The Five Holidays To Show You Care [The OC; Ryan/Kirsten]
TITLE: The Five Holidays To Show You Care
PART 5/5: Independence Day
FANDOM: The OC
PAIRING: Ryan/Kirsten
SPOILERS: Season three and four
RATING: light R
SUMMARY:
*****
Nearly four months had gone by. Four months of unspeakable tension, stolen kisses, and so many unspoken words it had torn Ryan apart. Shortly after graduation was when he made the decision to move out. After he dropped Marissa off at the airport, saw off his first Newport friend and promised her they'd keep in touch, he had driven home with the deep-set intention of packing his things and searching for a place of his own.
Kirsten and Sandy seemed to have patched things up, anyway. Where was there room for him now? Seth hadn't understood why he needed to leave, nor did Ryan feel like explaining. He shut himself off from his best friend. But Seth, as per his usual, didn't press the issue. On Ryan's last day at the Cohen manor, Seth had merely waved goodbye from the front steps. So had Kirsten. They'd already said their goodbyes that morning before he left -- privately, in the pool house. Kirsten had cried, told him she was sorry and that she still loved him -- would always love him. Ryan said that wasn't enough, and he meant it. It would've killed him every day to stick around and see her flirt with Sandy, pretend that things were good again, while he knew on the inside that Kirsten was really in love with him.
So by the end of June, he had completely moved out. It was now Independence Day, and it marked his first full week of not having any contact with the Cohens. Sure Seth had called his cell a couple times, and left rather lengthy messages about what everyone was up to, but Ryan deleted each one without a response. It hurt him not seeing Kirsten's face every day. He hadn't realized it until moving out just how much he needed that sight every day to stay sane.
So when she showed up at his apartment late that evening, he had to wonder if she could read his thoughts. The surprise was evident in his voice, but not on his face, as he swung the door open. "Kirsten."
She was crying. Or had been crying. And there was a suitcase at her feet. "It's over," she said simply.
Ryan knew full-well what she was talking about, but he just had to make sure... "What is?"
"Me and Sandy. I can't do this anymore." Without further pretense she brushed past him and walked into the apartment, turning to watch him shut the door. Once he had, she flung herself into his arms, her own tight around his neck. "I can't pretend anymore."
Ryan held her tight though his body was tense. "I thought... I thought things were okay now. With you and Sandy."
"That's what we've been telling everybody. That's what we've been telling ourselves, but nothing's changed. Well actually, that's not true." She pulled away and sniffled, and Ryan reached up to brush away the last vestiges of her tears. "Everything has changed." She met his eyes. "This year changed us, Sandy and me. Forever. We agreed to work things out, but... I don't think that's what either of us want anymore. So we decided to stop pretending before things got really bad." She wrapped her arms around him again and pressed her lips to his shoulder, adding in a mumble, "Before we really started to hate each other."
Ryan stared stonily, blankly ahead, holding her and absently stroking her hair. "Did you..."
"Tell him about us? No. But I may as well have. He could tell the second you left. He's been able to tell every time that you've left. He's just never said anything."
"Did he say anything this time?"
"No." Her head tipped down so her forehead rested against his collarbone. Her hands slid up his abdomen, to his chest, where she balled his shirt in both fists, clinging to him. "But he knew. I know he knew. He's seen the locket. When he first noticed it, I just kinda brushed it off as a nice Christmas present from you, but..." she chuckled shakily. "I think the fact that I never took it off was a huge clue."
"So... what do we do now?" He gently pushed her to arm's length and looked her in the eye.
Kirsten's eyes were still watery, and her lower lip still trembled with unreleased cries. She searched his eyes as she slowly shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know." She sniffled and averted her eyes to the side for a moment, asking timidly, "Can you... forgive me for what happened?"
Ryan's brows knit together in confusion a moment before realization sunk in. "Kirsten... I was never mad at you. I can't be mad at you. I was hurt. I just... needed some time away."
