The Lavender Pen [30 Rock; Jack/Liz]
TITLE: The Lavender Pen
FANDOM: 30 Rock
PAIRING: Jack/Liz
NOTE: thoughtsicles prompt: 'you stole my pen'
SPOILERS: "Succession"
RATING: PG
SUMMARY:
*****
Not thirty seconds after Lemon drunkenly danced away from their table in the midst of Devon's sham bachelor party, she comes back suddenly looking furious with him (and still quite drunk). "Hey!!"
The sheer aggression in her voice startles him a little, and he jumps. "What?"
"My pen!"
He furrows his brows at her. Perhaps she's gotten to the stage of inebriation where coherence is impossible. "I'm sorry?"
"You should be!"
"Lemon... calm down and tell me what is aggravating you."
"You are, you jerk! Look at you with your big stupid face, all smug because you got away with stealing!"
As drunk as she is, there's something about Lemon when she gets irrationally pissed off that arouses him. He knows he'll never figure out why that is. "What are you talking about?"
"You stole my pen!"
Jack raises his eyebrows now, eyeing the finger she's pointing accusingly in his face. "What pen, Lemon?"
"That purple pen!" She shakes her finger in his face again. "The one I gave you like two seconds ago! You already stole it and sold it for blood money, didn't you?"
He's fairly certain Lemon has no clue what blood money is. "You're not making any sense, Liz," he uses her first name for good measure while moving her finger away from his face. She may poke his eye out if her mood becomes any more volatile. "Why don't we get you some coffee?"
"No! I want my pen back, pen-stealer!" It's at this point she starts clawing at his suit -- the lapels, the breast pocket -- all apparently in an attempt to get her purple pen back.
When she starts to reach into his pants pockets, Jack knows he has to shut it down. He grabs her by the wrists and pulls her hands away. "Lemon!"
"Where is it?"
And then it dawns on him. He reaches into one of the inner pockets of his suit jacket and pulls out the "pen": the horrifying feminine hygeine product, in lavender wrapping, that she bestowed upon him moments ago. "Is this the pen you were talking about?"
Her eyes widen. "Yes! Give it back! I want you to give it back right now! That's my pen!" She snatches it back quickly and cradles it close to her chest like a treasured stuffed animal.
Jack watches her a moment, hoping that she's just too drunk to see what the object really is. That is much more preferrable to her having a very... strange... relationship with her pens. "Lemon?"
"Hmm?"
"Sign your name."
"What?" She makes the angry badger face but he ignores it, sliding a napkin in front of her.
"Just sign your name. You know, with your purple pen."
"Okay, whatever," she slurs on an exhale, and grabs the napkin. He can practically see the amount of brain power it takes for her to concentrate on just signing her name. When nothing comes out of her "pen," she looks adorably perplexed. She shakes it, as if to rid the imaginary ink of imaginary air bubbles. "What the what--"
"Lemon."
Realization seems to settle over her, then. "This isn't a pen, is it?"
"No, I'm afraid not."
She squints into the dim lighting and holds up the lavender object. "Ohhhh, I'm sorry, Jack, this is your tampon!" She laughs at her mistake and hands it back to him, wandering off to the bar. "I really do need more business juice."
Jack watches her go with a sigh, then slides the lavender "pen" back into his inner pocket.
Just in case she comes looking for it again.
FIN
{x-posted to jack_liz and 30_rock}
FANDOM: 30 Rock
PAIRING: Jack/Liz
NOTE: thoughtsicles prompt: 'you stole my pen'
SPOILERS: "Succession"
RATING: PG
SUMMARY:
*****
Not thirty seconds after Lemon drunkenly danced away from their table in the midst of Devon's sham bachelor party, she comes back suddenly looking furious with him (and still quite drunk). "Hey!!"
The sheer aggression in her voice startles him a little, and he jumps. "What?"
"My pen!"
He furrows his brows at her. Perhaps she's gotten to the stage of inebriation where coherence is impossible. "I'm sorry?"
"You should be!"
"Lemon... calm down and tell me what is aggravating you."
"You are, you jerk! Look at you with your big stupid face, all smug because you got away with stealing!"
As drunk as she is, there's something about Lemon when she gets irrationally pissed off that arouses him. He knows he'll never figure out why that is. "What are you talking about?"
"You stole my pen!"
Jack raises his eyebrows now, eyeing the finger she's pointing accusingly in his face. "What pen, Lemon?"
"That purple pen!" She shakes her finger in his face again. "The one I gave you like two seconds ago! You already stole it and sold it for blood money, didn't you?"
He's fairly certain Lemon has no clue what blood money is. "You're not making any sense, Liz," he uses her first name for good measure while moving her finger away from his face. She may poke his eye out if her mood becomes any more volatile. "Why don't we get you some coffee?"
"No! I want my pen back, pen-stealer!" It's at this point she starts clawing at his suit -- the lapels, the breast pocket -- all apparently in an attempt to get her purple pen back.
When she starts to reach into his pants pockets, Jack knows he has to shut it down. He grabs her by the wrists and pulls her hands away. "Lemon!"
"Where is it?"
And then it dawns on him. He reaches into one of the inner pockets of his suit jacket and pulls out the "pen": the horrifying feminine hygeine product, in lavender wrapping, that she bestowed upon him moments ago. "Is this the pen you were talking about?"
Her eyes widen. "Yes! Give it back! I want you to give it back right now! That's my pen!" She snatches it back quickly and cradles it close to her chest like a treasured stuffed animal.
Jack watches her a moment, hoping that she's just too drunk to see what the object really is. That is much more preferrable to her having a very... strange... relationship with her pens. "Lemon?"
"Hmm?"
"Sign your name."
"What?" She makes the angry badger face but he ignores it, sliding a napkin in front of her.
"Just sign your name. You know, with your purple pen."
"Okay, whatever," she slurs on an exhale, and grabs the napkin. He can practically see the amount of brain power it takes for her to concentrate on just signing her name. When nothing comes out of her "pen," she looks adorably perplexed. She shakes it, as if to rid the imaginary ink of imaginary air bubbles. "What the what--"
"Lemon."
Realization seems to settle over her, then. "This isn't a pen, is it?"
"No, I'm afraid not."
She squints into the dim lighting and holds up the lavender object. "Ohhhh, I'm sorry, Jack, this is your tampon!" She laughs at her mistake and hands it back to him, wandering off to the bar. "I really do need more business juice."
Jack watches her go with a sigh, then slides the lavender "pen" back into his inner pocket.
Just in case she comes looking for it again.
FIN
{x-posted to jack_liz and 30_rock}