I'm Still Alive
Wow. It's been well over a year since I posted to this journal, and almost a year before that. Wow. So, where have I been? What have I been doing? What adventures have I taken? What fortunes or misfortunes have been upon me? Am I where I saw myself a year ago? Two years ago? Am I on the path I started and wanted to finish? Am I alone? Am I surrounded by friends and family? Am I happy? Am I hurting? Have I moved? Wow...where do I begin?
Life has not been easy. Not in the least. I've dealt with a great deal of misfortune, lonliness, uncertainty, set backs, while also experiencing refuge, friendly advice and help, encouragement, and guidance. I am by no means where I pictured myself. Nor am I happy. I'm not a drifter, as I started a path of determination and what I believed (unsure if I still do) in what was my destany. But I'm by no means finishing what I started either. I wouldn't say I'm poor, as I am getting food and showers and clean clothes right now (although I haven't always been), but I am blessed in that my circumstances could have and still can get far worse than they are. I'm lonely, but I'm not alone. I finally have a support network--distant majority wise, but they're still there. I'm alive. Something I honestly feel I shouldn't be. My life was almost taken from me ten months ago. I've lost a great deal of who I was and parts of me that took some time to get back. Hope is something I've been reluctant to hold on to. I'm still struggling today. But, I do know that I'm still alive for a reason, a purpose, a destany...yet undefined. My destany may still be the same as what I believed and started working towards years ago--don't know yet. Don't know why I'm still alive. Don't see any purpose I have yet, but something still tells me that I do. Something saved me from what should have been sheer and instant death. But I'm still here. I'm still alive.
Life has not been easy. Not in the least. I've dealt with a great deal of misfortune, lonliness, uncertainty, set backs, while also experiencing refuge, friendly advice and help, encouragement, and guidance. I am by no means where I pictured myself. Nor am I happy. I'm not a drifter, as I started a path of determination and what I believed (unsure if I still do) in what was my destany. But I'm by no means finishing what I started either. I wouldn't say I'm poor, as I am getting food and showers and clean clothes right now (although I haven't always been), but I am blessed in that my circumstances could have and still can get far worse than they are. I'm lonely, but I'm not alone. I finally have a support network--distant majority wise, but they're still there. I'm alive. Something I honestly feel I shouldn't be. My life was almost taken from me ten months ago. I've lost a great deal of who I was and parts of me that took some time to get back. Hope is something I've been reluctant to hold on to. I'm still struggling today. But, I do know that I'm still alive for a reason, a purpose, a destany...yet undefined. My destany may still be the same as what I believed and started working towards years ago--don't know yet. Don't know why I'm still alive. Don't see any purpose I have yet, but something still tells me that I do. Something saved me from what should have been sheer and instant death. But I'm still here. I'm still alive.