Here's an e-mail that I sent to a friend who couldn't make it to a birthday party I went to on Saturday:

Are you feeling better? You didn't miss much at McFadden's. The people there were so skanky. Seriously, I hate going out around there. This one dude looked like a skinnier Scalabrine (I swear I'm not obsessed with him!) and he was like date ( Read more... )

I just turned the page and saw a photo of a penile shaft that was all blotchy and stuff. *Retch* I could never be in the actual health care industry.

My grandmother once said that about a guy I was working for one summer. He had at least two or three fake names that he would use when answering the phone in his shady office where he paid me in cash. She was glad to hear that he wasn't Jewish. Well, she would have been none-too-pleased if she had attended the Matzo Ball on Christmas Eve. It's an ( Read more... )

I won $40 again last night in a karaoke contest. Devora was awesome with "Magic Man," and I thought she should have at least been in second place, but the runner-up was a potato-esque regular. Karaoke contests all come down to song selection. "It's Raining Men" brings down the house every time. It also caused several dentally-impaired drunkards to ( Read more... )

The new president of my company just smacked me on the ass with a stack of papers ( Read more... )

I started out the softball season really well this year, but then I hit a slump last week, which tends to happen as the playoffs draw near. But last night, I think I broke out of it with a 3-for-4 night, which included my first ground-rule double ever in my entire life. (I think.) The forest was encroaching into left field, and I almost always hit ( Read more... )