(no subject)
ok...I need some shoulders to cry on. so amuse me please. I guess I can pretend that people understand here cause my roomate surely doesn't.. she just thinks i'm upset from guilt... bah. i'm getting ahead of myself. OK. Friday (10-24) Deidre and I went to a hayride/bonfire thing with Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU) It was a city wide thing so there were people there from USCS, Wofford, Converse, SMC, and ST. (all local colleges)SO i met these guys. Jonathan, Little John, and ED. and we were hanging out. we were playing guitars and singing together and just having fun. They really took me in. Espically when they found out i played trombone, cause Little John and ED played too. Well. Later that night they played a joke on a few of us and took us into the woods and left us. I didn't like it so i got mad when nobody would take me seriously when i said i get really bad panic attacks and didn't want to be scared...and if the was the plan, then please tell me. so yeah. i got laughed at and got mad and went to sit by myself for a few min. to get over it. Well as soon as those 3 figured out that i was pretty upset about it they came and found me and appologized. So I mean, yeah maybe they think i'm a littlebitchy chicken for that but still. they were really sweet about it. *shrugs* who knows. but i do know that i really felt like i had made some pretty cool friends that night.
Well I got an e-mail yesterday morning that Jonathan Wallace had been killed in a car accident Saturday (10-25) night. I am not 100% sure that it was him. but from the way people have described him to me that's little John. So needless to say i'm upset.
Deidre doesn't think i have a place to be upset cause i was mad at them anyways. she totlly missed it when they appoligized even though she saw them do it. *shrugs* i dunno. Maybe i don't have a right to be upset or shooken up by this. maybe i should take my place with the rest of the world and be numb to death. I can't explain why this hit me so deep, but it did and i'm pretty down and upset about it.
I've known about this since Sunday morning, but i've chosen to try and ignore the pain hoping it would go away. but it won't. and i can't handle more than one thing like this at a time. so yeah. Joseph telling my i'm critical just ripped a new wound in my already slightly broken heart. but that's another entry.
Just felt like letting all that out. don't know if it makes sense or not. don't know who really cares. but I feel better haveing it down somewhere. gives me a place to store it and not deal.
later.
Well I got an e-mail yesterday morning that Jonathan Wallace had been killed in a car accident Saturday (10-25) night. I am not 100% sure that it was him. but from the way people have described him to me that's little John. So needless to say i'm upset.
Deidre doesn't think i have a place to be upset cause i was mad at them anyways. she totlly missed it when they appoligized even though she saw them do it. *shrugs* i dunno. Maybe i don't have a right to be upset or shooken up by this. maybe i should take my place with the rest of the world and be numb to death. I can't explain why this hit me so deep, but it did and i'm pretty down and upset about it.
I've known about this since Sunday morning, but i've chosen to try and ignore the pain hoping it would go away. but it won't. and i can't handle more than one thing like this at a time. so yeah. Joseph telling my i'm critical just ripped a new wound in my already slightly broken heart. but that's another entry.
Just felt like letting all that out. don't know if it makes sense or not. don't know who really cares. but I feel better haveing it down somewhere. gives me a place to store it and not deal.
later.