Back From The Black 2/4
Author: word_vomity
Title: Back From The Black 2/4
Characters/Pairings: Kara/Lee
Total Word Count: 4,458
Rating: R
Spoilers: Through Resurrection Ship
Summary: Kara gives Lee a reason to be glad he made it back after his Resurrection Ship mission.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Total own-age for Ron & Crew.
Author's Note: OK I decided to turn it into a 3 part-er. I think I may have finally beat these disobedient pilots into submission. If not, well I still have part 3 to get them under my thumb. You can find Part 1 HERE
He could see the hesitation and fear hiding behind her tough exterior. But she nodded confidently.
“Yeah. Now.”
His heart immediately started pumping like he'd run the entire decking of Galactica. He hadn't been prepared for this to happen so soon. But the woman did enjoy catching him with his guard down. She always had. He walked to her slowly and held out his hand. She eyed it uncertainly for a moment, then took it warily. He guided her to a seat at the cold metal table in the center of the room while taking for himself the one next to her. He didn't release her shaking hand. Fumbling with where to begin, he looked into her face for a clue to her mindset. She seemed to be eying the hatch as her final chance for escape.
"You scared of little ol' me, Starbuck?' He teased carefully. "Never thought I'd see the day."
"Yup. Terrified of being bored to death with one of your patented 'Starbuck Needs A Stern Talking To' lectures." She threw back, stealing her hand away from his but offering him an easy smirk as consolation.
They both held their grins and fell into the comfortable silence that their years of friendship afforded them.
Leaning back in his chair, he regarded her. "So Kara, why are you mad at me?"
Her smile fell. Sitting, face to face, it was too much. It was too difficult to keep him at a comfortable distance when he was staring so intently, his gaze asking so many questions. He seemed to be searching for something in her and she was fairly certain that it was something she shouldn't let him find. But she likewise knew that her treacherous heart had a weakness for confessing un-confess-able truths to him. She rose from her chair to slowly pace the room, the distance giving her the space to both breathe and think.
"You checked out, Lee." She answered clearly. "You gave up. On all of us. You're supposed to be the strong one. The golden frakking example for Fleet morale. You can't just give into the hopelessness. You're better than that. It's just . . . it's not a option for you to give up. You should know that."
Lee watched her carefully. He knew she was right. He'd known it even in the midst of his desolation, but knowing it and fixing it were different things. So even though he knew her argument was valid, he didn't believe her. Her snap at him a few days ago had been knee jerk and personal, though she'd quickly caught herself to conceal further anger. Her present tirade was honest, but lacked the passion that had compelled her prior fury. He knew she meant it, but it wasn't what had caused her outburst in the mess hall.
"You're right." He conceded. "I know I gave into the pressure and I let it control me. I was selfish and it was wrong. But that's not the reason you're mad at me, Kara. Tell me the truth. What did I do?"
She threw her hands up in exasperation, hating when he was able to effortlessly read her so well. Turning from him she stomped to her locker and, rummaging through it, pulled out a stack of flight logs, schedules, rosters and stomping back threw them onto the table. She pointed emphatically at the mess of papers.
"See those? Those are all YOUR WORK, that I've been doing because you've been too far gone to bother! Maybe I'm sick of pulling your weight because you can't deal. Ever think of that?"
He shook his head, "Nope, not buying it. You usually help me with that crap anyways. We're practically co-CAGs by now. Kara, I'm sick of this. Since when do you lie to me? Just tell me what it is." He stood to mirror her defensive stance as she stood rigidly avoiding his gaze, her arms tightly crossed around her body. He invaded her space. He reached to take back the hand she'd stolen from him, his thumb carefully circled the soft skin of her wrist. His skin on hers calmed her rising desperation, but did not quell it. He squeezed reassuringly and pleaded, "Please, Kara."
She weighed the price of telling him the truth that he so blindly demanded. She decided the cost was too great, too risky. She opened her mouth to divert his plea with a quip, a lie, anything to protect them from each other, but when she lifted her eyes to meet his own, only truth spilled from her lips.
"You quit on me, Lee!" Her voice breaking in pieces. "I . . . frak . . . I needed you here. I don't know what I'd do . . . Gods, Lee . . . if you hadn't come back. I was so scared. I don't know if I've ever been so scared." He watched her strong demeanor crumbling in on itself. He could see the strain that his depression has inflicted on her and hated himself for causing it. "And then you were alive and I could breathe again, but you came back all empty. You just . . . I need you, OK? I just need you to be here and OK. I can't be alone in this mess. You're all I have."
Angry with herself for admitting so much, she sank embarrassed into her chair. Lee stood stunned, unsure how to respond. Her head fell into her hands, her shoulders bowed. She looked every inch the copy of his own dejected state of the previous week. He circled her slowly and gently reached out his palm to rest softly on her back. She started at the contact, but didn't pull away. Tentatively, he added his other hand and began a gentle massage of her tense shoulders. Recognizing the gesture as her own and its intent to soothe, she turned her head up to offer him a weak grin. Leaning down he dropped a kiss onto the top of her head and then crouching behind her, he wrapped his arms lightly around her waist and leaned his head into the crook of her neck. For a few moments he simply held on, offering her the support and comfort he had himself received from her own hands.
"I'm not going anywhere." He whispered. "I promise you. I'm here. I'm staying. I won't leave you alone."
"Don't." She bit out harshly. "Don't make promises you can't keep."
