growing pains
Title: growing pains
Pairings: Luhan/Minseok
Genre: romance, slight angst, canon
Rating: pg-13
Length: 1405 words
Summary: the morning after, Minseok realizes where pain truly comes from
Notes: unbeta-ed !!! inspired by this fic on aff and a series of tweets
If things were still the same, it’s the brightness and warmth of the first few rays of sunlight that would wake him up. He’d have the time to absorb the extra warmth coming from two arms that were wrapped around him. He’d brush away a few strands from the sleeping boy’s face, then he’d simply stare and appreciate the beauty that was Lu Han, remembering how sweet and longing his touches were.
But things are different now. And instead, he’s awaken by the insistent buzzing of his phone, a series of texts from Baekhyun reminding him that their flight is in a few hours. He slowly removes the left arm that is wrapped around his waist, hoping that the boy won’t wake. Still, he pauses to take in the moment. His hand hovers over Lu Han’s face, hesitant and unsure. It’s been a year since they’ve last seen each other in flesh, and there’s an unspoken boundary that grew throughout the time they’ve spent away from each other. But he lets his emotions through, and he brushes away the hair sticking to the Lu Han’s forehead. His suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia, a reminder that things will never be the same.
He slowly gets up, but despite being cautious, he’s immediately hit with a wave of pain that reminds him of what happened that night. A night that only proved that things have changed, and even they have changed.
They always kept it languid, taking every hint of pleasure and letting it linger. They kept it vanilla and sweet, content with the slow pace they’ve always had. But last night was completely different. It was as if a completely different person was with him in bed, quick pace, strong hits. With Lu Han, he’s never been hit too, so 30 times he was were beyond painful.
He tries to make sense of what happened, and the only explanation is change. It’s normal, and he should’ve expected this somehow. It could be the lack of physical contact, the want and the need talking. It wasn’t as if he didn’t find pleasure in it at all, but it came as a shock. He’s not mad, but he’s upset, confused even.
He wasn’t expecting a candlelit dinner under the stars, but at least a proper dinner would’ve sufficed. But as soon as he arrived at the hotel room, he was pinned to the wall, lips connecting to his in a hurry, hands roaming, touching, feeling. And after everything, while his body was still thrumming with pain, they finally had the time to talk. But Lu Han had already fallen asleep, and he’s left thinking and thinking until his tiredness got the best of him.
His limp is noticeable, and he tries so hard to shake it off. The others know that he was meeting Lu Han, but he’d rather not broadcast what they did to everyone. He grabs his clothes scattered around the hotel room and quickly dresses. He won’t risk taking a shower, because it’d only wake Lu Han up. He could still sneak in a shower when he gets back to their hotel anyway.
When he was sure he had everything, he walks towards the bedside table to get his phone. He ends up knocking down a misplaced bottle, the reverberating sound stirring Lu Han out of his slumber. He curses himself for being so clumsy, but in his scramble to finally get phone, a hand stops him, reaching out and circling his wrist.
“Minseok?”
The boy’s eyes are still hazy, but still sparkling like they always do. And his voice sounds like a promise; he hears an explanation coming, but he doesn’t have time for it now.
Using his free hand, he grabs his phone and places it in his back pocket. His eyes linger back to Lu Han, who’s more than half-awake now. He gently but firmly tugs his wrist out of the boy’s grasp, whose eyes grow wide at the realization.
“Han, I have to go. Just text or call.” he says, rather colder than what he had intended.
The wave of coldness effectively rouses Lu Han from his sleep, and he visibly starts panicking.
“Mi- Minseok, wait!”
Minseok realizes that if he doesn’t move now, he’d probably won’t be able to leave. He’s already by the door when two arms pull him back into a wall of warmth. The sudden jolt sends another wave of pain to his system, and he lets out a string of curses under his breath. It doesn’t go unnoticed.
“I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m sorry for hurting you.” Lu Han whispers in his ear, desperate and breathy.
He takes a deep breath, using all his might to remove the arms around his waist. He turns around and sees Lu Han’s face lined with worry.
“It’s fine. Just, I- I have to go.”
~!~
When he finally got into his room, he breathes a sigh of relief. He didn’t get caught, and there won’t be any scandals. People won’t know. But there’s a pain nagging at his chest caused by the sad look on Lu Han’s face now engraved in his mind. In his haste to get back in time and the confusion brewing in his head, he had forgotten to consider how bad Lu Han must feel.
