[Fic] She Wolf (Animorphs)
Title: She Wolf
Fandom: Animorphs
Summary: Tobias needs a wingman, and Cassie is more than happy to help her romantically-awkward best friend out. But when the object of Tobias’ affection is fierce roller derby queen “Grizzly” Berenson, Cassie finds herself challenged to access her own inner beast…and begins to seek love in her life, as well.
Pairings: Tobias/Rachel, Cassie/Jake, Marco/every woman ever
Notes: This is TOTALLY AU and is unashamedly inspired by the movie/book Whip It (no prior knowledge of Whip It or roller derbies necessary!!). Also, I stole and adapted a few lines from #26, The Attack for the very end, and paraphrased a few other bits for humor's sake.
Even in college, Cassie was never a fan of huge parties. She wasn’t a heavy drinker, she disliked cigarette smoke, and large crowds always made her a little uncomfortable. Truth be told, it was probably one of the main reasons why she and Tobias had been best friends practically since the first day of sophomore Ornithology. While their fellow co-eds were out making bad decisions, she and Tobias preferred to go camping and talk philosophy, and theirs was a happy friendship that had lasted well after graduation.
Which is why she was so shocked that Tobias had asked-all but begged-for her to come along with him to some crazy party in a warehouse in what Cassie had always characterized as a bad part of town.
“Please?” he asked. “I can’t just go alone to something like this.”
“Take your roommate with you,” Cassie suggested.
“Ax?” Tobias asked. “Come on. He’s even more socially awkward than us. I need you.”
“For what?” Cassie asked, crossing her arms across her chest.
“Talking to girls. You know I’m awful at it.”
“I’m a girl,” Cassie pointed out.
“Yeah, but you’re not-” he broke off, but Cassie knew.
“Rachel?” she asked, and he blushed deeply. He’d had a crush on the girl from his office for months, but had never managed more than a few stammering water cooler conversations. “Is she going to be at the party?”
***
Cassie figured out pretty quickly that they weren’t at a party. Not that she was an expert, but parties usually weren’t a bunch of bleachers around what looked like a bowl-shaped roller rink. “What is this?” she asked.
Tobias took a long pull out of his bottle of Red-Tail Ale. “Roller derby,” he said. “I thought maybe if we came and cheered her on…”
And then the lights dimmed. With the crowd noise, they couldn’t really have a conversation, so they joined in with the swell of clapping and cheering. A single spotlight appeared in the middle of the rink, revealing a short dark-haired man in a glittering referee uniform. “Weeeeeelcome to the Los Angeles Roller Derby! I’m your announcer and referee for this evening’s scrimmage bout, Motor Mouth Marco!”
The crowd started to go wild again, but he held up his hands. “Please, please!” he shouted. “If you wear yourself out cheering for me, I know two teams of very beautiful and terrifying women who would be more than willing to put aside their differences to murder me in my sleep. So without any further ado, let me introduce you to the current reigning champions of the rink, the Star Whores! They want to invade your mind…and your body. Let’s give it up for number three, Phantom of the Aria!” Everyone cheered as a woman skated onto the rink wearing an incredibly revealing futuristic space costume. “Number fifty-one, Cyborg Barbie!” Another sexy space costume woman entered, and as she skated around she looked directly at Tobias and blew him a kiss.
“That’s Rachel?” Cassie asked skeptically. The woman then made an incredibly obscene gesture involving her hand and her tongue, and laughed maniacally.
“Uh, no,” Tobias said. “But whoever she is, she gives me the creeps.”
Several more women entered, and the team finished off with their captain Visser One, an older but intense-looking woman whose dark eyes flashed as she surveyed the crowd.
“And now, Ladies and Gentlemen,” Motor Mouth Marco said, “our challengers for the evening, the Los Angeles Hubris! Pride is not their only sin! All the way from France, the very sexy number eight, La Petite Mort!” These women were dressed in a classic Greek style-if the Grecian togas involved mini-skirts and fishnet stockings. “Number two, Nutter McKitty! Number four, Salad Shooter!” Salad Shooter was the largest woman Cassie had ever seen. She had to be pushing seven feet tall, and though she was all sharp elbows and knees, she looked incredibly strong. “Number twelve, Centauress!” Centauress was covered from the neck down in swirling blue and tan tattoos. “Number sixteen, Elle Fang!” She was small and blonde, but Cassie thought she looked like a girl with a lot of fight in her. “And finally, last but not least, the terrifying mama-bear captain of the Hubris, I give you number one, GRIZZLY!”
Cassie looked at Tobias before she looked at the rink. His jaw was dropped so far that it was nearly in his lap.
“That’s her?” Cassie asked.
“That’s her,” Tobias replied. He sounded a little out of breath.
Cassie looked at the rink. Grizzly certainly played her role well. While she was dressed in the revealing white uniform of her teammates, her hair was a shaggy, golden-and-brown tease. Her fingernails looked like claws, and her makeup was overdone and threatening. Cassie definitely believed that she was the kind of creature who could tear you apart.
“Does she look like that at work?” Cassie asked.
“No,” Tobias replied, never taking his eyes off of the rink. “She’s…girly. Dresses. Like a girl on a magazine cover.”
“So is this bad?” Cassie asked, but she already had an inkling as to the answer.
“No,” Tobias said quickly. “No way.” As if his crush weren’t bad enough already. Cassie knew how Tobias was-if she didn’t get him to talk to Rachel tonight, she realized, he wouldn’t even be able to stammer at the poor girl come Monday.
And then the match started. Cassie had no idea what the point was, besides skating around and beating people up. But the women seemed to be enjoying it. She cheered along with Tobias whenever Grizzly edged someone off the track, and groaned whenever she fell. But even though Grizzly and her team were strong competitors, they really had the upper hand only whenever the element of surprise was involved. Whenever it came to open warfare, as fierce as the Hubris was, they couldn’t compete with Star Whore’s firepower.
As the match went on, Cassie found her eyes drawn to a guy in the middle of the rink. Not Motor Mouth Marco-this guy talked only to the Hubris women, and sometime it looked like he was lecturing them. Cassie thought he was incredibly good looking. Tobias could ogle Grizzly to his heart’s content: Cassie was happy staring at the guy.
The bout didn’t end well for the Hubris-54 to 48, Star Whores’ game. As the fans filed off of the bleachers, Cassie grabbed Tobias’ elbow and pulled him towards the tables where the teams were signing flyers and cards. As they got close, he wiggled away from her. “I’ve gotta…I’ve gotta go get another beer.”
“And you’ll be right back?” she asked him sternly.
“Right,” he said.
So she approached the table alone. The women looked so hard, so threatening, but Cassie wasn’t here for her own ego. She went right up to Grizzly. “Hi,” she said. “I just wanted to say, that was really awesome.”
“Thanks,” Grizzly said. “This your first roller derby?”
“Yeah. I came here to cheer you on,” she said. “With a friend of mine. I think you two work together? Tobias?”
“Tobias?” Grizzly asked. “The graphic design guy? Tall? Blonde?”
“Cute?” Cassie suggested.
“Yea-He, uh…he came to see me?” And all of the sudden Cassie saw her first glimpse of Rachel the girl and not Grizzly the character.
