All I Want is You (3rd part)
Author: wonsu_garkyub
Pairing: Siwon x Kyuhyun; wonkyu
Rating: NC-17
part 1
part 2
HOT TIMES
I awoke in an unfamiliar room. I was a bit disoriented and I also felt cold not from the room but inside of me. From under the quilt I felt myself quiet naked. “Why am I naked? Where are my clothes? Where am I?” I thought to myself as I tried to sit up. That’s when I noticed a picture of Kyuhyun and me. I also noticed him asleep on the chair beside the bed. “Am I in his house?”
“Ah, hyung, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” he reached for my forehead. “Oh, seems you still have a temperature.”
“I have this terrible headache and my body is aching all over but I think I’ll just need to rest at home. Why exactly am I naked under this quilt?” I asked, still not remembering what happened for the last hour.
“Don’t you remember pushing your car in the rain all the way up to our house?” he said frowning. “You were soaking wet so I took off all of your clothes. I also think you caught the flu so when Auntie called I told her and asked her forgiveness for what happened to you.” He bowed his head and continued “I told her not to worry because I’ll personally take care of you, but hyung! Can you also forgive me? If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have gotten sick!” he choked on his words and tears formed in his eyes.
A flash of lightning outside the window brought my memory back to when I was pushing the car and looking into Kyuhyun’s eyes while we waited for the gate to open. “Don’t cry Kyuhyunnie! Please don’t cry! I wanted to do it so there is nobody to blame.” I reached up to him and wiped his tears. The quilt fell down to my waist, and I heard him take in and let out a sharp breath. He coughed in embarrassment.
“I...I bet your hungry so I better go and see what the ahjumma had prepared for us to eat before she went back to her house. I let her go because nobody will take care of her children. I even forgot to look for some fever medicine. I won’t take long, Hyung.” He blurted out as an excuse to get out of the room.
I’m not used to being sick. I also needed to go to the bathroom. I tried to get up but felt my nakedness under the blanket. To one side of the room is a walk-in closet and I wondered if I could use any of Kyuhyun’s clothes. I was starting to get out of bed when I noticed the bathrobe draped on the back of the armchair. I took it instead and wore it. I headed for the bathroom. I felt embarrassed when I saw my wet clothes and Kyuhyun’s discarded ones on the floor of the bathroom and wondered how he undressed me.
Kyuhyun was already back in the room and food was already laid out on the coffee table. He turned to me as I was coming out of the bathroom and he saw the wet clothes still on the floor. His face reddened as he tried to rush past me and into the bathroom.
“I’m sorry, hyung for the mess in here.” He seemed to speak nervously. “I forgot to pick them up after I helped you to the bed. I’m sorry if I have to remove your clothes, you were wet and muddy you know so I had to clean you up first before I put you in bed.” I was getting amused with his blabbering and it was taking him a long time to pick up the wet clothes. I heard water splashing. When he emerged, his face looked freshly washed but there was still a tinge of blush on it. He was carrying the hamper. “I’m just going to load these in the washing machine. Then we can eat.”
He came back with more food and we started to eat.
Besides my being sick, I was wondering why we have to eat inside the bedroom. “Aren’t we offending your parents for eating here? I sure can go out there if I have to and shouldn’t I be in another bedroom or something?” I saw the sad smirk on his face.
“They’ve already left hyung. Even if you brought me here first before you go home, I wouldn’t have reached them on time.” There was sadness in his voice again. “They left at dawn for an early flight. It was the ahjumma who answered my call to open the gate, that’s why it took quiet sometime before it opened.”
“I’m sorry we never made it after them.” I said as I stare at the food.
“That’s okay. Maybe I’ll just call them tomorrow and scold them for leaving without me.” He said trying to brighten up. “Eat up so you can regain your strength and drink the medicine I brought you.”
We continued eating.
"I just noticed, but this doesn’t seem to be the room you were using back then or has it just gotten bigger?” I said.
“This is still my old room but since I started accumulating all sorts of stuff, Mom and Dad had an extension made to my room, which I paid for, of course.” He said laughing. “I now have the equivalent of two bedrooms. But, for the amount of money I spent for the renovation, I could have built myself a nice little apartment at the back of the house.”
I was laughing along. “See what our hard earned money is doing for us?!” Although we both came from well to do families, we still cherish working for our own needs.
