “I’m the one who screwed everything up,” he shook his head, “I had no idea this would happen to you, that you would suffer like this… I swear it.”
Jared shook his head, “You disappear and you don’t think I am going to suffer?” he asked incredulously.
Jensen’s mouth opened only to close again, he should have thought it over better, should have known, should have at least demanded that he be allowed to explain to Jared before he left and not have listened to Missabu.
“I’m so sorry, Jay,” Jensen whispered, leaning back down, his body half covering Jared’s, their gazes locked, “I swear, that I am gonna make it up to you,” Jensen vowed, “I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to make you so friggin’ happy the rest of your life, Jay,” his hand rose to thread his fingers through Jared’s hair, cupping the side of his face, “so happy that you won’t even remember these ten years, they’ll be like they happened in someone else’s life, not yours,” he offered a soft smile, “I wanna see the light come back in those gorgeous eyes, see you smile and hear you laugh every day for the rest of your life.”
Jared’s lips quirked into a smile as he listened to Jensen’s declaration, until the words, ‘the rest of your life’ rang through his head, standing out from on the others and his brow knitted into a frown. His life, what about Jensen’s life?
“I’m an angel…”
Jared clenched his jaw, turning his head to the side, tears stinging his eyes anew.
“Jay? What’s wrong?”
“I’m old.”
Jensen chuckled softly, dipping his head to press a kiss to Jared’s temple, “Yeah, so old,” Jensen agreed with a soft snicker, not seeing how six years difference was really all that big of a deal, “tomorrow I’ll see about getting you those dentures I had my eye on.” Jensen teased, pulling his head back.
Jared gasped in a breath, head turning to stare in wide eyed shock up at Jensen, “My teeth!” he raised a hand to cup over his mouth, “I didn’t even think about those,” Jared mumbled behind his hand before pulling it away, “I have to stop eating candy.”
Jensen chuckled, “Baby, you stopping that would be like the moon stopping its control of the tides,” Jensen said, shaking his head, laughter in his eyes, “it’s impossible.”
Slightly slanted eyes tightened, a muscle in Jared’s jaw twitching, “It’s not impossible, I have to,” he ran a hand through his hair, letting it fall back against the floor after as he shook his head, “I dunno what I’m gonna do, I - I’m going to get old and you’re not.”
Jensen shook his head, “Jay, its okay, don’t worry about it, we have lots of time before you’ll be old, and I -” he paused, brow furrowing as he thought about that. He would remain the same, forever. Live, forever. He would see Jared grow old and die, and yet he would remain, just as he was, for eternity.
“And when I do, when I am old and grey and my skin is wrinkled and I’m flabby and my teeth fall out, and yet there you are, still the same, still young and gorgeous, then what?” Jared asked, his voice filled with the anguish that shone in his sad wide, beseeching eyes.
Jared’s words drew Jensen out of his own thoughts, his focus returning to Jared as he shook his head, gazing into full blown ’puppy eyes’, “Jay, I don’t care about all that, I don’t care about you getting grey hair or false teeth or when you shrink, or are bent over with a walker,”
Jensen paused as Jared gasped, eyes widening with panic, causing Jensen to nearly roll his own.
“Jared, I’m still going to love you, I didn’t fall in love with your muscles or your height or your skin, or even your teeth, you ninny,” he shook his head, “I fell in love with you, the way you are, the you that’ll never change. The ease of your laughter, the light in your eyes, the love that you have and give so freely to everyone around you, but especially to me,” he sighed, “that’s what I love.”
Jared shook his head, “And after I die, you’ll still be here,” he bit his lip, “will we get to be together,” he glanced upward toward the ceiling before looking back at Jensen.
Sighing softly, Jensen shook his head, “I dunno, I - I’m kinda new at all this and Castiel kinda gave me the crash course I think,”
Jared nodded, his gaze dropping before he squeezed his eyes closed, heart constricting in his chest, tears wetting his lashes before slowly sliding down his cheeks.
“Oh hey,” Jensen started, pulling Jared into his arms as he rolled off him and onto his side to better hold onto him, “don’t cry, baby, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll work it out and that’s a long time from now,” Jensen said, running a hand up and down Jared’s back as Jared tucked his face against Jensen’s neck and wept softly, “shhh, s’okay, Jay, s’okay…”
* * * * * * *
They remained that way, with Jensen holding Jared tightly in his arms, one of Jared’s arms remaining wrapped around Jensen, the other gripping the front of his tee in a fisted hand, his face tucked against Jensen’s neck, his scruffy whiskers prickling the sensitive skin though Jensen’s didn’t care, only tilting his head to the side, laying it against Jared’s own, whispering words of love and comfort as he alternated between rubbing Jared’s back and simply holding him a little tighter, hand staying for the moments that he did, pressing Jared’s body against his own.
His tears having stopped, only soft sniffles and quietly hiccupped breaths remaining to give indication that he had been crying not long before, Jared slowly pulled his head from Jensen’s shoulder, his face from being tucked against his neck, looking wide eyed hazel into Jensen’s face, searching, “What did Misha - I mean Missabu do to you,” he paused, swallowing hard, “exactly?”
Jensen sighed, tearing his gaze away from Jared’s, “Jay,” he pleaded softly, shaking his head, eyes slipping closed.
Releasing Jensen’s tee, Jared raised his hand, cupping the side of Jensen’s face, “Please, Jen,” Jared begged, his voice equally as soft.
Opening his eyes, Jensen looked back into Jared’s face, brow knitting in confusion and pain, “Why would you want you want to know that? Let’s - let’s just forget it, okay?”
Dropping his hand from Jensen’s face, Jared clenched his jaw, “No, it’s not okay and I can’t just ‘forget it’, I just… I need to know, alright? I wanna know what that bastard did to you up there.” Jared growled softly before muttering low, “He better not have hurt you or I’ll pluck his feathers out one by one.”
“Heh,” Jensen huffed softly, “He might like it,” he allowed, answering Jared’s barely audible mutterings rather than his spoken words.
Jared’s eyes were soft and beseeching, wide and sad as he gazed at Jensen, his puppy look out in full force, he couldn’t help it, he needed to know exactly what had happened between his Jensen and the angel, a fierce possessiveness rearing it’s ugly head entwined on some base level with a jealousy Jared knew was unfounded, along with a sense of guilt at Jensen having to go through it at all in order to save him, all of which compelled him to push Jensen for information. He wanted, needed to know so he could take it all away, reclaim what was his, make it better again.
Jensen sighed wearily, “You really are spoiled, you know that?” He asked Jared, and in that moment, Jared knew he had won. He pulled and tugged on Jensen to draw him closer only to huff a breath as Jensen didn’t budge.
“A little help here?” Jared asked.
Jensen’s brows rose before it dawned on him. Angel, harder to move, he’d be like a brick wall unless he helped Jared or was aware of what he wanted and allowed his body to go somewhat slack to move it.
“Oh, right,” Jensen nodded, sliding closer, one leg moving to hook over the top of Jared’s, his body nearly on top of Jared’s, “sorry.”
Jared nodded, “Lay your head on my chest if you want to,” he offered softly.
Jensen’s lips quirked into a soft smile before he dipped his head, only instead of laying it down on Jared’s chest, he pressed his lips there, against the cotton of his tee, with Jared’s body heat warming the fabric, he kissed him softly and lowered his head instead to Jared’s shoulder as he drew in a deep fortifying breath.