Voice clogged with tears, she choked out, "Ryan, I'm so--"
His finger against her lips stopped her, and he closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Don't. Don't. It's okay."
"It's not."
"It will be." He met her eyes, conviction in his own and in his voice, and Kirsten nodded her understanding. It was going to take time for him to get over her rejection, but they'd be okay. Eventually.
"I love you."
Ryan nodded, the tiniest hint of a smile playing at the corner of his lips. "I know. I love you too."
"And I'm still in love with you."
"I know that too. So am I."
"So--"
"Y'know, I think the fireworks are probably going to start pretty soon," he sighed, wanting to move past the thick tension and overwhelming sorrow that, over the past months had created a deep chasm between them.
His comment caused a tiny smirk to upturn her lips. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. And from what I've heard, you can actually see them pretty well from this area." He raised an eyebrow. "Wanna grab a blanket and some sweatshirts and head up to the roof to watch?" He held out his hand.
Kirsten fully smiled this time and allowed herself to reach out and take his hand. "Sure."
So they grabbed a couple of Ryan's hooded sweatshirts and two throw blankets, one for each of them, and went up to the roof of his apartment building. Ryan spread out the blankets in a suitable place while Kirsten set the sweatshirts at the head of the blanket. "These can be pillows until we get too cold," she chuckled, and sat down cross-legged on the blanket.
"Good idea." Ryan sat down beside her, then laid back, folding his arms behind his head as he stared up at the sky, waiting for the show to begin. He sensed Kirsten watching him but didn't turn to look at her.
"I missed you, you know," she said softly, sliding her hand up his arm.
Ryan pulled it out from beneath his head to take her hand, kissing her knuckles. "Missed you too."
"And not just since you moved out. Ryan... on Valentine's Day, I--"
Ryan shook his head, cutting off the rest of her apology. "Don't, it's okay. I understand."
"You do? Because I don't."
When he felt her lie back beside him, he rolled onto his side, popping himself up on an elbow. "What do you mean?"
"I don't understand why I didn't go back to you on Valentine's Day. I don't understand why I... tried to work things out with Sandy instead."
"Because... he's your husband. And you love him."
"Yeah, but..." She shook her head, brow creased in thought as she stared up at the stars, unconsciously repeating a line he'd said to her no more than a week ago. "That's not enough." She sighed. "Not anymore. Not since I met you."
His head snapped to look at her, and her smile was a teary one. "I meant it, Ryan, when I said I've never been loved like this before; like how you love me. And I've never had such complex feelings for anyone in my life. That says something to me."
The first firework -- red -- exploded overhead as Ryan smiled down at her. And Kirsten, without saying another word, leaned up to capture his lips. Ryan's thumbs stroked her cheeks as his head nudged hers against the sweatshirts, his hand on her waist tucking her beneath him. His right leg tangled between both of hers as the kiss deepened, and another firework exploded overhead.
His hand slipped just under the hem of her shirt, drawing it up as he had so many times before, and Kirsten arched up into him, giving him the access he needed. He only broke from her lips long enough to pull her shirt over her head and toss it aside, doing the same with his own seconds later. Ryan smiled as a series of tiny fireworks exploded one after the other in quick succession, and he could see every burst of light reflected in the shining gold of her locket.
There was no talking -- no need for trivial words. Actions were going to speak louder than words. Their Independence Day had come -- they were free to love each other, and despite all the talk that was sure to happen, their love for each other was all that mattered. An accidental, but ultimately most powerful, kind of love; the kind that consumed every inch of both of them.
Pants were the next to go; Ryan peeled his off before going for Kirsten's, sliding them down her long legs before he planted kisses upwards, pausing at her thighs. His lips and tongue teased her through her underwear and Kirsten let out a loud moan as a rather large firework combusted overhead, raining down a sparkling pink all around them. Then there was no more time for games, no more time for teasing. Underwear slipped away and as a firework inside another firework exploded, their bodies joined.
