im not dead
And I was never looking for approval from anyone but you
And though this journey is over I'll go back if you ask me to
I'm not dead just floating
Right between the ink of your tattoo
In the belly of the beast we turned into
I'm not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You're my crack of sunlight.
I stop and wonder, what happened to the little fire cracker that I use to be? I didn’t worry about anyone or anything… if you didn’t like me fuck you I don’t need you, you meant nothing to me… if you crossed me, it was on. Some might chalk it up to maturing.
I miss some of it… now I find myself worrying all the time about what’s right and who I could be hurting… I feel sometimes I don’t live for me. I try to make everyone happy. Where did this come from? I will loose sleep if I think I did something to hurt someone… I will fret for weeks. my give a damn is busted. I want to learn to do what I want to do… with out asking other people what they think about this or that… I worry about what I wear… don’t want to be judged as a slut… when I use to wear the shortest skirt I could find with fishnets and a top that just came under my chest… would frolic as if I had not a care in the world. And would never think twice about who was judging what…
I haven’t completely lost that “I don’t care what they think” but it just depends on who the people are and what the problem may be… my thing now is… “who are you? You don’t pay my bills”
Laughs, I am worrying about worrying… oh the irony.
I’m over it… just a thought.
So let’s see what has been going on…
Daddy and I have the cake class tonight… one more then we are done… it has been fun I am looking forward to tonight because we didn’t have to bring a cake this time… whoot. But next week we will… booo hisssss.
I am leaving work early on Friday and going and seeing tyler out in Houston… excited about that one.
Daddy called me yesterday to come over and help him with the lawn… I told him no because I felt like crap… but I still felt bad… see this is what I am talking about…. Grrrrr….
I went to the gym Monday night. Made myself go and I am very happy that I did, and I think once I am feeling better I will be going much more often… lila here has picked up about 8 lbs somewhere over these last few weeks… they have over stayed their welcome!
Maybe I should get one of those weight things that show you the progress that I have made to loose the weight not like you care… hmmm I will think on that.
I have come up with an idea for invitations… I want to make them myself… and I am super excited about them… however I don’t know exactly how to make them… so they may change… but I am a crafty queen… I have hope that I can figure it out…
Well I don’t have much more to say…
Ps. lindy I really hate the mail service if you still haven’t gotten my card… it was a really freaking good one too… damn it.
Well I am over and out… lick those toes… ahhh you know the rest.