Jared’s free hand reached behind him, “Gimme your hand?”
Unwrapping one arm from around Jared, Jensen gripped Jared’s hand within his own, their palms slowly sliding together as they splayed their fingers, lacing them together. Jared’s elbow remained bent against the floor, their entwined hands lowering to rest against Jared’s chest.
Jensen lay there with Jared for a long while, staring at their joined hands as he gathered his thoughts, brow furrowing he licked his lips, “When we arrived, we were in the seventh realm of Heaven and Missabu was leading me toward what I suppose was his house, some small sparsely furnished cottage among rows of other cottages,” he huffed, “Who knew angels lived in cottage along streets of gold?”
Jared turned his head slightly, pressing his lips to Jensen’s temple and lingering, waiting for Jensen to continue. When nothing was said for a long moment Jared coaxed softly, “S’okay, babe, keep going.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://community.livejournal.com/wordsmeetwings/21276.html - chapter 2
Author:
Fetish
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen, Misha (Missabu) & Castiel.
Round: 6 Prompt: #20. J2 - Bittersweet (but mostly sweet) reunion. @ wordsmeetwings
Rating: NC 17
Spoilers: None.
Word Count: 10220
Disclaimer: HA! If I owned them would be too busy to write fanfic… but I would have a great Ebay site with J2 sex tapes for sale. *giggles*
Summary: ‘There's no time for us, there's no place for us…What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us? Who wants to live forever, who wants to live forever? There's no chance for us, it's all decided for us; this world has only one sweet moment set aside for us…
So touch my tears with your lips, touch my world with your fingertips, and we can have forever, and we can have forever; forever is our today. Who wants to live forever, who wants to live forever? Forever is our today; who waits forever anyway?’
A/N: This summary is lyrics from the ‘Queen ’ song, ‘Who Wants To Live Forever?’ from which this final ficlet was inspired.
Warning: This is an AU and otherworldly finale to the series of Angel/Human/J2 ficlets including, ‘Mors Mortis Hymn’ & ‘Ploratio of an angelus’. * Angst, Schmoop, Swearing, Possible Blasphemy and Slash contained within.
___________________________________________________
In Hell four months is forty years. In Heaven an hour is ten years, a fact that Jensen didn’t take into consideration until his feet hit earthen soil and everything around him seemed different.
Jensen’s brow furrowed in confusion as small discrepancies to what he knew caught his eye. Walking down the center of the street, as the sun began to rise over the tree tops, in the small town just outside of Vancouver where he and Jared use to come to often, small nuances that something was amiss continued to bombard Jensen.
His wings furled into his back, hiding away from sight as he continued to walk, jaw clenched, muscle twitching.
The quant little store on the corner that the little old couple, Mr. & Mrs. Spiegel owned was no longer there, instead there was some high tech travel agency in residence. Jensen remembered when he and Jared had met the kind elderly couple one Saturday afternoon as they had been out, simply enjoying one another’s company, away from beard wives and the hustle and bustle of city life where people knew them; in a place where they’d been free to walk together, holding hands, laughing, talking and shopping.
Jensen’s lips twitched upward slightly. It had been a good day.
Stepping behind a street lamp, in such a Castiel - or at least Supernatural’s Castiel - fashion, that Jensen had to smirk as he disappeared in the flutter of angel wings
* * * * * * *
A sense of panic hit Jensen as soon as his feet touched the ground outside the house that he once called home. Jared’s truck wasn’t in the driveway, neither were Genevieve’s little car or Danneel’s for that matter, where the hell was everyone?
The great thing about being an angel, it only took a thought before he was inside the house, the house that was now totally empty, the furniture gone, no dishes cluttered the counter tops from Jared eating and not washing his dishes.
No sounds of canine nails clipping hurriedly across the hardwood floors to jump on him and practically knock him to the floor in their frenzied welcome. There was nothing. The place was entirely gutted of objects, pets and people.
“Hello?” He called out, already knowing he would get no answer, but some almost hysterical part of his brain that was unwilling to accept what he was seeing had him doing it anyway.
Striding purposefully back toward the front door, the sound of angel wings echoed off the walls of the abandoned home long before Jensen’s hand ever touched the knob.
* * * * * * *
He was back in the center of the same town that he had started out in, having reappeared there behind the buildings next to a dumpster and was now making his way down the sidewalk, his steps rushed though he really had no idea where he was going, one hand raised to his furrowed brow as he searched for some clue as to what the hell was going on.
Jensen’s eyes happened to fall to the newspaper machine as he passed it, only to pause in his steps as he thought about a scene from Supernatural where Dean had something akin to this happen when he went into the past.
“Aw, hell,” he muttered under his breath before doubling back and heading for the waist height machine with a sigh.
Digging one hand into the front pocket of his jeans, Jensen pulled out fifty cents and inserted the coins into the appropriate slot before pulling open the small door on the front of the stand, bending at the waist to reach in and grab a paper and pulling it out.
Letting the door to the machine slam closed as he released it, Jensen tossed the paper up into the top of the machine, scanning the front page for the date.
December 28th, 2020.
Eyes widening, a soft gasp tumbling from his lips, Jensen re-read the date three more times before the knowledge that Castiel had given him before he had left Heaven hit him like a punch to the stomach.
Ten years… Ten long years…
His body instinctively doubled slightly over, gulping in breaths, one hand braced against the newspaper covered metal machine as he lifted his head, forehead creased in disbelief, his eyes scanning the area around him as though he were searching for the past.
* * * * * * *
It had been ten years since the accident that had nearly cost him his life, ten years since he had awoken to find Jensen standing at the door to his hospital room… and then him watching as he kissed Misha, a moment before they both disappeared in the flutter of wings.
Jared sighed softly and threw the stick he held in his hand, watched as his new dog Austin ran after it. Both Sadie and Harley had left his life a year ago; it seemed to be a running theme with him these days.
First Jensen, then after another year and a half what with Supernatural being over and the new of his having to go to psychiatric therapy due to delusions that his ex-co-stars had disappeared from right outside his hospital room in the flutter of wings, Genevieve had left him. She said that she just couldn’t take it anymore and had packed her bags one day while he had been out running the dogs. And then, a year ago, his babies had died and left him completely and utter alone.
He’d sold the house in Vancouver and moved out here, near the ocean, out of the city and away from the crowds. No one seemed to want to hire a nut job actor, which is what everyone thought he was. ‘People don’t disappear in like that’, they told him; it had been the pain meds that made him believe what he swore he had seen. But, it didn’t explain what happened to Jensen, why he had seemingly vanished off the face of the earth… Misha too for that matter.
He’d went to the funeral that Jensen’s parents had for him back home in Texas. Danneel had been there, crying the expected amount of tears and taking everyone’s condolences, though he had been the one that had needed to leave the room to cry alone in the back of the funeral home.
He had placed flowers upon an empty grave and said his goodbyes, though some part of himself had continued to cry out at the lie that it all was. He knew what he had seen and it hadn’t been the drugs.
* * * * * * *
Boot clad feet touched down just outside the sound stages where Supernatural was once filmed, the area now cleared out of all items that once had belonged to the hit cult television show, replaced instead with what appeared to be props for some teen Marvel superhero and vampire show. Jensen huffed softly and shook his head as he walked toward the back of the lot.
Smallville was still airing new episodes and yet Supernatural had gone under? What were they doing, Superman’s Nursing home years? What the hell season was that damn show on now anyway? 50?
