(no subject)
Sometimes I feel like there is a barrier I keep hitting in my life. Beyond that barrier is something better and something a little grandiose. The problem is that the barrier seems very resilient and unforgiving. I think, sometimes, that if I could figure out what the magic word or series of steps or secret sight I needed to get past that barrier then I would shine out into the world like a sun.
Instead, I just grope around that barrier and go on everyday with my normal life, sensing distantly the other side but cowering beneath the edifice of that damned wall. I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who feels that way, who knows what I'm talking about. There's something great on that other side, I just don't know how to get there yet.
Lately I've been thinking seriously about going back to art school in two or three years, once I get most of my loans paid off from the credential program. I like teaching, but it's so unforgiving for such crap pay and I don't know if I want to be that martyr anymore. It'd be easier to teach if I got something in return other than threats of merit pay and a request for a yearbook signature. At least if I were an artist I could starve without getting punked by kids every day.
I just know that right now teaching isn't getting me to that other side yet. And it's frustrating.
Instead, I just grope around that barrier and go on everyday with my normal life, sensing distantly the other side but cowering beneath the edifice of that damned wall. I sometimes wonder if I'm the only one who feels that way, who knows what I'm talking about. There's something great on that other side, I just don't know how to get there yet.
Lately I've been thinking seriously about going back to art school in two or three years, once I get most of my loans paid off from the credential program. I like teaching, but it's so unforgiving for such crap pay and I don't know if I want to be that martyr anymore. It'd be easier to teach if I got something in return other than threats of merit pay and a request for a yearbook signature. At least if I were an artist I could starve without getting punked by kids every day.
I just know that right now teaching isn't getting me to that other side yet. And it's frustrating.