The firework show cloaked their cries of passion as they moved together, showing each other just how much they loved one another and how much they had missed each other over the past five months. Sure, Ryan had only been living on his own for a week, but the past five months he had felt so isolated from Kirsten, so cut off. Like she gave him her love and then cruelly took it away. No more. Now, she was his. And he was hers. There was nothing left to question.
Kirsten moaned his name, her head lolled back against the makeshift pillows, and Ryan gathered her closer, obliterating any space left between them now. This celebration had been long overdue, and he could sense in the way she moved against him, the way her nails marked him, that the celebration wouldn't be able to go on for much longer.
The grand finale of the fireworks started, explosion after explosion sounding above them, every color in the spectrum raining down around them as they pushed each other closer and closer to that edge. A series of short, staccato fireworks popped off one after the other, matching the frequency of Kirsten's gasps and cries. She clutched at him desperately, said his name amidst a few incoherent utterings, before her eyes snapped open -- explosion.
Ryan cried out her name, his head thrown back in ecstasy as he felt his entire body tensing and suddenly he was flying with her, pulsing inside her and then collapsing against her as the last firework combusted overhead. Then they tangled together in a sated, boneless heap as the night sky went suddenly smoky and silent.
The only sounds heard for several moments were those of the crickets chirping their contentment that the fireworks were over, and Ryan and Kirsten's erratic breathing. He smiled down at her, still panting, their bodies coated with a light sheen of sweat. Kirsten smiled back and reached up to his face... gently pulled him down to kiss across his forehead. Ryan felt his breath bouncing back at him off her collarbone -- off her locket -- and he exhaled another smile. "I don't think I've ever enjoyed fireworks so much."
He felt Kirsten's chest rumble against his with laughter, and his grin widened when it finally bubbled forth from her lips musically. "I was thinking the same thing."
After they got some of their strength back, they resituated their clothing and gathered up the sweatshirts and blankets, heading back down to Ryan's apartment. There they continued their celebration of their independence, taking comfort in the fact that they could now openly show each other how they felt.
FIN
{x-posted to rystenlove}
PART 5/5: Independence Day
FANDOM: The OC
PAIRING: Ryan/Kirsten
SPOILERS: Season three and four
RATING: light R
SUMMARY:
*****
Nearly four months had gone by. Four months of unspeakable tension, stolen kisses, and so many unspoken words it had torn Ryan apart. Shortly after graduation was when he made the decision to move out. After he dropped Marissa off at the airport, saw off his first Newport friend and promised her they'd keep in touch, he had driven home with the deep-set intention of packing his things and searching for a place of his own.
Kirsten and Sandy seemed to have patched things up, anyway. Where was there room for him now? Seth hadn't understood why he needed to leave, nor did Ryan feel like explaining. He shut himself off from his best friend. But Seth, as per his usual, didn't press the issue. On Ryan's last day at the Cohen manor, Seth had merely waved goodbye from the front steps. So had Kirsten. They'd already said their goodbyes that morning before he left -- privately, in the pool house. Kirsten had cried, told him she was sorry and that she still loved him -- would always love him. Ryan said that wasn't enough, and he meant it. It would've killed him every day to stick around and see her flirt with Sandy, pretend that things were good again, while he knew on the inside that Kirsten was really in love with him.
So by the end of June, he had completely moved out. It was now Independence Day, and it marked his first full week of not having any contact with the Cohens. Sure Seth had called his cell a couple times, and left rather lengthy messages about what everyone was up to, but Ryan deleted each one without a response. It hurt him not seeing Kirsten's face every day. He hadn't realized it until moving out just how much he needed that sight every day to stay sane.
So when she showed up at his apartment late that evening, he had to wonder if she could read his thoughts. The surprise was evident in his voice, but not on his face, as he swung the door open. "Kirsten."
She was crying. Or had been crying. And there was a suitcase at her feet. "It's over," she said simply.
Ryan knew full-well what she was talking about, but he just had to make sure... "What is?"