“Ah, Hyung! I forgot to tell the ahjumma to prepare a guest room for you before she left, so since you’re my guest, you sleep on my bed.”
“And where will you sleep? This is your room; I can’t take up your bed.” I said.
“You’re sick, you need to sleep properly and I’ll never leave the bedroom silly; I need to watch over you like a good nurse. I can lie down on my sofa or we can share my bed.” Trying for it to sound like a joke.
“Then why don’t we?” I asked nonchalantly.
He tried laughing the matter off and I laughed with him. Kyuhyun started clearing off the table while I tried to help him. He said that I should try to be a good sick person and just rest while he brings back the dishes to the kitchen.
I went around the room instead. It was surprisingly more modern and spacious compared to the rest of the house. I looked at Kyuhyun’s personal stuff that’s been here before we became famous. His books. His computer. The walk-in closet where besides the clothes he had accumulated, there in a neat row on a display case were some of his perfumes. I picked one in particular and sprayed a bit into the air, I closed my eyes and smiled as I smelled it, this is the one that he often uses on his handkerchiefs and the only brand he brings along when we go to China as a sub-group. I know he still keeps the same perfume I gave him on his last birthday and I’m glad that he always uses it. He came back as I was looking at myself in the mirror.
“Why aren’t you resting?” he asked.
“You know I’m not used to being sick.”
“There is always a first time.” He said smiling. “Oh, I know, you were checking yourself in the mirror to see if you still look good even when you’re sick.” He started teasing me.
“Of course not.” I said in defense. “I was just looking around and I just happened to be standing in front of the mirror when you came in.”
Only then did he notice that I was still wearing the bathrobe. “Oh, my! What’s happening to me! I keep forgetting things. I should have lent you some clothes.” He went in the closet. “Why don’t you pick anything from this side,’ he pointed to the left where piles of clothes still in plastic bags were neatly stacked and hung. “Mom places all the free stuff from all my endorsements here, while all my old and used clothes are to the other side. Mostly my favorites which I can’t seem to part with.”
I gravitated to the right of the closet instead. As I was turning, I was surprised to find a particular shirt on a frame at the back of the closet door. Printed on it was my face. I saw him looking at me, looking at it. I remembered that we each had a similar shirt for a pictorial we did. Everyone was supposed to wear a shirt with someone else’s picture. Kyuhyun and I were the only one’s who took each others shirt.
“I didn’t know you kept this…like this.” I said.
“Ah, just like I said, I keep my favorite stuff on this side and that includes the back of the door.” He said smiling.
“But why is it framed?”
“I just framed it to prevent your global face from wrinkling.” He joked.
I smiled. I turned to choose a shirt from the old pile.
“Why are you picking from there?”
“That’s okay. Sometimes used clothes are more comfortable. Could you also lend me a pajama or a pair of shorts?”
I untied the robe. It opened as I was reaching for the pajama he was handing me.
“Oopps!” The pajama fell from my hand as I tried to grasp the belt of the robe. Kyuhyun was stunned for a moment but snapped out of it and tried to pick up the pajama.
[A shiver ran through Kyuhyun’s spine at the sight. He quickly turned around and told Siwon that he forgot something outside. He could feel his heart beating uncontrollably as he got out of his bedroom door. “I’m trying to control myself, and these things keep on happening! Damn it!” he said out loud as he banged his fist on the door.]
“Kyuhyun! Are you alright?!” I rushed out of the closet when I heard the bang on the door.
That’s when the light went out. I stopped by the door just as Kyuhyun suddenly burst in. I fell backwards as the door hit me. Kyuhyun tripped on me as I was just starting to get back up. He fell on top of me. Thankfully, that part of the floor was carpeted. I tried to raise my head and my mouth met his’ in the darkness. “Oh man!” I groaned to myself. He rolled off me but didn’t get up.
“K-K-Kyuhyun-ah, are you alright?” I repeated for lack of something to say.
“Y-Yes, Siwon. Are you?” answered Kyuhyun.
“I don’t think so.”
[Kyuhyun was alarmed by Siwon’s answer. He thought Siwon hurt himself when they fell on the floor. He tried to get up but felt Siwon grabbing his arm.]
I grabbed Kyuhyun to prevent him from getting up. “Kyuhyun-ah...” I just want him to stay beside me.
