Some Navel Gazing is totally appropriate on a Saturday night/Sunday Morning

[wook77]

On Thursday and Friday nights this past week, I volunteered at an emergency shelter. Tucson declared a state of emergency due to the cold and the fact that 14k people were without heat. Unfortunately, the shelter didn't get a lot of usage but, still, awesome idea

Comments

[iamshadow]

You make me wonder how many people who are homeless are on the spectrum. I know there are high correlations between mental illness and homelessness, but so much of ASD is simply down to never quite fitting in with society. I know I've worked my arse off at jobs, put in 100% more effort than any other cashier, taken pride in my work... and still ended up shafted because I'm that bit odd, not interested in staff politics, and so on and so forth.

I ended up on disability because I couldn't take the constant pressure of having to apply for jobs and take bloody 'job readiness training courses' where they'd tell me that everything that I did was 'wrong'. Everything, that is, that was down to me being autistic. A 'passing' autistic, but nevertheless someone who wouldn't get hired because they didn't make eye contact, because they couldn't stay on topic, because they fidgeted, because they couldn't read body language, because everything about them projected 'dishonesty' or some fucking NT pop-psychology bullshit.

I can totally relate to that ex-military guy. In the armed forces, you're trained to act and think in a completely black and white way, whoever you are. The lines are clear and comforting. In the real world, there's so much grey. If you've got a communication disorder, it's a lonely, lonely place.

[wook77]

I think that that's what got to me so much - the loneliness of their world. I'm so used to just nattering on at everyone that it's hard for me to shuffle off that comfortable position and go beyond to where a simple question might possibly be intrusive. IDK that I could deal with not making eye contact though I realize that there are entire cultures that view that as rude and there are those that cannot do it.

I'm obviously really shaken by this experience because it's not only opened up my eyes so much but made me realize that there's more I could be doing and just, well, more.

I appreciate your comments and, tbh, they really add to what I'm taking away from this. I did wonder about the eye contact thing, didn't know what to make of it but your experience explains it to me (I know that sounds condescending and I really do not mean it that way, I absolutely promise). I definitely know that in the future, I won't attempt to force eye contact. I'm also going to pause before thinking that someone is "just being rude" when they won't make eye contact or fidget a lot. Thank you for opening my eyes even further.

[iamshadow]

No problem - that's why I commented.

I got a diagnosis in my mid-twenties. Because of increased recognition of high-functioning ASD and learning disorders, kids today get recognised in day care or primary school. However, people of my generation or older don't get a DX unless we recognise it in ourselves and seek it. Asperger's research didn't get translated into English until after the fall of the Berlin wall. By that time, I was in late primary school, headed for high school. By the time Asperger Syndrome and high-functioning autism were widely recognised in the English speaking world, I was almost an adult. There are millions of people out there who only find out about their own ASD when they have a child and that child gets diagnosed - like Liane Holliday Willey, and Valerie Paradiž.

Eye contact is a big thing that people have trouble with, though some autists go the other way - making eye contact that is far too intense. I have had patches of this myself in the past. Like you said, though, eye contact might be a cultural thing - I know we got taught in my childcare course that some cultures find 'polite' eye contact by Western standards to be rude by theirs.

Other things that might be indicators that you are talking to someone on the spectrum are modulation problems - speaking in a monotone or with an unusual prosody (my brother pauses at odd points), too loudly, too quietly,or with an unconscious escalating volume.

Also, a one track mind. You meet someone who only wants to talk about trains, science fiction or baseball averages (all terminal clichés, but for a reason) and doesn't take any subtle cues for a topic change, they're likely autistic.

Inappropriate affect is another. They may talk about something incredibly sad or upsetting, but smile or laugh throughout. Or, they may laugh at another person's pain. A classic example is in Jon Elder Robison's book. As a child, he was punished for responding with ecstatic smiling on hearing another child had died. He was smiling out of relief because it wasn't him who had been killed, a perfectly understandable response, but not considered acceptable.

Also, there's a pretty big crossover with things like OCD and Tourette's. It's very common for people on the spectrum to have ritualistic behaviour, grimaces or tics. These tend to be involuntary (or near enough to) or even completely unconscious. It's pretty closely related to stimming behaviours (self stimulating) like rocking, foot tapping, hand flapping, etc. Pretty much all autists have some form of self-stimulation. It's a way of regulating anxiety and overload.