"Me and Sandy. I can't do this anymore." Without further pretense she brushed past him and walked into the apartment, turning to watch him shut the door. Once he had, she flung herself into his arms, her own tight around his neck. "I can't pretend anymore."
Ryan held her tight though his body was tense. "I thought... I thought things were okay now. With you and Sandy."
"That's what we've been telling everybody. That's what we've been telling ourselves, but nothing's changed. Well actually, that's not true." She pulled away and sniffled, and Ryan reached up to brush away the last vestiges of her tears. "Everything has changed." She met his eyes. "This year changed us, Sandy and me. Forever. We agreed to work things out, but... I don't think that's what either of us want anymore. So we decided to stop pretending before things got really bad." She wrapped her arms around him again and pressed her lips to his shoulder, adding in a mumble, "Before we really started to hate each other."
Ryan stared stonily, blankly ahead, holding her and absently stroking her hair. "Did you..."
"Tell him about us? No. But I may as well have. He could tell the second you left. He's been able to tell every time that you've left. He's just never said anything."
"Did he say anything this time?"
"No." Her head tipped down so her forehead rested against his collarbone. Her hands slid up his abdomen, to his chest, where she balled his shirt in both fists, clinging to him. "But he knew. I know he knew. He's seen the locket. When he first noticed it, I just kinda brushed it off as a nice Christmas present from you, but..." she chuckled shakily. "I think the fact that I never took it off was a huge clue."
"So... what do we do now?" He gently pushed her to arm's length and looked her in the eye.
Kirsten's eyes were still watery, and her lower lip still trembled with unreleased cries. She searched his eyes as she slowly shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know." She sniffled and averted her eyes to the side for a moment, asking timidly, "Can you... forgive me for what happened?"
Ryan's brows knit together in confusion a moment before realization sunk in. "Kirsten... I was never mad at you. I can't be mad at you. I was hurt. I just... needed some time away."
Voice clogged with tears, she choked out, "Ryan, I'm so--"
His finger against her lips stopped her, and he closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Don't. Don't. It's okay."
"It's not."
"It will be." He met her eyes, conviction in his own and in his voice, and Kirsten nodded her understanding. It was going to take time for him to get over her rejection, but they'd be okay. Eventually.
"I love you."
Ryan nodded, the tiniest hint of a smile playing at the corner of his lips. "I know. I love you too."
"And I'm still in love with you."
"I know that too. So am I."
"So--"
"Y'know, I think the fireworks are probably going to start pretty soon," he sighed, wanting to move past the thick tension and overwhelming sorrow that, over the past months had created a deep chasm between them.
His comment caused a tiny smirk to upturn her lips. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. And from what I've heard, you can actually see them pretty well from this area." He raised an eyebrow. "Wanna grab a blanket and some sweatshirts and head up to the roof to watch?" He held out his hand.
Kirsten fully smiled this time and allowed herself to reach out and take his hand. "Sure."
So they grabbed a couple of Ryan's hooded sweatshirts and two throw blankets, one for each of them, and went up to the roof of his apartment building. Ryan spread out the blankets in a suitable place while Kirsten set the sweatshirts at the head of the blanket. "These can be pillows until we get too cold," she chuckled, and sat down cross-legged on the blanket.
"Good idea." Ryan sat down beside her, then laid back, folding his arms behind his head as he stared up at the sky, waiting for the show to begin. He sensed Kirsten watching him but didn't turn to look at her.
"I missed you, you know," she said softly, sliding her hand up his arm.
Ryan pulled it out from beneath his head to take her hand, kissing her knuckles. "Missed you too."
"And not just since you moved out. Ryan... on Valentine's Day, I--"
Ryan shook his head, cutting off the rest of her apology. "Don't, it's okay. I understand."
"You do? Because I don't."
When he felt her lie back beside him, he rolled onto his side, popping himself up on an elbow. "What do you mean?"
"I don't understand why I didn't go back to you on Valentine's Day. I don't understand why I... tried to work things out with Sandy instead."