“Siwon! What’s wrong? Please let me help you get to the bed…I think you got hurt.” Kyuhyun forgot what just happened. He was really concerned that I got hurt.
“No, it’s nothing.” But I continued to lay there my head starting to throb and the shivers from within my body coming back.
“Please get up. You’re not well yet.” He moved his hands in the dark to find me. That’s when he found out I had somehow put on the pajama bottom. “Hyung! I think you have a fever again. Please let me get you back to the bed.”
Kyuhyun put my arm around his shoulder and wrapped his arm on my shirtless body for support. He could now feel the heat of my body, while I feel cold inside me.
He tried to tuck me in bed. I grabbed him again. “I’m cold.”
“That’s why you need to drink the medicine.”
“Will you stay beside me until I get better if I drink that?”
“Of course I will.” He reached for the medicine and gave it to me. “You sleep now and I’ll stay on this chair.”
“All I want is you, Kyuhyun-ah. I know I’ll get better faster just having you near me.” The fever seemed to release the feelings I had been hiding.
“Hyung! What are you saying?” Kyuhyun asked, still unsure of I meant.
“P-P-Please don’t leave me.” My body was now shaking as I wrapped the blanket around my neck.
Kyuhyun quickly moved around the bed when he heard my plea. He half sat beside me. I huddled closer resting my head beside his hip. He put his hand on my forehead and swept it gently to the top of head as he started to hum. He started singing softly as he repeatedly soothed my head. I felt like a child being put to sleep by a singing angel as my whole body slowly stopped trembling.
He felt it and maybe thought that I was already asleep. He leaned over and gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek and whispered. “Please be well now my darling Siwon. I will never leave you…you are the only other reason I fought to stay alive.” He sniffed as he straightened up. He was crying.
[The management never limits our activities. They let us go back to our other jobs (as radio jocks, models/endorsers, actors, solo singers) whenever we have some spare time but we still come back to the one place we all call “home.”
And leader Leeteuk, Shindong, Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun were on their way home from a radio show driven in a company van when the accident happened. Shindong, Eunhyuk and the managers with them escaped with only minor injuries. Leeteuk had a large cut on his head, but Kyuhyun was not anywhere near the van! Eunhyuk found him unconscious several meters away, apparently he was thrown out of the van when it flipped. He had the worst injury. The doctors at the hospital told his parents that he had only a slim chance of survival unless a tube was inserted through his throat to help him breath. Everybody feared the worst. But Kyuhyun’s father remained the strength of all of us as he adamantly told the doctors that no surgery will be done to his son’s throat. He had accepted that his son’s happiness lies in singing and that the surgery will probably destroy that.
How can he face his son if he allowed the one thing Kyuhyun cherished the most to be destroyed?
These were also the worst time in my life; I agonized with a guilty feeling for not visiting Kyuhyun more often. I wanted to be there for him but I was afraid of not being able to control my emotions. He stayed at the hospital for several months. I got through those times praying, asking for his early recovery and to give me strength until the day he comes back.
Back then, I never thought that there was any meaning to what I was feeling. I only thought that everyone of us is going through the same anguish, because finally he is accepted as one of us. We all made a prayer and a promise that if Kyuhyun gets well, we’ll treat him better and with more care and respect.
Of course everybody was happy and thankful when he made a full recovery. He insisted on being included in the new album that is already in production, and even if his injury hurts him he never once complained because he was afraid the management will take away his parts. Singing is everything to Kyuhyun. He never denies anybody who asks him to sing. It’s his life, the only thing he lives for.]
Or so I thought.
I was ecstatic with what I heard. I now know what he also feels for me. I also felt my heart breaking for not being able to comfort and assure him. I wanted to see his face that moment but I kept still. That’s when I noticed that his hand on my head has stopped moving.
“Ahh, he’s already asleep. It’s been a long day.” I closed my eyes and tried to sleep as well.
I felt a little better although there was still a slight headache. I looked at Kyuhyun sleeping peacefully.
“If only I can have him with me sleeping like this every night…” I thought as I arranged the pillow on his head and shared the blanket with him. I don’t think I can sleep anymore. Sharing a bed with Kyuhyun, in a room all to ourselves is enough to keep me awake. I want to remember this as much as I can. I tried to keep myself from placing my arm beneath his head but I did, and I placed my other arm around his body. I want to sleep knowing that I’m holding him in my arms. Then I kissed him too and closed my eyes.
