Brigit's Flame, October Week 2, Navel
A/N: 'Pop' is a what I call 'soda', 'coke' or you know, any other carbonated beverage that isn't alcoholic.
Word Count: ~1950
"Alice outside Wonderland."
Alice stirred a fourth container of cream into her coffee before taking another sip. Two more packets of sugar and another cream went into the mug before she tasted it again. It still tasted like coffee, but at least now it didn't taste burnt.
“It ceases to be coffee if its that colour, Alice.”
Alice finished her coffee without acknowledging Keiran. She wasn't awake enough yet to deal with his humour.
Both Kate and Brin laughed. Erik had the good sense to keep his mouth shut since he was sitting across from Alice, and Keiran was far faster than she was, catching the elbow she'd aimed for his ribs with ease.
Erik poured another cup for Alice, handing her the rest of the bowl of creamers. “I'd watch out, Keiran. She's mean first thing in the morning.”
She was going to need at least two more cups before she could really think straight. “They don't have tea. If you want me to be a reasonable facsimile of an adult, I'm going to need the caffeine,” Alice said, making her second cup of coffee drinkable. “Erik should know, I can't remember how many times I stepped on him second year.”
“Stepped on?” Brin, Kate and Keiran all asked at the same time.
“Go ahead, Erik, explain why I was stepping on you.”
“Oh no, you brought it up.”
“Yeah but all I was doing was climbing out of bed.”
Erik flushed and threw a creamer down Alice's shirt. “Yep. I was trying to crash in the girls dorm.”
Alice nearly choked on her coffee, grabbing a napkin to keep it from flying out her nose. “I think you may have been doing more than just sleeping,” Alice said before coughing again and pulling the creamer out of her bra. Keiran patted Alice's back, trying to help her stop coughing. Which didn't really surprise Alice, at least not as much as Keiran leaving his arm around her shoulders did. She felt stiff, unsure of how to react.
The angellic look Keiran was giving her wasn't helping.
“Should we get you two a room? I don't think we'll be able to help Alice if we have this many witnesses to murder.”
“No, we'll be right back.” Alice pushed her chair back and stood, taking Keiran's hand and leading out and around the side of the diner.
“What's wrong? You used to like it when I put my arm around you.”
“Yeah, Keiran, I did. I used to be young and stupid too.”
“You were never stupid.”
“No?” Alice took a deep breath. This was not when or how she wanted to hash things out with Keiran. “What part of sleeping with you wasn't stupid? I knew exactly what I was going to get out of it, and I knew it wasn't half of what I wanted, Keiran. It was stupid,”
“I thought you didn't regret the things you've done.”
“I don't regret it, Keiran. But I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake again. I don't know what you want. I don't even think you know what you want. I've done enough thinking and navel-gazing to know what I'm not doing this time.”
“Well, what do you want?”
Alice looked up at Keiran, words she had contemplated a million ways to say to him, on the tip of her tongue. “I want you here, I don't want to worry that you're suddenly going to be gone again, or that you're going to do something ridiculously fucking stupid and not be around.”
“I'm not going anywhere, Alice. I want to be your friend. And this time, Kate will kill me. How you managed to keep her from doing me serious damage astounds me.”
“Separation. She had no opportunity.” Alice giggled a little, thinking about the numerous times she'd told Keiran not to come out because Kate was pissed.
“I'm surprised she went along with last night.”
Alice shrugged, kicking at the pop can on the ground. “You make me feel safe, Keir, and she knows it. She doesn't understand it, none of them do. I'm not sure I do.” Alice watched Keiran through her hair, wondering how he'd react. Of all the things she'd ever said to him, this scared her most.
“I'm the last person in the world who should engender that feeling, Alice.”
“I know. That doesn't change the truth. I've known you long enough that I don't have to hide anything from you, Keiran. I don't feel like I need to moderate the pain I'm feeling. You know. You've been here to pick up the pieces, even when you were the one enabling me to break things.”
“I'm not safe.”
Alice shrugged. “I didn't say you were. I said you make me feel safe, safer than I've felt in the last year. This doesn't change anything. All I've done is tell you what I was thinking.”
“That changes everything, Alice.”
“How, Keiran? As long as you don't do something stupid like go AWOL for my birthday, I think we'll be good.”
“Alice, listen to what you said. As long as I don't do something that historically, I've done when you needed me.”
