X-Meh [X-Men | All | PG-13]
Title: X-Meh
By: worblehat
Fandom: X-Men [let's say movie-verse?]
Characters: All, but mostly Magneto and Xavier.
Rating: PG-13, for swearing.
Summary: Oh, crack fic. Um... see notes below.
Notes: This ficlet exists thanks to faemous, who said: I read "Went back to watching X. Meh." As "Went back to watching X Meh." And then went on to imagine some sort of strange, apathetic version of X-Men. >.> Briefly self-beta'd.
Word Count: 557
Toad smirked at Magneto as the buildings on 4th Street crumbled, one after the other. "We're really takin' 'em down!"
"Yes," replied Magneto, a softer, more gentlemanly smirk on his face. "One has to wonder at the lack of obstacles."
"Like?"
"The X-Men."
"Oh, them? They quit," said Toad.
Magneto frowned. Quit?
-
Meanwhile, back at the ranch X Mansion...
"Charles."
"Shhh!" said three annoyed teenagers. (Magneto couldn't bother to try thinking of their names just then.)
"Oh, whatever," he said. Magneto smiled faintly, raising his hand; Xavier's chair moved towards him slowly, until it bumped unceremoniously into his knee. I'm losing my touch with this whole power thing...
The Professor's eyes were still locked on the appallingly giant big screen TV.
"Charles."
You're disturbing the children, Erik.
"I don't give a damn," said Magneto out loud, feeling irritable.
But they've been waiting all week to find out who the next American Idol will be-
"They can look it up online afterwards, the way we do," muttered Erik. "What are you doing at home? Toad tells me you've given up crime-fighting."
Xavier shrugged.
Magneto bristled. As annoying as Charles was when he was talking too much, this whole not-talking-and-staring-at-the-screen thing was really starting to piss him off. He stepped in front of the wheelchair, arms crossed, frowning much like a mother about to scold her child.
"Now look here, Charles," he said. "Not that I don't love taking over the world, but this slump you're in is worrying me."
You're in the way.
Without so much as a backwards glance, Magento's eyebrow furrowed and the power went out, the screen bursting into a million pieces.
(All right. A million and five pieces. And a half.)
All was silent. For about 5.29 seconds.
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
"KILL HIM!"
Oh dear. I feared this would happen.
"ROAST HIM!"
"Get off me, you stupid brats!"
"HOW ARE WE GOING TO WATCH WIFE SWAP?"
"IS THE TIVO OKAY?"
"I said off, you mindless twits- And give me back my hat!"
"FUCK YOU, HELMET HEAD."
"What was that? Charles, reign in your- aslkndsfahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
This is somewhat upsetting.
"Sorry, Professor," said Cyclops, patting him on the shoulder and moving his chair back to where it was, one wheel smacking briefly against the now-deceased form of Magneto. "Lucky we keep a spare, huh?" he asked as Wolverine and Shadowcat dragged out the second of five giant TVs.
"Yes, I did foresee this possibly happening," said the Professor, knowing no one would question this lie; and, as expected, everyone let out an impressed sigh.
They all sat around, the glow and hum of TV leaving a quiet din over the cramped living room as the mutants slowly leaned against each other, until they looked like one giant blob of limbs and faces.
"Hmm... it says the world's been taken over," murmured Nightcrawler. "That's upsetting."
"You're right," said Xavier. "Best to change the channel."
"I heard Fear Factor is entering its 2349283th season," said Wolverine helpfully.
Excellent.
By: worblehat
Fandom: X-Men [let's say movie-verse?]
Characters: All, but mostly Magneto and Xavier.
Rating: PG-13, for swearing.
Summary: Oh, crack fic. Um... see notes below.
Notes: This ficlet exists thanks to faemous, who said: I read "Went back to watching X. Meh." As "Went back to watching X Meh." And then went on to imagine some sort of strange, apathetic version of X-Men. >.> Briefly self-beta'd.
Word Count: 557
Toad smirked at Magneto as the buildings on 4th Street crumbled, one after the other. "We're really takin' 'em down!"
"Yes," replied Magneto, a softer, more gentlemanly smirk on his face. "One has to wonder at the lack of obstacles."
"Like?"
"The X-Men."
"Oh, them? They quit," said Toad.
Magneto frowned. Quit?
-
Meanwhile, back at the ranch X Mansion...
"Charles."
"Shhh!" said three annoyed teenagers. (Magneto couldn't bother to try thinking of their names just then.)
"Oh, whatever," he said. Magneto smiled faintly, raising his hand; Xavier's chair moved towards him slowly, until it bumped unceremoniously into his knee. I'm losing my touch with this whole power thing...
The Professor's eyes were still locked on the appallingly giant big screen TV.
"Charles."
You're disturbing the children, Erik.
"I don't give a damn," said Magneto out loud, feeling irritable.
But they've been waiting all week to find out who the next American Idol will be-
"They can look it up online afterwards, the way we do," muttered Erik. "What are you doing at home? Toad tells me you've given up crime-fighting."
Xavier shrugged.
Magneto bristled. As annoying as Charles was when he was talking too much, this whole not-talking-and-staring-at-the-screen thing was really starting to piss him off. He stepped in front of the wheelchair, arms crossed, frowning much like a mother about to scold her child.
"Now look here, Charles," he said. "Not that I don't love taking over the world, but this slump you're in is worrying me."
You're in the way.
Without so much as a backwards glance, Magento's eyebrow furrowed and the power went out, the screen bursting into a million pieces.
(All right. A million and five pieces. And a half.)
All was silent. For about 5.29 seconds.
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
"KILL HIM!"
Oh dear. I feared this would happen.
"ROAST HIM!"
"Get off me, you stupid brats!"
"HOW ARE WE GOING TO WATCH WIFE SWAP?"
"IS THE TIVO OKAY?"
"I said off, you mindless twits- And give me back my hat!"
"FUCK YOU, HELMET HEAD."
"What was that? Charles, reign in your- aslkndsfahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
This is somewhat upsetting.
"Sorry, Professor," said Cyclops, patting him on the shoulder and moving his chair back to where it was, one wheel smacking briefly against the now-deceased form of Magneto. "Lucky we keep a spare, huh?" he asked as Wolverine and Shadowcat dragged out the second of five giant TVs.
"Yes, I did foresee this possibly happening," said the Professor, knowing no one would question this lie; and, as expected, everyone let out an impressed sigh.
They all sat around, the glow and hum of TV leaving a quiet din over the cramped living room as the mutants slowly leaned against each other, until they looked like one giant blob of limbs and faces.
"Hmm... it says the world's been taken over," murmured Nightcrawler. "That's upsetting."
"You're right," said Xavier. "Best to change the channel."
"I heard Fear Factor is entering its 2349283th season," said Wolverine helpfully.
Excellent.