I slept and I dreamed.
CALM BEFORE THE STORM
[The ringing of a telephone came into Kyuhyun’s consciousness but with his eyes still closed he wanted to continue this delicious feeling of warmth embracing him. He slowly opened his eyes as he felt an arm on his body and the tickling breath of Siwon on the back of his neck. “To hell with continuously ringing telephones!” he thought to himself smiling. “I want this moment to last longer.” And he closed his eyes again as he entwined his fingers with Siwon’s.]
Almost an hour passed and it seemed like the ringing has grown louder. Kyuhyun opened his eyes in irritation just as I did. We became aware of our position and quickly disentangled busying ourselves with looking for the source of the ringing. We found our phones ringing alternately. It was my mom’s number. I quickly answered it.
“Good Morning Umma!” I said in a croaking voice.
“Thank God you picked up! I was already worried with you as Kyuhyun said you got sick. He felt guilty and responsible.” She was now trying to subdue her voice. “He kept begging for my forgiveness saying it was his fault.”
“Of course it’s not, Mom.” I looked at Kyuhyun and he felt we we’re talking about him so he walked away. “It’s just that my car ran out of gas because of my carelessness. I did what I had to do, it’s just unfortunate that it rained so much yesterday.”
“I know that son. You tell Kyuhyun not to worry anymore.”
“I will Mom. Besides he took care of me more than he promised you, I should be embarrassed.”
“So are you feeling well enough to come back today?” she asked.
“I don’t think so. My body is still stiff, the rain hasn’t stopped and my car is still out of gas. Maybe tomorrow. Please say I’m sorry to Dad for me.”
He emerged from the bathroom fresh faced. He handed me a towel and said, “I’m going to the kitchen to see what we can have for breakfast.” he looked at the table clock. It was already past 9 a.m.
We slept soundly it seemed.
“I told the ahjumma not to bother coming in if it’s still raining hard that’s why nobody woke us up. Thankfully the electricity has come back on.”
“I’ll help you out then after I’m done here.” I was emerging from the bathroom when I saw the bed. I don’t like seeing unmade beds so I tidied it up and smiled to myself as I remember how I held Kyuhyun in my arms.
I was still smiling when I walked to the kitchen and asked, “What can I do to help?”
“Umm, you can just sit there and wait a few more minutes while I finish preparing the food.” He said.
I watched as he sliced pieces of fruits and check on the waffle maker every now and then. He was also preparing to fry eggs. The coffeemaker has done its job. “I’ll get the coffee.” I said.
“No, I told you to just sit there. I’ll give you your coffee first if that’s what you want.” He took two mugs from a cupboard and poured coffee in it. He handed me one. “I want to impress you, you know.”
The food was simple but everything was done well. Even the presentation looks good. It seems like the days of soggy ramen and burnt ham has really gone. I saw the out of place cookbooks in his room.
He handed me some more of the fever medicine after we ate.
“Do I really have to take that again?”
“Just a precautionary measure. I can see that you’re feeling much better but you might get a relapse.”
“I’ve never been treated as grandly as this when I got sick before and that was even a paid treatment. Thanks.” I joked as I hugged him.
“It’s nothing. I’ll take care of you again if I have to.” He smiled shyly.
We had another cup of coffee while viewing my car outside. The rain was easing up a bit.
"Hey! I got an idea. Why don’t I ask our driver to get some groceries and petrol for your car? It will solve our problem about your car and the problem about our stomachs.” He said smiling again.
“If he agrees to it.”
“Of course he’d agree. That’s part of his job. Now what shall we have for lunch and dinner.” He tapped his cheek while thinking. “What do you want anyway?”
“What a question!” I said amused. “You’re the host, I should be grateful with anything you feed me.”
“Well I am thinking of something simple but non-traditional today. Like fried chicken or tonkatsu.”
“It’s up to you boss.”
“Or maybe we can have take outs for lunch and do the cooking for dinner.”
“It’s still up to you boss.” I was laughing now.
He sneered at me and telephoned their driver.
I want to pay for my gasoline and for the groceries and tried to remember where I put my wallet. Then I remembered handing it to him together with my phone.
“I think I put it inside the side table drawer together with the car key.” He answered my query.
I found it and went out again. Kyuhyun was making a list of grocery items he wants bought. I handed him the money for all of it. He didn’t like the idea but I said I’d get mad at him if he doesn’t accept it.