“Neither of us are the same people any more, Keiran. We've both grown up a lot since then. I would have never dreamed of telling you something like that last time around. Just because you thought my feelings were foolish didn't make them so. And I'm old enough an d wise enough to realise I have to be able to tell you these kinds of things.” Alice pushed her self away from the wall and headed back into the diner. She wanted to order soon, so she could go home soon, and ignore that Keiran had responded exactly they way she'd worried he would.
“You and Keiran ok?”
Alice snorted. “I don't think I'm even going to dignify that question with a response, Brin. He's not happy with me.”
“Why?”
Alice wiped her face down with the paper towel one more time, trying to remove the last of the glitter from her eyebrow. “I told him the full truth, possibly for the first time ever, today.”
Brin shrugged. “Well, that would do it. The two of you never were good at disclosure in a timely manner.”
“No, timely is not a word you can use to describe either of us.”
“If you don't hurry, they're going to order without us,” Brin said as she tossed her paper towelling into the rubbish and opening the door. “You can't hide in here forever.”
“I wasn't trying to hide,” Alice said as she dried her hands on the bottom half of her jeans, before following Brin out. “I just needed come to terms with actually saying what I did.”
“Alice, what the hell did you tell him?”
“Just that he makes me feel safe.”
Alice was frustrated. Keiran was being a perfect gentleman, behaving like she hadn't left in the middle of the conversation. It was frustrating and confusing to her. Which based on the number of letters after her name should have been a lot harder to accomplish than it was. She refused to regret telling Keiran. Alice had over-thought the way the conversation could go every time she'd seen him for the past six months.
Brin had just volunteered to drive Kate home, and before Alice could even think to protest that it was too far, Kate had already agreed and they were plotting the best ways to get back to Kate's, and then for Brin and Erik to drive across the city.
“Wait, what just happened?” Erik asked between bites of pancake.
“Your wife just agreed to take Kate home,” Keiran answered.
“I'm not sure that-” Erik stopped when Brin gave him a dirty look that probably indicated he wasn't going to get any any time soon if he didn't shut up.
Alice shook her head and tucked into her omelette. She knew what they were doing, and suspected that Keiran did as well. “Ya'll are evil.”
“Us?” Brin and Kate answered at the same time.
“My point exactly.”
“Were you really thinking about teaching in Canada?”
“I've applied everywhere I could think of, Keiran. Why?” Alice was hopping from one part of the curb to the other, pretending it was a balance beam, and thoroughly enjoying feeling like a kid.
“I can't visit you in Canada.”
“I'd come home to see you, Keiran.”
“Just me?”
Alice stopped. “Keiran, yesterday was the first time we've hung out with my friends since you showed back up. Yes, just you.”
“Really?”
“Keiran, I don't have the job yet. I'm not going anywhere until I do.” Alice had a pretty good idea what he was getting at, but she wasn't ready to think it.
“Alice, I've been thinking.”
Alice bit back a snide remark and waited. Last time Keiran had been thinking he moved across the state and eventually out of her life. “About?”
“How crazy you are. Why I care if you do move to Canada. How much eleven years unpaid parking tickets and bail fees might really be.” Keiran had stopped following Alice as she made her way in circles around the fountain they'd stopped next to.
“Why am I crazy, Keiran? I do way less stupid shit than when I was in high school,” Alice said as she came to stand in front of Keiran. She happily ignored the implications about Canada that she didn’t want to think about yet.
“I’m not safe. I do stupid shit, Alice.”
Alice shrugged and sat down on the fountain’s retaining wall. “I do too, Keiran. What does it matter if you can’t get back out of Canada?”
“Are you serious, Alice?”
“Yeah, I don’t understand the sudden desire to visit a country you’ve sworn never to go back to, even if it’s to visit me.”
Keiran sat next to Alice and she heard him hiss because of the cold. He was silent as he ran a hand through his hair. “Alice, my inability to visit you, or you know more, if it comes to that, kind of hinders our ability to be anything more than friends.”
Alice closed her eyes and counted to ten. When that didn’t help her calm down, she closed her eyes again and counted to fifty. “I’m sorry, I need you to repeat that.”
“I told you last night that I wanted to get into your metaphorical pants.”
“Yes, you did. You also got decked by some asshole who threatened me,” Alice said, rubbing her knuckles just below the bruise on Keiran’s cheek. “I don’t know why you didn’t at least return the favour for the other guy.”
“That would have gotten me banned.”
“Keiran, I’m not in this to date you for a while and then move on. I’m not good at that, I never have been. I can’t get my heart broken again, even if its under vastly different circumstances.”