Running a hand over his face, Jensen sighed heavily, turning to scan the area around him, spotting the Impala sitting alone and abandoned at the back gates, he jogged over to the side of the car. Reaching for the driver side handle, Jensen pulled open the door, a grin tugging at his lips at the familiar creak and groan of the hinges.
Leaning into the car, Jensen’s chest tightened as the familiar scents of leather, sweat, the lingering fragrance of his and Jared’s mingled colognes, and the underlying body musk that were theirs alone filled his nostrils.
“Guess it’s been a while, huh, baby girl?” He muttered to the car, turning to slid behind the wheel, simply sitting there, hands lifted to the steering wheel, a grin splitting his face as he sighed with satisfaction, the only things missing were Jared sitting next to him and the bright camera lights in their faces.
* * * * * * *
Jared walked into the two story home he now owned, Austin following after him, tail wagging excitedly.
“Come on boy, ya hungry?” Jared asked the Pit-bull/Dalmatian mix as he held the door open, watching as the snowy white and grey spotted canine walked into the house.
Closing and locking the door after the dog, Jared turned to walk into the kitchen, jutting his chin toward it, “Let’s get something to eat,” he suggested, glancing over as the mix breed trotted after him.
* * * * * * *
Pulling up from the couch with a sigh, Jared stood to his feet, empty pizza box and beer bottle in his hands, Austin laying curled contently in a ball at the end of the sofa, sound asleep after having wolfed down his bowl of food as well as a few scraps of pizza crust.
Making his way into the kitchen, he threw away the box and empty bottle then turned, opening the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water before closing the door and moving back toward the living room, plopping down on the couch, slouching down as he grabbed the remote control, channel surfing until he found a movie he could stand watching. Sure it was Titanic and it was old now, but it was still decent, as long as he ignored the love scene with the hand print in the window of the car, otherwise his mind would wonder to another love scene and another car window…
* * * * * * *
Jared mumbled in his sleep, rolling onto his side on the wide couch, the credits scrolling across the television screen as Titanic ended. After having laid down on the couch, careful not to kick Austin, Jared had fallen asleep within the first few minutes of the movie, the dogs soft snores mingling with the sounds of Jared’s even breathing and the low drone of the television.
Austin nudged at Jared’s hand that had fallen off the side of the couch once more, a whine breaking from the animals throat as he tried to wake his master.
Long dark lashes fluttered before his eyes opened to narrow slits of hazel, “Hmm? Whassa matter, Aussie?” Jared croaked, voice sleep rough and low, “Ya gotta go out?”
The large beefy canine stood wagging his tail, looking expectantly into Jared’s face before stepping forward to lick a strip across one cheek to his eye, which Jared quickly squeezed closed, face squinting up before he rose to a seated position, swinging his legs off the side of the couch. “Okay, okay, I get it,” Jared mumbled, lifting a hand to wipe at the dog spit tracked across his face before standing to his feet.
Austin backed up, tail wagging so fast the dogs entire back end shook as he looked up at Jared excitedly.
Bending at the waist, Jared pushed the button on the remote to turn off the television and straightened, sleepily staggering to the back sliding glass doors leading out into the large back yard, “Come on,” he mumbled with a sigh.
Reaching the doors, he leaned heavily against the wall and reached for the latch, unlocking it, then slid the door open for an overly anxious Austin to dart past him and run outside, “Mm, yeah, you’re welcome,” Jared muttered, sliding the door closed, eyes open to mere sleepy slits.
Pulling away from the wall, he shuffled back toward the hallway and up the stairs to his bedroom, the large master suite with the adjoining master bath.
He never saw the silhouette of someone just outside the glass double doors, to the left. Never noticed how they watched him with a mixture of love and adoration. Completely unaware of the handprint that marred the glass door, but would soon vanish without a trace, as they stepped closer to watch him walk down the hall and up the stairwell. Or heard the person speak his name softly, their glittering emerald eyes filled with longing.
* * * * * * *
Jensen watched until Jared disappeared from sight up the stairwell, a soft anguished sigh escaping as he tore his gaze from inside the house, brow furrowed in confusion and despair.
He couldn’t believe the Jared he had just seen, where there was once a spring to his step, even tired, it was now as though Jared were merely dragging himself from room to room, the spark and life in those cat-like hazel eyes was gone, now flat and lifeless. There were deep lines etched in his face, at his brow and around his eyes, frown lines evident near his mouth, naturally age had put those there, but also something more. Was it stress, perhaps grief?
It was also obvious that Jared had let himself go, his hair disheveled, his once hard muscled body seemed smaller somehow and again, the change could be seen in his thickly whiskered face, once chiseled, now seemed only drawn and tired.
Guilt and concern for Jared’s wellbeing welled up inside Jensen as he stood pondering it all. He had planned to go inside, to make his presence known to Jared and try to explain what had happened, where he had been, but now, he was afraid to, afraid to disrupt Jared’s life, whatever life it was that he now had, with his presence.
His head turned to look over his shoulder at the dog that walked about the yard, sniffing the night air. What had happened to Jared’s babies? Oh… ten years… Sadie and Harley had been about three or four years old before he had been taken to Heaven. Jensen returned his attention to the man inside the house he could no longer see as he looked back in side. Jared had lost his babies and Jensen hadn’t been here to see him through it, he had forsaken him.
The angel, once a man, hung his head, a deep weary sigh tumbling past his lips before he stepped back into the shadows along side the house once more.
* * * * * * *
Having changed out of his clothes, clad in boxers and a tee, Jared padded down the stairs and opened the sliding glass door, allowing Austin back into the house. Sliding the door closed once more, he locked the door and turned back, heading up the stairs. “G’night, Aussie,” Jared called over his shoulder as he slowly ascended the stairs, making his way back into his bedroom.
Pulling back the blankets and sheet, Jared slipped into the large bed, a bed that he hated to get into. Being long enough for his tall frame also meant it was wide which in the past was never a problem and in fact a good thing. Jensen was a bed hog. Not that Jared would have ever said so, but truth was truth and Jensen could sprawl like no bodies business. Half the time Jared had been thankful for being as big and strong as he was, it had kept him from being shoved right out of the bed and onto the floor more times than he could count, now however, the large bed simply served to remind Jared that Jensen was gone.
Reaching over to the bedside lamp, Jared clicked off the light and lid back, staring up at the ceiling, “G’night, Jensen,” Jared mumbled into the darkness of his bedroom. He huffed softly, “I know you’re out there somewhere, I know what I saw,” he told the darkness. Reaching out, Jared grabbed the king sized pillow beside him and rolled over onto his side, smashing the pillow up against the length of his back before closing his eyes with a soft sigh.
* * * * * * *
Standing in the semi-darkness, the room softly illuminated by the light of the moon outside, Jensen gazed down at Jared’s sleeping form, listening to his distraught mumblings.
“No… Jensen… Misha?… Where… Why… Jen!” Jared’s head thrashed, “Gone… they’re gone… wings… no medicine…” his brow creased in dismay, “Nooo,” he whined, thrashing, “M’not imagining… saw it… stop… stop… no… I don’t wanna talk to… no… m’fine… jus ’want Jensen… Jen…”
Stepping up to the side of the bed, Jensen reached a hand out to smooth back Jared’s now very long bangs from his nearly pale face, wiping away the sweat that dotted his brow, causing Jensen’s lips to quirk in an almost sad wistful smile, “Still sweaty all the time, huh, baby?” Jensen asked so softly Jared would never have heard.
