Oh, Harry: How could you not have known?!

Jun 22, 2007 21:33


Summary: "Oh, it is," Hermione said knowledgeably. "You see, Salazar was actually a homosexual..."
Warnings: Crack
Rating: PG

“Oh, Harry,” said Hermione sympathetically, and patted his hand. “You mean, you didn’t know?”

“Er,” said Harry, and then, “I don’t think that’s possible. Actually.”

“Oh, it is,” Hermione said knowledgeably. “You see, Salazar was actually a homosexual and had relations with Godric, who was dating Rowena, but Rowena really had a thing for Helga - ”

“You know what?”said Harry. “I’m really not surprised.”

Hermione blinked. “About Rowena or Salazar?”

Harry thought of Malfoy.

“Salazar.”

“Hmm,” said Hermione thoughtfully. “You may have a point there. On the bright side,” she patted him again, “Not only are you a descendent of Helga, Rowena, Godric, and Salazar, you’re also part vampire, half elf, a bit veela -”

“How is that a good thing?” Harry asked.

“Well,” Hermione pursed her lips, “I was beginning to have the strange urge to handcuff you and pull out my whip."

“...Oh.” said Harry. He swallowed.

“You have a whip?” asked Ron enviously. Hermione looked shifty.

“It’s nice to know it’s just the veela,” she said. “Um. Or maybe the banshee.”

“Ah,” Ron nodded. “Well, don’t forget the money. You’ve inherited Voldemort’s vaults. And Dumbledore’s.”

Hermione nodded. “You’re quite the sex symbol now, Harry. Everyone in Hogwarts is hosting bets on who you’re shagging.”

This time it was Ron with the shifty look. “I’ve got dibs on Ginny.”

“Don’t be silly, Ron,” said Hermione. “It’s not a girl. Obviously, Harry’s gay. It’s the veela-banshee in him.”

“Oh, obviously,” said Ron. “Damn that veela-banshee mix. There goes two galleons.”

Harry thought perhaps they were getting off topic.

“Having money makes you a sex symbol?”

“Of course,” said Hermione. “No one actually thinks Malfoy is sex on legs. He’s just rich.”

“Um,” said Harry. “Are you sure?”

“Bloody hell,” Ron stroked his shoulder. Harry began to sweat a bit when it moved down to his stomach. And then his thigh. And then -

“Ron!”

“Oops,” Ron looked vaguely flustered. “Really, mate, get a hold of those veela powers, yeah?”

Harry tried not to be scandalized.

“Malfoy is probably your mate, then,” Hermione sighed. “How disappointing.”

Harry growled at her.

“Those teeth are rather sharp, aren’t they?” Ron observed. "Must be the veela. Or the elf. Or the -"

Harry wondered why everything in his life went wrong.

“Probably because you’re a magical descendent of Merlin,” said Hermione. “Woe to those given great power.”

Harry glared sullenly; then blinked.

“Voldemort has a Gringotts account?”

“Yes,” said Hermione, “Well, that is rather mysterious. It’s actually quite funny that you've inherited their vaults, as neither of them are dead yet.”

Harry paused.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not possible,” he said, a bit more hopefully this time.

Ron shrugged.

“We don’t come up with this, mate,”he said. “We just stick around to get a good laugh.”

*

[End]

Oh, Harry! How could you not have noticed your gigantic growth spurt and sudden powers? :D

fanfiction, harry/draco

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