Which is only proven by the series of texts that came as soon as he got into a cab.
hannie 4:03
minseok im really sorry, i just i missed u so much and finally seeing you god i want u so much still do always have always will i didnt realize id hurt you i was stupid im stupid but im sorry i love you so so much
i’ll understand if youre mad at me, i did things that we didnt do, we’ve never done, without as you and it was really stupid of me
i hate myself for hurting you im sorry
i love you i love you i love you
/emoji/
/emoji/
The emojis are still piling up, but he’s not even mad. He just wanted to talk too, that’s all. But they can’t, because if they did, he’ll miss his flight and people will start talking. Maybe he’s mad, mad at the situation they’re in. True, love knows no boundaries. But it’s so fucking difficult to love someone who’s in a country that isn’t even that far away, but they can’t be seen together without brewing a shit storm in the media.
He still doesn’t know how to respond, so he leaves his phone alone until they land in Korea.
~!~
If the other members have noticed his brooding mood, they don’t say it. And he’s thankful for that. He’d rather not involve them in his troubles with Lu Han. This is something they’d have to solve or come into terms with by themselves. Minseok knows he’s being rather childish, but the overwhelming feeling of being with Lu Han again makes him want to be selfish. Thoughts of just staying in Beijing cloud his mind until they reach the dorm.
In his daze, he doesn’t notice some of boys crowding by the hallway.
“Minseok hyung?”
When he finally sees what’s keeping them outside, a smile immediately forms on his lips. A huge bouquet of yellow roses was sitting by their front door. And he doesn’t even have to think. He just knows who it’s from.
He picks it up and sees that there’s a box underneath. He brings everything to his room, with a familiar wave of euphoria hitting his chest.
The note on the flowers simply says “i’m sorry”. The flowers are beautiful, and he’s never really gotten the point of giving flowers, but right now he gets it. Each bouquet says something, and he really feels what Lu Han wants to put across.
But it’s what the box contains that really made him feel. Lu Han’s favorite jersey, his favorite candies from China, a pack of Chinese snack they’ve tried before, some old polaroid he doesn’t even remember taking, and a journal.
He flips through the journal and realizes that of course he’s not the only one in pain from being away, Lu Han even has it worse. And as he reads the journal, more than 365 pages filled with feelings and emotions, he thinks, he loves.
Day 420 I’m finally seeing you tomorrow. See you, Kim Minseok. I love you, always.
Pairings: Luhan/Minseok
Genre: romance, slight angst, canon
Rating: pg-13
Length: 1405 words
Summary: the morning after, Minseok realizes where pain truly comes from
Notes: unbeta-ed !!! inspired by this fic on aff and a series of tweets
If things were still the same, it’s the brightness and warmth of the first few rays of sunlight that would wake him up. He’d have the time to absorb the extra warmth coming from two arms that were wrapped around him. He’d brush away a few strands from the sleeping boy’s face, then he’d simply stare and appreciate the beauty that was Lu Han, remembering how sweet and longing his touches were.
But things are different now. And instead, he’s awaken by the insistent buzzing of his phone, a series of texts from Baekhyun reminding him that their flight is in a few hours. He slowly removes the left arm that is wrapped around his waist, hoping that the boy won’t wake. Still, he pauses to take in the moment. His hand hovers over Lu Han’s face, hesitant and unsure. It’s been a year since they’ve last seen each other in flesh, and there’s an unspoken boundary that grew throughout the time they’ve spent away from each other. But he lets his emotions through, and he brushes away the hair sticking to the Lu Han’s forehead. His suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia, a reminder that things will never be the same.
He slowly gets up, but despite being cautious, he’s immediately hit with a wave of pain that reminds him of what happened that night. A night that only proved that things have changed, and even they have changed.
They always kept it languid, taking every hint of pleasure and letting it linger. They kept it vanilla and sweet, content with the slow pace they’ve always had. But last night was completely different. It was as if a completely different person was with him in bed, quick pace, strong hits. With Lu Han, he’s never been hit too, so 30 times he was were beyond painful.
He tries to make sense of what happened, and the only explanation is change. It’s normal, and he should’ve expected this somehow. It could be the lack of physical contact, the want and the need talking. It wasn’t as if he didn’t find pleasure in it at all, but it came as a shock. He’s not mad, but he’s upset, confused even.
He wasn’t expecting a candlelit dinner under the stars, but at least a proper dinner would’ve sufficed. But as soon as he arrived at the hotel room, he was pinned to the wall, lips connecting to his in a hurry, hands roaming, touching, feeling. And after everything, while his body was still thrumming with pain, they finally had the time to talk. But Lu Han had already fallen asleep, and he’s left thinking and thinking until his tiredness got the best of him.
