(no subject)
When I said the restriction, when I said the smog, well… I only meant to ask myself how things happen at all in that foetid atmosphere. Because things happen, things have happened. Like the single phonecall it took, the one I was waiting for since last Sunday that came on Saturday afternoon when I’d already given up hope. And the voice so assured and assuring, as if to say you should never have doubted. And it made me feel like there are small, tiny, seemingly insignificant things that happen inside our little vault that can make the air tremble. Just tiny things that let you think perhaps there’s reason to wait around til the weekend after all, perhaps love or friendship or something can keep the rest at bay. Things like this keep happening even when you think you’ve finally come face to face with the ‘fact’ of nothing really ever happening again except that (and maybe that that has already happened). But still: little things, little moments, little encounters, little people, little other worlds that are somehow bubbles within the greater bubble, little worlds cordoned off, excluding the smog. Sometimes you find yourself on the other side of the prism, at the receiving end of a refraction of light that somehow changes the essential quality of the light when it hits your little moments. And so you ask yourself, where is this light coming from, this light that shines on me at little intervals and placates me, makes me trust again? You think maybe, despite it all, despite the smog that lets less and less real radiant light through, little luminous moments continue to appear; you keep being surprised, and warmed through, by the peculiar compositions of light that enclose you in a tiny bubble, for a little while, for a moment. You don’t know how the light is so resilient, how it is cunning and strong enough to penetrate, but you guess that means that something from outside is getting in. But then you think, no: maybe what’s inside can generate its own light, its own glow, maybe we are somehow generating it ourselves, for each other… and if we can do that, if we can make those tiny moments that matter happen, make them for each other, create light and levity for one another, then… then…