"I'll keep it" He promised vehemently. She snorted at his unyielding insistence; unwilling to concede even to the fates. Typical stubborn Lee. "I will, Kara. I swear to Gods, I will."
Exhaling, she leaned her weight back into his hold, "You don't believe in the God's, Lee."
Wrapping himself around her more tightly, anchoring her back to his front, he chuckled, "OK, smartypants. I swear to you. And that's something I do believe in. More than anything."
She could feel the tension draining from her. Even his promises of things he couldn't possibly control were soothing to her fears and doubts. His words and touch, as always, were a balm to her frightened spirit. She slipped her hands over his locked around her waist, threading their fingers together. This was Lee. Her Lee. Finally coming back. The one she was so afraid had been lost to her. She smiled as he hooked his chin more confidently into the crook of her neck and breathed her in deeply. "Well, I guess that proves it, Apollo." She teased, unconsciously leaning her head to the side, giving him room and permission to continue touching her. "You're dumber than I gave you credit for."
He choked out a genuine laugh into the warm skin of her neck. To her, a holy sound, long forgotten. Her heart expanded at its sweet ring as her stomach contracted at the feel of its release against her delicate skin. He dropped his forehead to her shoulder where he gave her a soft bite in retaliation for her sass, causing her to release a harsh gasp into the empty room. "Everyone knows you're the smart one, Kara. I'm just here to look pretty."
Carefully, she pulled herself free of his grasp and turned to face him. On his knees before her, she reached out her hands reverently to cup his admittedly pretty face, their eyes holding each another in thrall. Stroking his face tenderly, she whispered, "Just so long as you're here."
Smiling in unguarded joy at her momentary vulnerability, his hands dropped to steady himself onto her knees, he whispered back, "Count on it."
She was already pulling him towards her mouth when the hatch banged open to admit the pilots just coming off CAP. She pushed him away and standing, strode quickly to her locker, her back to him. He watched her slip back into her protective armor even as she was changing out of her flight suit, a contradiction as always. The vigor with which she held the world at bay, a necessity for survival to someone as naturally affected by its pains as she was. Only Lee knew her game so well and by the time she'd turned around, her indifferent mask was again solidly in place. He was starting to get strange looks from the other pilots as he stared her down unmercifully. She sauntered past him with her usual bravado on her way to her rack. He reached out to grab her arm, but she was prepared and evaded it smoothly.
"Kara. . ." He began, but she turned to quickly silence him with a pointed glare and shake of her head clearly unwilling to take their discussion any further in the presence of others.
Reluctant to lose the intimacy they'd just shared, he took a step in her direction as she slipped into her rack. Her hand shot up immediately in a clear sign to stop him. Freezing, he threw his hands up in frustration. That earned him more glances and a couple tentative questions regarding his well being. Grunting out his apologies he stormed around the room, shrugging out of his clothes, hitting the light switch and generally intimidating the pilots into an early slumber. As he slid into his rack, he chanced one more glance in Kara's direction. She was smirking slightly and shaking her head, finding him both ridiculous and adorable in his tantrum. Catching his eye, she slowly pointed her finger at him, then held up both hands to show all ten fingers, and finally crooked her finger in his direction signaling him to her rack. He started to rise immediately eager to reach her, but she stopped him with a stern cough. Again, she held up both hands and pointed at the clock. Oh, he thought, catching on and nodding his compliance. Smiling, she placed her finger over her lips, signaling the need for silence in his journey and then quickly pulled her curtain shut.
Lee had never known ten minutes could pass so torturously slow. Seconds seemed hours. Minutes, days. His fingers burned to touch her again. His entire body felt electric and tight. It took all of his rapidly diminishing willpower to withstand the endless stretch of time. The pilots eventually quieted into their respective racks and his ten minute sentence complete, he rose and noiselessly crossed to her. Pulling back her curtain, he found her lying on her side waiting for him expectantly. Holding out her hand to him, she pulled him in and he laid beside her, staring her down as intensely as she did him. Unable to control the will of his body, his arms reached out to pull her softly against him. She molded to him pliantly. His arm around her waist. Her leg thrown over his hip. Her hand clasping tightly to his shoulder. Their fingers tangling together gently on the pillow over their heads.
"That was nine minutes, cheater." She chided in a whisper against his shoulder.
Impossible, he thought. "Felt like an eternity." Feeling her smile as her head lay lightly against his chest, they fell back into silence as they lazily traced the lines of each others skin. Eventually, he pulled back to catch her eyes.
"Hey" he crooned, his gaze dedicated solely to her own.
"Hey" she answered back, quietly tracing circles onto his bare arm.
"This is new" he said simply.
"You don't like it?" she questioned.
"I like it plenty, just wondering where Kara Thrace went to. I have it on pretty good authority that she's not much of a cuddler." He leaned forward to touch his forehead to hers.
She smiled and shrugged. "I like touching you."
Leaning back he stripped his tanks and sets her palm against his pounding heart. "I like you touching me too."
As her fingers began anxiously canvasing the marbled muscles of his chest, Lee struggled to control his breathing. It had sped considerably. Her touch was leaving white hot trails of sensation in their wake and his sense was quickly fading into the feel of her skin. His entire body was turning hot and he felt beads of sweat begin to pull from his pores. The air was thick with want. He needed to reign in his urges before he submitted to their deliciously unyielding pull.
"Kara" he breathed out, trying to pull her attention back to his words. Her finger's hesitated over the taut ridges of his stomach and her eyes raised back to his. "How far do you want to take this?"
