Its Sunday...
Hey, anyone who bothers to read this.
Yesterday was one messed up day. I felt alternately insanely happy, and severely depressed. Most of the day was bouncing off the walls happy. Followed by extremely dark periods of depression.
I CRIED last night, for about twenty minutes when I was on with Mikey. The most amazing boy ever. I read his LJ today. I cried again. What is up with me, since when do I cry? And over a boy? Common'...what happened to the "I dont give a fuck" Paul. The one who wanted to go crazy at club tigerheat? ( www.clubtigerheat.com ) All I want to do now is fucking cuddle (well, Im not THAT innocent) with Mikey.
I am in love with him. Simply, intricately, ironically, and totally in love. Why? I don't know, and I don't want to waste me life trying to find out. I am accepting it. I guess I am going to put the ball in his court. I told him all I could. I can only hope he feels the same way. He has told me he has. But he is worried. And so am I. I trust him totally...but I can't help but get a little edgy when he worries about what he might do. I don't really care. He can go out and fuck a hundred boys. I could care less. (I would be in tears for weeks...) But it wouldn't change how I feel about him. Except to get his ass tested a lot sooner. ;)
I have no clue where this will go. Even IF things don't work out between us, I still have to meet this guy. I hate talking as I am. I don't want to even think about this shit right now. So I won't. I won't cry anymore.
And babe, my parents aren't homophobes, and I do have some male friends...Just ones who are VERY straight. But...I will make it work. Somehow...it will be that simple. I will work my ass off to make it simple...
In other news: My friends Matt, Katie, Angie, and Devon called me yesterday. Matt is doin good, was at a boring grad party...no beer if your not 21. Felt so sorry. And Katie!!! omg, damn. She is a totally hot girl, and she dating a lot of boys. Well...a lot of boys AT THE SAME TIME...and plus it seems like she has something for the older ones ;) Eeep. DEVON, the best girl in the universe, got home from Vegas yesterday. She had a good time, but she needs to party and find some hot guys! Lets go girl, we will party it up. Oh, and Katie, I know I told you I wanted to go and party it up with you in Weho (West Hollywood), but I dont really feel like it anymore...I got all the hot guy I will ever need.
Ack, my relatives are over until next weekend...I am going to baseball games with them, and showing them the town. My cus wants to go clubbin...hehe, he is already shocked by the girls out here! Haha, he hasn't seen anything yet! Ill show him the glamorous life of Los Angeles a little I guess. All you have to do is walk down Sunset or Hollywood. Oh well...
So today I am going to be a loser and do chores and other shit. I have the house to myself until about 5 or 6 PST ;) I am so worn out. I drank a lot last night. Even though no one knows about it. Cuz I did it at about 2 or 3 last night. I was depressed...and so I drank...and fell asleep. And feel like shit now.
Mikey I want to talk to you sometime today OK...You make my boxers rock...you know, cuz I am all excited.
Otherwise FuCK life, it sucks. It rocks. It changes.
Yesterday was one messed up day. I felt alternately insanely happy, and severely depressed. Most of the day was bouncing off the walls happy. Followed by extremely dark periods of depression.
I CRIED last night, for about twenty minutes when I was on with Mikey. The most amazing boy ever. I read his LJ today. I cried again. What is up with me, since when do I cry? And over a boy? Common'...what happened to the "I dont give a fuck" Paul. The one who wanted to go crazy at club tigerheat? ( www.clubtigerheat.com ) All I want to do now is fucking cuddle (well, Im not THAT innocent) with Mikey.
I am in love with him. Simply, intricately, ironically, and totally in love. Why? I don't know, and I don't want to waste me life trying to find out. I am accepting it. I guess I am going to put the ball in his court. I told him all I could. I can only hope he feels the same way. He has told me he has. But he is worried. And so am I. I trust him totally...but I can't help but get a little edgy when he worries about what he might do. I don't really care. He can go out and fuck a hundred boys. I could care less. (I would be in tears for weeks...) But it wouldn't change how I feel about him. Except to get his ass tested a lot sooner. ;)
I have no clue where this will go. Even IF things don't work out between us, I still have to meet this guy. I hate talking as I am. I don't want to even think about this shit right now. So I won't. I won't cry anymore.
And babe, my parents aren't homophobes, and I do have some male friends...Just ones who are VERY straight. But...I will make it work. Somehow...it will be that simple. I will work my ass off to make it simple...
In other news: My friends Matt, Katie, Angie, and Devon called me yesterday. Matt is doin good, was at a boring grad party...no beer if your not 21. Felt so sorry. And Katie!!! omg, damn. She is a totally hot girl, and she dating a lot of boys. Well...a lot of boys AT THE SAME TIME...and plus it seems like she has something for the older ones ;) Eeep. DEVON, the best girl in the universe, got home from Vegas yesterday. She had a good time, but she needs to party and find some hot guys! Lets go girl, we will party it up. Oh, and Katie, I know I told you I wanted to go and party it up with you in Weho (West Hollywood), but I dont really feel like it anymore...I got all the hot guy I will ever need.
Ack, my relatives are over until next weekend...I am going to baseball games with them, and showing them the town. My cus wants to go clubbin...hehe, he is already shocked by the girls out here! Haha, he hasn't seen anything yet! Ill show him the glamorous life of Los Angeles a little I guess. All you have to do is walk down Sunset or Hollywood. Oh well...
So today I am going to be a loser and do chores and other shit. I have the house to myself until about 5 or 6 PST ;) I am so worn out. I drank a lot last night. Even though no one knows about it. Cuz I did it at about 2 or 3 last night. I was depressed...and so I drank...and fell asleep. And feel like shit now.
Mikey I want to talk to you sometime today OK...You make my boxers rock...you know, cuz I am all excited.
Otherwise FuCK life, it sucks. It rocks. It changes.