(no subject)
Holey moley LJ, it's time for a late night update.
Firstly - Yes, Kat is gone for good. Properly.
Details are a bit of a blur, but we had another 'meeting about 2 weeks ago concerning living arrangements / money. It ended with me paying her off to get the fuck out - under the condition of she can't get in contact with me ever again. I was calm, I was collected. I wished her well and gave her a hug after she'd packed up all her stuff in the car.
It wasn't what she wanted and she told me that, never being able to see me again. But you can't shit on me and still expect me to hold your hand. Later that night when I was out for drinks with Bridie, she got a couple of messages off Kat - "I feel like I'm making a huge mistake / I don't know if this is the right decision / I'm going to feel differently in a month / two". Well yeah, she probably will with time. Kat probably will look back and think "Fuck; why on earth did I let her walk away".
However for the present time, she is not in the right frame of mind nor mental state to even see the truth of the matter. I was in London two weeks ago doing training for the new job, and Bridie told me Kat came back and stayed in my room whilst I was away. She also told me she drank a whole bottle of vodka and a bottle of wine by herself that night. She also broke down and cried in front of Bridie too.
At the end of it all, no matter how much I had previously wanted to fix the relationship and to work on issues, it didn't matter. Kat isn't capable of a relationship right now, because she's decided to self medicate. Because she won't admit she's an alcoholic. She has a fuck ton of issues she needs to work through solo. I don't think she will though - I got her to promise me she would take care of herself before we departed, but I know she won't. I just know she won't.
So that relationship is done and dusted.
The comparison to how I felt at the beginning of August to now though, is incredible.
I have been feeling so positive and excited at the prospect of new beginnings, a fresh start, a fuck load of potential opportunites. And I still do. I've been going out a lot (probably drinking too much mind), socialising with new people from both work and other networking - I'm starting to enjoy the 9-5 lifestyle. I'm in a good routine and a good headspace.
I honestly thought I'd still be a bit of a mess all things considered - but the distraction of starting a new job (which has been great by the way, really enjoying it) and having good people around me has been amazing.
I no longer even feel particularly sad when I think about things - but mind you, I still do think about things. Nearly every day more or less. But I'm confident and secure enough to know that this will fade with time. Experience has taught me that and I know there will be a day where I don't even remember.
Right now I'm happy going on my merry way solo, and I intend to stay that way for a while.
Firstly - Yes, Kat is gone for good. Properly.
Details are a bit of a blur, but we had another 'meeting about 2 weeks ago concerning living arrangements / money. It ended with me paying her off to get the fuck out - under the condition of she can't get in contact with me ever again. I was calm, I was collected. I wished her well and gave her a hug after she'd packed up all her stuff in the car.
It wasn't what she wanted and she told me that, never being able to see me again. But you can't shit on me and still expect me to hold your hand. Later that night when I was out for drinks with Bridie, she got a couple of messages off Kat - "I feel like I'm making a huge mistake / I don't know if this is the right decision / I'm going to feel differently in a month / two". Well yeah, she probably will with time. Kat probably will look back and think "Fuck; why on earth did I let her walk away".
However for the present time, she is not in the right frame of mind nor mental state to even see the truth of the matter. I was in London two weeks ago doing training for the new job, and Bridie told me Kat came back and stayed in my room whilst I was away. She also told me she drank a whole bottle of vodka and a bottle of wine by herself that night. She also broke down and cried in front of Bridie too.
At the end of it all, no matter how much I had previously wanted to fix the relationship and to work on issues, it didn't matter. Kat isn't capable of a relationship right now, because she's decided to self medicate. Because she won't admit she's an alcoholic. She has a fuck ton of issues she needs to work through solo. I don't think she will though - I got her to promise me she would take care of herself before we departed, but I know she won't. I just know she won't.
So that relationship is done and dusted.
The comparison to how I felt at the beginning of August to now though, is incredible.
I have been feeling so positive and excited at the prospect of new beginnings, a fresh start, a fuck load of potential opportunites. And I still do. I've been going out a lot (probably drinking too much mind), socialising with new people from both work and other networking - I'm starting to enjoy the 9-5 lifestyle. I'm in a good routine and a good headspace.
I honestly thought I'd still be a bit of a mess all things considered - but the distraction of starting a new job (which has been great by the way, really enjoying it) and having good people around me has been amazing.
I no longer even feel particularly sad when I think about things - but mind you, I still do think about things. Nearly every day more or less. But I'm confident and secure enough to know that this will fade with time. Experience has taught me that and I know there will be a day where I don't even remember.
Right now I'm happy going on my merry way solo, and I intend to stay that way for a while.