“Yeah,” Cassie said. “He’s been looking forward to it for awhile, you know, talking to you outside of work.”
“That’s cool,” Rachel said. She looked down and scratched the back of her hand. Cassie noticed for the first time that Grizzly’s uniform was the only one not covered in dirt or sweat or blood. “Tobias seems really nice. You’re a lucky girl,” she said, obviously fishing, although Cassie thought she had been perfectly clear.
“No!” Cassie said quickly. “Tobias and I aren’t…no. Not dating.” Then she realized maybe a good wingman shouldn’t protest so much. “I mean, not that he’s not a great guy. He is. He’s really awesome. And single. Totally single.”
“Awesome,” Grizzly replied.
And then Cassie spied Tobias lurking at the edge of the crowd. That was not going to fly. “Hey,” she shouted, waving her arm. “Tobias, over here!” he blushed and ducked, but eventually made his way over. He didn’t even have a beer in his hand, the big liar.
“Hey, Rachel,” he said. “I mean-Grizzly?” Cassie could tell how valiantly he was trying to focus on her eyes and not her cleavage.
“Rachel’s fine,” she said with a smile. “It’s really cool that you came.”
“Y-yeah. I mean-uh, of course. Wouldn’t miss it.”
Cassie grinned big. “Tobias could not stop yelling about how much ass you were kicking. Right, Tobias?” she nudged him.
“Right!” Tobias said, like he had just figured out the answer to the million-dollar question. “You’re really, really good.”
“Thanks,” she said. “Hey, you want a beer?”
And that was about as far as Cassie figured she could get him. Had to cut the boy loose sometime. She looked down the line of women signing autographs. Next to Grizzly was the woman who’d been introduced as Elle Fang.
“Hi,” Cassie said, and the woman looked up from her signing. “You guys are really cool.”
“Thanks,” Elle Fang replied. “Maybe we’ll even win one soon.”
“I think you will,” Cassie replied. “You’re really fast out there.”
“Thanks,” Elle Fang said. “I played a lot of softball in school before I picked up skating. Running bases and stuff.” She stuck out her hand. “Elle Fang. My friends call me Loren.”
“Cassie,” she replied, shaking her hand. She wasn’t really sure what to say next, but just then the line was interrupted as the referee came up behind the women. He put one arm around Loren and the other around the French woman, La Petite Mort.
“Well played tonight, Jeanne, but not well enough, I guess. Want to mourn your loss back at my place?” Motor Mouth Marco asked.
La Petite Mort gave him a withering look. “You know I do not appreciate this touching,” she said, her accent thick.
“Zeiss tooching,” Marco imitated horribly. “God, you’re so hot.”
Rachel looked away from Tobias. “Why don’t you go run back to Mommy, Marco?” The women laughed.
“Marco’s mom is Visser One,” Loren explained. “At first we thought having a referee who’s related to one of the players might be a problem, but since Marco has a crush on every woman he’s ever met, he treats us all fairly.”
“Hey,” Marco protested. “I’m fair because I am the manifestation of chivalry. So what do you say? You ladies gonna take off your togas and come home with me?”
“Well, it is tradition,” Centauress said.
“Everyone usually parties at Marco’s after a match. Do you want to come?” Rachel asked Tobias. “Your friend can come, too.”
Tobias looked like he had just swallowed his own tongue. “We’d love to,” Cassie said without missing a beat.
“Inviting other guys to my party?” Marco asked, and mimed stabbing himself in his own heart. “You wound me, Grizz.”
“You’ll get over it.”
***
Sure enough, by the time the van with Cassie, Tobias, and the L.A. Hubris arrived at the afterparty, Marco was already putting the moves on one of the Star Whores-Queen Soco, if Cassie remembered correctly.
The Tobias-Rachel situation seemed to be going well. He seemed to be loosening up as the night wore on, becoming more comfortable, and more like the chill, smart guy Cassie knew and loved. No doubt Rachel would love him, too. So, with that under control, she decided to wander the party and find some way to interact with people that wasn’t ridiculously awkward.
Easier said than done. She remembered once again why she hated parties.
She tiptoed around the edges of the conversation, and finally decided to suck it up and go get a beer. She didn’t like beer, but maybe if she had something in her hands she wouldn’t look like such a wallflower. And maybe the act of pouring a beer would require her to talk to someone.
No such luck. The kegs were totally deserted, and the beer was awful. But as she was walking away, she spied the cute guy from the middle of the ring, talking to Salad Shooter. At one point, he looked over at her and smiled, but that was as close as Cassie got.
Always the wingman, never the pilot.
Oh, well. At least Tobias seemed to be doing well.
***
Turns out Tobias had done more than well. One party led to one date, which led to a second date, and a third.
And then one Saturday when Cassie showed up at his apartment for their weekly brunch, she opened the door to find Rachel standing at the coffee marker wearing Tobias’ favorite old Santa Barbara Audubon Society t-shirt-and not much else.
“Sorry!” Cassie squeaked and backed out of the apartment, closing the door behind her. She’d always felt comfortable opening Tobias and Ax’s door without knocking because…well. Nothing like that had ever been on the other side of the door.
Tobias opened the door about sixty seconds later. “Hey Cassie,” he said. “Uh, sorry. What’s up?”
“It’s Saturday?”
“Oh man,” Tobias said. “I totally forgot. We-I just woke up.”
“It’s okay,” she said. She grinned and gave him a small thumbs up. “Yay!”
He blushed. “Thanks. Can Rachel come with us to brunch?”
“Absolutely,” Cassie replied.
Real-life Rachel was about two degrees less intense than Grizzly. She looked totally normal, with regular makeup, the shaggy brown extensions out of her hair, and dressed in clothes that probably came from some expensive designer that Cassie couldn’t name. She was still, well, a little threatening; she still had that edge, but it was cool. She wasn’t just some pretty airhead. It was easy to see why Tobias liked her.
“I was going to teach Tobias to skate this afternoon,” Rachel said. “I’ve got an extra women’s pair in my car, if you want to come along?”
Cassie sneaked a side glance at Tobias to see how he felt about her coming along on a date. “Rachel promises it’s really fun,” he said.
That settled it. “Sounds great,” Cassie said.
Two hours later, Tobias was wearing a dusty pair of rollerblades he pulled out from under his bed, a pair that probably hadn’t seen the light of day in years, but the pair of rollerskates that Rachel loaned Cassie were well-oiled and probably more expensive than most of the clothes in Cassie’s closet.
Tobias fell a lot, but it wasn’t really a problem because Rachel seemed to enjoy picking him up. They were still in that young stage in a relationship when physical affection comes easily and awkwardly all at once, and it was cute to watch. And Cassie enjoyed the feeling of the wind on her cheeks, the pier gliding beneath her. It was fun to watch the seagulls flutter above her while she passed and listen to the waves on the shore.
They skated all afternoon, and stopped for ice cream when Tobias’ calves were cramping too much to go any further. “You’re very graceful,” Rachel said over her scoop of raspberry.
“Me?” Tobias asked, and Rachel swatted his arm.
“You wish,” she said. “No, Cassie.” She put down her spoon and looked at Cassie. “You didn’t fall once, you know.”
“I didn’t know you were paying any attention to me,” Cassie said.
