read, help.
i really want to update. really badly. but i feel like i can't really put things into words. but im going to try. oh and please read, because i always feel like this is pointless if people don't read it. thanks.
so i really love school. i do. i have so many friends. im in an AMAZING sorority that i love. and i have the people back home that matter most. but i feel like something is missing. there is just that little...i dont know, thing that is not there. or maybe something is there, but its negative. actually, i think that might be it. my roommates and a couple friends were like "what's wrong?" i am never down and out. i am always happy, because i AM happy. i just don't feel like i can talk to anyone about it that knows and understands the entire situation, that can help. i need to realize that if someone who i am, or thought i was, extremely close to is going to treat me like i am no one, then its not my problem. it's theirs. right? im not doing anything wrong. but there is nothing i could do wrong. i call occasionally to update and see how things are. yeah i mean, if i text them, they'll text me back, or they will answer my phone calls. but its a two way street here. their whole life, they have only put effort into what THEY want or what THEY care about. clearly i am not someone they care about enough to pick up the phone or to ask me how i am doing back, or whats going on in my life. it just sucks. it seems like i do not exist. it just makes me sad because i still care about them, and i am completely ok with being best friends like we said and being able to talk. part of me is like "ok stop texting and stop calling" but thats not what i want. i want to talk to them and keep in touch and go home during winter break and call them up to hang out like its something we've been excited about for 4 months. whatever. i just wish someone would knock some freakin' sense into them. or at least just say "alex jackson is a great friend" in front of their face. because me being a nice good friend seems to be the worst thing EVER.
so i really love school. i do. i have so many friends. im in an AMAZING sorority that i love. and i have the people back home that matter most. but i feel like something is missing. there is just that little...i dont know, thing that is not there. or maybe something is there, but its negative. actually, i think that might be it. my roommates and a couple friends were like "what's wrong?" i am never down and out. i am always happy, because i AM happy. i just don't feel like i can talk to anyone about it that knows and understands the entire situation, that can help. i need to realize that if someone who i am, or thought i was, extremely close to is going to treat me like i am no one, then its not my problem. it's theirs. right? im not doing anything wrong. but there is nothing i could do wrong. i call occasionally to update and see how things are. yeah i mean, if i text them, they'll text me back, or they will answer my phone calls. but its a two way street here. their whole life, they have only put effort into what THEY want or what THEY care about. clearly i am not someone they care about enough to pick up the phone or to ask me how i am doing back, or whats going on in my life. it just sucks. it seems like i do not exist. it just makes me sad because i still care about them, and i am completely ok with being best friends like we said and being able to talk. part of me is like "ok stop texting and stop calling" but thats not what i want. i want to talk to them and keep in touch and go home during winter break and call them up to hang out like its something we've been excited about for 4 months. whatever. i just wish someone would knock some freakin' sense into them. or at least just say "alex jackson is a great friend" in front of their face. because me being a nice good friend seems to be the worst thing EVER.