Amazing how quickly one's mood can change
Though I know I should be in bed, I can't help but bring myself to write. My life is currently full of mediocraty, but, I have to say, for the first time in longer than I can remember, I'm truely happy. I'm seeing the puzzle pieces of my life falling into place, and I'm on a quest for greatness. I'm not here to make a million dollars or to be famous. My greatness shall lie in doing the things I want. I know I cannot accomplish this now (come on, have you seen my schedule), but I'm setting my self up. Stacking the deck, if you will. I feel like crying, but I don't know why. I'm feeling good about life, about the future. I've felt, for so long that I can truly not remember any other feelings, beat up, worn out, at my wits end, and more like a failior than what I actually am.
I'm walking a broken road, one where the path is sometimes not clear, or not even there, but I continue on anyway. I've found myself lost a few times along the way, but always I find the trail again. Though I see no end in sight, and I'm torn down and reaching the breaking point, I feel there would be nothing worse than stopping now. I've traveled too far, mostly out of my way, to stop or turn back. I've laid it all on the line for this trip, and my whole future lies upon what happens from here on out. I've forced myself to struggle with two broken legs on this journy, starting out behind in what I hope to accomplish. I've always made a point to burn no bridges, and to back track when necessary. These years of my life have been the worst that I can remeber. In highschool, I contemplated suicide, why, I can't figure out. I'm doing worse now than I was then, and yet now the thought never crosses my mind.
A long time ago, I veared from the broken road and found myself lost. One of God's sheep that had strayed from the flock. That journey has ruined my life. That time and place, the drugs, sleepless nights, weekdays of pot and weekends of booze. Now I'm living the repercussions from that, the painful knowledge that I probably will not be able to find a law school that will accept me. What is a man to do? The only thing I want to do with my life is practice law, in nearly any form. And slowly, I'm seeing that fade from my future, only holding on to the last little glimpse of hope. And once again, I slip into the depression that has consumed me nearly entirely since I left Miami. Some time in my life, I'm going to have to face up to the fact that I am a failior. I've never done, and will never do, anything great. I have no special skills, I'm not talented in any way, and outside of being in a courtroom, there is nothing else I want to do with my life. Beat up, worn out, at my wits end, and a total failior.
Father,
Give me the strength to continue on the path you have choosen for me. Allow me to accept any challenge you feel necessary, and allow me to overcome my own medicracy to be the great sheep that I have it in me to be. Protect my family, Lord, give guidance to those in need of it. Bless my union with the prettiest creation you've ever put upon this earth, and please, dear God, forgive of my sins, for I know not what I do. My future and my heart lie in your hands, oh Lord, guide me as you see fit.
In Jesus name we pray...Amen.
I'm walking a broken road, one where the path is sometimes not clear, or not even there, but I continue on anyway. I've found myself lost a few times along the way, but always I find the trail again. Though I see no end in sight, and I'm torn down and reaching the breaking point, I feel there would be nothing worse than stopping now. I've traveled too far, mostly out of my way, to stop or turn back. I've laid it all on the line for this trip, and my whole future lies upon what happens from here on out. I've forced myself to struggle with two broken legs on this journy, starting out behind in what I hope to accomplish. I've always made a point to burn no bridges, and to back track when necessary. These years of my life have been the worst that I can remeber. In highschool, I contemplated suicide, why, I can't figure out. I'm doing worse now than I was then, and yet now the thought never crosses my mind.
A long time ago, I veared from the broken road and found myself lost. One of God's sheep that had strayed from the flock. That journey has ruined my life. That time and place, the drugs, sleepless nights, weekdays of pot and weekends of booze. Now I'm living the repercussions from that, the painful knowledge that I probably will not be able to find a law school that will accept me. What is a man to do? The only thing I want to do with my life is practice law, in nearly any form. And slowly, I'm seeing that fade from my future, only holding on to the last little glimpse of hope. And once again, I slip into the depression that has consumed me nearly entirely since I left Miami. Some time in my life, I'm going to have to face up to the fact that I am a failior. I've never done, and will never do, anything great. I have no special skills, I'm not talented in any way, and outside of being in a courtroom, there is nothing else I want to do with my life. Beat up, worn out, at my wits end, and a total failior.
Father,
Give me the strength to continue on the path you have choosen for me. Allow me to accept any challenge you feel necessary, and allow me to overcome my own medicracy to be the great sheep that I have it in me to be. Protect my family, Lord, give guidance to those in need of it. Bless my union with the prettiest creation you've ever put upon this earth, and please, dear God, forgive of my sins, for I know not what I do. My future and my heart lie in your hands, oh Lord, guide me as you see fit.
In Jesus name we pray...Amen.