“Jen… come back… not dead… can’t be… I saw… no, Jen…” Jared mumbled before his bottom lip trembled as he frowned, head thrashing, lashes wet with tears.
“Shhhh, s’okay, baby, I’m here, s’okay,” Jensen whispered softly, soothingly, this time allowing Jared to hear, allowing his voice to pierce the veil of sleep in an attempt to calm him.
Taking a deep breath, Jensen’s brow furrowed into a frown, he couldn’t believe he was actually going to do this; it was so Supernatural-Castiel of him that he nearly rolled his eyes at himself, but according to the information that the real Castiel had hit him with before he’d left Heaven, it was possible to do. Not that he should have been too surprised by that notion; after all, it was how angels had appeared to Joseph and Mary, in dreams. Why shouldn’t he be able to slip into Jared’s dream?
Closing his eyes, Jensen let himself merge into Jared’s dream, his eyes blinking open as he appeared in the center of Jared’s hospital room, watching as Jared struggled seemingly to get up out of the bed, his attention fixed on the door to his room.
“Jensen! Jen!” Jared shouted, causing Jensen to look from his lover to the door just in time to catch sight of angel wings in mid flutter just before he and Misha disappeared.
“Oh God…” Jensen whispered under his breath, his wide eyes snapping back to Jared, just as three nurses and an orderly rushed into the room, pushing Jared back into the bed.
“Wait! You gotta get them! Jensen! Misha! They disappeared!” Jared shouted, only to have one of the nurses shush him, telling him that he was in the hospital and that he had a severe skull fracture, that he was imagining it, that his friends were fine and had probably stepped out for coffee, speaking to him like he was a blithering idiot, which only caused Jensen to grit his teeth and want to suddenly make the bitch take a nasty spill onto her ass. But he wasn’t Missabu and he wouldn’t do that to someone, no matter what his wants were.
Medication was injected into Jared’s IV and soon his eyelids were drooping, his shouts becoming slurred and less vocal, instead whimpers and murmurings fell from his slack lips as he lay hovering between consciousness and drug induced oblivion.
Jensen waited until the room was empty save for the medicated occupant in the bed before he stepped closer, reaching a hand out to grip Jared’s hand within his own. “It’s alright, baby, I’m here, I’d never leave you… not really, not forever.” Jensen murmured, as he lifted his opposite hand, brushing the hair back from Jared’s face.
“Mm, saw you… kissing Misha…” Jared mumbled groggily.
Jensen’s heart seemed to skip a beat, his hand clasping Jared’s tightening a fraction before he remembered to not crush the fragile bones, though it was a dream.
“It’s not what it looked like, he forced me, I didn’t want it Jay, you know I love you.”
“Left me… flew away…”
Jensen sighed, “Jared, I would never have left if it was within my power to stop, you know that.”
“Gen left me… was tired of being married to the psycho who said you flew away,” Jared mumbled, eyes remaining closed, head tilted slightly toward the sound of Jensen’s voice.
“Doesn’t surprise me,” Jensen muttered under his breath, only to answer louder where Jared could hear, “I’m sorry, baby.”
Jared shook his head, “S’okay… I missed you so much…”
“I’ve missed you too, baby.”
“Sadie and Harley…”
“I know, baby,” Jensen quickly interrupted, knowing how much talking about them would hurt Jared, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
Jared nodded his head just slightly, “Mmmm,” Jared hummed softly, “stay with me, till I wake up?”
“Of course I will,” Jensen answered, bending at the waist to press his lips to Jared’s sleep slack lips, “Sleep now,” he whispered slowly pulling back and blinking in the darkness of Jared’s room.
Jared’s eyes darted behind closed lids as Jensen drew back, before his long dark lashes fluttered, eyes slowly opening blinking up into glittering emerald.
His lips slowly curved into a smile as he gazed up at Jensen, tongue darting out to lick across his lips, eyes still working to blink away sleep, struggling to focus on the image he knew wasn’t really there and would disappear once he was fully awake, but unable to help himself, to hope.
“Jen,” Jared breathed, voice deep and rough from sleep, one hand lifting from the bed, to rub at his eyes, one at a time, afraid to close them both at once for fear that he would miss seeing Jensen’s image fade and disappear.
Jensen’s lips curved upward into a soft smile as he slowly pulled back, “Hi, baby,” he whispered softly.
“Can still taste you,” Jared murmured softly.
Jensen’s smile turned sad, “I never stopped thinking about you, was always with you.”
As Jared’s eyes drew completely open, all traces of sleep gone, his brow furrowed in confusion. Why wasn’t the image starting to fade? Why was he still standing there, carrying on a coherent conversation with him? What was happening? “Jen, you’re here?” Jared muttered to what he knew, despite his adamant claims, despite the hope that he had never allowed to die within him, he knew this couldn’t be real.
Jensen nodded, “Yeah, Jay, I’m back,” he shook his head, “and I’m never leaving you again.”
Jared’s eyes widened just before he bolted upright in bed, scurrying back away from whatever the hell it was that was standing in the darkness of his bedroom carrying on a conversation with him.
He really was losing his mind; he was fucking insane, just like the tabloids said. He was lying in bed talking to his dead lover’s ghost. They were going to toss him into the nearest nut house and throw away the key. It would be just like ‘Sam Interrupted’, only he wouldn’t be there to fight ghosts or ghouls; he would be lying in bed talking to one like some deranged psycho.
Jensen watched Jared scurry back away from him, his slightly slanted hazel eyes as wide as he had ever seen them, breaths panting out in obvious fear. He started to step forward, afraid Jared was going to topple right off the edge of the bed, only to pause when it was obvious that his drawing nearer was only making matters worse.
“Jared, don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you,” Jensen said almost automatically, frowning at the far too biblical sound to those words. After all, it wasn’t as though he were a real angel and Jared were the Virgin Mary for crying out loud. He raised a hand, running it over his face and sighed heavily unsure of what to do.
“You - you’re real,” Jared stammered as his eyes ran over Jensen’s form, lit by the moonlight shining through his bedroom windows, before rising once more to gaze into glittering green.
Jensen nodded, “Yes, Jay, I’m real, baby.”
Jared’s breaths seemed to come even faster as though he were hyperventilating, teeth clenching together before he jerked his gaze away, turning his head to stare off toward the wall of his bedroom, heartbreak at having believed he would never see Jensen again slamming back into him anew, mingled with anger at what his life had become these past ten years, the things he had lost and the pain he had suffered having watched as Jensen kissed another man and then disappear with him, leaving Jared utterly broken and alone.
Jensen watched the emotions play out across Jared’s expressive face, nearly able to pick each one out, even in the semi-darkness of the bedroom.
“I never meant to hurt you,” Jensen whispered as he stepped forward, causing Jared’s attention to snap back to him before trying to move further away, only to tumble off the side of the bed, crashing to the floor with a hard thud.
Jensen was around the side of the bed faster than human legs could have carried him, crouching next to Jared, helping him sit back against the wall, glittering emerald eyes, that now saw too much, searching Jared’s face, checking him over, love and apology shining within their depths.
Jared’s eyes met Jensen’s a moment before his hazel-green eyes filled with contempt, “You son of a bitch!” Jared growled out, drawing back a fist and punching Jensen in the face. His fist catching Jensen’s jaw hard enough to cause his head to snap to the side, though otherwise, Jensen was unaffected, slowly turning his head to look back at Jared in time to see him cradling his abused hand as he rocked, face contorted in pain.