“I’m very perceptive,” Rachel replied. “I’m a team captain, after all.” She paused mid-bite, thoughtful. “You know, you should come down to practice this week. One of our regulars, Melissa, Nutter McKitty, broke her femur last week and we’ve been trying to find a replacement.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Cassie said.
“Can I come watch?” Tobias asked.
“Of course not,” Rachel replied. “No boys allowed. Well, no boys but Big Jake.”
“Big Jake?” Cassie asked.
“My cousin. He’s our coach.”
Cassie’s mind flashed back to the guy in the center of the ring. A coach, of course. That would explain it.
She thought about the slow smile he’d given her at the party. It wasn’t the first time she’d thought about it since then. “I’ll be there,” she said.
“Bad ass,” Rachel replied.
***
After the last game, with all of the people and the crowds and noise, it was almost disorienting to be in the near-empty arena. She could hear voices as she approached, though, and thought about turning back. But then she saw Rachel, who smiled wide.
“Come on in, girl!” she said. “Ladies, this is Cassie. She’s going to be training with us for awhile, to see if maybe she can help us out in some bouts.”
“You didn’t ask me about any new player,” Cassie heard a male voice say behind her, and she found herself face-to-face with the guy from the derby. Big Jake.
Rachel approached, trapping Cassie between them. “Well, I found her and she’s a natural.”
“I’m the coach here, and you need to run these things by me first.”
“I’m the captain, and no I don’t.”
This was getting awkward, so Cassie did the only thing she knew how to do. “Hi,” she said, sticking out a hand. “I’m Cassie.” She smiled her best smile and hoped it would do the trick.
Big Jake looked down at her. Maybe he remembered her. Or maybe he was just a big softy when it came to all women but his cousin. Cassie didn’t know. But sure enough, he was melting a little bit, and he smiled back and shook her hand. “Hi, Cassie. I’m Big Jake. Welcome to the Los Angeles Hubris. Have you ever skated before?”
“No,” Cassie replied. “I mean, not like this.”
“You don’t have any bad habits, then.” He looked back to Rachel. “How about we see what she can do, and talk about her spot on the team after practice?”
Rachel scowled, but still she nodded. “Okay. Okay then. Let’s introduce you to the team. You kind of met everyone in the van, but-” the entire team had been pretty wasted “-let’s refresh. Over there’s Estrid Darrath, we call her the Centauress. That’s Jeanne Gerard, a.k.a. La Petite Mort. Loren-”
“Elle Fang?”
“Right. And Toby Hamee, Salad Shooter.”
Toby actually got up to shake Cassie’s hand. She looked even bigger in person, and uglier, all buck teeth and angles. But she was so incredibly, effortlessly strong, her handshake a little tighter than was comfortable, but Cassie appreciated the sentiment. “Welcome to practice,” Toby said.
“Thanks,” Cassie replied.
Practice was far more demanding than skating on the pier. By the time they were done, Cassie was sweating harder than she ever had in her life, she’d fallen down countless times, and she was pretty sure she had a bruise forming on her face. There was no way the team would want her after she’d made a fool of herself all over the rink, much less Big Jake. Dejectedly, she unlaced her skates and prepared to say goodbye to the team.
Just as she was pulling her keys out of her pocket, she heard Big Jake call out her name. She turned around. “Yeah, I know,” Cassie said.
“Know what?” he asked.
“Goodbye and all that. Don’t come back.”
“You didn’t like it?” He looked…sad?
“I did, but-”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to come back on Thursday.”
“Oh,” she replied. “You really want me to join?”
“I do,” he replied. “Grizz and I talked. You’re raw, but I think you’ve got promise.”
“Then absolutely,” she said. “See you Thursday.”
He really did have the most incredible smile.
***
A month later, Cassie’s life had settled into a new routine. She woke up every morning sore, for one, but she stretched her legs with a sunrise run with Rachel, who more often than not (to the delight of everyone besides perhaps his poor roommate) was coming from Tobias’ apartment. Then her usual full day of work at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic, and afterwards either team practice, free skating on the pier, or the weight lifting routine that Rachel had her on. She liked team practice best. With Big Jake.
She didn’t want to beat up on her friends, and besides, she was pretty sure that if she tried to take on Salad Shooter, it’d be the rough equivalent of hitting a brick wall. So needless to say, wasn’t as comfortable being as aggressive as the other girls. She had hoped Jake would train her as a jammer, the skater whose job it was to skate through the pack while the blockers kept the path clear. It involved less violence. But because the jammer was the team’s sole point-scorer, there was a great deal of honor associated with position. Needless to say, New Girl didn’t get it.
Despite the complaint, she improved as a skater. She learned the rules, the techniques, the moves. She learned to glide on skates like the wheels were part of her own feet.
And then came the afternoon of her first real bout. She had been staring at the mirror in her apartment, feeling stupid that she had never asked anyone about what she could wear, when all of the sudden, the door burst open. A howling pack of fishnetted, be-togaed women charged into her apartment, Grizzly at the head of the fray. And that was the last thing she saw before the blindfolded her and threw her in the trunk of Centauress’ van.
“Bring her skates!” she heard La Petite Mort screech before the van doors closed.
“What is this about?” Cassie demanded.
“First game for the fresh meat!” Grizzly cackled, and her glee was something wild, something Cassie had forgotten about beneath the surface of Rachel. They drove for quite a ways before the van stopped and she was pulled out. She could feel the rush of air as she was led into somewhere air conditioned, concrete floors hard beneath her feet.
There was no room for shame as they stripped her down and changed her clothes. She could feel hands in her hair, fishnets being rolled onto her legs, skates laced onto her feet. Even when they removed her blindfold, she couldn’t see much beyond the wands of attacking mascara.
Finally, the pack stepped back. “Check it out,” Grizzly said, and Cassie looked at herself in the mirror. She almost didn’t recognize herself at first, her hair streaked white and grey and black, her skirt something far shorter than she usually would have ever worn, ever. “Look at your back,” Grizzly suggested, and Cassie turned so that she could see the stitching there.
“She Wolf,” Cassie read aloud.
“You’re free,” Salad Shooter said, squeezing her shoulders. “And brave, and wild.”
“Welcome to the L. A. Hubris,” Centauress said, and Cassie’s-She Wolf’s-mascara didn’t really need any more smudging, but she cried anyway.
The game was against the Hell Macros, a team made up entirely of tiny, crazy women. “There’s really not a single one of them over five feet?” Cassie asked, still finding it a little hard to believe, as they warmed up before the match.
“Bizarre, no?” La Petite Mort asked. The women all squabbled around a man, and Cassie felt sorry for him. “That is their captain. Everyone calls him Wuss.”
When Motor Mouth Marco called her name, “She Wolf” skated into the arena like she owned it. She could hear Tobias cheering all the way from the stands, cheering so loud she hoped he wouldn’t be hoarse before Grizzly came out. She looked over at Big Jake, already in, and he smiled and pumped his fist.
It was a close game. The Hubris played really well. Salad Shooter could bat the tiny women around like flies, Elle Fang could find a path through even the tightest group, and Grizzly fought bravely. Still, the victory was for the Hell Macros. They were fast and they were fearless, particularly their captain, Empress. Cassie couldn’t help but feel responsible for the loss. She wasn’t good, not like the rest of them.