I wanted to check my car if it really ran out of gas or there are other problems. He lent me a jacket before we went out. I opened the trunk to get the measuring stick I use for the gasoline tank when I found out that my luggage is still there. I laughed.
“Guess I was so excited to see my Mom I never got to unload my things at home yesterday, Kyuhyun-ah.” I wanted to take a shower so I took a bag out.
You don’t have to bring that out anymore. You can still use my clothes if you want to.” He said.
“Are you sure about that?”
“I wouldn’t have told you if it’s not.”
I just took out my vanity kit.
We went back in the house after inspecting the car. Then he poked me on the side. I poked him back. We ran around like small children playing tag until we got back to his room. He slumped on one of the armchairs while I dropped to the floor beside it.
I removed my shirt and wiped my sweaty body with it. He playfully patted my head and dropped his hand lazily on my shoulder and started massaging it.
“Oohh that feels good, Kyuhyun-ah…” then it stopped.
“Why don’t we…you take a shower first so I can continue the massage properly.” He said almost choking.
“Ah really?!” I said to myself, “After he basically turned me on.” I stood up, slyly smiled at him and headed for the bathroom.
I called out to him after a minute. “Kyuhyun-ah! Your shower seemed to be broken. It won’t turn off!”
“What?! It was perfectly working yesterday.” He walked in to inspect the shower.
“Gotcha!” I shut the door as I grabbed him and playfully shoved him to the shower.
We both laughed as he got drenched instantly. Kyuhyun looked at me sticking a bit of his tongue out as the water poured on his face.
He looked so beautiful I lost myself in that moment. I grabbed his face and gave him a kiss so fierce I forced him to back up on the wall.
I knew he was shocked but he responded to me as hungrily. The heat in my body grew stronger as we heard each others soft moans.
Our hands began to explore. There were still some obstacles.
WHAT IF
We only parted as we took off our clothes. We looked in each others eyes to see if the other one will come to his senses. But no, this is already the point of no return. Both of us are now burning with the desire for each other we had been trying to hide for the longest time.
We kissed again deeper with hands busier than ever, lips and tongues finding every ticklish area of each others body. Whispering each others names in delight.
I started to slide down his body to another special area I’ve been longing to see and hold in my hands for a very long time. I teased it and he laughed as I began lowering myself.
“Hey! Where do you think your going?”
“Somewhere to enjoy myself!” I flicked my tongue on the insides of his thigh and I heard his deep sigh as I kissed around the special area.
Kyuhyun grabbed my hair as I put him in my mouth. I felt him get more excited as I massaged his butt while moving my head back and forth. Faster and faster. Until I tasted the surge.
“Oohh, Siwoonn…” I heard him moan as his body shook. “I want to taste you too.”
“Will that make you happy…?” as I stood up and kissed him again hungrily.
“Very much…” and he held my own in his soft hands and stroked it. I sucked up my breath as he began to kiss then lick it.
I turned off the shower so I can watch him.
“Kyuhyun…oohh!” I moaned as I moved my body in response to his attention.
I can feel myself coming nearer and nearer to the edge. “I’m coming now, Kyuhyun!” and I held his head to steady it for my release. He accepted it all as I did with him. Bliss came upon me.
I helped him stand up and we continued kissing as we soaped each others bodies.
“I’ve wanted you for the longest time and I never thought that you’d give yourself to me like this. Thank you…” I said.
We went back to the bedroom with only towels around our waist. He dropped himself on his bed and said. “I want to do it again here.” And he exposed himself to me.
I got excited immediately with what he did and I lowered my head to kiss it as I pulled my towel off. I kissed him upward this time an idea forming in my head.
I whispered to him as I nibbled his ear. “Why don’t you turn around first so I can give you that massage?”
He obliged. I straddled him as I stroked his back and planting small kisses as my jewel rubbed against his butt. He was gasping, enjoying my game as my excitement became harder and my hands slid lower coming to his butt. My jewel was still rubbing against it.
I pinned him, grinding myself to him and whispered. “Will you let me in behind you? Promise I’ll be gentle…”
“Then by all means do it…” He raised his bottom in anticipation.
I got busy, kissing and licking his behind as I probed him stroked him. I want this to be an unforgettable moment.
“Do it now Siwon…please.”
