Goodnight, goodbye.
I wanted to do this for a long time now, especially after I think my sister has found out about this blog. (I only continued writing here because I was sure it was a false alarm.) And I know this I have said something like this before, but I think this is for real (well, at least for now).
I think that having a blog could be dangerous in a lot of ways...for myself and also for everybody else. I treated my blog as a personal diary, because it's fun when I look back and read all the entries I wrote back then, what I've been through...and so on.
But sometimes I treat my blog as a place to vent and a place to let out my anger, and I think that sometimes, it can be in a completely wrong way. Whatever I wrote, its for the whole world out there to see (even though in my case, I know the whole world is not reading my blog :P).
And I don't know. Sometimes I become sadder while writing out how I feel, and the feeling goes on for a couple of days...which is not good. And I get reminders when I read back my entries, which is often not a happy one. It will make it harder to forget. And forgive.
Though for me, this blog can be better than letting out your feelings to humans...humans can listen and give a response, but sometimes it makes you wonder whether they are being sincere. Whether they are really worried, whether they really care. I guess I want empathy rather than sympathy.
Conversations often turn into "I" rather than "you". Like when you share something the response you get is "Oh I know and I experienced that bla bla bla" and that conversation would shift to the other person, which is quite sad for me.
I think I am a sensitive person, and that sometimes could be something good, and sometimes it is not. Sometimes I think it is more of a burden to have and feel so many emotions at the same time, and feeling like you might burst anytime at no one in particular. And unfortunately I could not just press a button and then turn off my feelings and be someone with no feelings and as my friend say, callous. I guess as much as I tell myself to not care or to not feel anything, deep inside I know you care.
So I don't think I will be updating my blog anymore. Maybe once in a while. Maybe never. Or maybe I'll return soon after, who knows.
So thank you so, so much, from the bottom of my heart, to those who've always bother to read my boring blog. I appreciate it so much, you have no idea. Sometimes it's nice to know that someone knows something about me without me telling them. It puts a smile on my face.
To my seven lovely SA friends, I don't even know if you're reading this, but I love you guys so much, please remember that. Though I think you've somewhat forgotten me, I will always remember you guys. We have changed and walked different paths, but and I will always pray for you guys, inshaAllah.
I've always wanted to prove that friendships can last forever, but I guess I failed, even in our case. It's like what everyone says, it just falls apart with time.
To other people (you know who you are) who read this blog and sometimes even bother to comment, thank you so much. I love it when you know something without me telling you. As I said, it puts a smile on my face.
Thank you.
p/s: Just wanted to clarify that this entry is not directed to anyone in particular...it's what I have experienced throughout my life...and if I've learned one thing during my 22 years of living...it's that people can disappoint you.
OMG emonye. Sorry.
I think that having a blog could be dangerous in a lot of ways...for myself and also for everybody else. I treated my blog as a personal diary, because it's fun when I look back and read all the entries I wrote back then, what I've been through...and so on.
But sometimes I treat my blog as a place to vent and a place to let out my anger, and I think that sometimes, it can be in a completely wrong way. Whatever I wrote, its for the whole world out there to see (even though in my case, I know the whole world is not reading my blog :P).
And I don't know. Sometimes I become sadder while writing out how I feel, and the feeling goes on for a couple of days...which is not good. And I get reminders when I read back my entries, which is often not a happy one. It will make it harder to forget. And forgive.
Though for me, this blog can be better than letting out your feelings to humans...humans can listen and give a response, but sometimes it makes you wonder whether they are being sincere. Whether they are really worried, whether they really care. I guess I want empathy rather than sympathy.
Conversations often turn into "I" rather than "you". Like when you share something the response you get is "Oh I know and I experienced that bla bla bla" and that conversation would shift to the other person, which is quite sad for me.
I think I am a sensitive person, and that sometimes could be something good, and sometimes it is not. Sometimes I think it is more of a burden to have and feel so many emotions at the same time, and feeling like you might burst anytime at no one in particular. And unfortunately I could not just press a button and then turn off my feelings and be someone with no feelings and as my friend say, callous. I guess as much as I tell myself to not care or to not feel anything, deep inside I know you care.
So I don't think I will be updating my blog anymore. Maybe once in a while. Maybe never. Or maybe I'll return soon after, who knows.
So thank you so, so much, from the bottom of my heart, to those who've always bother to read my boring blog. I appreciate it so much, you have no idea. Sometimes it's nice to know that someone knows something about me without me telling them. It puts a smile on my face.
To my seven lovely SA friends, I don't even know if you're reading this, but I love you guys so much, please remember that. Though I think you've somewhat forgotten me, I will always remember you guys. We have changed and walked different paths, but and I will always pray for you guys, inshaAllah.
I've always wanted to prove that friendships can last forever, but I guess I failed, even in our case. It's like what everyone says, it just falls apart with time.
To other people (you know who you are) who read this blog and sometimes even bother to comment, thank you so much. I love it when you know something without me telling you. As I said, it puts a smile on my face.
Thank you.
p/s: Just wanted to clarify that this entry is not directed to anyone in particular...it's what I have experienced throughout my life...and if I've learned one thing during my 22 years of living...it's that people can disappoint you.
OMG emonye. Sorry.