The van on the way to Motor Mouth Marco’s raucous, easygoing. It hadn’t bothered her after the last game; she hadn’t felt like it was her fault then. “How can you all be so okay with what just happened?”
“It’s a volunteer sport, not war,” Salad Shooter replied.
“We’re in it for the parties,” Centauress said.
“Besides,” Grizzly swore, “one day we’ll have something to be excessively proud about.” Cassie still felt like shit. She Wolf scrubbed her makeup off in Marco’s bathroom, and became plain old Cassie again, although she didn’t change her clothes.
This party was easier than the last. Everyone seemed to share the opinion that it didn’t matter who had won the game. Everyone wanted to talk to her about her epic jump, or the fall she took, or her spin.
And then there was Big Jake. She spotted him chatting over a beer with Motor Mouth Marco. Would he be disappointed in her? He was always so intense in practice, much more serious than the girls. “Hi,” she said, screwing up her courage to tap him on the shoulder. To her delight, he spun around and actually hugged her.
“Cassie!” he said, and he was so tall he lifted her feet clear off the ground. “That was amazing.” He set her down.
“No, it wasn’t,” she said. “We lost.”
“It was your first game. Everyone starts somewhere.”
“Are you going to tell me that even Grizzly started out timid?”
Big Jake laughed, loud. “I’ve known Rachel my whole life. She came out of the womb swinging."
"CYBORG BARBIE!" they heard Rachel screech in the distance. "What the fuck is your problem?! Get away from him, bitch!"
Cassie and Big Jake laughed. "Seriously though," he said, and lifted a hand to brush her chin gently, "I can tell you feel bad about tonight, so channel that energy into practice, okay? Get better.”
“Besides,” Motor Mouth Marco said, and she had almost forgotten he was there, “it’s a party, which is no place to be upset. Get on the party high. Music. Girls in short skirts. Good times, friends, beer.”
“Right,” Big Jake said, and smiled at her. He motioned to the keg. “Beer?”
“No thanks,” she replied. “I’ll stick with the music and the friends. So…She Wolf?” she asked. “Was that your idea?”
“No,” he said. “It was the girls. But you like it, right?”
“Yes,” she agreed. “I’ve always liked wolves. I’m a wildlife veterinarian.”
“Really?” Big Jake asked. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well,” Cassie said, and if she had ever in her life dropped hints for a man, it was right then, “we don’t really get the chance to talk about our lives during practice.”
But Big Jake didn’t take the bait. “I guess not.”
They talked aimlessly after that. Small talk. She found out that Big Jake taught history at a local high school. But he didn’t ask her out.
***
“We’re going to try something new,” Rachel said. She had pulled up for their early-morning run in her car instead of her running shoes. “Get in.”
The something new was a gym. Rachel said a few words to the man at the desk and got them in.
“Ellipticals?” Cassie asked as she followed Rachel through the gym.
“Nope,” Rachel replied, and led them into a small room in the back. The room was empty but for a few punching bags. “Boxing.”
“Boxing?” Cassie asked.
Rachel bent down and picked up a pair of gloves. “You’re too sweet,” she said, tossing the gloves to Cassie. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You hate losing, but you hate thinking you might hurt someone even more.”
“That’s not…” but her protest was weak.
“You’re a veterinarian, for crying out loud. You think of yourself as a nurturer, not a fighter.”
“Fine,” Cassie said. “So what? Maybe this roller derby thing just isn’t for me.”
“No way,” Rachel replied. “Sweet girls deserve to be empowered, too. Put the gloves on. Hit the bag.”
Cassie did as Rachel asked. She hit the bag as hard as she could, several times. She even grunted, and that felt good. But it wasn’t good enough for Rachel, apparently.
“Kid stuff,” Rachel said. “You hit a bag. Goody.”
“Goody?” Cassie asked. “I hit it as hard as I could! Isn’t that how this female-empowerment thing is supposed to work? I use all my strength, and now I’m better?”
“Yeah, okay,” Rachel said. “This isn’t a training montage. You hit a bag. You don’t worry about hurting inanimate objects. You know, we all wear padding. Head, wrist, hips. All over. You can hit as hard as you want.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Cassie admitted.
Rachel shrugged. “We all know what we’re in for when we sign up. Getting hurt is a risk we take because we know what we want. And you need to know what you want, She Wolf, and you need to go get it.”
And then Rachel left, leaving Cassie alone with the punching bag. Cassie punched it a few more times before she took off her gloves and left.
***
“I want to be a Jammer,” Cassie said. Big Jake looked at her and cocked his head.
“You?” he asked.
“Yes me,” she said. “You know I’m not Grizzly or Salad Shooter or even Centauress. Throwing hits isn’t my specialty. And I’m fast and agile. It makes sense.”
“You haven’t been on the team for very long.”
“Just because the Jammer scores the points doesn’t mean it’s the hardest role. I know Elle Fang has been doing it for years, and she’s great, but La Petite Mort is just a sub for a fallen teammate. For Nutter McKitty, who I’m the replacement for anyway.”
“Okay,” he said.
“Okay?” she asked, hardly believing it.
“I’ll see if I can get you talking to Elle Fang about training. And I’ll need to talk to Grizzly, of course.”
“She’ll say yes.”
“And why are you so sure about that?”
“This is what I want, Big Jake. She told me to go after what I want.”
***
Cassie was right. Rachel said yes. Training didn’t become any easier. Being the Jammer didn’t mean that she didn’t have to give any hits, but it did mean that her training shifted from violence to agility, and Cassie liked that. She was good at it.
Two months later, the Howlers were dressed in fiery red and orange uniforms.
“This is the one,” Grizzly said, and she raked her claw-fingernails through her hair. Her eyeliner was so thick that her eyes looked like pits. “We’re going to win it.” There was something manic there. Grizzly lived for these bouts, Cassie realized.
The bout started out poorly. The Howlers seemed impossible to beat. They were exhausted, torn up. Grizzly was bleeding from a gash below her eye, blood trickling down her chin onto her neck. Salad Shooter was bruised, La Petite Mort rubbing her ankle when she thought no one was watching. And that’s when all of the months of practice came together, all that Rachel had said about female empowerment kicked in. She Wolf needed to summon her courage. She needed to fight for the girls in the foxhole next to her, and for herself.
In the second half, She Wolf skated like she never had before, like grey wind. And Grizzly and Salad Shooter and the rest, they all made her a path and she flew. She even gave a few hits herself, against those monstrous fiery foes. Between her and Elle Fang, the points added up. And at the end of the bout, for the first time since Cassie had been aware of roller derby, the Los Angeles Hubris had the winning score. The others crowded around her, the group drunk on the euphoria of the first win of the season.
She heard loud cheering in the middle of the ring, and Cassie looked out of the Hubris huddle to see their coach. Big Jake. She broke out of the pack, and he looked at her. He smiled. He had such a great smile.
Rachel’s words echoed in her mind. And you need to know what you want, She Wolf, and you need to go get it.
Cassie skated towards him as fast as she could, and Big Jake was running to her, and she wasn’t past any emotion, she was exploding with emotion.
Cassie jumped into Big Jake’s arms and he wrapped her up tight and before they knew it he was kissing her on the lips and she was kissing him back.
“Well, folks,” Motor Mouth Marco said into the microphone. “It’s about damn time.”