“I know, Alice.”
Word Count: ~1950
"Alice outside Wonderland."
Alice stirred a fourth container of cream into her coffee before taking another sip. Two more packets of sugar and another cream went into the mug before she tasted it again. It still tasted like coffee, but at least now it didn't taste burnt.
“It ceases to be coffee if its that colour, Alice.”
Alice finished her coffee without acknowledging Keiran. She wasn't awake enough yet to deal with his humour.
Both Kate and Brin laughed. Erik had the good sense to keep his mouth shut since he was sitting across from Alice, and Keiran was far faster than she was, catching the elbow she'd aimed for his ribs with ease.
Erik poured another cup for Alice, handing her the rest of the bowl of creamers. “I'd watch out, Keiran. She's mean first thing in the morning.”
She was going to need at least two more cups before she could really think straight. “They don't have tea. If you want me to be a reasonable facsimile of an adult, I'm going to need the caffeine,” Alice said, making her second cup of coffee drinkable. “Erik should know, I can't remember how many times I stepped on him second year.”
“Stepped on?” Brin, Kate and Keiran all asked at the same time.
“Go ahead, Erik, explain why I was stepping on you.”
“Oh no, you brought it up.”
“Yeah but all I was doing was climbing out of bed.”
Erik flushed and threw a creamer down Alice's shirt. “Yep. I was trying to crash in the girls dorm.”
Alice nearly choked on her coffee, grabbing a napkin to keep it from flying out her nose. “I think you may have been doing more than just sleeping,” Alice said before coughing again and pulling the creamer out of her bra. Keiran patted Alice's back, trying to help her stop coughing. Which didn't really surprise Alice, at least not as much as Keiran leaving his arm around her shoulders did. She felt stiff, unsure of how to react.
The angellic look Keiran was giving her wasn't helping.
“Should we get you two a room? I don't think we'll be able to help Alice if we have this many witnesses to murder.”
“No, we'll be right back.” Alice pushed her chair back and stood, taking Keiran's hand and leading out and around the side of the diner.
“What's wrong? You used to like it when I put my arm around you.”
“Yeah, Keiran, I did. I used to be young and stupid too.”
“You were never stupid.”
“No?” Alice took a deep breath. This was not when or how she wanted to hash things out with Keiran. “What part of sleeping with you wasn't stupid? I knew exactly what I was going to get out of it, and I knew it wasn't half of what I wanted, Keiran. It was stupid,”
“I thought you didn't regret the things you've done.”
“I don't regret it, Keiran. But I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake again. I don't know what you want. I don't even think you know what you want. I've done enough thinking and navel-gazing to know what I'm not doing this time.”
“Well, what do you want?”
Alice looked up at Keiran, words she had contemplated a million ways to say to him, on the tip of her tongue. “I want you here, I don't want to worry that you're suddenly going to be gone again, or that you're going to do something ridiculously fucking stupid and not be around.”
“I'm not going anywhere, Alice. I want to be your friend. And this time, Kate will kill me. How you managed to keep her from doing me serious damage astounds me.”
“Separation. She had no opportunity.” Alice giggled a little, thinking about the numerous times she'd told Keiran not to come out because Kate was pissed.
“I'm surprised she went along with last night.”
Alice shrugged, kicking at the pop can on the ground. “You make me feel safe, Keir, and she knows it. She doesn't understand it, none of them do. I'm not sure I do.” Alice watched Keiran through her hair, wondering how he'd react. Of all the things she'd ever said to him, this scared her most.
“I'm the last person in the world who should engender that feeling, Alice.”
“I know. That doesn't change the truth. I've known you long enough that I don't have to hide anything from you, Keiran. I don't feel like I need to moderate the pain I'm feeling. You know. You've been here to pick up the pieces, even when you were the one enabling me to break things.”
“I'm not safe.”
Alice shrugged. “I didn't say you were. I said you make me feel safe, safer than I've felt in the last year. This doesn't change anything. All I've done is tell you what I was thinking.”
“That changes everything, Alice.”
“How, Keiran? As long as you don't do something stupid like go AWOL for my birthday, I think we'll be good.”
“Alice, listen to what you said. As long as I don't do something that historically, I've done when you needed me.”