I want to have him in my mouth again but I also want to give him this experience so I said. “Wait for me Kyuhyun.” And I started to enter.
I stopped for a bit feeling his tightness envelop me. I’m going to lose my mind I thought as I drew out slowly and slid back in. “Ooh my angel…let me see your face.” I pulled out and helped him turn around.
“Are you still okay?” I asked as I looked at his happily flushed face.
“Yes. But please go back in…” he begged as he pulled me with his legs. I spread his cheeks and slowly entered again. I saw him biting his lips and rolling his eyes over. He is in ecstasy. So am I. His arousal bumping against me as I go in and out of him faster and faster.
We were both shouting now. “Are you ready, Kyuhyun?!’
“Yes, yes! Do it now! I want it! Oohh, I want it please...” I exploded inside him.
But I’m not done yet. I held on to him just as I slid out. His ecstasy was still up there and I want to seize that. I lowered my head and kissed his jewel and put it in my mouth again and treated it like a lollipop.
I glanced at him while I was doing it. There was joy written all over his face. I sucked hard and he moaned aloud.
“Oohh Siwon, oohh gosh!! I love it!”
I can feel him coming near the edge. “Oohh, baby! Are you going to drink it up again?” he asked and I nodded.
“…aahh…I’m here…!” And his explosion came in my mouth and I drank all of it.
I crawled over to his side and tumbled. We were both exhausted and happy. We were quiet for some time trying to regain our strength.
“Thank you Siwon. If you could only see my heart right now… it’s overflowing with happiness, gratitude and love for you.” Kyuhyun said in a choking voice.
“You don’t have to thank me. We now knew we both wanted it for a long time and fate made possible what our hearts and minds were wishing for. The two of us are all that matters now.” We kissed caressed and looked in each others eyes and fell asleep that way because of exhaustion.
COAGULATION
A cellphone rang somewhere. It was quiet close or was it getting loud? IT IS close and IT IS getting loud.
I reached for it trying not to bother Kyuhyun. I know he was exhausted. It was my phone and Mom was calling.
“Thank God you picked up! I was already worried with you as Kyuhyun said you got sick. He felt guilty and responsible. He kept begging for my forgiveness saying it was his fault.” Why does it feel like I’ve heard these lines before?
“Of course it’s not, Mom.” I looked at Kyuhyun. It’s just that my car ran out of gas because of my carelessness. I did what I had to do, it’s just unfortunate that it rained so much yesterday.”
“I know that son. You tell Kyuhyun not to worry anymore.”
“I will Mom. Besides he took care of me more than he promised you, I should be embarrassed.” I’m really feeling weird now, like this conversation had already happened.
“So are you feeling well enough to come back today?” she asked.
I tried to think. I am now certain that THIS conversation had already happened, but when? I tried to remember what I said after her last line. Should I say the same thing or should I change it? I decided to change it. Sort of.
“I will if I can, Mom. I think I still have a temperature. Besides, I still have to get gasoline for my car. I hope you and Dad will understand. Please! I already admitted my fault.” Whew! I hope it works.
“I understand son. Please say hi to Kyuhyun for me and tell him he is always welcome here. Bye.” I think it did work. But what comes after this scenario? I want to go back to those delicious moments Kyuhyun and I shared just minutes, Hours ago?
I looked over at Kyuhyun, I want to go back beside him and cuddle him until he wakes up but what caught my eyes is his body or rather the clothes covering Kyuhyun’s body. It was still the same one as last night, and so are mine. Didn’t we supposedly take a shower together? I don’t remember putting on clothes and if I did why would I still wear clothes from the other day?
I was still puzzling over the matter when Kyuhyun opened his eyes.
“Oh, you woke up ahead of me! Do you feel fine now? You should sleep some more it’s still early.” He said as he looked at his watch. “I’ll just wake you up after I’ve prepared breakfast.”
I looked at the table clock. It is still early. It’s not even eight-thirty yet. What’s going on? We’ve already had breakfast didn’t we?
I looked at his face and his eyes. I tried to read the signs of sweet remembrances. I can see a bit but it seems lacking, like some things are still waiting to happen. I’m getting confused.
He crawled toward me, I thought he wanted to kiss but he just felt my forehead and said. “I think your fever has gone down now but you should still take a pill just to be sure. I’ll get it.”
