The Fall of Camelot [The OC; Ryan/Kirsten]
TITLE: The Fall of Camelot
PART SEVEN
FANDOM: The OC
PAIRING: Ryan/Kirsten
SPOILERS: Season three AU
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Despite all the complexities and twists in her relationship with Ryan, it all boiled down to one very simple point: she needed him.
*****
Kirsten wasn’t sure how long she sat in the pool house trying to make head or tail of what she was feeling.
As soon as Julie had left, she had turned off the lights, curled up on the bed and tried to sort everything out. She thought about the first time she met Ryan; the butterflies that had assaulted her stomach the first time she waved at him and he gave her a hint of a smile.
She thought about the time they nearly collided in the kitchen just a few short days later; the inexplicable tension that kept them shooting furtive glances at each other until dinner. She thought about the way he defended her honor in juvy and the way it tugged at her heartstrings, and how she felt instinctively that she needed him in her life.
She thought about the way he held her the first time they said goodbye and how broken she had felt when he was gone; how, even before she knew about Seth’s departure, she had completely melted down in the pool house, taking the sheets off the bed where she now laid missing him.
She thought about all his conflict with her father and how fiercely protective of him she had been; how downright furious she had been at her father for passing judgement on this kid that had basically saved her from being an ice queen the rest of her life. How his soft declaration of love, combined with the potent stare they exchanged at her intervention, completely weakened her resolve and made her feel vulnerable again, whereas the alcohol once made her feel invincible.
She thought about the times he had come to visit her at Suriak and walked around the gardens with her, occasionally holding her hand when he saw it begin to shake with withdrawal, or placing his jacket around her shoulders when the need for alcohol became so intense it made her shiver.
She thought about the look on his face when she came home again, the brilliant smile on his face as his eyes held hers and he murmured softly, “Oh my God.” The way he made a beeline for her and wrapped her in an embrace, that familiar warmth settling around her.
She thought about the way he was there, just always there, whether Sandy bailed on dinner or abandoned his post as King Arthur to work on the hospital. She thought about how protective he was of her, seemingly never wanting her to feel an ounce of hurt or disappointment, and doing his best to take it away if she did.
She thought about the safety and comfort she had felt in his arms that night under the pier as they slow-danced; not to mention, the tiny electric shocks she could practically see bouncing between them. She thought about the way his eyes would occasionally stray to her lips, and the way her lips seemed to tingle in answer.
And of course, she thought of his confession; of the mingling disappointment and understanding on his face when they’d been interrupted and she chose to run after her son. Finally, she thought of the way he sacrificed his own happiness, going so far as to remove himself from the picture when he thought that was best for everyone.
“Not for me,” she murmured aloud, repeating her whispered words when he had brushed past her. Him leaving wasn’t what was best for her.
The thought that hit her next startled her, but it felt no less genuine: He was what was best for her.
Despite all the complexities and twists in her relationship with Ryan, it all boiled down to one very simple point: she needed him.
It was something she felt early on as she watched the guards in juvy drag him away from the fistfight he’d engaged in over her honor, and it hadn’t changed in three years.
But now the complication and the consequences had driven him away. What could she say to get him back?
An ‘I love you’ would be easy enough, she knew as much. But he already knew she loved him. Saying she was ‘in love’ with him would certainly draw him back, but Kirsten didn’t want to admit to something still so uncertain. Was that what the complication was? Was she in love with him? Or was she merely attracted to the side of him that always looked out for her? Was she just falling into the same trap her mother had of needing a strong, capable man to care for her?
The lights came on in the pool house once again and startled Kirsten, her heart getting stuck in her throat mid-gasp. She turned to face the door and met eyes with Ryan, his hand still lingering on the light switch.
“Kirsten?”
“Oh God,” she whispered, sitting up and wiping the tears that had begun to sneak their way down her face. Whatever she felt for him, she had to figure it out within the next few seconds or she would lose him for good.
Ryan assessed the sight of her on his bed, his eyes straying momentarily to the dried tear tracks on her face. “What are you doing here?”
She swallowed hard and scrambled to her feet despite the lingering anxiety that he might bolt with any sudden movement. “I could ask you the same thing.”
