Update Alex,sickness and friendship
Well if someone asks me what I have been up to I would say nothing at all. I have been so sick even more than usual and now they dont know why. I have had 102 degree fever for 2 weeks and couldnt eat or sleep for like a week as well. They say it is a sinus infection followed by a strep throat. I then went to a rehabatilition dr. trying to get me to have new ways of living with my sickness without feeling as bad or working through it. He was impressed by all what I do to work throught it all ready from swimming to not taking viciodin unless needed and stretching and an extreme diet change. no red meat, no caffine etc. I hate it and I actually follow it. He said there is nothing else I can do and he said he noticed that I have some more health issues like very brisk reflexes, seizures, eye problems and he thinks it can be something else. I also took myself off 14 scripts and now have a problem with my thyroid, it's hypo.meaning its hard to loose weight. It has taken me a while to lose the 15lbs.
My Mom is finally done with my stepfather (he used to hit her) and I am glad. Alex has like totaly fallen off the face of the earth, but I do get to talk to him and he is good and he will be 21 this friday. which seems just impossiable. my little brother can now legally drink.wow.
Then I think about my friends (also a friend kinda forced that to be a center thought) It makes me think about all my friends and damn do I have alot not including the ones that I just assoicate with. What makes them friends, why we remand friends, and everything like that. It was actually a shock in away and the other way i was like what the hell.I used to say that I dont believe in best and good but I beileve in levels and the highest was called Adah level. and I later renamed it the Blake level. and finally dropped that level thinking it was stupid but maybe not. I have grown up and dont really have time for everyone but I try. and now this is going to be diffucalt in one way. I just have a bad habit of wanting to "save" ppl. its some type of complex. esp. ppl who arent happy.
I am finally happy I have a great wonderful man who loves me more than I thought was humanly possiable, and I even see myself looking at him thinking wow I want time to stand still and I say a little prayer thanking for sending him to me. He is going to school to be a lawyer and he wants to work at home or at least his practice and help raise the kids, we want 4. while I can either go to work or stay at home. and we are starting a buisness in which we have already made money. and he's Dad is selling his company and he is entitled to 40-140 million dollars and then he is going start a new company and wants to buy us a nice house or just give us a huge check. so thats good. thats an added bonus not the reason why I am going to marry him. and I have so much food for the first time really in my life and my apt. is clean and I see a therpist which helps out so much that and not assoicating myself with drama, but that also makes it so borining.
I wish my friends could be with me some are and others well they dont want to be. I know I know why not. I cant answer that but oh well. Friendships dont really die they actually just fade away and then come back. and then fade away. I think its really crappy when someone makes a proclamation about it instead of letting nature take its course. I do like seeing my friends happy and married and haveing kids. They deserve to be happy and wish the best for them. Well I have to go and start dinner later.