She eyed him curiously, her own breath uneven in the haze of pleasure that his touch was inducing, "I'm not the one that stopped us last time, Lee." She also leaned back to strip her tanks and in answer to his question, pulled his hand to rest upon her own racing heart. "I'm not the one stopping us now." Her voice a mere breath in the air.
His hand curled to mold itself around the breast that covered her heart. She pushed herself further into his hand as he palmed her soft flesh delicately, amazed to be finally free to explore the flesh that had so often tormented his thoughts. "Lee..." She panted loudly, her head falling back against the pillows in pleasure as he carefully cupped its weight.
"And tomorrow, Kara?" He asked thickly, his desire clear. "What happens then?"
She groaned softly as he began to thumb her stiff nipple lightly through her sports bra. "I'm pretty sure I'll still like touching you tomorrow. Gods Lee! That feels good."
Pulling his hand away to grab her chin and pull her face back to his, he demanded roughly, "You know what I'm asking. Quit evading. Do you want this . . ." he slid his hand down her body into her shorts, over her regulation briefs to her wet cleft, massaging her slit, carefully cataloging her every reaction. The hitch in her breath. The stuttered release of her moan. Her tiny unconscious thrusts against his hand. She sobbed quietly into the stillness of the air. She was beyond wet for him, had been since he'd walked into the room. It embarrassed the hell out of her how effortlessly he always managed to keep her aroused without even knowing it. He groaned at the searing moisture he found between her thighs.
"Or," he asked gentler, removing his hand, "do you want this?" He again placed his hand, still wet with her juices, on top of her wildly beating heart and leaned in to finally taste her full lips. He kissed her sweetly with clear intentions. Soft but sure. Intense but chaste. His lips rubbing against hers in a silent entreaty for more than just tonight, than just sex. For everything she could offer. For forever.
She gave into the feel and taste of his mouth eagerly. Her hands flew to hold his head tightly to her own. She kissed him back with an intensity that left them both gasping for air, yet reluctant to separate. He could feel her entire body trembling with need for him. She feasted on his mouth decadently. As he attempted to pull away trying to regain some semblance of control, she grabbed onto his bottom lip lightly with her teeth, unwilling to yet give him up. He dove back against her lips and growled out teasingly at her ardor, his escape finally managed only when her laugh freed his captive lip.
Her greedy hands searched him out desperate to pull his body back to hers but he fought them off at great personal cost and rolling over her for leverage, pinned them roughly above her head. Undaunted, her head reared up to his, searching for more contact. At the first touch of her tongue wetly seeking his, he almost gave in, but reason pulled him back in time.
"Uhhnn uhh, Kara. You hafta answer me. Use your words." He baited.
Unwilling to admit defeat so easily, she turned her head to suck and lick ruthlessly at the tensed bicep she found there. His arms were one of her secret turn-ons. Gods, the way they tensed and corded when he worked a viper, trained, frak even when he walked! Tasting them was a long denied desire of hers which she took happily, humming and groaning around her prize. He felt her toned thigh slip determinedly between his to caress the hard length she found there. Dropping his head to her neck he groaned his pleasure into her molten skin now slick with sweat and his kisses and thrust himself desperately against the tight muscle of her leg. Fearing utter defeat was quickly approaching, he lunged for her throat and bit down just hard enough to stun her into temporary compliance and buy himself the precious moments he needed to reign in his lust.
"Frak, Lee!" She yelped. "That's gonna bruise!"
He gestured at the massive welt she'd left on his bicep.
"Oh" She gulped, surveying the damage unrepentantly before slipping into one of her devilishly Starbuck grins. "Sorry." And though she clearly wasn't, she leaned over to lightly kiss the abused area. Looking down to see his own mark of aggression on her skin, he responded in kind. "At least your flight suit will cover yours." She grumbled.
"So . . ?" He whispered sincerely.
"Lee . . . I don't know, OK? I don't know what to call it or how to define it. I don't want to. I just want to touch you. All the time. I want you next to me when I go to bed and when I wake up. When you were dead, I was dead. When you were sad, I was sad. I don't know what is all equals. Can we just be us? Can we not ruin this by trying to fit it into one of your pretty textbook definitions? Can we just be happy with what we have now?" She pleaded.
He regarded her warily. He wasn't one to fall into such murky romantic entanglements. He like the rules. The names. The conventions that told him what was OK, expected, normal. But with Kara, he always saw things differently. She always gave him new eyes.
"Three conditions." He released her arms and they immediately encircled him.
Sighing in fearful resignation,"This should be good."
"We don't hide it."
She cringed, uncertain that letting this particularly juicy bit of scuttlebutt into the open was wise. However, it wasn't a deal breaker. It'd be weird, but at the same time she wasn't sure anyone would be particularly surprised by the development. "Okay."
Satisfied with her compliance he continued. "Second. No other men. I want you for me only."
"Contrary to popular belief, I can keep my pants on."
"No," he drawled into her ear huskily using the weight of his lower half to slip between her legs. She wrapped them willingly around his strong hips. "Don't mistake me. I want them off. Frequently. With me."
"Your terms are fair so far." She groaned breathlessly as his hips connected solidly against hers. "What's number three?"
He locked eyes with her and spoke clearly. "I'm in love with you. I won't pretend otherwise. Can you handle that?"
