what is up with my "2 and a half star" days?
i been having awesomely shitty days lately. u would think that after a bunch of bad days thrown at you, youd get some kind of consolation [sp?] in return. i spend my time doing nothing. and mostly nothing. no, wait, i take that back. i spend my time AT WORK. geeze. you would think i'm a workaholic or somethin. every time someone calls for me, as luck has it, they call when im at work. you are lucky if you call and get me during my break. i think i DO work too much. i dont even see my family that much anymore. the 'rents are working, and so is the bro. the big sis is working and taking care of her daughter. and the little sis is busy with school and her boy.
sometimes i just feel so alone in the world. when i want to spend time with someone or everyone, i'm somewhere else. maybe when school starts, i'll be busy enough to not think about how i truly feel inside. right now, happiness is no where to be found. the outside looks a lot brighter than the inside. and dealing with it alone is a lot darker. its just one of those weeks where i'm feeling awkwardly depressed. its like, i shouldnt be feeling this way because i have a lot going for me...like a job, a family, and a house to live in, not to mention a more than decent looking wardrobe. people would kill to be in my position right now. [i say that with the least amount of conceitedness known to man, i'm just saying that i'm much better off than others right now.] i need a friend to consolidate in. i realize that i havent had the time to talk, because i'm always the one whos listening. well, i guess it is better to give than to receive, right? its not so much that my heart hurts, but its soo much that my heart is wounded. i need someone, ANYONE, to repair it. i just need one of those "make me feel good" times. so that i can forget that my life right now is way away from being perfect.
1 dilemma of the moment! i'm sad that my cousins and sister [3 people whom i am VERY and SUPERBLY close with] have found someone special. i'm the black sheep of the group. i always finish last even when i'm beginning as first. its like i'm the rabbit and they are the turtles. i end up getting left behind in the middle of the race. i'm truly and utterly happy for them. yet, when you hear SOO much good and love they have for that particular person, you start to wonder and frustrate yourself. that bastard of an asshole voice comes out from the back of my head and yells out "WHY DONT I HAVE THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE?!" and as much as i want to keep it locked down in the dungeon where it belongs, it breaks free without a fight. the weirdest part is that i really am not ready for that kind of relationship. i want to be single and have fun..live life without a plan. [haha i just caught that, that line is from a freaking cell commercial...HAH! DAMN, i watch too much tv.] its just that the thought of having someone feel as much for you as you do for them seems real gr8 right now. hmph. too much of that EMOness right now. i'm going to drown myself in sorrow before i reach tomorrow...
goodnight.
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...Kaysee's middle name was trouble. And not because she was trouble, but because everywhere she turned, thats what happend. She was no slave to wussiness. Her confrontational attitude sometimes led her into diffucult senarios. And these senarious would have been settled if that part of her just stood in the room where it was locked. "Everything will be okay," she'd say. Yet, in actuality, shit really stunk.
Caylee's mind was always against her. It was always unable to make a decision, even if it had two opinions from two different resources. Her worst habit was beign too nice. "No" was not a part of her vocabulary. She strived to be perfect and make others happy instead of thinking of herself first. If she was a boy, shed havfe no balls. [not even if they were mnm sized ones.] sometimes with Caylee, it was all talk and no action.
Jenah and her twisted mind was contradicting-like no other. She'd do things she wouldn't want to do. Talk about how this particular decision would affect her, yet make the decision and let it affect her in the most terrible and awful way. Her contradicting nature led to a complicated lifestyle. Reality was certainly not her best subject. It didnt exist, just as "no" didnt exist in Caylee. Carelessness was a bitch to ehr.
Caite dove into the pool without looking to see how shallow the water was first. Most of the time injury resulted in major heartbreak and depression. Her actions never met consequences at the right justice. In other words, her actions never took the right path of consequences.
Each one did the "unexpected" of her....
read on for more. hope you are enjoying yourselves. =)
xoxo,
catalina
sometimes i just feel so alone in the world. when i want to spend time with someone or everyone, i'm somewhere else. maybe when school starts, i'll be busy enough to not think about how i truly feel inside. right now, happiness is no where to be found. the outside looks a lot brighter than the inside. and dealing with it alone is a lot darker. its just one of those weeks where i'm feeling awkwardly depressed. its like, i shouldnt be feeling this way because i have a lot going for me...like a job, a family, and a house to live in, not to mention a more than decent looking wardrobe. people would kill to be in my position right now. [i say that with the least amount of conceitedness known to man, i'm just saying that i'm much better off than others right now.] i need a friend to consolidate in. i realize that i havent had the time to talk, because i'm always the one whos listening. well, i guess it is better to give than to receive, right? its not so much that my heart hurts, but its soo much that my heart is wounded. i need someone, ANYONE, to repair it. i just need one of those "make me feel good" times. so that i can forget that my life right now is way away from being perfect.
1 dilemma of the moment! i'm sad that my cousins and sister [3 people whom i am VERY and SUPERBLY close with] have found someone special. i'm the black sheep of the group. i always finish last even when i'm beginning as first. its like i'm the rabbit and they are the turtles. i end up getting left behind in the middle of the race. i'm truly and utterly happy for them. yet, when you hear SOO much good and love they have for that particular person, you start to wonder and frustrate yourself. that bastard of an asshole voice comes out from the back of my head and yells out "WHY DONT I HAVE THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE?!" and as much as i want to keep it locked down in the dungeon where it belongs, it breaks free without a fight. the weirdest part is that i really am not ready for that kind of relationship. i want to be single and have fun..live life without a plan. [haha i just caught that, that line is from a freaking cell commercial...HAH! DAMN, i watch too much tv.] its just that the thought of having someone feel as much for you as you do for them seems real gr8 right now. hmph. too much of that EMOness right now. i'm going to drown myself in sorrow before i reach tomorrow...
goodnight.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...Kaysee's middle name was trouble. And not because she was trouble, but because everywhere she turned, thats what happend. She was no slave to wussiness. Her confrontational attitude sometimes led her into diffucult senarios. And these senarious would have been settled if that part of her just stood in the room where it was locked. "Everything will be okay," she'd say. Yet, in actuality, shit really stunk.
Caylee's mind was always against her. It was always unable to make a decision, even if it had two opinions from two different resources. Her worst habit was beign too nice. "No" was not a part of her vocabulary. She strived to be perfect and make others happy instead of thinking of herself first. If she was a boy, shed havfe no balls. [not even if they were mnm sized ones.] sometimes with Caylee, it was all talk and no action.
Jenah and her twisted mind was contradicting-like no other. She'd do things she wouldn't want to do. Talk about how this particular decision would affect her, yet make the decision and let it affect her in the most terrible and awful way. Her contradicting nature led to a complicated lifestyle. Reality was certainly not her best subject. It didnt exist, just as "no" didnt exist in Caylee. Carelessness was a bitch to ehr.
Caite dove into the pool without looking to see how shallow the water was first. Most of the time injury resulted in major heartbreak and depression. Her actions never met consequences at the right justice. In other words, her actions never took the right path of consequences.
Each one did the "unexpected" of her....
read on for more. hope you are enjoying yourselves. =)
xoxo,
catalina