Fearful About The Short and Long-Term Future
As I think about the health situation at which we are having to deal with, I have to admit I’m worried about what may happen next; what might or may not come of us and our future together. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I certainly don’t want your life to be cut short by something that can be treated and prevented. Nor do I don’t want you to be fearful of the circumstances either. I don’t want you to worry, feel pain, nor feel helpless. If I could take these feelings away for you, I would.
I’ve been doing a great deal of soul-searching of my own; something I’ve not come right out and say that I’ve been doing. I know who you are; perhaps more than you remember right now. But unfortunately, I know who I am too. Some things may surprise you. I’m not that innocent; I’m not that sweet or gentle-hearted. I can be when I want to be; when I’m sincere. But when I’m not sincere, it’s a whole other ballgame. Strange when I think back on our relationship-I’ve been nothing but sincere. I’ve never intentionally tried to wreck what we have, how we bond with one another, or how we share our lives with each other. Why I haven’t done to you what I’ve normally done to others who I’ve come close to is beyond my grasp right now. Needless-to-say, we have something special. And I know that.
I’m a lot more emotional than you think I am. I deal more with the emotional and tradegic aspect of “what-if’s” perhaps more than the average person. This may explain how and why I know what I want as often as I do. However, when it comes to you and me, I have to admit I’m not really sure what I want. I know what I want to give to you; there’s no doubt there. I know who I want to give this precious gift to, and how special it will be to me as both an individual and your closest friend. However, above all, I know I don’t want to hurt you; you’re the last person on this planet I’d ever want to hurt.
Some aspects I’m beginning to question doesn’t question us and what we are to each other and how we will continue to grow in the future. These aspects are personal; almost haunting. I have a record that proves how selfish and inconsiderate I can be to other people’s feelings when it comes to this subject. I know my own selfish-desires have occasionally tainted the experiences of love I’ve dealt with and caused pain to erupt violently on all sides. As I recall these instances in my head, I have to step back and really search deep within myself as I question whether you and I may end up this way as well. I know I don’t, nor can I, lose you in my life. Not now; perhaps not ever. I need you and will always feel safe knowing that we are still there for one another, no matter the timing nor circumstance nor distance that may come between us. I’ll need you then, just as I need you now. As I struggle with these desires of mine to show you real love, I know I don’t want to risk our future together on that either.
While I’m not ready to spill-the-beans entirely with you just yet, know that I’m thinking and searching very deeply on this subject myself. Again, of all the people on this planet, you’re the last one I’d ever want to hurt. I just have to think about this as if we were to really pursue the next step, and ask “what now?” Understanding what may happen next will help me to figure out just why I want to do this and whether it is indeed “love” that I want to give you or something else. Either way, my love for you will never change, and I pray our relationship will only get stronger as we continue to grow with one another.
I’ve been doing a great deal of soul-searching of my own; something I’ve not come right out and say that I’ve been doing. I know who you are; perhaps more than you remember right now. But unfortunately, I know who I am too. Some things may surprise you. I’m not that innocent; I’m not that sweet or gentle-hearted. I can be when I want to be; when I’m sincere. But when I’m not sincere, it’s a whole other ballgame. Strange when I think back on our relationship-I’ve been nothing but sincere. I’ve never intentionally tried to wreck what we have, how we bond with one another, or how we share our lives with each other. Why I haven’t done to you what I’ve normally done to others who I’ve come close to is beyond my grasp right now. Needless-to-say, we have something special. And I know that.
I’m a lot more emotional than you think I am. I deal more with the emotional and tradegic aspect of “what-if’s” perhaps more than the average person. This may explain how and why I know what I want as often as I do. However, when it comes to you and me, I have to admit I’m not really sure what I want. I know what I want to give to you; there’s no doubt there. I know who I want to give this precious gift to, and how special it will be to me as both an individual and your closest friend. However, above all, I know I don’t want to hurt you; you’re the last person on this planet I’d ever want to hurt.
Some aspects I’m beginning to question doesn’t question us and what we are to each other and how we will continue to grow in the future. These aspects are personal; almost haunting. I have a record that proves how selfish and inconsiderate I can be to other people’s feelings when it comes to this subject. I know my own selfish-desires have occasionally tainted the experiences of love I’ve dealt with and caused pain to erupt violently on all sides. As I recall these instances in my head, I have to step back and really search deep within myself as I question whether you and I may end up this way as well. I know I don’t, nor can I, lose you in my life. Not now; perhaps not ever. I need you and will always feel safe knowing that we are still there for one another, no matter the timing nor circumstance nor distance that may come between us. I’ll need you then, just as I need you now. As I struggle with these desires of mine to show you real love, I know I don’t want to risk our future together on that either.
While I’m not ready to spill-the-beans entirely with you just yet, know that I’m thinking and searching very deeply on this subject myself. Again, of all the people on this planet, you’re the last one I’d ever want to hurt. I just have to think about this as if we were to really pursue the next step, and ask “what now?” Understanding what may happen next will help me to figure out just why I want to do this and whether it is indeed “love” that I want to give you or something else. Either way, my love for you will never change, and I pray our relationship will only get stronger as we continue to grow with one another.