The next logical step......
Okay, so the response is simply....
I didn't say you were poison, and
you're being emotional
Let's look at those statements.
For the first one you need some background. The first is based upon an analogy presented somebody and roundly applauded as being "yes, that's exactly it!" The analogy goes like this. While perhaps all men aren't really rapists, a given percentage ARE, and hence none of them should ever be trusted. Since that's a bit tough, the idea was reduced to this example:
Suppose you have a bowl of M&M's. 10% of them have been poisoned, but you have no way of identifying which ones. Dig in!
So, that was the analogy, and it apparently perfectly matches the real situation, with men rather than M&M's. My perspective was to state that I didn't appreciate being accused of being poisoned. The story is based upon automatic guilt by being male.
The response I got was "I (we) never said you were poisoned." Okay, literally that's true. However, let's take the analogy...and remember it's their analogy, and see what it actually says. We have a bowl filled with M&M's. We know that 10% of them have been poisoned. We know there is no possible way to identify the bad ones, yet we're being invited to dig in. Now, one more step. Anyone remotely intelligent is going to figure out that while the odds are good you could pick out one or two and probably be safe, those aren't betting odds. So...you eat nothing and simply assume that the entire bowl is deadly. The result is that every M&M in that bowl is considered poisoned. Since I'm in that bowl, you're assuming I am poisoned. Remember, this not my way of presenting the situation, it's theirs. You said I was poisoned, just not in so many words...and that's NOT being emotional.
Okay, now let's look at the second response, which actually bothers me even more. The stereotype is that men aren't supposed to be emotional. Little boys are taught that emotions are bad and should be suppressed. "Real men don't cry!" That is the expectation. That is the programming for little boys. It has been for years. Men do not cry. Men...real men...don't get emotional.
However, one of the standing complaints expressed continually by women is that men are unfeeling. Men won't share their emotions. Men are cold and distant. That is the stereotype, like it or not. So...when a man does respond in a way that seems "emotional" he's being inappropriate. Guess what. You can't have it both ways. We're not supposed to be emotional. But...we're too non-emotional and don't allow our feelings to get out. Now...if we do allow feelings to get out, we're being emotional, and that's inappropriate. So, when my response is, in fact, emotional...I'm wrong again! Shouldn't do that.
Well, here's a secret. I am emotional. Yeah, I'm a guy so I'm not supposed to be...but I am. When I'm writing something really deep, when the characters are expressing their love or when a character dies, I feel it. There have been times when I was writing through the tears. Yeah, I'm an emotional guy. I know I shouldn't be. I know that when I kill off good people I shouldn't feel a damn thing...just write the words and move on. I'm supposed to let the womenfolk do the crying and the feeling. I'm not supposed to cry at funerals either. Yeah, I heard about it when I delivered my father's eulogy and broke a bit. It's not a very "guy way" to do things.
See, I don't much care. You can think what you want...and will regardless, so...deal with it. When the troops came home from Vietnam they were accused of some pretty ugly things, spat upon, and ostracized. Most of them hadn't done anything other than fight the war, but they got tarred with the broad brush of killing civilians and babies, burning villages for no reason, and generally being non-human. I didn't like it then, and I still don't. If you're going to accuse me of something truly ugly you'd better have some sort of proof. If you're going to say I'm a rapist, just like every other man, then don't be surprised if I get pissed. If you think I'm being emotional you're quite probably correct, but it's because you have really hurt me, and I'm not stoic enough to hide that hurt. I don't think I should have to.
I didn't say you were poison, and
you're being emotional
Let's look at those statements.
For the first one you need some background. The first is based upon an analogy presented somebody and roundly applauded as being "yes, that's exactly it!" The analogy goes like this. While perhaps all men aren't really rapists, a given percentage ARE, and hence none of them should ever be trusted. Since that's a bit tough, the idea was reduced to this example:
Suppose you have a bowl of M&M's. 10% of them have been poisoned, but you have no way of identifying which ones. Dig in!
So, that was the analogy, and it apparently perfectly matches the real situation, with men rather than M&M's. My perspective was to state that I didn't appreciate being accused of being poisoned. The story is based upon automatic guilt by being male.
The response I got was "I (we) never said you were poisoned." Okay, literally that's true. However, let's take the analogy...and remember it's their analogy, and see what it actually says. We have a bowl filled with M&M's. We know that 10% of them have been poisoned. We know there is no possible way to identify the bad ones, yet we're being invited to dig in. Now, one more step. Anyone remotely intelligent is going to figure out that while the odds are good you could pick out one or two and probably be safe, those aren't betting odds. So...you eat nothing and simply assume that the entire bowl is deadly. The result is that every M&M in that bowl is considered poisoned. Since I'm in that bowl, you're assuming I am poisoned. Remember, this not my way of presenting the situation, it's theirs. You said I was poisoned, just not in so many words...and that's NOT being emotional.
Okay, now let's look at the second response, which actually bothers me even more. The stereotype is that men aren't supposed to be emotional. Little boys are taught that emotions are bad and should be suppressed. "Real men don't cry!" That is the expectation. That is the programming for little boys. It has been for years. Men do not cry. Men...real men...don't get emotional.
However, one of the standing complaints expressed continually by women is that men are unfeeling. Men won't share their emotions. Men are cold and distant. That is the stereotype, like it or not. So...when a man does respond in a way that seems "emotional" he's being inappropriate. Guess what. You can't have it both ways. We're not supposed to be emotional. But...we're too non-emotional and don't allow our feelings to get out. Now...if we do allow feelings to get out, we're being emotional, and that's inappropriate. So, when my response is, in fact, emotional...I'm wrong again! Shouldn't do that.
Well, here's a secret. I am emotional. Yeah, I'm a guy so I'm not supposed to be...but I am. When I'm writing something really deep, when the characters are expressing their love or when a character dies, I feel it. There have been times when I was writing through the tears. Yeah, I'm an emotional guy. I know I shouldn't be. I know that when I kill off good people I shouldn't feel a damn thing...just write the words and move on. I'm supposed to let the womenfolk do the crying and the feeling. I'm not supposed to cry at funerals either. Yeah, I heard about it when I delivered my father's eulogy and broke a bit. It's not a very "guy way" to do things.
See, I don't much care. You can think what you want...and will regardless, so...deal with it. When the troops came home from Vietnam they were accused of some pretty ugly things, spat upon, and ostracized. Most of them hadn't done anything other than fight the war, but they got tarred with the broad brush of killing civilians and babies, burning villages for no reason, and generally being non-human. I didn't like it then, and I still don't. If you're going to accuse me of something truly ugly you'd better have some sort of proof. If you're going to say I'm a rapist, just like every other man, then don't be surprised if I get pissed. If you think I'm being emotional you're quite probably correct, but it's because you have really hurt me, and I'm not stoic enough to hide that hurt. I don't think I should have to.