Medicine again! But I was already okay when we made love. Or did we? Why do I still remember what we did to each others bodies? I can replay it in my head again and again and I’ll never get tired of it. But we’ll do it again, different settings, different times, different everything. The only constant will be us. Or will we? Aahh! Has the fever cooked my brain? Or have my heart and mind gone to the obsession stage with Kyuhyun that’s why this is happening to me? Crazy.
I just want to know one thing, did we or didn’t we. I want to ask him, but how? Aahh! So confusing!
“Is anything wrong, Siwon-sshi?” asked Kyuhyun.
I was startled with his voice. “W-what? Oh! I was just thinking about something.”
He didn’t seem to believe me.
“Anyway, Mom called and said you should take responsibility by taking better care of me.” I said trying to keep a straight face.
“Did she really say that? I knew it! She hasn’t forgiven me yet. Should I call her again to assure her?” he looked worried.
“There’s no need for that. You only have to feed me and never leave my side until I get better, hmm… in about a week.” I couldn’t keep it any more. I burst out laughing.
“What the…?!” he looked puzzled but got what I was laughing about. “You’re jerking with me!”
He jumped at me from across the bed while I continue laughing at him. We laughed while we wrestled so we ran out of breath faster. I ended on top of Kyuhyun.
We were both breathing heavily and Kyuhyun’s tongue unconsciously peeked from the side of his mouth, the one move he does that always takes my breath away whenever I catch him doing that. I find it so sexy. Gosh! I can’t take it anymore. If only I can taste it.
I caught him by surprise when I lowered my head and kissed him on the lips and for several seconds I thought that he responded. He pushed me aside and quickly got up and ran out of the room. That certainly wasn’t the reaction I’m hoping for. Darn!
I went out of the room after him. “Kyuhyun I’m sorry! I should never have done that. Please forgive me!” I was starting to regret what I did, when I heard a car door slam. I hurried to the garage.
Kyuhyun was there, in my car staring off in space. I went to his side and opened the door. I repeated the words I was shouting for him inside the house. He didn’t react. “Please, please…”
I don’t want to push him into hating me. It would be unbearable. “Okay, I get that you hate me right now and I deserve it. I have a lot of explaining to do to you but I don’t think you’d understand all of it, I can’t understand myself either. I ‘m embarrassed with my behavior.” I said all of these with my head bowed down.
I went to the back of the car and pulled out a bag. I took a change of clothing and a spare pair of shoes. I know I have to leave now after what I did. But how? Do I have to leave my car and order a taxi to take me to my parents’ house or take a round trip on a taxi to buy several liters of gasoline? Either way I still have to come back to get my car. How can I face him again here if I leave now? Oh, what problems have I made for myself?!
With my head starting to throb again, I dialed my phone for a local taxi service and requested the driver to get me several liters of gasoline.
I took a shower while I waited. I closed my eyes but I only saw the memory of ‘the things we did’ in here or was it just a dream? I have to get out. I have to leave or I have to confess what I feel for him. He already rejected me when I kissed him. What more will a confession make? Rejection and hatred will really be unbearable.
I tidied the room and the things I used, coming across our photo. We were happy in it and I tried to change that, I thought. I gloomily went out of the room and headed for the garage thinking Kyuhyun was still there. I found him in the kitchen instead.
“I…I’ll be going outside now. I’ll just wait for the taxi there. Thank you for all you did for me.” I said my head bowed not daring to look at him.
He still didn’t answer but instead handed me a mug of coffee and several pieces of buttered toast and headed for his room.
I was puzzled by his gesture but did as he wanted me. I ate. Just as i finished, I heard the honk of a car outside. It was the taxi. I hurried outside and paid the driver for the gasoline and doubled his cab fare for his trouble. I poured the gasoline in my tank and tested it. It was now ready to roll out again. I turned it off. I still want to say goodbye to Kyuhyun even on the phone.
“Are you going to leave without me?” he asked behind me.
I nearly dropped my phone. He had showered and dressed in casual clothes.
“Y…you weren’t talking and I was afraid that you got mad at me. I was about to call you to say goodbye.”
“You really want to go home then?” he asked still with a serious face.
“What would be the point of me staying here if we are not going to talk? I don’t want to leave, especially not without you but I know I’m not welcome here anymore with the way I behaved…”
“I don’t remember telling you to go…but if you insist.” He got on the driver’s side and said. “Get in.”
“What are you doing? You’d just leave your house like this?” I asked.