Fandom: Animorphs
Summary: Tobias needs a wingman, and Cassie is more than happy to help her romantically-awkward best friend out. But when the object of Tobias’ affection is fierce roller derby queen “Grizzly” Berenson, Cassie finds herself challenged to access her own inner beast…and begins to seek love in her life, as well.
Pairings: Tobias/Rachel, Cassie/Jake, Marco/every woman ever
Notes: This is TOTALLY AU and is unashamedly inspired by the movie/book Whip It (no prior knowledge of Whip It or roller derbies necessary!!). Also, I stole and adapted a few lines from #26, The Attack for the very end, and paraphrased a few other bits for humor's sake.
Even in college, Cassie was never a fan of huge parties. She wasn’t a heavy drinker, she disliked cigarette smoke, and large crowds always made her a little uncomfortable. Truth be told, it was probably one of the main reasons why she and Tobias had been best friends practically since the first day of sophomore Ornithology. While their fellow co-eds were out making bad decisions, she and Tobias preferred to go camping and talk philosophy, and theirs was a happy friendship that had lasted well after graduation.
Which is why she was so shocked that Tobias had asked-all but begged-for her to come along with him to some crazy party in a warehouse in what Cassie had always characterized as a bad part of town.
“Please?” he asked. “I can’t just go alone to something like this.”
“Take your roommate with you,” Cassie suggested.
“Ax?” Tobias asked. “Come on. He’s even more socially awkward than us. I need you.”
“For what?” Cassie asked, crossing her arms across her chest.
“Talking to girls. You know I’m awful at it.”
“I’m a girl,” Cassie pointed out.
“Yeah, but you’re not-” he broke off, but Cassie knew.
“Rachel?” she asked, and he blushed deeply. He’d had a crush on the girl from his office for months, but had never managed more than a few stammering water cooler conversations. “Is she going to be at the party?”
***
Cassie figured out pretty quickly that they weren’t at a party. Not that she was an expert, but parties usually weren’t a bunch of bleachers around what looked like a bowl-shaped roller rink. “What is this?” she asked.
Tobias took a long pull out of his bottle of Red-Tail Ale. “Roller derby,” he said. “I thought maybe if we came and cheered her on…”
And then the lights dimmed. With the crowd noise, they couldn’t really have a conversation, so they joined in with the swell of clapping and cheering. A single spotlight appeared in the middle of the rink, revealing a short dark-haired man in a glittering referee uniform. “Weeeeeelcome to the Los Angeles Roller Derby! I’m your announcer and referee for this evening’s scrimmage bout, Motor Mouth Marco!”
The crowd started to go wild again, but he held up his hands. “Please, please!” he shouted. “If you wear yourself out cheering for me, I know two teams of very beautiful and terrifying women who would be more than willing to put aside their differences to murder me in my sleep. So without any further ado, let me introduce you to the current reigning champions of the rink, the Star Whores! They want to invade your mind…and your body. Let’s give it up for number three, Phantom of the Aria!” Everyone cheered as a woman skated onto the rink wearing an incredibly revealing futuristic space costume. “Number fifty-one, Cyborg Barbie!” Another sexy space costume woman entered, and as she skated around she looked directly at Tobias and blew him a kiss.
“That’s Rachel?” Cassie asked skeptically. The woman then made an incredibly obscene gesture involving her hand and her tongue, and laughed maniacally.
“Uh, no,” Tobias said. “But whoever she is, she gives me the creeps.”
Several more women entered, and the team finished off with their captain Visser One, an older but intense-looking woman whose dark eyes flashed as she surveyed the crowd.
“And now, Ladies and Gentlemen,” Motor Mouth Marco said, “our challengers for the evening, the Los Angeles Hubris! Pride is not their only sin! All the way from France, the very sexy number eight, La Petite Mort!” These women were dressed in a classic Greek style-if the Grecian togas involved mini-skirts and fishnet stockings. “Number two, Nutter McKitty! Number four, Salad Shooter!” Salad Shooter was the largest woman Cassie had ever seen. She had to be pushing seven feet tall, and though she was all sharp elbows and knees, she looked incredibly strong. “Number twelve, Centauress!” Centauress was covered from the neck down in swirling blue and tan tattoos. “Number sixteen, Elle Fang!” She was small and blonde, but Cassie thought she looked like a girl with a lot of fight in her. “And finally, last but not least, the terrifying mama-bear captain of the Hubris, I give you number one, GRIZZLY!”
Cassie looked at Tobias before she looked at the rink. His jaw was dropped so far that it was nearly in his lap.
“That’s her?” Cassie asked.
“That’s her,” Tobias replied. He sounded a little out of breath.
Cassie looked at the rink. Grizzly certainly played her role well. While she was dressed in the revealing white uniform of her teammates, her hair was a shaggy, golden-and-brown tease. Her fingernails looked like claws, and her makeup was overdone and threatening. Cassie definitely believed that she was the kind of creature who could tear you apart.
“Does she look like that at work?” Cassie asked.
“No,” Tobias replied, never taking his eyes off of the rink. “She’s…girly. Dresses. Like a girl on a magazine cover.”
“So is this bad?” Cassie asked, but she already had an inkling as to the answer.
“No,” Tobias said quickly. “No way.” As if his crush weren’t bad enough already. Cassie knew how Tobias was-if she didn’t get him to talk to Rachel tonight, she realized, he wouldn’t even be able to stammer at the poor girl come Monday.
And then the match started. Cassie had no idea what the point was, besides skating around and beating people up. But the women seemed to be enjoying it. She cheered along with Tobias whenever Grizzly edged someone off the track, and groaned whenever she fell. But even though Grizzly and her team were strong competitors, they really had the upper hand only whenever the element of surprise was involved. Whenever it came to open warfare, as fierce as the Hubris was, they couldn’t compete with Star Whore’s firepower.
As the match went on, Cassie found her eyes drawn to a guy in the middle of the rink. Not Motor Mouth Marco-this guy talked only to the Hubris women, and sometime it looked like he was lecturing them. Cassie thought he was incredibly good looking. Tobias could ogle Grizzly to his heart’s content: Cassie was happy staring at the guy.
The bout didn’t end well for the Hubris-54 to 48, Star Whores’ game. As the fans filed off of the bleachers, Cassie grabbed Tobias’ elbow and pulled him towards the tables where the teams were signing flyers and cards. As they got close, he wiggled away from her. “I’ve gotta…I’ve gotta go get another beer.”
“And you’ll be right back?” she asked him sternly.
“Right,” he said.
So she approached the table alone. The women looked so hard, so threatening, but Cassie wasn’t here for her own ego. She went right up to Grizzly. “Hi,” she said. “I just wanted to say, that was really awesome.”
“Thanks,” Grizzly said. “This your first roller derby?”
“Yeah. I came here to cheer you on,” she said. “With a friend of mine. I think you two work together? Tobias?”
“Tobias?” Grizzly asked. “The graphic design guy? Tall? Blonde?”
“Cute?” Cassie suggested.
“Yea-He, uh…he came to see me?” And all of the sudden Cassie saw her first glimpse of Rachel the girl and not Grizzly the character.
“Yeah,” Cassie said. “He’s been looking forward to it for awhile, you know, talking to you outside of work.”
