WTF
What the fuck is up with fucking life. God damnit. I feel so frustrated, confused, VEXED, angrey, depressed, tired, and warped. I did the whole theme park things with my cousin and visiting family both yesterday. Yesterday was 6F Magic Mountain, good clean fun. The fastest, most exteme park in the country. Boasting the unbeatable X. Although it got a little tiring playing as straight as my cousin is. Which very fuckin' straight. A 26 year old construction worker from New Hampshire(which is right below Maine for all you oblivious West Coasters). God Damn, it was like letting a blood hound that has never hunted before into a rabbit warren. In other words, the uncomprable tanned, bronzed, short skirt wearing, nicely busted, beach toned legged California Babe's got this dude in a fuckin' tizzy. He has never seen that many people, much less hot 16-26 year old girls. I have never seen a nice guy to the 180 degree "im scamming on you" look before. First time for everything.
Then I got home, and I talked to Mikey, the highlight of my day as usual. But things didn't go so well. He was depressed and lonely, and the kind of depressed where things just fucking suck and you can't really pinpoint the real reason(s) of what is wrong. Simlar to what I am feeling now, but times 10. He was also worried that I would be like his ex, Eddie. Because the first four months of their relationship was bliss for him, and apparently, there was the intensity of what we have. No doubt greater, but cause he lived maybe 4 miles away, to my 3000. And he doesn't want to get hurt again. Understandable. Totally. However...I am different from Eddie in many ways. I will make a pro and con list to help me feel better about myself.
PROS
1. Im not in two ongoing relationships, that I would have to break off to be with Mikey.
2. I am not 16.
3. My personality has undergone a lot of changes, but it is pretty much set. I feel that I am stable in relevent parts of my life.
4. I am a nice guy. I dont: A. Steal; B. Dont Smoke, rarely drink*compared to some*; C. Don't do drugs, never have, no plans to; D. I have a stable life; E. I am relatively smart, going to college; F. Im legal :-D; G. I know what I am looking for; H. I don't, wouldn't, couldn't "play" someone; I. As well as not playing, I dont CHEAT oR FOOL AROUND (I made my mistake, and am not repeating it).
5. I will be able to drive in a few months, and have a nice car.
6. No baggage (ie. previous relationship shit I have to deal with)
7. I think of myself as mildly wierd, funny, whatever. A plus I hope.
8. I can dress up nice, and like being fashionable sometimes.
9. I am completely not shallow, and am not attracted to typical, run of the mill, gay guys. So shady.
10. I am completely in love with him.
11. I am willing to totally commit.
CONS
1. I live 3000 miles away.
2. Mikey has some doubts.
3. My parents are weird fuckers. Want me to date girls, no boys allowed...ie. if Mikey did come down, he couldn't stay at my house.
4. I am completely in love with him. It COULD be a bad thing...not from my point of view...but who knows what ya'll think.
I seem a pretty safe bet. BUT that 3000 mile thing completely gets in the way 100%...thats the deal breaker, obsticale.
And I PUSHED to be let in, to know whats wrong. And my pushing got my ass hung up. I was sorry to do that to him. I REALLY hate being hung up on. I will completely ignore people who do that to me for MONTHS. But I appologized. I was wrong...but still. I am in love I guess :-D
I went to bed, slept like shit. Tossing and turning. Woke up, said good morning to Mikey. Bad day started. Universal sucks ass. Didn't like it. HATED my Dad for looking at me like I was a pussy for ordering Diet Pepsi at the Hard Rock. After that, I decided against the Cobb Salad, and went for the sucky Cheeseburger that everyone else was going for.
Fuck that SHIT! And then he said "I see you found that..."!! TO MY ROLLING STONES PIN I HAD ON! FUCKER! He hides my clothes from me, or my pins, or my hats...FUCKING A AMERICAN EAGLE HAT HE WILL HIDE! WTF. IT DOESNT FUCKING SAY " I LIKE BOYS " ON IT...IT FUCKING SAYS "Knoxville" on it. ASSHOLE.