At his words she tensed and rolled her eyes, uncomfortable with such an honest admission of his feelings. She was used to viewing any such declarations a potential fodder for future manipulations. Weapons for later torture against the person who'd been silly enough to admit them. A weakness to be exploited. She'd long since dismissed their value. Empty words, meant to trick you into compliance and false comfort. Even with Zak she'd never voiced them, though she had genuinely felt them. Words were too fragile. Changeable. Easily broken and readily discarded when no longer applicable. She deplored the necessity of words.
"Lee. . ."
"No. It's not negotiable. I mean it. And I'll be both saying and proving it often. I won't pretend otherwise because emotions make you squirmy. I Love You, Kara. You brought me back to life. You. No one else. Don't make me pretend this is less than it is, please."
"Yeah" she nodded, her voice wavered with unvoiced emotion, ". . . yeah OK."
"OK? " He teased in mock anguish. "I declare my love and I get 'OK'?"
"Well, I'm not saying it back!" She shot back, glad to slip back into their routine of easy teasing. "I'm still mad at you for your little 'poor, poor pitiful Lee' phase."
Dropping his hands to trace lightly along the edges of her underwear with his fingertips, he dropped his voice to an octave that sends a bolt of pleasure straight to her core. "Well. . ." His voice placating as he lifted the elastic band slowly and let it snap loudly back into place, "is there anything I can do to make it up to you, baby?"
Her hands around his shoulders clenched at the tease of his fingers."You can start by never calling me that again." She breathed out unevenly.
He snorted into her neck.
"Dear?" He asked seriously.
"No."
"Hun?" He offered.
"Uhn uh."
"Sweetheart?" He teased.
"Upon pain of dismemberment." She responded icily.
He barked out a hearty laugh and hugged her to him tightly. "Don't ever change, Kara."
She smiled into his touch. Her name across his lips was more welcome than any endearment he could come up with. Very few people used her first name. Lee, the Admiral, Karl on special occasions, Leoben. It struck her as intimately as an actual physical contact. It was what people used when the were talking to her, the real her. Not her bad-ass persona she affected for the world. She decided to keep that particular confession to herself. She figured she'd shared enough secrets for tonight.
"Believe me. I won't. I've tried and it never sticks. I'm completely un-reformable."
He leaned down to catch her lips again. Eager to be closer to her in any way that she'd allow. Already he could feel himself becoming a fast addict to the delicious drug that was loving Kara Thrace. Their hands finally free to explore each other with full impunity, they both grasped and wandered and stroked whatever bare skin could be reached.
He tore away from her mouth and panted out, "Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing me back. Thank you for knowing what to do and for letting us have this now. Gods Kara, I've wanted this for so long."
She reached to pull him back to her mouth, eager for both the taste of him and her newly discovered expedient method of shutting him up. He always did talk too much and too honestly. She was on the edge of losing it already and they'd barely done more than kiss. If he kept saying her name like that, she knew she'd be a goner before they even got their clothes off. "I know, Lee." Her voice more unsteady than she liked as she reconnected their swollen mouths. "I know."
The dam of their emotions finally open, she found herself struggling to control the flood of desire surging through her. She was already appalled at her extreme reaction to the touch of his body. She'd spent so long denying this connection for this exact reason. She feared its power. She could feel him invading every part of her. This was why she wasn't supposed to let this happen. It was overpowering in its intensity. She knew there was no returning from this. But his recent close call had ripped right through her defenses against him and made her acutely aware of just how much she relied on his strength. When that strength was gone, she'd felt as empty as he'd looked. Without his support behind her, she'd tasted the bitter hopelessness that pervaded the rest of the fleet. It scared her more than she'd admit.
She hadn't made a conscious decision to use her touch as a means to comfort him, but his demeanor towards her after his 'space walk' had effectively destroyed their primary means of communication; bicker and banter. She'd discovered that in the absence of their regular sarcasm laced interactions, it had become necessary for her to appease her body and mind's cravings for Lee-time in other ways. She'd improvised without even thinking; as much for her own benefit as for his. She'd found that without words getting in the way, it felt natural to seek out his touch and to offer her own to him. It felt easy and simple. It wasn't exactly comfortable, because it meant that she was exchanging the usual mental provocation of their verbal sparring matches for the constant ache of their unfulfilled physical stimulation. But it was Lee, and even when he was setting her skin on fire he was quieting her inner demons. His very presence in the same room had the power to both inflame and subdue her. It made no sense, she knew. Being near him was like being struck by overpoweringly decadent lightening, if such a thing is possible.
He snapped her from her revelry when his hands began pulling furiously at her sports bra clearly furious at its audacity to impede his view of her. Smiling inwardly at his fervor, she hurried to help him free herself from the impudent garment. However, she sobered quickly when she noticed the slight trembling of his hands against her. His patience clearly pushed nearly to its reach, she gently took his hands in hers and held them. "Hey. It's alright. Calm down." Her forehead found his as she worked to calm her ragged breaths. "I don't . . .I don't want this be frantic. Let's just . . . breathe for a minute, OK?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry." He managed, stroking the golden hair that had fallen onto her cheek. "I just want you so badly. I'm afraid you're just gonna disappear. This can't be real. You're way too stubborn for this to be happening.”
Kara smiled. “Oh yeah, cuz you're so docile and flexible, right? I just said we should take a breath, not stop. I'm not going anywhere. Just . . . it was getting a little . . . intense. I need a minute.”
"Deal" He nodded, reaching out to ghost his fingers up and down her arm as he grinned down at her, “One. Two. Three. Four . . .”