"Because... he's your husband. And you love him."
"Yeah, but..." She shook her head, brow creased in thought as she stared up at the stars, unconsciously repeating a line he'd said to her no more than a week ago. "That's not enough." She sighed. "Not anymore. Not since I met you."
His head snapped to look at her, and her smile was a teary one. "I meant it, Ryan, when I said I've never been loved like this before; like how you love me. And I've never had such complex feelings for anyone in my life. That says something to me."
The first firework -- red -- exploded overhead as Ryan smiled down at her. And Kirsten, without saying another word, leaned up to capture his lips. Ryan's thumbs stroked her cheeks as his head nudged hers against the sweatshirts, his hand on her waist tucking her beneath him. His right leg tangled between both of hers as the kiss deepened, and another firework exploded overhead.
His hand slipped just under the hem of her shirt, drawing it up as he had so many times before, and Kirsten arched up into him, giving him the access he needed. He only broke from her lips long enough to pull her shirt over her head and toss it aside, doing the same with his own seconds later. Ryan smiled as a series of tiny fireworks exploded one after the other in quick succession, and he could see every burst of light reflected in the shining gold of her locket.
There was no talking -- no need for trivial words. Actions were going to speak louder than words. Their Independence Day had come -- they were free to love each other, and despite all the talk that was sure to happen, their love for each other was all that mattered. An accidental, but ultimately most powerful, kind of love; the kind that consumed every inch of both of them.
Pants were the next to go; Ryan peeled his off before going for Kirsten's, sliding them down her long legs before he planted kisses upwards, pausing at her thighs. His lips and tongue teased her through her underwear and Kirsten let out a loud moan as a rather large firework combusted overhead, raining down a sparkling pink all around them. Then there was no more time for games, no more time for teasing. Underwear slipped away and as a firework inside another firework exploded, their bodies joined.
The firework show cloaked their cries of passion as they moved together, showing each other just how much they loved one another and how much they had missed each other over the past five months. Sure, Ryan had only been living on his own for a week, but the past five months he had felt so isolated from Kirsten, so cut off. Like she gave him her love and then cruelly took it away. No more. Now, she was his. And he was hers. There was nothing left to question.
Kirsten moaned his name, her head lolled back against the makeshift pillows, and Ryan gathered her closer, obliterating any space left between them now. This celebration had been long overdue, and he could sense in the way she moved against him, the way her nails marked him, that the celebration wouldn't be able to go on for much longer.
The grand finale of the fireworks started, explosion after explosion sounding above them, every color in the spectrum raining down around them as they pushed each other closer and closer to that edge. A series of short, staccato fireworks popped off one after the other, matching the frequency of Kirsten's gasps and cries. She clutched at him desperately, said his name amidst a few incoherent utterings, before her eyes snapped open -- explosion.
Ryan cried out her name, his head thrown back in ecstasy as he felt his entire body tensing and suddenly he was flying with her, pulsing inside her and then collapsing against her as the last firework combusted overhead. Then they tangled together in a sated, boneless heap as the night sky went suddenly smoky and silent.
The only sounds heard for several moments were those of the crickets chirping their contentment that the fireworks were over, and Ryan and Kirsten's erratic breathing. He smiled down at her, still panting, their bodies coated with a light sheen of sweat. Kirsten smiled back and reached up to his face... gently pulled him down to kiss across his forehead. Ryan felt his breath bouncing back at him off her collarbone -- off her locket -- and he exhaled another smile. "I don't think I've ever enjoyed fireworks so much."
He felt Kirsten's chest rumble against his with laughter, and his grin widened when it finally bubbled forth from her lips musically. "I was thinking the same thing."
After they got some of their strength back, they resituated their clothing and gathered up the sweatshirts and blankets, heading back down to Ryan's apartment. There they continued their celebration of their independence, taking comfort in the fact that they could now openly show each other how they felt.
FIN
{x-posted to rystenlove}