Ryan nodded, then sighed and ducked his gaze. “I shouldn’t have left.”
“What?”
“I should’ve stayed. It was stupid to just pack up and run.” He shrugged, coming fully inside the pool house and tossing his duffel bag aside. “I mean... what I said was huge, yeah. And I’m pretty sure it wrecked my relationship with Seth forever, but... I should never have just dropped that in your lap and then left you here by yourself.” He met her eyes. “It was wrong, and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
Kirsten nodded without missing a beat. “Already have,” she told him, giving him a small smile.
He returned it, a bit hesitantly, and for a moment they just stood awkwardly, Ryan looking everywhere but at her while she did nothing but stare at him and try to figure out what her brain and her heart were telling her.
“So... what are you doing in here?” he asked again, quietly, as he raised his eyes to hers.
“I’ve been here since you left,” she told him, holding his gaze.
“Why?”
“I wish I knew,” she whispered, suddenly sad. Here was this kind, gentle, strong man that laid his heart on the line and sacrificed everything for her... and she still couldn’t figure out how she felt.
Ryan nodded, understanding on his face. “It’s pretty complicated.”
“It is,” she agreed, still searching him with her eyes, occasionally focusing on his lips. “And... in some ways, it’s been like that since you got here.”
He chuckled, though it was slightly grim as he muttered, “Yeah, tell me about it.”
“I don’t know what to do, Ryan.” She felt helpless, in a way, feeling so much and yet being completely incapable of putting it into words.
“It’s okay.” He ducked his head and they were quiet for a moment. Kirsten watched a small, soft smile quirk at his lips before he commented, “They came to see me, you know.”
“I know.”
He raised his eyes to hers, brows furrowed. “You do?”
“Seth stopped by not that long ago to tell me. I’m sorry, I didn’t know that he would--”
Ryan held up a hand to stop her. “It’s okay, I’m... I’m glad to have some closure with each of them.”
“What did he say to you?”
He raised his brows. “Seth?” Then he shrugged facially, stuffing his hands into his pockets and leaning against the door frame. “Not much, he just--”
“No,” she interrupted, taking a couple steps forward as her heart beat a strange rhythm. “Sandy.”
“Oh.” His hands came out of his pockets as he folded them behind himself, resting them on the doorframe as he leaned back again.
“Seth said when he went down to the car, Sandy stayed up there with you a minute longer. What did he say to you?”
Ryan nodded, took a deep breath, and then told her everything; to the point that Kirsten could picture almost exactly how it happened.
”You know you’ve got a lotta nerve falling for a man’s wife,” Sandy told him, Seth’s footfalls down the stairs outside still audible. “For your best friend’s mother.”
Ryan nodded, standing in the middle of his motel room with his arms crossed over himself. “I know. And I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t. Can’t control your feelings sometimes, I guess.”
Sandy shook his head, still staring him down. “Nope. Just your actions.”
“But look, I never once--”
Sandy held up his hand, cutting him off. His eyes closed a moment as he nodded, voice quiet as he said, “I know, kid. I know.”
For a moment they were silent, just looking at one another. Then, Sandy took a breath, glanced out the open door toward where Seth was waiting by the car, and then turned back. “She’s a strong woman, my Kirsten.”
“I know.”
“I always thought she needed someone to rule the kingdom with her. Be the King. For awhile, I tried to do that.”
Ryan just listened, watching as Sandy seemingly stared through the carpet, reliving his marriage. “But after awhile I realized... she doesn’t need that at all. She didn’t need a King. She’s a pretty self-sufficient Queen.” He looked up. “What she needs is a knight. Someone to look out for her and have her back at all times. Someone that can keep her from getting hurt. Or at least make her feel better when she does get hurt.” He shrugged. “That’s where I failed. I couldn’t be that for her.”
Ryan swallowed hard, his heart in his throat as he watched this man, who he once looked up to, confess to his failure.
Sandy met his eyes again. “I’m not gonna tell you that this whole thing is fine by me, because it’s not.” He stepped a little closer, lowering his voice and telling him almost sternly, “All I’m gonna say is... I walked away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Don’t repeat my mistake.”
Then he turned without another word and left Ryan to his thoughts.