Part 3
Title: Back From The Black 2/4
Characters/Pairings: Kara/Lee
Total Word Count: 4,458
Rating: R
Spoilers: Through Resurrection Ship
Summary: Kara gives Lee a reason to be glad he made it back after his Resurrection Ship mission.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Total own-age for Ron & Crew.
Author's Note: OK I decided to turn it into a 3 part-er. I think I may have finally beat these disobedient pilots into submission. If not, well I still have part 3 to get them under my thumb. You can find Part 1 HERE
He could see the hesitation and fear hiding behind her tough exterior. But she nodded confidently.
“Yeah. Now.”
His heart immediately started pumping like he'd run the entire decking of Galactica. He hadn't been prepared for this to happen so soon. But the woman did enjoy catching him with his guard down. She always had. He walked to her slowly and held out his hand. She eyed it uncertainly for a moment, then took it warily. He guided her to a seat at the cold metal table in the center of the room while taking for himself the one next to her. He didn't release her shaking hand. Fumbling with where to begin, he looked into her face for a clue to her mindset. She seemed to be eying the hatch as her final chance for escape.
"You scared of little ol' me, Starbuck?' He teased carefully. "Never thought I'd see the day."
"Yup. Terrified of being bored to death with one of your patented 'Starbuck Needs A Stern Talking To' lectures." She threw back, stealing her hand away from his but offering him an easy smirk as consolation.
They both held their grins and fell into the comfortable silence that their years of friendship afforded them.
Leaning back in his chair, he regarded her. "So Kara, why are you mad at me?"
Her smile fell. Sitting, face to face, it was too much. It was too difficult to keep him at a comfortable distance when he was staring so intently, his gaze asking so many questions. He seemed to be searching for something in her and she was fairly certain that it was something she shouldn't let him find. But she likewise knew that her treacherous heart had a weakness for confessing un-confess-able truths to him. She rose from her chair to slowly pace the room, the distance giving her the space to both breathe and think.
"You checked out, Lee." She answered clearly. "You gave up. On all of us. You're supposed to be the strong one. The golden frakking example for Fleet morale. You can't just give into the hopelessness. You're better than that. It's just . . . it's not a option for you to give up. You should know that."
Lee watched her carefully. He knew she was right. He'd known it even in the midst of his desolation, but knowing it and fixing it were different things. So even though he knew her argument was valid, he didn't believe her. Her snap at him a few days ago had been knee jerk and personal, though she'd quickly caught herself to conceal further anger. Her present tirade was honest, but lacked the passion that had compelled her prior fury. He knew she meant it, but it wasn't what had caused her outburst in the mess hall.
"You're right." He conceded. "I know I gave into the pressure and I let it control me. I was selfish and it was wrong. But that's not the reason you're mad at me, Kara. Tell me the truth. What did I do?"
She threw her hands up in exasperation, hating when he was able to effortlessly read her so well. Turning from him she stomped to her locker and, rummaging through it, pulled out a stack of flight logs, schedules, rosters and stomping back threw them onto the table. She pointed emphatically at the mess of papers.
"See those? Those are all YOUR WORK, that I've been doing because you've been too far gone to bother! Maybe I'm sick of pulling your weight because you can't deal. Ever think of that?"
He shook his head, "Nope, not buying it. You usually help me with that crap anyways. We're practically co-CAGs by now. Kara, I'm sick of this. Since when do you lie to me? Just tell me what it is." He stood to mirror her defensive stance as she stood rigidly avoiding his gaze, her arms tightly crossed around her body. He invaded her space. He reached to take back the hand she'd stolen from him, his thumb carefully circled the soft skin of her wrist. His skin on hers calmed her rising desperation, but did not quell it. He squeezed reassuringly and pleaded, "Please, Kara."
She weighed the price of telling him the truth that he so blindly demanded. She decided the cost was too great, too risky. She opened her mouth to divert his plea with a quip, a lie, anything to protect them from each other, but when she lifted her eyes to meet his own, only truth spilled from her lips.
"You quit on me, Lee!" Her voice breaking in pieces. "I . . . frak . . . I needed you here. I don't know what I'd do . . . Gods, Lee . . . if you hadn't come back. I was so scared. I don't know if I've ever been so scared." He watched her strong demeanor crumbling in on itself. He could see the strain that his depression has inflicted on her and hated himself for causing it. "And then you were alive and I could breathe again, but you came back all empty. You just . . . I need you, OK? I just need you to be here and OK. I can't be alone in this mess. You're all I have."
Angry with herself for admitting so much, she sank embarrassed into her chair. Lee stood stunned, unsure how to respond. Her head fell into her hands, her shoulders bowed. She looked every inch the copy of his own dejected state of the previous week. He circled her slowly and gently reached out his palm to rest softly on her back. She started at the contact, but didn't pull away. Tentatively, he added his other hand and began a gentle massage of her tense shoulders. Recognizing the gesture as her own and its intent to soothe, she turned her head up to offer him a weak grin. Leaning down he dropped a kiss onto the top of her head and then crouching behind her, he wrapped his arms lightly around her waist and leaned his head into the crook of her neck. For a few moments he simply held on, offering her the support and comfort he had himself received from her own hands.
"I'm not going anywhere." He whispered. "I promise you. I'm here. I'm staying. I won't leave you alone."
"Don't." She bit out harshly. "Don't make promises you can't keep."