“Neither of us are the same people any more, Keiran. We've both grown up a lot since then. I would have never dreamed of telling you something like that last time around. Just because you thought my feelings were foolish didn't make them so. And I'm old enough an d wise enough to realise I have to be able to tell you these kinds of things.” Alice pushed her self away from the wall and headed back into the diner. She wanted to order soon, so she could go home soon, and ignore that Keiran had responded exactly they way she'd worried he would.
“You and Keiran ok?”
Alice snorted. “I don't think I'm even going to dignify that question with a response, Brin. He's not happy with me.”
“Why?”
Alice wiped her face down with the paper towel one more time, trying to remove the last of the glitter from her eyebrow. “I told him the full truth, possibly for the first time ever, today.”
Brin shrugged. “Well, that would do it. The two of you never were good at disclosure in a timely manner.”
“No, timely is not a word you can use to describe either of us.”
“If you don't hurry, they're going to order without us,” Brin said as she tossed her paper towelling into the rubbish and opening the door. “You can't hide in here forever.”
“I wasn't trying to hide,” Alice said as she dried her hands on the bottom half of her jeans, before following Brin out. “I just needed come to terms with actually saying what I did.”
“Alice, what the hell did you tell him?”
“Just that he makes me feel safe.”
Alice was frustrated. Keiran was being a perfect gentleman, behaving like she hadn't left in the middle of the conversation. It was frustrating and confusing to her. Which based on the number of letters after her name should have been a lot harder to accomplish than it was. She refused to regret telling Keiran. Alice had over-thought the way the conversation could go every time she'd seen him for the past six months.
Brin had just volunteered to drive Kate home, and before Alice could even think to protest that it was too far, Kate had already agreed and they were plotting the best ways to get back to Kate's, and then for Brin and Erik to drive across the city.
“Wait, what just happened?” Erik asked between bites of pancake.
“Your wife just agreed to take Kate home,” Keiran answered.
“I'm not sure that-” Erik stopped when Brin gave him a dirty look that probably indicated he wasn't going to get any any time soon if he didn't shut up.
Alice shook her head and tucked into her omelette. She knew what they were doing, and suspected that Keiran did as well. “Ya'll are evil.”
“Us?” Brin and Kate answered at the same time.
“My point exactly.”
“Were you really thinking about teaching in Canada?”
“I've applied everywhere I could think of, Keiran. Why?” Alice was hopping from one part of the curb to the other, pretending it was a balance beam, and thoroughly enjoying feeling like a kid.
“I can't visit you in Canada.”
“I'd come home to see you, Keiran.”
“Just me?”
Alice stopped. “Keiran, yesterday was the first time we've hung out with my friends since you showed back up. Yes, just you.”
“Really?”
“Keiran, I don't have the job yet. I'm not going anywhere until I do.” Alice had a pretty good idea what he was getting at, but she wasn't ready to think it.
“Alice, I've been thinking.”
Alice bit back a snide remark and waited. Last time Keiran had been thinking he moved across the state and eventually out of her life. “About?”
“How crazy you are. Why I care if you do move to Canada. How much eleven years unpaid parking tickets and bail fees might really be.” Keiran had stopped following Alice as she made her way in circles around the fountain they'd stopped next to.
“Why am I crazy, Keiran? I do way less stupid shit than when I was in high school,” Alice said as she came to stand in front of Keiran. She happily ignored the implications about Canada that she didn’t want to think about yet.
“I’m not safe. I do stupid shit, Alice.”
Alice shrugged and sat down on the fountain’s retaining wall. “I do too, Keiran. What does it matter if you can’t get back out of Canada?”
“Are you serious, Alice?”
“Yeah, I don’t understand the sudden desire to visit a country you’ve sworn never to go back to, even if it’s to visit me.”
Keiran sat next to Alice and she heard him hiss because of the cold. He was silent as he ran a hand through his hair. “Alice, my inability to visit you, or you know more, if it comes to that, kind of hinders our ability to be anything more than friends.”
Alice closed her eyes and counted to ten. When that didn’t help her calm down, she closed her eyes again and counted to fifty. “I’m sorry, I need you to repeat that.”
“I told you last night that I wanted to get into your metaphorical pants.”
“Yes, you did. You also got decked by some asshole who threatened me,” Alice said, rubbing her knuckles just below the bruise on Keiran’s cheek. “I don’t know why you didn’t at least return the favour for the other guy.”
“That would have gotten me banned.”
“Keiran, I’m not in this to date you for a while and then move on. I’m not good at that, I never have been. I can’t get my heart broken again, even if its under vastly different circumstances.”
“I know, Alice.”