And so I am tired, and shit. ANd I get home, and I am pissed off. I just am. It takes a lot to get me pissed. But when people pull stupid shit on me I fucking get pissed! When my parents do big things to me, its fine. I see their "logic" BUT THIS SHIT. And I am kind of just....frustrated with Mikey. I don't know why. I feel like something happened. Like he is putting me off or something. I know its stupid, that I am just being stupid. But thats how I feel.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DEVON AND ALLYSON!!! GOD DAMNIT! OR MY ANGIE! OR KATIE! FUCK! I need to cuddle and watch a good movie. Fuck this...I am off now I guess.
Then I got home, and I talked to Mikey, the highlight of my day as usual. But things didn't go so well. He was depressed and lonely, and the kind of depressed where things just fucking suck and you can't really pinpoint the real reason(s) of what is wrong. Simlar to what I am feeling now, but times 10. He was also worried that I would be like his ex, Eddie. Because the first four months of their relationship was bliss for him, and apparently, there was the intensity of what we have. No doubt greater, but cause he lived maybe 4 miles away, to my 3000. And he doesn't want to get hurt again. Understandable. Totally. However...I am different from Eddie in many ways. I will make a pro and con list to help me feel better about myself.
PROS
1. Im not in two ongoing relationships, that I would have to break off to be with Mikey.
2. I am not 16.
3. My personality has undergone a lot of changes, but it is pretty much set. I feel that I am stable in relevent parts of my life.
4. I am a nice guy. I dont: A. Steal; B. Dont Smoke, rarely drink*compared to some*; C. Don't do drugs, never have, no plans to; D. I have a stable life; E. I am relatively smart, going to college; F. Im legal :-D; G. I know what I am looking for; H. I don't, wouldn't, couldn't "play" someone; I. As well as not playing, I dont CHEAT oR FOOL AROUND (I made my mistake, and am not repeating it).
5. I will be able to drive in a few months, and have a nice car.
6. No baggage (ie. previous relationship shit I have to deal with)
7. I think of myself as mildly wierd, funny, whatever. A plus I hope.
8. I can dress up nice, and like being fashionable sometimes.
9. I am completely not shallow, and am not attracted to typical, run of the mill, gay guys. So shady.
10. I am completely in love with him.
11. I am willing to totally commit.
CONS
1. I live 3000 miles away.
2. Mikey has some doubts.
3. My parents are weird fuckers. Want me to date girls, no boys allowed...ie. if Mikey did come down, he couldn't stay at my house.
4. I am completely in love with him. It COULD be a bad thing...not from my point of view...but who knows what ya'll think.
I seem a pretty safe bet. BUT that 3000 mile thing completely gets in the way 100%...thats the deal breaker, obsticale.
And I PUSHED to be let in, to know whats wrong. And my pushing got my ass hung up. I was sorry to do that to him. I REALLY hate being hung up on. I will completely ignore people who do that to me for MONTHS. But I appologized. I was wrong...but still. I am in love I guess :-D
I went to bed, slept like shit. Tossing and turning. Woke up, said good morning to Mikey. Bad day started. Universal sucks ass. Didn't like it. HATED my Dad for looking at me like I was a pussy for ordering Diet Pepsi at the Hard Rock. After that, I decided against the Cobb Salad, and went for the sucky Cheeseburger that everyone else was going for.
Fuck that SHIT! And then he said "I see you found that..."!! TO MY ROLLING STONES PIN I HAD ON! FUCKER! He hides my clothes from me, or my pins, or my hats...FUCKING A AMERICAN EAGLE HAT HE WILL HIDE! WTF. IT DOESNT FUCKING SAY " I LIKE BOYS " ON IT...IT FUCKING SAYS "Knoxville" on it. ASSHOLE.
And so I am tired, and shit. ANd I get home, and I am pissed off. I just am. It takes a lot to get me pissed. But when people pull stupid shit on me I fucking get pissed! When my parents do big things to me, its fine. I see their "logic" BUT THIS SHIT. And I am kind of just....frustrated with Mikey. I don't know why. I feel like something happened. Like he is putting me off or something. I know its stupid, that I am just being stupid. But thats how I feel.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DEVON AND ALLYSON!!! GOD DAMNIT! OR MY ANGIE! OR KATIE! FUCK! I need to cuddle and watch a good movie. Fuck this...I am off now I guess.