"I'll keep it" He promised vehemently. She snorted at his unyielding insistence; unwilling to concede even to the fates. Typical stubborn Lee. "I will, Kara. I swear to Gods, I will."
Exhaling, she leaned her weight back into his hold, "You don't believe in the God's, Lee."
Wrapping himself around her more tightly, anchoring her back to his front, he chuckled, "OK, smartypants. I swear to you. And that's something I do believe in. More than anything."
She could feel the tension draining from her. Even his promises of things he couldn't possibly control were soothing to her fears and doubts. His words and touch, as always, were a balm to her frightened spirit. She slipped her hands over his locked around her waist, threading their fingers together. This was Lee. Her Lee. Finally coming back. The one she was so afraid had been lost to her. She smiled as he hooked his chin more confidently into the crook of her neck and breathed her in deeply. "Well, I guess that proves it, Apollo." She teased, unconsciously leaning her head to the side, giving him room and permission to continue touching her. "You're dumber than I gave you credit for."
He choked out a genuine laugh into the warm skin of her neck. To her, a holy sound, long forgotten. Her heart expanded at its sweet ring as her stomach contracted at the feel of its release against her delicate skin. He dropped his forehead to her shoulder where he gave her a soft bite in retaliation for her sass, causing her to release a harsh gasp into the empty room. "Everyone knows you're the smart one, Kara. I'm just here to look pretty."
Carefully, she pulled herself free of his grasp and turned to face him. On his knees before her, she reached out her hands reverently to cup his admittedly pretty face, their eyes holding each another in thrall. Stroking his face tenderly, she whispered, "Just so long as you're here."
Smiling in unguarded joy at her momentary vulnerability, his hands dropped to steady himself onto her knees, he whispered back, "Count on it."
She was already pulling him towards her mouth when the hatch banged open to admit the pilots just coming off CAP. She pushed him away and standing, strode quickly to her locker, her back to him. He watched her slip back into her protective armor even as she was changing out of her flight suit, a contradiction as always. The vigor with which she held the world at bay, a necessity for survival to someone as naturally affected by its pains as she was. Only Lee knew her game so well and by the time she'd turned around, her indifferent mask was again solidly in place. He was starting to get strange looks from the other pilots as he stared her down unmercifully. She sauntered past him with her usual bravado on her way to her rack. He reached out to grab her arm, but she was prepared and evaded it smoothly.
"Kara. . ." He began, but she turned to quickly silence him with a pointed glare and shake of her head clearly unwilling to take their discussion any further in the presence of others.
Reluctant to lose the intimacy they'd just shared, he took a step in her direction as she slipped into her rack. Her hand shot up immediately in a clear sign to stop him. Freezing, he threw his hands up in frustration. That earned him more glances and a couple tentative questions regarding his well being. Grunting out his apologies he stormed around the room, shrugging out of his clothes, hitting the light switch and generally intimidating the pilots into an early slumber. As he slid into his rack, he chanced one more glance in Kara's direction. She was smirking slightly and shaking her head, finding him both ridiculous and adorable in his tantrum. Catching his eye, she slowly pointed her finger at him, then held up both hands to show all ten fingers, and finally crooked her finger in his direction signaling him to her rack. He started to rise immediately eager to reach her, but she stopped him with a stern cough. Again, she held up both hands and pointed at the clock. Oh, he thought, catching on and nodding his compliance. Smiling, she placed her finger over her lips, signaling the need for silence in his journey and then quickly pulled her curtain shut.
Lee had never known ten minutes could pass so torturously slow. Seconds seemed hours. Minutes, days. His fingers burned to touch her again. His entire body felt electric and tight. It took all of his rapidly diminishing willpower to withstand the endless stretch of time. The pilots eventually quieted into their respective racks and his ten minute sentence complete, he rose and noiselessly crossed to her. Pulling back her curtain, he found her lying on her side waiting for him expectantly. Holding out her hand to him, she pulled him in and he laid beside her, staring her down as intensely as she did him. Unable to control the will of his body, his arms reached out to pull her softly against him. She molded to him pliantly. His arm around her waist. Her leg thrown over his hip. Her hand clasping tightly to his shoulder. Their fingers tangling together gently on the pillow over their heads.
"That was nine minutes, cheater." She chided in a whisper against his shoulder.
Impossible, he thought. "Felt like an eternity." Feeling her smile as her head lay lightly against his chest, they fell back into silence as they lazily traced the lines of each others skin. Eventually, he pulled back to catch her eyes.
"Hey" he crooned, his gaze dedicated solely to her own.
"Hey" she answered back, quietly tracing circles onto his bare arm.
"This is new" he said simply.
"You don't like it?" she questioned.
"I like it plenty, just wondering where Kara Thrace went to. I have it on pretty good authority that she's not much of a cuddler." He leaned forward to touch his forehead to hers.
She smiled and shrugged. "I like touching you."
Leaning back he stripped his tanks and sets her palm against his pounding heart. "I like you touching me too."
As her fingers began anxiously canvasing the marbled muscles of his chest, Lee struggled to control his breathing. It had sped considerably. Her touch was leaving white hot trails of sensation in their wake and his sense was quickly fading into the feel of her skin. His entire body was turning hot and he felt beads of sweat begin to pull from his pores. The air was thick with want. He needed to reign in his urges before he submitted to their deliciously unyielding pull.
"Kara" he breathed out, trying to pull her attention back to his words. Her finger's hesitated over the taut ridges of his stomach and her eyes raised back to his. "How far do you want to take this?"