A small snickered chuckle escaped Jensen though he tried to choke it back, fought not to laugh.
So this was how Missabu felt when he had accidentally really punched him as Dean and he had adlibbed the very real fist pain into that scene.
Jared’s jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing into dangerous angry slits, “Funny? You think this is funny!?”
Jensen cleared his throat and shook his head, “No, of course not… but… well, I never told you about how I nearly broke my own hand making the same punch with Misha, did I?” Jensen asked, reaching a hand out to smooth back a lock of Jared’s long bangs from his face and cradle his whiskered cheek in his hand.
Jared flinched, pressing himself back against the wall and jerking his head away, turning it to the side, “Don’t touch me!” He barked angrily.
Jensen let his hand fall away with a sigh, “Please, Jared, let me explain… it’s not what you think.”
“Oh great, now you’re going to tell me that I was seeing things too?” Jared snipped coldly.
Jensen shook his head, “No, Jared… you weren’t seeing things,” he tilted his head to the side as he gazed deeply into Jared’s eyes, pity for what Jared had suffered, had endured due to his being forced to leave with Missabu as well as sympathy, understanding Jared’s anger and confusion at the entire situation, shining in the depths of his glittering green eyes.
Jared shook his head, teeth clenched tightly together, nostrils flaring, tears shining in the depths of the kaleidoscope colors of his eyes, “Don’t,” he bit out, “don’t you look at me like that, you bastard,” Jared spat before choking back at sob, tears making slow tracks down his cheeks.
Jensen reached out, wrapping his arms around Jared despite his struggling protests, holding him in his arms even as Jared began to flail, fisted hands beating against Jensen’s chest and shoulders until he wore himself out and collapsed against Jensen’s frame, sobs shaking his shoulders as he wept.
“Shhh, s’okay, s’okay, baby… I know, I know…” Jensen tired to sooth, one hand rising to smooth over the back of Jared’s disheveled and tangled too long hair.
“I hate you… hate you… hate you…” Jared mumbled through his tears, shaking his head where it leaned against Jensen’s shoulder, eyes squeezed tightly closed as he continued to cry, overwhelmed by the fact that Jensen was suddenly back, that he wasn’t dead and gone, that he wasn’t lost forever, he was back and he had come to see him, sought him out above anyone else mingling with anger that just wouldn’t seem to go away.
He had lost everything after Jensen had disappeared; his lover was suddenly ripped from him, the show subsequently died and the fans drifted away. Work was gone, no one wanted to hire him, his dogs had died and no one had been there as he had once again wept the passing of someone, something he loved, alone.
Each ‘I hate you’ cut into Jensen like the blade of a knife, tearing and ripping his heart to shreds, though he took each one, knowing that he had earned them, having seen it all in Jared’s lifeless eyes, each day and each loss, each moment that had broken Jared a little more changing him into the shell of a man that simply moved on auto-pilot and now sat weeping in his arms.
“S’not fair, you’re supposed to be dead, we buried you,” Jared mumbled softly, causing Jensen to quirk a brow.
“You buried me?”
Jared nodded, “Back home… Texas… your mom and dad had a funeral,” Jared drew in a shuddering breath, “Danneel was there… your family, our friends… I said goodbye to you.”
Jensen squeezed his eyes closed; imagining Jared standing over an empty grave paying his last respects to a lover he had to hide from the world. Some irrational anger rose up in Jensen imagining Danneel taking the condolences that were rightfully Jared’s to take, even though it had been their idea to marry women to hide their affair from the world.
“I’m so sorry, Jay,” Jensen murmured softly, “so very sorry,” he shook his head, “I don’t know how to make this better for you, how to make you happy again, I -”
Jared pulled his head up, lackluster hazel eyes staring into glittering green, “Give me my life back.”
Jensen’s heart twisted in his chest, his own eyes stinging with unshed tears, the brief curiosity as to whether an angel could cry or not flittering through his mind before he released Jared and stood to his feet, stepping away from him to walk over to one of the bedroom windows gazing out at the land and sea off to the right, seeing neither one. He sighed heavily as he stood pondering what he should do, if he should erase Jared’s memory of this encounter and simply slip away unnoticed and unremembered, allowing Jared to continue with his life as it was, such as it was, with the belief that he was indeed dead, - the thought, even as it took form in his mind, hurt more than the ‘I hate you’s had that fallen from Jared’s lips, those he had earned, this was… it was something he would have to somehow find the strength to do, a strength he didn’t know if he possessed - or if he should remain and fight to make Jared understand to see things through his eyes, see that he’s had no choice in the matter, that he had been trapped with no way out.
A muscle twitched in his jaw as he clenched it, eyes narrowing in thought as he continued to stare out the window, posture stiff. “I never meant to hurt you, Jay… I was… trying to save your life.”
Jared snorted, shaking his head, having been silently observing Jensen at the window until with Jensen’s softly spoken words; he could no longer remain silent. “Did Misha teach you that?” Jared asked disgustedly, “That whole Castiel thing you’ve got going there?” he huffed, head falling back against the wall; face tilted upward as he slowly shook it.
Jensen hung his head as he shook it, eyes sliding closed though he still faced the window, “No,” he answered softly, “Missa - um, Misha didn’t teach me anything,” he answered before opening his eyes and lifting his head. He watched the waves crash against the surf for a moment, clearing his throat before speaking, “Misha came to the hospital when you were unconscious, sat with me,” he shook his head, “Gen and Dani they took off… went shopping or some damn thing, so I was thankful for the company,” he gave a small shrug of one shoulder, “I was so worried about you, Jay,”
Jared scoffed interrupting him though otherwise he remained silent.
Jensen sighed heavily before continuing, “It was after everyone was gone and it was just he and I that he started talking about the show and about angels, about how he wasn’t who or what I thought he was…” he licked his lips, brow furrowing as he thought back to the conversation, “He said he was an angel. I thought at first that he was there to save you, to heal you and make you better for me,” Jensen shook his head with a huff, “he wasn’t.” he finished with finality, taking a deep breath.
“He said that he had caused your accident, that you were expendable. Apparently the angels got wind of Eric’s Apocalypse ideas and sent him down to investigate and in so doing he said he became enamored with me,” he shook his head, “or some damn thing,” he muttered, “so he caused your accident to get my attention. He told me that I had to come back to Heaven with him or he would let you die,” he hung his head again, “I had no choice.” he finished softly.
Jared listened to Jensen and had the most surreal feeling that he was back on the set of Supernatural, expecting to hear someone yell ‘cut’ at any moment and come touch up their make-up, mop the sweat from their brows and get them each a bottle of water before finishing the scene.
“You ignorant son of a bitch!” Jared yelled, sliding up the wall to his feet, “What the hell is wrong with you? You’re not Dean Winchester, Jensen! This is - it’s something stupid that Dean and Sam would do out of some psychotic irrational co-dependant bullshit!” He yelled, raising his hands to clutch fistfuls of his messy hair, lips parted in shock, his eyes lowering to the shag carpet a moment before lifting back to stare angrily at Jensen’s back, his hands releasing his hair and falling to his sides, “How fucking dare you ruin my life because you let Dean Winchester bleed through like that!”
