(no subject)
I now understand the meaning of distraction, self-discipline, temptations...NO im not saying that I never understood these words before (haha) but now they mean so much more to me. they're all that apply to me now & i've realised how bad these things can be.
there was a period of time not so near Os where i was very focused. I did intensive Emath, Amath, did more studying everyday. this was a period where I hardly turned on my computer and even if i did, it was to update this journal, to set my mind free. its 2FUCKINGDAYS to Os now and everyday....every single day i'm on the computer repeatedly checking mail spree pages search pages blogs sites everything on the web. i can't believe myself. i can't stop chiding myself my head really deserves to roll. days before this i was madly searching for an AA spree because i needed the stuff from there, and today i've finally joined one. did i not tell myself that i'd be done with it & AA was all i was looking for? instead no i hit sgst and start surfing throughout the night, till now, close to 3 in the morning. close to 2 my system started shutting down i was yawning, & i felt rather happy at that for that indicated that my body was starting (at least starting no matter how pathetic) to return to normal sleep patterns. but no, so what if im tired? right now it seems to be mind over body, studies over sleep no matter how bad sleeping late is. time...is running away from me, slipping away.
i finally understand a bit more of Mel...during my focused period, I used to think "How could Mel still online shop at this time" but now im worse! I understand how crazily addictive this is, you just keep going and abandon all thought of time. it will be crazy because in the middle of Os i'll still be meeting up with someone to get rid of the Zara cardigan. she suggested after Os but im afraid she'll back out by then.
right now it's definitely mind over all else. determination, concentration, discipline. I remember when I asked miss lee "so it's just all about discipline luh." and she replied with such a matter-of-fact look & nod "yes its just about the discipline." I can't imagine how important discipline is and how far it could get you. I will only check my mail for updates on the postage, meet-ups, updates on the spree. the AA stuff takes so long to ship anyway even after Os it still won't be in singapore -.- (hate stupid slow shipping) its only 2moredays....i don't know how much of a difference 2days could make, not much? but every bit of time counts doesn't it.
2 FUCKIN' DAYS.
what am I going to do?
there was a period of time not so near Os where i was very focused. I did intensive Emath, Amath, did more studying everyday. this was a period where I hardly turned on my computer and even if i did, it was to update this journal, to set my mind free. its 2FUCKINGDAYS to Os now and everyday....every single day i'm on the computer repeatedly checking mail spree pages search pages blogs sites everything on the web. i can't believe myself. i can't stop chiding myself my head really deserves to roll. days before this i was madly searching for an AA spree because i needed the stuff from there, and today i've finally joined one. did i not tell myself that i'd be done with it & AA was all i was looking for? instead no i hit sgst and start surfing throughout the night, till now, close to 3 in the morning. close to 2 my system started shutting down i was yawning, & i felt rather happy at that for that indicated that my body was starting (at least starting no matter how pathetic) to return to normal sleep patterns. but no, so what if im tired? right now it seems to be mind over body, studies over sleep no matter how bad sleeping late is. time...is running away from me, slipping away.
i finally understand a bit more of Mel...during my focused period, I used to think "How could Mel still online shop at this time" but now im worse! I understand how crazily addictive this is, you just keep going and abandon all thought of time. it will be crazy because in the middle of Os i'll still be meeting up with someone to get rid of the Zara cardigan. she suggested after Os but im afraid she'll back out by then.
right now it's definitely mind over all else. determination, concentration, discipline. I remember when I asked miss lee "so it's just all about discipline luh." and she replied with such a matter-of-fact look & nod "yes its just about the discipline." I can't imagine how important discipline is and how far it could get you. I will only check my mail for updates on the postage, meet-ups, updates on the spree. the AA stuff takes so long to ship anyway even after Os it still won't be in singapore -.- (hate stupid slow shipping) its only 2moredays....i don't know how much of a difference 2days could make, not much? but every bit of time counts doesn't it.
2 FUCKIN' DAYS.
what am I going to do?