She eyed him curiously, her own breath uneven in the haze of pleasure that his touch was inducing, "I'm not the one that stopped us last time, Lee." She also leaned back to strip her tanks and in answer to his question, pulled his hand to rest upon her own racing heart. "I'm not the one stopping us now." Her voice a mere breath in the air.
His hand curled to mold itself around the breast that covered her heart. She pushed herself further into his hand as he palmed her soft flesh delicately, amazed to be finally free to explore the flesh that had so often tormented his thoughts. "Lee..." She panted loudly, her head falling back against the pillows in pleasure as he carefully cupped its weight.
"And tomorrow, Kara?" He asked thickly, his desire clear. "What happens then?"
She groaned softly as he began to thumb her stiff nipple lightly through her sports bra. "I'm pretty sure I'll still like touching you tomorrow. Gods Lee! That feels good."
Pulling his hand away to grab her chin and pull her face back to his, he demanded roughly, "You know what I'm asking. Quit evading. Do you want this . . ." he slid his hand down her body into her shorts, over her regulation briefs to her wet cleft, massaging her slit, carefully cataloging her every reaction. The hitch in her breath. The stuttered release of her moan. Her tiny unconscious thrusts against his hand. She sobbed quietly into the stillness of the air. She was beyond wet for him, had been since he'd walked into the room. It embarrassed the hell out of her how effortlessly he always managed to keep her aroused without even knowing it. He groaned at the searing moisture he found between her thighs.
"Or," he asked gentler, removing his hand, "do you want this?" He again placed his hand, still wet with her juices, on top of her wildly beating heart and leaned in to finally taste her full lips. He kissed her sweetly with clear intentions. Soft but sure. Intense but chaste. His lips rubbing against hers in a silent entreaty for more than just tonight, than just sex. For everything she could offer. For forever.
She gave into the feel and taste of his mouth eagerly. Her hands flew to hold his head tightly to her own. She kissed him back with an intensity that left them both gasping for air, yet reluctant to separate. He could feel her entire body trembling with need for him. She feasted on his mouth decadently. As he attempted to pull away trying to regain some semblance of control, she grabbed onto his bottom lip lightly with her teeth, unwilling to yet give him up. He dove back against her lips and growled out teasingly at her ardor, his escape finally managed only when her laugh freed his captive lip.
Her greedy hands searched him out desperate to pull his body back to hers but he fought them off at great personal cost and rolling over her for leverage, pinned them roughly above her head. Undaunted, her head reared up to his, searching for more contact. At the first touch of her tongue wetly seeking his, he almost gave in, but reason pulled him back in time.
"Uhhnn uhh, Kara. You hafta answer me. Use your words." He baited.
Unwilling to admit defeat so easily, she turned her head to suck and lick ruthlessly at the tensed bicep she found there. His arms were one of her secret turn-ons. Gods, the way they tensed and corded when he worked a viper, trained, frak even when he walked! Tasting them was a long denied desire of hers which she took happily, humming and groaning around her prize. He felt her toned thigh slip determinedly between his to caress the hard length she found there. Dropping his head to her neck he groaned his pleasure into her molten skin now slick with sweat and his kisses and thrust himself desperately against the tight muscle of her leg. Fearing utter defeat was quickly approaching, he lunged for her throat and bit down just hard enough to stun her into temporary compliance and buy himself the precious moments he needed to reign in his lust.
"Frak, Lee!" She yelped. "That's gonna bruise!"
He gestured at the massive welt she'd left on his bicep.
"Oh" She gulped, surveying the damage unrepentantly before slipping into one of her devilishly Starbuck grins. "Sorry." And though she clearly wasn't, she leaned over to lightly kiss the abused area. Looking down to see his own mark of aggression on her skin, he responded in kind. "At least your flight suit will cover yours." She grumbled.
"So . . ?" He whispered sincerely.
"Lee . . . I don't know, OK? I don't know what to call it or how to define it. I don't want to. I just want to touch you. All the time. I want you next to me when I go to bed and when I wake up. When you were dead, I was dead. When you were sad, I was sad. I don't know what is all equals. Can we just be us? Can we not ruin this by trying to fit it into one of your pretty textbook definitions? Can we just be happy with what we have now?" She pleaded.
He regarded her warily. He wasn't one to fall into such murky romantic entanglements. He like the rules. The names. The conventions that told him what was OK, expected, normal. But with Kara, he always saw things differently. She always gave him new eyes.
"Three conditions." He released her arms and they immediately encircled him.
Sighing in fearful resignation,"This should be good."
"We don't hide it."
She cringed, uncertain that letting this particularly juicy bit of scuttlebutt into the open was wise. However, it wasn't a deal breaker. It'd be weird, but at the same time she wasn't sure anyone would be particularly surprised by the development. "Okay."
Satisfied with her compliance he continued. "Second. No other men. I want you for me only."
"Contrary to popular belief, I can keep my pants on."
"No," he drawled into her ear huskily using the weight of his lower half to slip between her legs. She wrapped them willingly around his strong hips. "Don't mistake me. I want them off. Frequently. With me."
"Your terms are fair so far." She groaned breathlessly as his hips connected solidly against hers. "What's number three?"
He locked eyes with her and spoke clearly. "I'm in love with you. I won't pretend otherwise. Can you handle that?"