“That’s cool,” Rachel said. She looked down and scratched the back of her hand. Cassie noticed for the first time that Grizzly’s uniform was the only one not covered in dirt or sweat or blood. “Tobias seems really nice. You’re a lucky girl,” she said, obviously fishing, although Cassie thought she had been perfectly clear.
“No!” Cassie said quickly. “Tobias and I aren’t…no. Not dating.” Then she realized maybe a good wingman shouldn’t protest so much. “I mean, not that he’s not a great guy. He is. He’s really awesome. And single. Totally single.”
“Awesome,” Grizzly replied.
And then Cassie spied Tobias lurking at the edge of the crowd. That was not going to fly. “Hey,” she shouted, waving her arm. “Tobias, over here!” he blushed and ducked, but eventually made his way over. He didn’t even have a beer in his hand, the big liar.
“Hey, Rachel,” he said. “I mean-Grizzly?” Cassie could tell how valiantly he was trying to focus on her eyes and not her cleavage.
“Rachel’s fine,” she said with a smile. “It’s really cool that you came.”
“Y-yeah. I mean-uh, of course. Wouldn’t miss it.”
Cassie grinned big. “Tobias could not stop yelling about how much ass you were kicking. Right, Tobias?” she nudged him.
“Right!” Tobias said, like he had just figured out the answer to the million-dollar question. “You’re really, really good.”
“Thanks,” she said. “Hey, you want a beer?”
And that was about as far as Cassie figured she could get him. Had to cut the boy loose sometime. She looked down the line of women signing autographs. Next to Grizzly was the woman who’d been introduced as Elle Fang.
“Hi,” Cassie said, and the woman looked up from her signing. “You guys are really cool.”
“Thanks,” Elle Fang replied. “Maybe we’ll even win one soon.”
“I think you will,” Cassie replied. “You’re really fast out there.”
“Thanks,” Elle Fang said. “I played a lot of softball in school before I picked up skating. Running bases and stuff.” She stuck out her hand. “Elle Fang. My friends call me Loren.”
“Cassie,” she replied, shaking her hand. She wasn’t really sure what to say next, but just then the line was interrupted as the referee came up behind the women. He put one arm around Loren and the other around the French woman, La Petite Mort.
“Well played tonight, Jeanne, but not well enough, I guess. Want to mourn your loss back at my place?” Motor Mouth Marco asked.
La Petite Mort gave him a withering look. “You know I do not appreciate this touching,” she said, her accent thick.
“Zeiss tooching,” Marco imitated horribly. “God, you’re so hot.”
Rachel looked away from Tobias. “Why don’t you go run back to Mommy, Marco?” The women laughed.
“Marco’s mom is Visser One,” Loren explained. “At first we thought having a referee who’s related to one of the players might be a problem, but since Marco has a crush on every woman he’s ever met, he treats us all fairly.”
“Hey,” Marco protested. “I’m fair because I am the manifestation of chivalry. So what do you say? You ladies gonna take off your togas and come home with me?”
“Well, it is tradition,” Centauress said.
“Everyone usually parties at Marco’s after a match. Do you want to come?” Rachel asked Tobias. “Your friend can come, too.”
Tobias looked like he had just swallowed his own tongue. “We’d love to,” Cassie said without missing a beat.
“Inviting other guys to my party?” Marco asked, and mimed stabbing himself in his own heart. “You wound me, Grizz.”
“You’ll get over it.”
***
Sure enough, by the time the van with Cassie, Tobias, and the L.A. Hubris arrived at the afterparty, Marco was already putting the moves on one of the Star Whores-Queen Soco, if Cassie remembered correctly.
The Tobias-Rachel situation seemed to be going well. He seemed to be loosening up as the night wore on, becoming more comfortable, and more like the chill, smart guy Cassie knew and loved. No doubt Rachel would love him, too. So, with that under control, she decided to wander the party and find some way to interact with people that wasn’t ridiculously awkward.
Easier said than done. She remembered once again why she hated parties.
She tiptoed around the edges of the conversation, and finally decided to suck it up and go get a beer. She didn’t like beer, but maybe if she had something in her hands she wouldn’t look like such a wallflower. And maybe the act of pouring a beer would require her to talk to someone.
No such luck. The kegs were totally deserted, and the beer was awful. But as she was walking away, she spied the cute guy from the middle of the ring, talking to Salad Shooter. At one point, he looked over at her and smiled, but that was as close as Cassie got.
Always the wingman, never the pilot.
Oh, well. At least Tobias seemed to be doing well.
***
Turns out Tobias had done more than well. One party led to one date, which led to a second date, and a third.
And then one Saturday when Cassie showed up at his apartment for their weekly brunch, she opened the door to find Rachel standing at the coffee marker wearing Tobias’ favorite old Santa Barbara Audubon Society t-shirt-and not much else.
“Sorry!” Cassie squeaked and backed out of the apartment, closing the door behind her. She’d always felt comfortable opening Tobias and Ax’s door without knocking because…well. Nothing like that had ever been on the other side of the door.
Tobias opened the door about sixty seconds later. “Hey Cassie,” he said. “Uh, sorry. What’s up?”
“It’s Saturday?”
“Oh man,” Tobias said. “I totally forgot. We-I just woke up.”
“It’s okay,” she said. She grinned and gave him a small thumbs up. “Yay!”
He blushed. “Thanks. Can Rachel come with us to brunch?”
“Absolutely,” Cassie replied.
Real-life Rachel was about two degrees less intense than Grizzly. She looked totally normal, with regular makeup, the shaggy brown extensions out of her hair, and dressed in clothes that probably came from some expensive designer that Cassie couldn’t name. She was still, well, a little threatening; she still had that edge, but it was cool. She wasn’t just some pretty airhead. It was easy to see why Tobias liked her.
“I was going to teach Tobias to skate this afternoon,” Rachel said. “I’ve got an extra women’s pair in my car, if you want to come along?”
Cassie sneaked a side glance at Tobias to see how he felt about her coming along on a date. “Rachel promises it’s really fun,” he said.
That settled it. “Sounds great,” Cassie said.
Two hours later, Tobias was wearing a dusty pair of rollerblades he pulled out from under his bed, a pair that probably hadn’t seen the light of day in years, but the pair of rollerskates that Rachel loaned Cassie were well-oiled and probably more expensive than most of the clothes in Cassie’s closet.
Tobias fell a lot, but it wasn’t really a problem because Rachel seemed to enjoy picking him up. They were still in that young stage in a relationship when physical affection comes easily and awkwardly all at once, and it was cute to watch. And Cassie enjoyed the feeling of the wind on her cheeks, the pier gliding beneath her. It was fun to watch the seagulls flutter above her while she passed and listen to the waves on the shore.
They skated all afternoon, and stopped for ice cream when Tobias’ calves were cramping too much to go any further. “You’re very graceful,” Rachel said over her scoop of raspberry.
“Me?” Tobias asked, and Rachel swatted his arm.
“You wish,” she said. “No, Cassie.” She put down her spoon and looked at Cassie. “You didn’t fall once, you know.”
“I didn’t know you were paying any attention to me,” Cassie said.