TBC
{x-posted to rystenlove}
PART SEVEN
FANDOM: The OC
PAIRING: Ryan/Kirsten
SPOILERS: Season three AU
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Despite all the complexities and twists in her relationship with Ryan, it all boiled down to one very simple point: she needed him.
*****
Kirsten wasn’t sure how long she sat in the pool house trying to make head or tail of what she was feeling.
As soon as Julie had left, she had turned off the lights, curled up on the bed and tried to sort everything out. She thought about the first time she met Ryan; the butterflies that had assaulted her stomach the first time she waved at him and he gave her a hint of a smile.
She thought about the time they nearly collided in the kitchen just a few short days later; the inexplicable tension that kept them shooting furtive glances at each other until dinner. She thought about the way he defended her honor in juvy and the way it tugged at her heartstrings, and how she felt instinctively that she needed him in her life.
She thought about the way he held her the first time they said goodbye and how broken she had felt when he was gone; how, even before she knew about Seth’s departure, she had completely melted down in the pool house, taking the sheets off the bed where she now laid missing him.
She thought about all his conflict with her father and how fiercely protective of him she had been; how downright furious she had been at her father for passing judgement on this kid that had basically saved her from being an ice queen the rest of her life. How his soft declaration of love, combined with the potent stare they exchanged at her intervention, completely weakened her resolve and made her feel vulnerable again, whereas the alcohol once made her feel invincible.
She thought about the times he had come to visit her at Suriak and walked around the gardens with her, occasionally holding her hand when he saw it begin to shake with withdrawal, or placing his jacket around her shoulders when the need for alcohol became so intense it made her shiver.
She thought about the look on his face when she came home again, the brilliant smile on his face as his eyes held hers and he murmured softly, “Oh my God.” The way he made a beeline for her and wrapped her in an embrace, that familiar warmth settling around her.
She thought about the way he was there, just always there, whether Sandy bailed on dinner or abandoned his post as King Arthur to work on the hospital. She thought about how protective he was of her, seemingly never wanting her to feel an ounce of hurt or disappointment, and doing his best to take it away if she did.
She thought about the safety and comfort she had felt in his arms that night under the pier as they slow-danced; not to mention, the tiny electric shocks she could practically see bouncing between them. She thought about the way his eyes would occasionally stray to her lips, and the way her lips seemed to tingle in answer.
And of course, she thought of his confession; of the mingling disappointment and understanding on his face when they’d been interrupted and she chose to run after her son. Finally, she thought of the way he sacrificed his own happiness, going so far as to remove himself from the picture when he thought that was best for everyone.
“Not for me,” she murmured aloud, repeating her whispered words when he had brushed past her. Him leaving wasn’t what was best for her.
The thought that hit her next startled her, but it felt no less genuine: He was what was best for her.
Despite all the complexities and twists in her relationship with Ryan, it all boiled down to one very simple point: she needed him.
It was something she felt early on as she watched the guards in juvy drag him away from the fistfight he’d engaged in over her honor, and it hadn’t changed in three years.
But now the complication and the consequences had driven him away. What could she say to get him back?
An ‘I love you’ would be easy enough, she knew as much. But he already knew she loved him. Saying she was ‘in love’ with him would certainly draw him back, but Kirsten didn’t want to admit to something still so uncertain. Was that what the complication was? Was she in love with him? Or was she merely attracted to the side of him that always looked out for her? Was she just falling into the same trap her mother had of needing a strong, capable man to care for her?
The lights came on in the pool house once again and startled Kirsten, her heart getting stuck in her throat mid-gasp. She turned to face the door and met eyes with Ryan, his hand still lingering on the light switch.
“Kirsten?”
“Oh God,” she whispered, sitting up and wiping the tears that had begun to sneak their way down her face. Whatever she felt for him, she had to figure it out within the next few seconds or she would lose him for good.
Ryan assessed the sight of her on his bed, his eyes straying momentarily to the dried tear tracks on her face. “What are you doing here?”
She swallowed hard and scrambled to her feet despite the lingering anxiety that he might bolt with any sudden movement. “I could ask you the same thing.”
Ryan nodded, then sighed and ducked his gaze. “I shouldn’t have left.”