At his words she tensed and rolled her eyes, uncomfortable with such an honest admission of his feelings. She was used to viewing any such declarations a potential fodder for future manipulations. Weapons for later torture against the person who'd been silly enough to admit them. A weakness to be exploited. She'd long since dismissed their value. Empty words, meant to trick you into compliance and false comfort. Even with Zak she'd never voiced them, though she had genuinely felt them. Words were too fragile. Changeable. Easily broken and readily discarded when no longer applicable. She deplored the necessity of words.
"Lee. . ."
"No. It's not negotiable. I mean it. And I'll be both saying and proving it often. I won't pretend otherwise because emotions make you squirmy. I Love You, Kara. You brought me back to life. You. No one else. Don't make me pretend this is less than it is, please."
"Yeah" she nodded, her voice wavered with unvoiced emotion, ". . . yeah OK."
"OK? " He teased in mock anguish. "I declare my love and I get 'OK'?"
"Well, I'm not saying it back!" She shot back, glad to slip back into their routine of easy teasing. "I'm still mad at you for your little 'poor, poor pitiful Lee' phase."
Dropping his hands to trace lightly along the edges of her underwear with his fingertips, he dropped his voice to an octave that sends a bolt of pleasure straight to her core. "Well. . ." His voice placating as he lifted the elastic band slowly and let it snap loudly back into place, "is there anything I can do to make it up to you, baby?"
Her hands around his shoulders clenched at the tease of his fingers."You can start by never calling me that again." She breathed out unevenly.
He snorted into her neck.
"Dear?" He asked seriously.
"No."
"Hun?" He offered.
"Uhn uh."
"Sweetheart?" He teased.
"Upon pain of dismemberment." She responded icily.
He barked out a hearty laugh and hugged her to him tightly. "Don't ever change, Kara."
She smiled into his touch. Her name across his lips was more welcome than any endearment he could come up with. Very few people used her first name. Lee, the Admiral, Karl on special occasions, Leoben. It struck her as intimately as an actual physical contact. It was what people used when the were talking to her, the real her. Not her bad-ass persona she affected for the world. She decided to keep that particular confession to herself. She figured she'd shared enough secrets for tonight.
"Believe me. I won't. I've tried and it never sticks. I'm completely un-reformable."
He leaned down to catch her lips again. Eager to be closer to her in any way that she'd allow. Already he could feel himself becoming a fast addict to the delicious drug that was loving Kara Thrace. Their hands finally free to explore each other with full impunity, they both grasped and wandered and stroked whatever bare skin could be reached.
He tore away from her mouth and panted out, "Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing me back. Thank you for knowing what to do and for letting us have this now. Gods Kara, I've wanted this for so long."
She reached to pull him back to her mouth, eager for both the taste of him and her newly discovered expedient method of shutting him up. He always did talk too much and too honestly. She was on the edge of losing it already and they'd barely done more than kiss. If he kept saying her name like that, she knew she'd be a goner before they even got their clothes off. "I know, Lee." Her voice more unsteady than she liked as she reconnected their swollen mouths. "I know."
The dam of their emotions finally open, she found herself struggling to control the flood of desire surging through her. She was already appalled at her extreme reaction to the touch of his body. She'd spent so long denying this connection for this exact reason. She feared its power. She could feel him invading every part of her. This was why she wasn't supposed to let this happen. It was overpowering in its intensity. She knew there was no returning from this. But his recent close call had ripped right through her defenses against him and made her acutely aware of just how much she relied on his strength. When that strength was gone, she'd felt as empty as he'd looked. Without his support behind her, she'd tasted the bitter hopelessness that pervaded the rest of the fleet. It scared her more than she'd admit.
She hadn't made a conscious decision to use her touch as a means to comfort him, but his demeanor towards her after his 'space walk' had effectively destroyed their primary means of communication; bicker and banter. She'd discovered that in the absence of their regular sarcasm laced interactions, it had become necessary for her to appease her body and mind's cravings for Lee-time in other ways. She'd improvised without even thinking; as much for her own benefit as for his. She'd found that without words getting in the way, it felt natural to seek out his touch and to offer her own to him. It felt easy and simple. It wasn't exactly comfortable, because it meant that she was exchanging the usual mental provocation of their verbal sparring matches for the constant ache of their unfulfilled physical stimulation. But it was Lee, and even when he was setting her skin on fire he was quieting her inner demons. His very presence in the same room had the power to both inflame and subdue her. It made no sense, she knew. Being near him was like being struck by overpoweringly decadent lightening, if such a thing is possible.
He snapped her from her revelry when his hands began pulling furiously at her sports bra clearly furious at its audacity to impede his view of her. Smiling inwardly at his fervor, she hurried to help him free herself from the impudent garment. However, she sobered quickly when she noticed the slight trembling of his hands against her. His patience clearly pushed nearly to its reach, she gently took his hands in hers and held them. "Hey. It's alright. Calm down." Her forehead found his as she worked to calm her ragged breaths. "I don't . . .I don't want this be frantic. Let's just . . . breathe for a minute, OK?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry." He managed, stroking the golden hair that had fallen onto her cheek. "I just want you so badly. I'm afraid you're just gonna disappear. This can't be real. You're way too stubborn for this to be happening.”
Kara smiled. “Oh yeah, cuz you're so docile and flexible, right? I just said we should take a breath, not stop. I'm not going anywhere. Just . . . it was getting a little . . . intense. I need a minute.”
"Deal" He nodded, reaching out to ghost his fingers up and down her arm as he grinned down at her, “One. Two. Three. Four . . .”
Part 3