“You said you don’t want to leave without me so I’m coming with you. Now get in. Don’t worry about the house; I’ve already told the ahjumma we’re leaving.” His tone is still serious.
He slowly drove out to the tree lined road that leads to their house and stopped at the exact spot where the car stalled the other night. I only noticed that the sun was high up when Kyuhyun put on his shades and went out of the car.
He went around the car and leaned back staring at the flower field beyond the trees. I also went out not really understanding why he stopped here.
“They’re lovely, aren’t they?” he asked.
I didn’t answer. I leaned on the car facing him. I find him lovelier than those flowers.
He spoke again after a long silence between us. “May I ask why you did that?”
I looked away trying to find the courage to say the words I’ve been meaning to tell him. “I guess I just wanted to try it.” Jeepers! The worst possible explanation ever!
“Why me, why at my house, why when we’re all alone, WHY?!” he seemed to be losing his cool.
“No please, that sentence is a mistake. I never just wanted to try it. I want to do it. I WANTED to do it and to nobody else but you! You know what? I’ve never been happy being sick before but I was, lying there on your bed, being attended to by you. And the best medicine you gave me was when you sang only for me. I felt it came from your heart and it made me better.”
“What are you saying?” he asked trying to deny his own feelings.
“Please don’t deny yourself of this, Kyuhyun. We both know it now; we feel the same for each other.”
He bit his lips as I continued. “I’ve been trying to hide this for a long time, trying to treat you as just one of my ‘younger brothers’ but you’re different. You don’t demand attention like the others even if you’re the maknae, you’re silent most of the times but you can crack me up big time when you’re funny. Some of us have got nothing on you when it comes to strength and courage, their faith breaks up easily in the face of intrigues when you almost died in the accident but fought to stay alive. I wanted to take all the pain from you when you got hurt. It breaks my heart when I can’t be there for you.
I never quiet understood why I feel what I felt for you but I can’t stop until I can tell you how much you mean to me. I have loved you for a long time now. I tried to focus my attention on girls but my heart always longs for you. All I want is you Kyuhyun. Please believe me!”
He looked like he also wants to say something but was hesitating. With a gigantic sigh he spoke.
“I... I’ve also been keeping this for a long time because I wasn’t sure of what I’m feeling. I don’t want to be misunderstood or branded as something I know I’m not. I’ve asked myself, why you out of all of them? I always feel happy, content and strong whenever I’m with you. I thought it was because of the way we treat each other as hyung-dongsaeng and I always try to hold myself back when you show affection because I might interpret it as something other than what you intend it to be and I may be laughed at, but as time goes I feel like a fan trying to watch you from a distance because I don’t want them to know how attracted I am to you.”
I hugged him and he hugged me back this time kissing me first, a quick kiss on the cheek then he let go and looked away again.
WORRIES
“Why, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy we feel the same way for each other?” I asked worried with his melancholic state.
“Of course, I feel relieved and happy, happier than I could ever be we’re here together, right now. But aren’t you worried how we should act, how we treat each other in front of our parents, our friends, the fans, the management. What if they figure out what’s going on between us?” He explained.
“Is that it? Of course I worry about those things too. But can’t we discuss it later? I want you to smile and show me your happiness. I want us to enjoy this moment. I’m so overjoyed I want to celebrate. Why don’t we eat lunch somewhere local and come back here?” I said putting an arm across his shoulder.
“But I thought you wanted to go home right now?”
“That was only because I thought you were angry with me. I’m not that thick-skinned.” Then I looked at him. “Or would you want me to?”
“Not yet really. I still want to take care of my patient.” He said somehow smiling.
“That’s it. Smile some more, now how about lunch? I know you didn’t eat any breakfast because you gave me yours. That was very sweet of you but I don’t want you to do it next time. Now lets go to a restaurant so I can feed you.” I opened the passenger door for him to get in.
We went to a local restaurant with our shades on and walked a bit on the park. I put my arm around his shoulders just like any friends as people would see it, although I wanted to feel his hand in mine. We shopped for some groceries and wine and headed back to their house.
The ahjumma was surprised to see us back but Kyuhyun said she must have misheard him when he said we were going out for lunch. She conceded that she might. Clever boy my Kyuhyun. He finally remembered to call his parents while we fiddled with our laptops to check on the other boys. After that, all of my dreams came true and much more!!