Growth maybe, Revisiting the past maybe, Update definatly! A must read .Very insightful!!!
Okay, it has occured to me that I have not kept with ppl and hevent told you about the many good things happening in my life and some not so good things.
Well one tomarrow I go a sleep deprived EEG which they are measuring my brain electroical impluses.I go at 7:30 this mourning and have to stay up all night and I am so tired. Later this month I also go for a colonsopy(bc a yr ago they found precancerous cells so now I have to go for a check up and baring anymore I won't have to back for 3yrs.) I also go for a sleep study.
I have issues with my primary for so many reason from giving me wrong information, withholding information, misleading me, scaring me, telling me to go to the hospital and then taking his phone off the hook once I am there. to now putting the wrong information on a referal to a pain mgt. dr. I only found out once I was there and was sent home and now I am at the mercy of him to fix the referal so I can get help.
I am still having pain just not as much and not everywhere like it was. I have arthritis in my back and possiably in my wrists, fingers and ankles. Which is one reason why i don't update bc it hurts my wrists and fingers. The pelvic pain which started all this pain is horriable everyday I have an issue and is getting worse everyday and it is like a 15 on a scale of 1-10. Hell thinking it maybe Birth control I stoped taking it and had an IUD implanted in me and my GOD!!! did that hurt thank god for friends and vicidin and percot.
I am trying not to let interfer with my life. I work out at the Y. I do 3 days of cardio of like 2 and 1/2 hours and 3 days a week is 1hr cardio and 1 and 1/2 hours of weights and once a week I do swiming and yoga. Plus ggoing to school. I am going to be taking 5 classes I think I will either take 3 classes at either OSU or Franklin Univeristy on-line and taking 2 classes at Otterbein College. Otterbein is so expensive, like $300.00 a credit hour. I can do part time but cant go full time I wish I could.
I also have some intersting news. About 2 weeks ago I went to my old house on Oaklawn St. which I was obssessed with and the man who owns it now let me in to see the house and was given a tour. I think it helped put to rest some demons that were left over. It was nice to see it and see that it really is not mine and that was the past.
I did move, I did leave Desales, I was coned by Susan, I was fooled and betrayed by Amanda, I did make a mistake with Seymour, I did graduate from Ready,I did lose control of my life when I was with certain ppl, I wasn't as a good as a friend that I wanted to be, could be, should be, and are now. I left good friends go and kept bad friends, I was not able to stick to something, I never really applied myslef, I lied about who I was, I tried to please everyone but me. And at the end of the day I can't go back and change that. no matter how hard I try I just have accept them. I always said I dont believe in regreat and that there are really lessons and just learn from them. But just bc I say that, and somewhat beleive that I have to apply that.
So now I am no longer obssessed with Saint James or Desales. I am not exactly happy with Ready either bc I still hated that damn school. even though there were nice ppl, and noone really made fun of me and I got along with most everyone. I just didn't belong there, I never felt like I was welcome there. Almost like a traitor or a spy. I began to join everything thinking that might help, it did a little, but still. I now go to Saint Michael's in Worthington which my childeren when I have them will be attending.
I think that I am growing and not growing up or maturing I have always done that I just think growing I am really not sure which way I mean that. Maybe it's the councling, maybe it's the pills, maybe bc I will be turning 25 this Sept. and would have lived a quater of my life, maybe I am trying to make up for lost time from when I was sick, maybe because for once in my life all I have to do is really worry about myslef, take care of myself and not raise a son and have take care of a 50yr old man, or deal with my abstant mother an that pain.I do take care of David but he is real easy, he wants to take care of me which makes my job easy bc he thinks about me usually before he does stupid things. maybe bc I am happy, maybe bc I am in love. Whatever the reason I hope it cont. Till next time, who knows maybe when I am on pills that help my wrists I will update before a month.