“I’m very perceptive,” Rachel replied. “I’m a team captain, after all.” She paused mid-bite, thoughtful. “You know, you should come down to practice this week. One of our regulars, Melissa, Nutter McKitty, broke her femur last week and we’ve been trying to find a replacement.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Cassie said.
“Can I come watch?” Tobias asked.
“Of course not,” Rachel replied. “No boys allowed. Well, no boys but Big Jake.”
“Big Jake?” Cassie asked.
“My cousin. He’s our coach.”
Cassie’s mind flashed back to the guy in the center of the ring. A coach, of course. That would explain it.
She thought about the slow smile he’d given her at the party. It wasn’t the first time she’d thought about it since then. “I’ll be there,” she said.
“Bad ass,” Rachel replied.
***
After the last game, with all of the people and the crowds and noise, it was almost disorienting to be in the near-empty arena. She could hear voices as she approached, though, and thought about turning back. But then she saw Rachel, who smiled wide.
“Come on in, girl!” she said. “Ladies, this is Cassie. She’s going to be training with us for awhile, to see if maybe she can help us out in some bouts.”
“You didn’t ask me about any new player,” Cassie heard a male voice say behind her, and she found herself face-to-face with the guy from the derby. Big Jake.
Rachel approached, trapping Cassie between them. “Well, I found her and she’s a natural.”
“I’m the coach here, and you need to run these things by me first.”
“I’m the captain, and no I don’t.”
This was getting awkward, so Cassie did the only thing she knew how to do. “Hi,” she said, sticking out a hand. “I’m Cassie.” She smiled her best smile and hoped it would do the trick.
Big Jake looked down at her. Maybe he remembered her. Or maybe he was just a big softy when it came to all women but his cousin. Cassie didn’t know. But sure enough, he was melting a little bit, and he smiled back and shook her hand. “Hi, Cassie. I’m Big Jake. Welcome to the Los Angeles Hubris. Have you ever skated before?”
“No,” Cassie replied. “I mean, not like this.”
“You don’t have any bad habits, then.” He looked back to Rachel. “How about we see what she can do, and talk about her spot on the team after practice?”
Rachel scowled, but still she nodded. “Okay. Okay then. Let’s introduce you to the team. You kind of met everyone in the van, but-” the entire team had been pretty wasted “-let’s refresh. Over there’s Estrid Darrath, we call her the Centauress. That’s Jeanne Gerard, a.k.a. La Petite Mort. Loren-”
“Elle Fang?”
“Right. And Toby Hamee, Salad Shooter.”
Toby actually got up to shake Cassie’s hand. She looked even bigger in person, and uglier, all buck teeth and angles. But she was so incredibly, effortlessly strong, her handshake a little tighter than was comfortable, but Cassie appreciated the sentiment. “Welcome to practice,” Toby said.
“Thanks,” Cassie replied.
Practice was far more demanding than skating on the pier. By the time they were done, Cassie was sweating harder than she ever had in her life, she’d fallen down countless times, and she was pretty sure she had a bruise forming on her face. There was no way the team would want her after she’d made a fool of herself all over the rink, much less Big Jake. Dejectedly, she unlaced her skates and prepared to say goodbye to the team.
Just as she was pulling her keys out of her pocket, she heard Big Jake call out her name. She turned around. “Yeah, I know,” Cassie said.
“Know what?” he asked.
“Goodbye and all that. Don’t come back.”
“You didn’t like it?” He looked…sad?
“I did, but-”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to come back on Thursday.”
“Oh,” she replied. “You really want me to join?”
“I do,” he replied. “Grizz and I talked. You’re raw, but I think you’ve got promise.”
“Then absolutely,” she said. “See you Thursday.”
He really did have the most incredible smile.
***
A month later, Cassie’s life had settled into a new routine. She woke up every morning sore, for one, but she stretched her legs with a sunrise run with Rachel, who more often than not (to the delight of everyone besides perhaps his poor roommate) was coming from Tobias’ apartment. Then her usual full day of work at the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic, and afterwards either team practice, free skating on the pier, or the weight lifting routine that Rachel had her on. She liked team practice best. With Big Jake.
She didn’t want to beat up on her friends, and besides, she was pretty sure that if she tried to take on Salad Shooter, it’d be the rough equivalent of hitting a brick wall. So needless to say, wasn’t as comfortable being as aggressive as the other girls. She had hoped Jake would train her as a jammer, the skater whose job it was to skate through the pack while the blockers kept the path clear. It involved less violence. But because the jammer was the team’s sole point-scorer, there was a great deal of honor associated with position. Needless to say, New Girl didn’t get it.
Despite the complaint, she improved as a skater. She learned the rules, the techniques, the moves. She learned to glide on skates like the wheels were part of her own feet.
And then came the afternoon of her first real bout. She had been staring at the mirror in her apartment, feeling stupid that she had never asked anyone about what she could wear, when all of the sudden, the door burst open. A howling pack of fishnetted, be-togaed women charged into her apartment, Grizzly at the head of the fray. And that was the last thing she saw before the blindfolded her and threw her in the trunk of Centauress’ van.
“Bring her skates!” she heard La Petite Mort screech before the van doors closed.
“What is this about?” Cassie demanded.
“First game for the fresh meat!” Grizzly cackled, and her glee was something wild, something Cassie had forgotten about beneath the surface of Rachel. They drove for quite a ways before the van stopped and she was pulled out. She could feel the rush of air as she was led into somewhere air conditioned, concrete floors hard beneath her feet.
There was no room for shame as they stripped her down and changed her clothes. She could feel hands in her hair, fishnets being rolled onto her legs, skates laced onto her feet. Even when they removed her blindfold, she couldn’t see much beyond the wands of attacking mascara.
Finally, the pack stepped back. “Check it out,” Grizzly said, and Cassie looked at herself in the mirror. She almost didn’t recognize herself at first, her hair streaked white and grey and black, her skirt something far shorter than she usually would have ever worn, ever. “Look at your back,” Grizzly suggested, and Cassie turned so that she could see the stitching there.
“She Wolf,” Cassie read aloud.
“You’re free,” Salad Shooter said, squeezing her shoulders. “And brave, and wild.”
“Welcome to the L. A. Hubris,” Centauress said, and Cassie’s-She Wolf’s-mascara didn’t really need any more smudging, but she cried anyway.
The game was against the Hell Macros, a team made up entirely of tiny, crazy women. “There’s really not a single one of them over five feet?” Cassie asked, still finding it a little hard to believe, as they warmed up before the match.
“Bizarre, no?” La Petite Mort asked. The women all squabbled around a man, and Cassie felt sorry for him. “That is their captain. Everyone calls him Wuss.”
When Motor Mouth Marco called her name, “She Wolf” skated into the arena like she owned it. She could hear Tobias cheering all the way from the stands, cheering so loud she hoped he wouldn’t be hoarse before Grizzly came out. She looked over at Big Jake, already in, and he smiled and pumped his fist.
It was a close game. The Hubris played really well. Salad Shooter could bat the tiny women around like flies, Elle Fang could find a path through even the tightest group, and Grizzly fought bravely. Still, the victory was for the Hell Macros. They were fast and they were fearless, particularly their captain, Empress. Cassie couldn’t help but feel responsible for the loss. She wasn’t good, not like the rest of them.