Jensen sighed softly and slowly turned around to face Jared, a sad wry smile on his face, “Maybe I played Dean wrong all those years, maybe instead of playing him as a man who was tough as nails, who hid his emotions, stuffing them away, with family being first, I should have played him as a man who was madly and passionately in love with his brother,” he suggested softly, head tilting to the side, his glittering green gaze boring into Jared’s broken hazel.
Jared stared in transfixed shock at Jensen for a long moment before tearing his gaze away, head turning; jaw clenched stubbornly, so much like Sam’s that the ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of Jensen’s lips as he watched him.
Tears stung Jared’s eyes as he thought over what Jensen had said, thought about if the roles had been reversed what he would have done, and he couldn’t help but come back to the same conclusion as hard as he tried to tell himself no, that he would find a better solution, he knew that just as Sam had jumped into the pit, not just to save the world but to save the world for his brother, he would have done whatever it took to save Jensen from whatever was threatening his life, no matter what the cost.
Jensen stood watching the emotions once again play over Jared’s face, forcing himself not to go to him, but to stand where he was. He would wait for Jared as long as it took. Suddenly in that moment, Jensen understood how Castile’s ‘I’ll wait right here,’ was really not a burden to the angel, no matter how long he had to wait there in that one place, not moving. It was but the blink of an eye to a being that went on forever.
Jared’s lips curved downward as his face started to crumble and he hung his head, lip and chin quivering, his anger seeping away from him, leaving only heartache and longing.
Jensen was across the room in the blink of an eye, standing before Jared, wanting to hold him to draw him into his arms, though hesitant to do anything, “Jared,” Jensen murmured, “I love you,”
Jared lifted his tear stained face, lips parting on an anguished wail before throwing his arms around Jensen, pulling him in and holding him close, his long legs suddenly seeming to give out, knees buckling. Only the strength of the angel who held him back keeping the man from falling to the floor.
Easing Jared’s down, Jensen sat on the plush shag carpet of Jared’s bedroom with him cradled in his arms and rocked his ex-co-star lover, all the while speaking soft words of comfort and love to him as he alternately rubbed his too thin back and combed his fingers through his straggly unkempt albeit soft hair.
The angel, once a man, didn’t even realize that his own tears were slipping down his cheeks, until one fell onto Jared’s shoulder, the teardrop wetting his tee and spreading out as it seeped into the material.
They remained like that for an immeasurable amount of time, minutes or perhaps hours ticked by as they simply clung to one another, hands fisting in the material of shirts, in too long hair, gripping arms as they tugged one another closer, each seemingly afraid to release the other. Their tears continuing to fall, mixing and mingling together where they dripped off cheeks and noses seeping onto the carpet or the soft cotton of shirts.
Jared slowly lifted red rimmed eyes to gaze into Jensen’s face, searching it, his brow furrowing after a moment in confusion seeing none of the ravages of time, his ex-co-star and lover looking exactly the way he had the last time he had seen him that horrible day at the hospital when his world had come crashing down around him.
He shook his head, “You look… the same.”
Jensen’s lips quirked slightly as he gazed back at Jared, glittering green eyes taking in the beauty that he had always seen in Jared, “Is that a good thing or bad?”
Jared shook his head, pulling back more so he could better see Jensen’s face, “No, I mean, you don’t look any different, not a day older, nothing,” his eyes searched Jensen’s, “except your eyes, they’re… I dunno, different somehow, but not like they should be.”
Jensen lowered slowly lowered his eyes sighing softly.
“What are you?” Jared asked softly as he continued to search Jensen’s face.
Glittering green eyes rose to meet slightly slanted hazel, his shoulders squaring as if on their own accord, without his permission, his head tilting upward slightly in a proud look before Jensen answered, his voice deeper with authority, “I am an angel…”
Jared frowned, “Of the Lord,” he supplied for Jensen with dry sarcasm, noting the very Castiel-like posture and tone of Jensen’s voice.
Jensen seemed to deflate in an instant, his head bowing as he shook it, “Sadly, no, ‘against my will’ would be a more accurate addition to my introduction.” Jensen answered sadly.
Jared stared at Jensen in wide eyed befuddlement as to what it was that had happened to him, that was done that had changed him into an angel that was against his will. Images and memories of Dean’s stint in Hell flashed through Jared’s mind and he had to calm himself with the reminder that this had supposedly been Heaven and not Hell, bad things didn’t happen to people in Heaven.
Taking a deep breath, Jensen raised his head to look into Jared’s face and continued on, “I probably don’t look any different because…” he licked his lips, “remember how for Dean four months was forty years?”
Jared gave a small nod, throat convulsing as he swallowed.
“Well, in Heaven I was gone only an hour,” he gave a small one shouldered shrug and shook his head, “I had no idea how much time had passed here until I arrived, I came back as soon as I was able to, Jay.”
Jared’s eyes widened once more, “An hour? What happened to you that you became an angel in an hour?“ He shook his head, “I didn’t even think that humans could become angels.”
“I guess they aren’t suppose to, but then Missabu, that’s Misha’s angelic name, so he told me; he wasn’t playing by all the rules,” his jaw clenched as he tore his gaze from Jared’s, “Apparently after you’ve been molested by an angel, you can get your wings rather quickly… or something like that,” Jensen explained bitterly, hurt and anger rising up inside him at what Missabu had done to him, forced upon him in order to keep Jared safe.
Jared stared at Jensen, appalled that an angel of God would do something like that to someone. Angels were suppose to be God’s warriors, or so he’d been taught in church, they had foretold of Jesus’ birth, had spoken to Joseph, destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah all in the name of God, there was no way that something like this had been made acceptable by God, not if the God he had been taught about in Sunday School as a little boy was real.
The next emotion to hit Jared seemed to hit him even harder than his rejection of the idea that an angel was capable of such behavior; the jealous possessiveness that twisted in his gut and burned in his chest had his hands clenching into fists, his jaw clenching and eyes narrowing.
My Jensen! Kill Missabu angel! Mine! Mine! Mine!
“Where’s one of those silver angel sword thingies like we had on the show when I need one?” He just managed to joke tightly, though the words were clipped and the smile that barely curved his lips was forced and didn’t meet his eyes in the least.
Jensen looked down at himself, an eyebrow quirking slightly at that question; hell maybe he had one on him somewhere and like his wings he just hadn’t figured out how to pull it out yet. Maybe he was like Robocop and the sword would just sort of slide into his hand when he needed it out of some slit in his arm now or something.
Actually, that would be kinda cool.
He shook his head as he looked back up at Jared, a small smirk tugging at one corner of his lips, “I dunno, I guess I should have asked Castiel before I high tailed it outta there to come here and find you.”
Jared’s mouth fell open as he stared at Jensen, “You met the real Castiel?”
Jensen nodded, “Yeah, he was… cool… kinda like our Castiel from the show… minus the major dick playing him.”
“Too bad he couldn’t have come down here to portray himself instead of that bastard angel who kidnapped you.”
Jensen’s lips curved into a soft bittersweet smile, “Yeah,” he agreed softly, “that would have been nice,” he murmured, eyes searching Jared’s face as he lifted a hand carding his fingers through Jared’s hair, cupping the nape of his neck and pulling him in closer. Their lips brushing hesitantly at first before Jared’s lips parted offering Jensen access, a choked whimper escaping Jared as Jensen’s tongue swept into his mouth, sliding along side Jared’s own.
