(no subject)
Peculiar.
I think I'm the one who must have changed. You seem very much the same person you've always been, and yet it feels to me like we've just met. Its as if I can almost feel myself growing up, like watching a flower bloom on fast forward - I can hear myself disagree with all the things you say, I can see your faults and imperfections like I never could before. Not that I ever expected you to be perfect, but you always were anyhow. And now, here I am, almost hating some of the things you say. Not you, just what you say - if you can make that distinction. I still love you to death like I always will, but we're definitely different people. Or at least I think I'm a different person. Not better, not worse, just a little older, a little more weathered, perhaps wiser, but still just as foolish, different dreams, different goals, a more focused perspective, a less innocent understanding, yet still myself - uncompromised, at the very least. The people who really know me wouldn't see a change at all. I wonder if you do. But I see a change in me through you. Our friendship is not the same as it used to be. I used feel comfortable in the silences between us, never thought twice about calling you a half a million times a day, I’d tell you everything, and tell you first. But not so much anymore. And so I checked to see if you'd been the one that changed when I wasn't looking. Nope, you're still there, same as yesterday, nothing different from where I can see. All the growing up must be on the inside (!just like everything else!). And so you've helped me see that it must have been me who changed when I wasn't looking. How sneaky of life to confuse me like that. But thank you. Its nothing that big, just one of life's little epiphanies that hits you when your driving and singing to the radio thats turned up just loud enough to drown out your voice. You know what I mean.
I write this because 1) I have nothing better to write about, 2) you'll never read this, 3) maybe if I write it down I won't forget it 10 minutes from now, and 4) I'm ready to let go now. So thats it I guess. I don't think it'll ever be the same again... no, I know it won't. I think we're not going to stay close friends long enough to ever really talk. I think pretty soon we'll probably forget about how much we've shared - like what I was telling you at the park about Jenny and I being so close a few months ago, and then how it just changed and we went our separate ways and didn't look back and I'd almost forgot how inseparable we were and all of it until last night. It'll be like that. But ironically, I think thats how we'd both want it. I think you've wanted it that way for a long time, to move on by yourself, without me superglued to your hip. And, quite honestly, I dreaded it. Hated it. A lot. I didn't want you to forget about me because I wasn't ready to forget you. No, no - I didn't say that quite right. I didn't want you to forget our friendship because I wasn't ready to. And I am now. Ready, that is. To grow up. To jump feet first into every open door, and to close the doors that need closing. Its taken me this long to realize it. And, unlike all the other friendships that have come and gone and I’ve missed the chance, I want to tell you something before we've both forgotten and it doesn't matter anymore.
Thank you.
I think I'm the one who must have changed. You seem very much the same person you've always been, and yet it feels to me like we've just met. Its as if I can almost feel myself growing up, like watching a flower bloom on fast forward - I can hear myself disagree with all the things you say, I can see your faults and imperfections like I never could before. Not that I ever expected you to be perfect, but you always were anyhow. And now, here I am, almost hating some of the things you say. Not you, just what you say - if you can make that distinction. I still love you to death like I always will, but we're definitely different people. Or at least I think I'm a different person. Not better, not worse, just a little older, a little more weathered, perhaps wiser, but still just as foolish, different dreams, different goals, a more focused perspective, a less innocent understanding, yet still myself - uncompromised, at the very least. The people who really know me wouldn't see a change at all. I wonder if you do. But I see a change in me through you. Our friendship is not the same as it used to be. I used feel comfortable in the silences between us, never thought twice about calling you a half a million times a day, I’d tell you everything, and tell you first. But not so much anymore. And so I checked to see if you'd been the one that changed when I wasn't looking. Nope, you're still there, same as yesterday, nothing different from where I can see. All the growing up must be on the inside (!just like everything else!). And so you've helped me see that it must have been me who changed when I wasn't looking. How sneaky of life to confuse me like that. But thank you. Its nothing that big, just one of life's little epiphanies that hits you when your driving and singing to the radio thats turned up just loud enough to drown out your voice. You know what I mean.
I write this because 1) I have nothing better to write about, 2) you'll never read this, 3) maybe if I write it down I won't forget it 10 minutes from now, and 4) I'm ready to let go now. So thats it I guess. I don't think it'll ever be the same again... no, I know it won't. I think we're not going to stay close friends long enough to ever really talk. I think pretty soon we'll probably forget about how much we've shared - like what I was telling you at the park about Jenny and I being so close a few months ago, and then how it just changed and we went our separate ways and didn't look back and I'd almost forgot how inseparable we were and all of it until last night. It'll be like that. But ironically, I think thats how we'd both want it. I think you've wanted it that way for a long time, to move on by yourself, without me superglued to your hip. And, quite honestly, I dreaded it. Hated it. A lot. I didn't want you to forget about me because I wasn't ready to forget you. No, no - I didn't say that quite right. I didn't want you to forget our friendship because I wasn't ready to. And I am now. Ready, that is. To grow up. To jump feet first into every open door, and to close the doors that need closing. Its taken me this long to realize it. And, unlike all the other friendships that have come and gone and I’ve missed the chance, I want to tell you something before we've both forgotten and it doesn't matter anymore.
Thank you.