His limp is noticeable, and he tries so hard to shake it off. The others know that he was meeting Lu Han, but he’d rather not broadcast what they did to everyone. He grabs his clothes scattered around the hotel room and quickly dresses. He won’t risk taking a shower, because it’d only wake Lu Han up. He could still sneak in a shower when he gets back to their hotel anyway.
When he was sure he had everything, he walks towards the bedside table to get his phone. He ends up knocking down a misplaced bottle, the reverberating sound stirring Lu Han out of his slumber. He curses himself for being so clumsy, but in his scramble to finally get phone, a hand stops him, reaching out and circling his wrist.
“Minseok?”
The boy’s eyes are still hazy, but still sparkling like they always do. And his voice sounds like a promise; he hears an explanation coming, but he doesn’t have time for it now.
Using his free hand, he grabs his phone and places it in his back pocket. His eyes linger back to Lu Han, who’s more than half-awake now. He gently but firmly tugs his wrist out of the boy’s grasp, whose eyes grow wide at the realization.
“Han, I have to go. Just text or call.” he says, rather colder than what he had intended.
The wave of coldness effectively rouses Lu Han from his sleep, and he visibly starts panicking.
“Mi- Minseok, wait!”
Minseok realizes that if he doesn’t move now, he’d probably won’t be able to leave. He’s already by the door when two arms pull him back into a wall of warmth. The sudden jolt sends another wave of pain to his system, and he lets out a string of curses under his breath. It doesn’t go unnoticed.
“I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m sorry for hurting you.” Lu Han whispers in his ear, desperate and breathy.
He takes a deep breath, using all his might to remove the arms around his waist. He turns around and sees Lu Han’s face lined with worry.
“It’s fine. Just, I- I have to go.”
~!~
When he finally got into his room, he breathes a sigh of relief. He didn’t get caught, and there won’t be any scandals. People won’t know. But there’s a pain nagging at his chest caused by the sad look on Lu Han’s face now engraved in his mind. In his haste to get back in time and the confusion brewing in his head, he had forgotten to consider how bad Lu Han must feel.
Which is only proven by the series of texts that came as soon as he got into a cab.
hannie 4:03
minseok im really sorry, i just i missed u so much and finally seeing you god i want u so much still do always have always will i didnt realize id hurt you i was stupid im stupid but im sorry i love you so so much
i’ll understand if youre mad at me, i did things that we didnt do, we’ve never done, without as you and it was really stupid of me
i hate myself for hurting you im sorry
i love you i love you i love you
/emoji/
/emoji/
The emojis are still piling up, but he’s not even mad. He just wanted to talk too, that’s all. But they can’t, because if they did, he’ll miss his flight and people will start talking. Maybe he’s mad, mad at the situation they’re in. True, love knows no boundaries. But it’s so fucking difficult to love someone who’s in a country that isn’t even that far away, but they can’t be seen together without brewing a shit storm in the media.
He still doesn’t know how to respond, so he leaves his phone alone until they land in Korea.
~!~
If the other members have noticed his brooding mood, they don’t say it. And he’s thankful for that. He’d rather not involve them in his troubles with Lu Han. This is something they’d have to solve or come into terms with by themselves. Minseok knows he’s being rather childish, but the overwhelming feeling of being with Lu Han again makes him want to be selfish. Thoughts of just staying in Beijing cloud his mind until they reach the dorm.
In his daze, he doesn’t notice some of boys crowding by the hallway.
“Minseok hyung?”
When he finally sees what’s keeping them outside, a smile immediately forms on his lips. A huge bouquet of yellow roses was sitting by their front door. And he doesn’t even have to think. He just knows who it’s from.
He picks it up and sees that there’s a box underneath. He brings everything to his room, with a familiar wave of euphoria hitting his chest.
The note on the flowers simply says “i’m sorry”. The flowers are beautiful, and he’s never really gotten the point of giving flowers, but right now he gets it. Each bouquet says something, and he really feels what Lu Han wants to put across.
But it’s what the box contains that really made him feel. Lu Han’s favorite jersey, his favorite candies from China, a pack of Chinese snack they’ve tried before, some old polaroid he doesn’t even remember taking, and a journal.
He flips through the journal and realizes that of course he’s not the only one in pain from being away, Lu Han even has it worse. And as he reads the journal, more than 365 pages filled with feelings and emotions, he thinks, he loves.
Day 420 I’m finally seeing you tomorrow. See you, Kim Minseok. I love you, always.