“What?”
“I should’ve stayed. It was stupid to just pack up and run.” He shrugged, coming fully inside the pool house and tossing his duffel bag aside. “I mean... what I said was huge, yeah. And I’m pretty sure it wrecked my relationship with Seth forever, but... I should never have just dropped that in your lap and then left you here by yourself.” He met her eyes. “It was wrong, and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
Kirsten nodded without missing a beat. “Already have,” she told him, giving him a small smile.
He returned it, a bit hesitantly, and for a moment they just stood awkwardly, Ryan looking everywhere but at her while she did nothing but stare at him and try to figure out what her brain and her heart were telling her.
“So... what are you doing in here?” he asked again, quietly, as he raised his eyes to hers.
“I’ve been here since you left,” she told him, holding his gaze.
“Why?”
“I wish I knew,” she whispered, suddenly sad. Here was this kind, gentle, strong man that laid his heart on the line and sacrificed everything for her... and she still couldn’t figure out how she felt.
Ryan nodded, understanding on his face. “It’s pretty complicated.”
“It is,” she agreed, still searching him with her eyes, occasionally focusing on his lips. “And... in some ways, it’s been like that since you got here.”
He chuckled, though it was slightly grim as he muttered, “Yeah, tell me about it.”
“I don’t know what to do, Ryan.” She felt helpless, in a way, feeling so much and yet being completely incapable of putting it into words.
“It’s okay.” He ducked his head and they were quiet for a moment. Kirsten watched a small, soft smile quirk at his lips before he commented, “They came to see me, you know.”
“I know.”
He raised his eyes to hers, brows furrowed. “You do?”
“Seth stopped by not that long ago to tell me. I’m sorry, I didn’t know that he would--”
Ryan held up a hand to stop her. “It’s okay, I’m... I’m glad to have some closure with each of them.”
“What did he say to you?”
He raised his brows. “Seth?” Then he shrugged facially, stuffing his hands into his pockets and leaning against the door frame. “Not much, he just--”
“No,” she interrupted, taking a couple steps forward as her heart beat a strange rhythm. “Sandy.”
“Oh.” His hands came out of his pockets as he folded them behind himself, resting them on the doorframe as he leaned back again.
“Seth said when he went down to the car, Sandy stayed up there with you a minute longer. What did he say to you?”
Ryan nodded, took a deep breath, and then told her everything; to the point that Kirsten could picture almost exactly how it happened.
”You know you’ve got a lotta nerve falling for a man’s wife,” Sandy told him, Seth’s footfalls down the stairs outside still audible. “For your best friend’s mother.”
Ryan nodded, standing in the middle of his motel room with his arms crossed over himself. “I know. And I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t. Can’t control your feelings sometimes, I guess.”
Sandy shook his head, still staring him down. “Nope. Just your actions.”
“But look, I never once--”
Sandy held up his hand, cutting him off. His eyes closed a moment as he nodded, voice quiet as he said, “I know, kid. I know.”
For a moment they were silent, just looking at one another. Then, Sandy took a breath, glanced out the open door toward where Seth was waiting by the car, and then turned back. “She’s a strong woman, my Kirsten.”
“I know.”
“I always thought she needed someone to rule the kingdom with her. Be the King. For awhile, I tried to do that.”
Ryan just listened, watching as Sandy seemingly stared through the carpet, reliving his marriage. “But after awhile I realized... she doesn’t need that at all. She didn’t need a King. She’s a pretty self-sufficient Queen.” He looked up. “What she needs is a knight. Someone to look out for her and have her back at all times. Someone that can keep her from getting hurt. Or at least make her feel better when she does get hurt.” He shrugged. “That’s where I failed. I couldn’t be that for her.”
Ryan swallowed hard, his heart in his throat as he watched this man, who he once looked up to, confess to his failure.
Sandy met his eyes again. “I’m not gonna tell you that this whole thing is fine by me, because it’s not.” He stepped a little closer, lowering his voice and telling him almost sternly, “All I’m gonna say is... I walked away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Don’t repeat my mistake.”
Then he turned without another word and left Ryan to his thoughts.
TBC
{x-posted to rystenlove}