The van on the way to Motor Mouth Marco’s raucous, easygoing. It hadn’t bothered her after the last game; she hadn’t felt like it was her fault then. “How can you all be so okay with what just happened?”
“It’s a volunteer sport, not war,” Salad Shooter replied.
“We’re in it for the parties,” Centauress said.
“Besides,” Grizzly swore, “one day we’ll have something to be excessively proud about.” Cassie still felt like shit. She Wolf scrubbed her makeup off in Marco’s bathroom, and became plain old Cassie again, although she didn’t change her clothes.
This party was easier than the last. Everyone seemed to share the opinion that it didn’t matter who had won the game. Everyone wanted to talk to her about her epic jump, or the fall she took, or her spin.
And then there was Big Jake. She spotted him chatting over a beer with Motor Mouth Marco. Would he be disappointed in her? He was always so intense in practice, much more serious than the girls. “Hi,” she said, screwing up her courage to tap him on the shoulder. To her delight, he spun around and actually hugged her.
“Cassie!” he said, and he was so tall he lifted her feet clear off the ground. “That was amazing.” He set her down.
“No, it wasn’t,” she said. “We lost.”
“It was your first game. Everyone starts somewhere.”
“Are you going to tell me that even Grizzly started out timid?”
Big Jake laughed, loud. “I’ve known Rachel my whole life. She came out of the womb swinging."
"CYBORG BARBIE!" they heard Rachel screech in the distance. "What the fuck is your problem?! Get away from him, bitch!"
Cassie and Big Jake laughed. "Seriously though," he said, and lifted a hand to brush her chin gently, "I can tell you feel bad about tonight, so channel that energy into practice, okay? Get better.”
“Besides,” Motor Mouth Marco said, and she had almost forgotten he was there, “it’s a party, which is no place to be upset. Get on the party high. Music. Girls in short skirts. Good times, friends, beer.”
“Right,” Big Jake said, and smiled at her. He motioned to the keg. “Beer?”
“No thanks,” she replied. “I’ll stick with the music and the friends. So…She Wolf?” she asked. “Was that your idea?”
“No,” he said. “It was the girls. But you like it, right?”
“Yes,” she agreed. “I’ve always liked wolves. I’m a wildlife veterinarian.”
“Really?” Big Jake asked. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well,” Cassie said, and if she had ever in her life dropped hints for a man, it was right then, “we don’t really get the chance to talk about our lives during practice.”
But Big Jake didn’t take the bait. “I guess not.”
They talked aimlessly after that. Small talk. She found out that Big Jake taught history at a local high school. But he didn’t ask her out.
***
“We’re going to try something new,” Rachel said. She had pulled up for their early-morning run in her car instead of her running shoes. “Get in.”
The something new was a gym. Rachel said a few words to the man at the desk and got them in.
“Ellipticals?” Cassie asked as she followed Rachel through the gym.
“Nope,” Rachel replied, and led them into a small room in the back. The room was empty but for a few punching bags. “Boxing.”
“Boxing?” Cassie asked.
Rachel bent down and picked up a pair of gloves. “You’re too sweet,” she said, tossing the gloves to Cassie. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You hate losing, but you hate thinking you might hurt someone even more.”
“That’s not…” but her protest was weak.
“You’re a veterinarian, for crying out loud. You think of yourself as a nurturer, not a fighter.”
“Fine,” Cassie said. “So what? Maybe this roller derby thing just isn’t for me.”
“No way,” Rachel replied. “Sweet girls deserve to be empowered, too. Put the gloves on. Hit the bag.”
Cassie did as Rachel asked. She hit the bag as hard as she could, several times. She even grunted, and that felt good. But it wasn’t good enough for Rachel, apparently.
“Kid stuff,” Rachel said. “You hit a bag. Goody.”
“Goody?” Cassie asked. “I hit it as hard as I could! Isn’t that how this female-empowerment thing is supposed to work? I use all my strength, and now I’m better?”
“Yeah, okay,” Rachel said. “This isn’t a training montage. You hit a bag. You don’t worry about hurting inanimate objects. You know, we all wear padding. Head, wrist, hips. All over. You can hit as hard as you want.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Cassie admitted.
Rachel shrugged. “We all know what we’re in for when we sign up. Getting hurt is a risk we take because we know what we want. And you need to know what you want, She Wolf, and you need to go get it.”
And then Rachel left, leaving Cassie alone with the punching bag. Cassie punched it a few more times before she took off her gloves and left.
***
“I want to be a Jammer,” Cassie said. Big Jake looked at her and cocked his head.
“You?” he asked.
“Yes me,” she said. “You know I’m not Grizzly or Salad Shooter or even Centauress. Throwing hits isn’t my specialty. And I’m fast and agile. It makes sense.”
“You haven’t been on the team for very long.”
“Just because the Jammer scores the points doesn’t mean it’s the hardest role. I know Elle Fang has been doing it for years, and she’s great, but La Petite Mort is just a sub for a fallen teammate. For Nutter McKitty, who I’m the replacement for anyway.”
“Okay,” he said.
“Okay?” she asked, hardly believing it.
“I’ll see if I can get you talking to Elle Fang about training. And I’ll need to talk to Grizzly, of course.”
“She’ll say yes.”
“And why are you so sure about that?”
“This is what I want, Big Jake. She told me to go after what I want.”
***
Cassie was right. Rachel said yes. Training didn’t become any easier. Being the Jammer didn’t mean that she didn’t have to give any hits, but it did mean that her training shifted from violence to agility, and Cassie liked that. She was good at it.
Two months later, the Howlers were dressed in fiery red and orange uniforms.
“This is the one,” Grizzly said, and she raked her claw-fingernails through her hair. Her eyeliner was so thick that her eyes looked like pits. “We’re going to win it.” There was something manic there. Grizzly lived for these bouts, Cassie realized.
The bout started out poorly. The Howlers seemed impossible to beat. They were exhausted, torn up. Grizzly was bleeding from a gash below her eye, blood trickling down her chin onto her neck. Salad Shooter was bruised, La Petite Mort rubbing her ankle when she thought no one was watching. And that’s when all of the months of practice came together, all that Rachel had said about female empowerment kicked in. She Wolf needed to summon her courage. She needed to fight for the girls in the foxhole next to her, and for herself.
In the second half, She Wolf skated like she never had before, like grey wind. And Grizzly and Salad Shooter and the rest, they all made her a path and she flew. She even gave a few hits herself, against those monstrous fiery foes. Between her and Elle Fang, the points added up. And at the end of the bout, for the first time since Cassie had been aware of roller derby, the Los Angeles Hubris had the winning score. The others crowded around her, the group drunk on the euphoria of the first win of the season.
She heard loud cheering in the middle of the ring, and Cassie looked out of the Hubris huddle to see their coach. Big Jake. She broke out of the pack, and he looked at her. He smiled. He had such a great smile.
Rachel’s words echoed in her mind. And you need to know what you want, She Wolf, and you need to go get it.
Cassie skated towards him as fast as she could, and Big Jake was running to her, and she wasn’t past any emotion, she was exploding with emotion.
Cassie jumped into Big Jake’s arms and he wrapped her up tight and before they knew it he was kissing her on the lips and she was kissing him back.
“Well, folks,” Motor Mouth Marco said into the microphone. “It’s about damn time.”