Jared’s arm around Jensen tightened, hand splayed against the center of his back, fingertips digging into his flesh through his tee, his opposite arm moving, hand rising to cup the side of Jensen’s face, thumb running over the smooth flesh of Jensen’s cheek bone before his hand slid back, digits threading through the short softly gelled strands of his hair as their tongues twisted and danced together, each mapping out the others mouth urgently, low moans and soft groans sounding deep in their throats.
His lips still pressed to Jared’s, continuing to kiss him; the tip of his tongue stroking across the roof of his mouth, running along the backs of his teeth and along every groove, Jensen moved his hand not cupping Jared’s neck, reaching for the corner of the thick comforter and tugging it down, pulling the blanket down onto the floor with them before starting to ease Jared back.
Jared’s hand quickly pulled from Jensen’s hair, reaching back behind him, hand bracing palm flat against the floor to catch himself.
Jensen’s lips pulled marginally from Jared’s, his lips quirking just slightly, breaths panting into Jared’s mouth through parted lips, “S’okay, baby, I gotcha,”
Jared’s lips quirked in response, a ‘heh’-ed soft chuckle working out of him, “You got me?”
Jensen shrugged a shoulder, lips quirking further upward, “Seemed to fit,” Jensen mumbled, leaning back in to drop open mouthed kisses against Jared’s lips as he continued to lower him down.
Releasing the blanket after half covering them and half bunching it under Jared in an attempt to form a makeshift bed, Jensen reached upward, hand pressing palm flat against the wall to aid in scooting them back slightly on the carpet so Jared‘s head wouldn‘t knock against it, only to feel the wall give slightly, drawing Jensen’s attention, eyes opening, his lips still pressed to Jared’s as he looked up over his brows at the drywall that was now cracked, the broken line nearly tracing his hand.
As Jensen quickly jerked his hand away from the wall, Jared’s eyes fluttered open, brow furrowing in question before he tore his lips from Jensen’s, breaths panting out hard, drawing Jensen’s attention back to his face.
“What’s wrong?” Jared asked breathlessly.
Jensen glanced toward the wall before looking back at Jared and shaking his head, “Nothing, s’fine,” he lied, not wanting to break the mood with the fact that he had accidentally busted the wall, still not use to his angelic strength. “scoot down for me,” Jensen whispered softly, his glittering eyes searching Jared’s face, “I don’t want you to hit your head,” he explained with a soft smile.
Jared’s lips quirked, returning his smile as he wiggled downward on the floor, lying back against the soft blanket, “M’okay,” Jared murmured with a nod.
Jensen gave a nod back in reply as he lowered himself down on his side next to Jared, his upper body propped up on an elbow, gazing down at Jared, his opposite arm wrapped around Jared’s body bracing against the floor between his arm and chest.
“I was so worried about you,” Jensen murmured, swallowing hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, remembering the code blue alarm sounding in Jared’s hospital room when Missabu had taken Jared’s life in order to force his hand.
Jared pressed his lips in a thin line as he gazed up at Jensen, saw the tears glistening in his eyes and nodded, reaching a hand up to cup Jensen’s cheek, “I know,” he whispered, “m’okay, I healed, m’okay.”
Jensen turned his face toward Jared’s large paw, lips pressed against his palm, eyes slipping closed as he paused there a long moment before soundly kissing Jared’s hand and turning his head to look down at him, “I know, baby, I know,” he shook his head, “it’s all I wanted, it’s why did what I did,” he licked his lips and frowned darkly, “that rat bastard took your life once… scared the hell outta me, Jay.”
Jared nodded, “I know, I know, babe, s’ over now,” he swallowed, brow creasing with anxiety, “right?”
Jensen sighed a soft breath as he nodded, leaning in, dipping his head, “Yeah, baby, s’over,” he shook his head, “I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he whispered softly before slanting his mouth back over Jared’s. Jared’s whiskered face scratching against Jensen’s skin as their heads slid from side to side, devouring one another’s mouths.
Jared lifted his free arm, the one that wasn’t already still wrapped around Jensen, clinging to him and wrapped around from the opposite side, holding him within his embrace, one hand sliding up and down his back as they kissed, the other remaining clutched to Jensen tightly as though afraid to let go.
Jensen’s hand pulled away from the floor, reaching down for the hem of Jared’s tee, slowly pulling it upward, the backs of his knuckles grazing against a stomach that had once been ripped with hard packed muscles, only to now seem concave and soft. Jensen’s brow furrowed in confusion at the feel of it, causing him to tear his lips from Jared’s, eyes opening, head bowing as he looked down before pulling back for a better look as he continued to inch Jared’s shirt upward, revealing skin that had once been sun-kissed and tan that was now pale, the faint outline of Jared’s ribs stood out at his chest, the center of which though once had been kept waxed smooth was now covered with a light dusting of dark hair.
Gone were the muscles that Jensen was use to seeing on Jared these last three and a half years, back was the man-child boy that Jared had sported during New York Minute and the first few episodes of Supernatural.
Wide glittering green eyes darted over Jared’s torso, a soft gasp escaping at what he was seeing before he could stop himself, his head snapping quickly up to look toward Jared’s face at the same moment that Jared pulled one hand from around Jensen to grab his tee, quickly tugging it back down, brows furrowed in misery.
“Jay?”
Jared’s tormented gaze met Jensen’s concerned one and he shook his head, tears glistening in the depths of his cat-like eyes.
“What hap -” Jensen stared only to pause in his words, suddenly knowing in it had to do with his disappearance, remorse filling his green eyes instantly, his head bowing.
Tears silently spilled over Jared’s eyes, his teeth clenching together as he turned his head to the side, huffing out a breath, tongue darting out to lick his lips, “What happened to me?” he finished for Jensen before shrugging a shoulder, “There was no one left to impress,” he answered simply, his tone bitter. “You were gone, the show was gone, the fans were gone, work,” he shook his head, “Gen,” he shrugged a shoulder, no one and nothing left to try for,” he turned his head looking back at Jensen, into those compassion filled green eyes and couldn’t help the resentment that filled his tone, “I became a virtual recluse, everyone thought I was crazy, my life was ruined… but at least I was alive, right?” he huffed, tearing his gaze away.
Jensen swallowed back the lump in his throat, having never thought about or expected such a fallout from his disappearance. He nodded with a soft sigh and started to pull away from Jared, only to have him tighten his grip as he looked back at Jensen and shook his head, “No,” he said softly, “please don’t go,” he shook his head, a tear making it’s way down his cheek, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”
Jensen sighed, brows rising in anguish, “You have nothing to apologize for, baby,” Jensen told him softly, “I’m the one who screwed everything up,” he shook his head, “I had no idea this would happen to you, that you would suffer like this… I swear it.”
Jared shook his head, “You disappear and you don’t think I am going to suffer?” he asked incredulously.
Jensen’s mouth opened only to close again, he should have thought it over better, should have known, should have at least demanded that he be allowed to explain to Jared before he left and not have listened to Missabu.
“I’m so sorry, Jay,” Jensen whispered, leaning back down, his body half covering Jared’s, their gazes locked, “I swear, that I am gonna make it up to you,” Jensen vowed, “I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to make you so friggin’ happy the rest of your life, Jay,” his hand rose to thread his fingers through Jared’s hair, cupping the side of his face, “so happy that you won’t even remember these ten years, they’ll be like they happened in someone else’s life, not yours,” he offered a soft smile, “I wanna see the light come back in those gorgeous eyes, see you smile and hear you laugh every day for the rest of your life.”
