(no subject)
Its early and cold and I have wet hair and Im in alot of pain. I wont be getting out of here as fast as I expected. Oliver and gang are asleep and samantha and madison are in the other room sleeping as well. For some reason Johns here. I feel sick and the condom fell off and I hope nothing is horribly wrong but I feel like somethings wrong and I dont know what to do because the youth clinic isn't open today and I dont have a carecard. I've been acting like a fucking idiot lately and Im sleeping with a 31 year old man from Florida and that man has a three year old son. I have goosebumps and Im crossing my legs because I feel like my insides have been ripped apart which isn't too far from the truth and I missed Sashas birthday. I'm bleeding and the hairs on my arms are standing up and I just want to go home but I don't know where that is and I wish I was back in Winlaw with Josh and Todus but I feel like I'm never going to get to Nelson. I've been taking these pills that havn't been prescribed to me but they make everything better they make me forget that I'm back here they make me feel like I'm in the car with Josh doing a buck twenty in a 60 km/ph zone. I almost bought meth last night and Florida man almost bought some with me thats why were bad for each other along with the fact his cock is too big and I think thats why Im in pain not to mention he's 15 years older than I am.
So I'll go down to the whale wall to do what I always do and get drunk and forget and make bad choices and hook up with idiots I dont even like when Im really interested in Chris but he's interested in Jen and whats the point anyways Im too young for this kind of bullshit anyways. This morning was a mistake and so was last night and the night before that and the night before that and so on and so fourth but I am ever so good at making such carless mistakes and I know that eventually they are going to catch up with me in the end.
Right now life is kind of a run on mistake, but I guess thats ok because pencils have earasers and for some reason my dad used to tell me this because I think he thought I was a writing utensil and mistakes are made but I think I am a pen because all this bullshit keeps piling on top of itself and I think I'm trying to dig my way out of this hole with a fork. And I flailed at people for doing coke yesterday then did it myself because I was drunk and looking for something to make the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach settle.
I want it to be last year again when me and Liam were living at the far side and I hadn't a care in the world accept getting shitfaced and I was clean and he was too and we loved each other and wouldn't dream of cheating on each other.
Over with the past on with the future even if the future may be drunken regrets and the fork to soil 'esque drawl of daily life.
So I'll go down to the whale wall to do what I always do and get drunk and forget and make bad choices and hook up with idiots I dont even like when Im really interested in Chris but he's interested in Jen and whats the point anyways Im too young for this kind of bullshit anyways. This morning was a mistake and so was last night and the night before that and the night before that and so on and so fourth but I am ever so good at making such carless mistakes and I know that eventually they are going to catch up with me in the end.
Right now life is kind of a run on mistake, but I guess thats ok because pencils have earasers and for some reason my dad used to tell me this because I think he thought I was a writing utensil and mistakes are made but I think I am a pen because all this bullshit keeps piling on top of itself and I think I'm trying to dig my way out of this hole with a fork. And I flailed at people for doing coke yesterday then did it myself because I was drunk and looking for something to make the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach settle.
I want it to be last year again when me and Liam were living at the far side and I hadn't a care in the world accept getting shitfaced and I was clean and he was too and we loved each other and wouldn't dream of cheating on each other.
Over with the past on with the future even if the future may be drunken regrets and the fork to soil 'esque drawl of daily life.