Jared’s lips quirked into a smile as he listened to Jensen’s declaration, until the words, ‘the rest of your life’ rang through his head, standing out from on the others and his brow knitted into a frown. His life, what about Jensen’s life?
“I’m an angel…”
Jared clenched his jaw, turning his head to the side, tears stinging his eyes anew.
“Jay? What’s wrong?”
“I’m old.”
Jensen chuckled softly, dipping his head to press a kiss to Jared’s temple, “Yeah, so old,” Jensen agreed with a soft snicker, not seeing how six years difference was really all that big of a deal, “tomorrow I’ll see about getting you those dentures I had my eye on.” Jensen teased, pulling his head back.
Jared gasped in a breath, head turning to stare in wide eyed shock up at Jensen, “My teeth!” he raised a hand to cup over his mouth, “I didn’t even think about those,” Jared mumbled behind his hand before pulling it away, “I have to stop eating candy.”
Jensen chuckled, “Baby, you stopping that would be like the moon stopping its control of the tides,” Jensen said, shaking his head, laughter in his eyes, “it’s impossible.”
Slightly slanted eyes tightened, a muscle in Jared’s jaw twitching, “It’s not impossible, I have to,” he ran a hand through his hair, letting it fall back against the floor after as he shook his head, “I dunno what I’m gonna do, I - I’m going to get old and you’re not.”
Jensen shook his head, “Jay, its okay, don’t worry about it, we have lots of time before you’ll be old, and I -” he paused, brow furrowing as he thought about that. He would remain the same, forever. Live, forever. He would see Jared grow old and die, and yet he would remain, just as he was, for eternity.
“And when I do, when I am old and grey and my skin is wrinkled and I’m flabby and my teeth fall out, and yet there you are, still the same, still young and gorgeous, then what?” Jared asked, his voice filled with the anguish that shone in his sad wide, beseeching eyes.
Jared’s words drew Jensen out of his own thoughts, his focus returning to Jared as he shook his head, gazing into full blown ’puppy eyes’, “Jay, I don’t care about all that, I don’t care about you getting grey hair or false teeth or when you shrink, or are bent over with a walker,”
Jensen paused as Jared gasped, eyes widening with panic, causing Jensen to nearly roll his own.
“Jared, I’m still going to love you, I didn’t fall in love with your muscles or your height or your skin, or even your teeth, you ninny,” he shook his head, “I fell in love with you, the way you are, the you that’ll never change. The ease of your laughter, the light in your eyes, the love that you have and give so freely to everyone around you, but especially to me,” he sighed, “that’s what I love.”
Jared shook his head, “And after I die, you’ll still be here,” he bit his lip, “will we get to be together,” he glanced upward toward the ceiling before looking back at Jensen.
Sighing softly, Jensen shook his head, “I dunno, I - I’m kinda new at all this and Castiel kinda gave me the crash course I think,”
Jared nodded, his gaze dropping before he squeezed his eyes closed, heart constricting in his chest, tears wetting his lashes before slowly sliding down his cheeks.
“Oh hey,” Jensen started, pulling Jared into his arms as he rolled off him and onto his side to better hold onto him, “don’t cry, baby, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll work it out and that’s a long time from now,” Jensen said, running a hand up and down Jared’s back as Jared tucked his face against Jensen’s neck and wept softly, “shhh, s’okay, Jay, s’okay…”
* * * * * * *
They remained that way, with Jensen holding Jared tightly in his arms, one of Jared’s arms remaining wrapped around Jensen, the other gripping the front of his tee in a fisted hand, his face tucked against Jensen’s neck, his scruffy whiskers prickling the sensitive skin though Jensen’s didn’t care, only tilting his head to the side, laying it against Jared’s own, whispering words of love and comfort as he alternated between rubbing Jared’s back and simply holding him a little tighter, hand staying for the moments that he did, pressing Jared’s body against his own.
His tears having stopped, only soft sniffles and quietly hiccupped breaths remaining to give indication that he had been crying not long before, Jared slowly pulled his head from Jensen’s shoulder, his face from being tucked against his neck, looking wide eyed hazel into Jensen’s face, searching, “What did Misha - I mean Missabu do to you,” he paused, swallowing hard, “exactly?”
Jensen sighed, tearing his gaze away from Jared’s, “Jay,” he pleaded softly, shaking his head, eyes slipping closed.
Releasing Jensen’s tee, Jared raised his hand, cupping the side of Jensen’s face, “Please, Jen,” Jared begged, his voice equally as soft.
Opening his eyes, Jensen looked back into Jared’s face, brow knitting in confusion and pain, “Why would you want you want to know that? Let’s - let’s just forget it, okay?”
Dropping his hand from Jensen’s face, Jared clenched his jaw, “No, it’s not okay and I can’t just ‘forget it’, I just… I need to know, alright? I wanna know what that bastard did to you up there.” Jared growled softly before muttering low, “He better not have hurt you or I’ll pluck his feathers out one by one.”
“Heh,” Jensen huffed softly, “He might like it,” he allowed, answering Jared’s barely audible mutterings rather than his spoken words.
Jared’s eyes were soft and beseeching, wide and sad as he gazed at Jensen, his puppy look out in full force, he couldn’t help it, he needed to know exactly what had happened between his Jensen and the angel, a fierce possessiveness rearing it’s ugly head entwined on some base level with a jealousy Jared knew was unfounded, along with a sense of guilt at Jensen having to go through it at all in order to save him, all of which compelled him to push Jensen for information. He wanted, needed to know so he could take it all away, reclaim what was his, make it better again.
Jensen sighed wearily, “You really are spoiled, you know that?” He asked Jared, and in that moment, Jared knew he had won. He pulled and tugged on Jensen to draw him closer only to huff a breath as Jensen didn’t budge.
“A little help here?” Jared asked.
Jensen’s brows rose before it dawned on him. Angel, harder to move, he’d be like a brick wall unless he helped Jared or was aware of what he wanted and allowed his body to go somewhat slack to move it.
“Oh, right,” Jensen nodded, sliding closer, one leg moving to hook over the top of Jared’s, his body nearly on top of Jared’s, “sorry.”
Jared nodded, “Lay your head on my chest if you want to,” he offered softly.
Jensen’s lips quirked into a soft smile before he dipped his head, only instead of laying it down on Jared’s chest, he pressed his lips there, against the cotton of his tee, with Jared’s body heat warming the fabric, he kissed him softly and lowered his head instead to Jared’s shoulder as he drew in a deep fortifying breath.
Jared’s free hand reached behind him, “Gimme your hand?”
Unwrapping one arm from around Jared, Jensen gripped Jared’s hand within his own, their palms slowly sliding together as they splayed their fingers, lacing them together. Jared’s elbow remained bent against the floor, their entwined hands lowering to rest against Jared’s chest.
Jensen lay there with Jared for a long while, staring at their joined hands as he gathered his thoughts, brow furrowing he licked his lips, “When we arrived, we were in the seventh realm of Heaven and Missabu was leading me toward what I suppose was his house, some small sparsely furnished cottage among rows of other cottages,” he huffed, “Who knew angels lived in cottage along streets of gold?”
Jared turned his head slightly, pressing his lips to Jensen’s temple and lingering, waiting for Jensen to continue. When nothing was said for a long moment Jared coaxed softly, “S’okay, babe, keep going.”
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http://community.livejournal.com/wordsmeetwings/21276.html - chapter 2